Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny tried to douse his sorrows with beer, alcohol and even cat piss but Jesus guided him through. He tried to get Kenny off his rear to help Karen but he was too drunk to make sense of anything so just had to slap some sense into him…literally. He brought Kenny back to the mysterious realm known as reality and he heads to Canada (again) to help Karen. But as for the gang heading to North Canada they've encountered the biggest problem to ever befall the semi-great nation of Canada…besides Brian Adams

Chapter 21: The Canadian Devil, guy

Red's P.O.V.

"W-what do you want from us devil of Canada?"

I asked shivering from fear

"Actually it's the Canadian Devil, friend and from what I understand your heading to North Canada yes?"

"Uh no…were actually heading to uh Ottowa"

Cartman said, I hate to admit it but I'm actually impressed with that save of his

"Oh sorry I got the wrong people"

The devil said and just as he turned around to fly away he immediately turned right back

"Hey wait a minute buddy I saw through your trickies! You guys already left Ottowa"

"No we didn't"

"Oh yeah then how come you have that "Free Health Care from Ottowa band on?"

I looked at Cartman's shoulder, the band read "Canada Care: Ottowa"

"Where did you get that Cartman?"

"Where do you think Red? Remember we had to cross Ottowa"

"I never saw you go in the health care store"

"Do you pay attention to me?"

"Okay good point…but what did you even go in there for?"

"Free health care"

"I know that smart fatass but why did you get free health care"

"I had a scrape on my elbow I was checking if it was infected"

"…that's it?"

"Well the health care is free here Red what do I have to lose?"

"Alright enough with the childish Banter guys, I can't let you get to North Canada anyways"

"Why?"

"Because I'm the devil red-head I thought blondes were the dumb ones"

Hurtful…

"Well just how are you going to stop us then hmmm?"

I remarked

"By taking those red slippers, friend"

As he went for them a huge spark of electricity knocked him back

"Ah dammit guy! I forgot those slippers were magical…well alright then I'll just have to kill you then"

"Oh uhhh I don't think that's a very good idea!"

I said startled

"Oh calm down buddy I can't just kill you myself that's against the rules, I can only harm those who go to Canadian Hell"

"Canadian Hell?"

Cartman said confused

"But you'll die in the wilderness of Canada for sure, Canada's wilderness is full of dire animals like dire lions, dire tigers and dire bears oh my!"

"What's a dire lion?"

I asked not knowing whether to be scared or confused

"Oh you don't know what a dire lion is right? It's like a lion…but dire!"

"Oh my!"

"Really Red?"

Cartman replied to my comment then Scott spoke

"You're not gonna stop us from getting to North Canada guy! I'm getting my kraft macaroni back!"

"And gonna get my gang mah!"

"KAW!"

"Oh yeah, well good luck through getting through the wilderness of Canada guys…you'll need it hahaHAhahaHAHAHA! *coughs* need a cough drop guy"

He said before vanishing in an explosion of fire. There was a moment of silence before I spoke

"Where's the next place we have to cross Kyle?"

"Oh uh the next place is Winnipeg"

"Alright I guess let's get going then"

I said before we made our way to Winnipeg

Cut to: Winnipeg

We ran into the town of Winnipeg, out of breath

*breathes* "Man *breathes* he was not joking about those dire lions phew!"

I said out of breath due to dire lions chasing us all the way to Winnipeg

"Yeah *breathes* at least there was one cowardly one"

Stan said before we all realized where were

"The fuck are we?"

"I think this is Winnipeg Cartman"

I replied to his comment

"This is Winnipeg? This tiny craphole is Winnipeg?"

"Yes indeed, welcome"

We all heard a voice from behind us and we looked

"Who are you?"

"Oh why I am the Earl of Winnipeg and nice of you to come back little red hood. That's funny, last time I saw you had black hair did you dye it?"

"Yeah, yeah very funny my name is Red by the way and this is-"

"Wait you're not little red riding hood?"

"No"

"Oh apologizes she normally comes around here I saw the red on your head so I kind of assumed you were her, she loves the color red"

"Oh boy isn't that a knee slapper and I suppose your gonna say Rumpelstiltskin comes around here too huh?"

I said sarcastically

"Hey guys what's up?"

I heard another voice so I looked to my side…it was actually Rumpelstiltskin…

"Yes actually, do you want to meet Jack and Jill too? There up that hill"

"No, no that's ok…in fact I don't want to see anymore of Canada ever again"

I said…for some reason I wasn't surprised that Rumpelstiltskin or Jack and Jill were here

"So what brings you buddies to Canada yes?"

The Earl asked us

"Well we are on our way to North Canada-"

"North Canada you say!"

"Don't ask to come along"

Cartman injected

"Hey you must be one of the 3 little pigs…when did you get all fat?"

"That's it he's dead"

Cartman said

"Don't Cartman"

I warned before the Earl continued

"I was gonna say you can't get to North Canada"

"Why not?"

Cartman said irritably

"We had to block off the Northern part of Winnipeg, the place is infested with packs of dire wolves! You know what dire wolves are right? There like wolves…but dire"

"Yes, yes we know"

I finished

"Aren't dire wolves supposed to be extinct?"

Kyle added

"Wait dire wolves are a thing? They actually existed?"

"Yeah, couple thousand years ago, they are a species of the megafauna that roamed-"

"Okay we don't need the nerd lesson from the Jew King alright"

"It's Drow Elf King, Titler"

I chuckled a little bit after what Kyle said it was pretty funny

"Oh oh I get it, just because I like Hitler and I have man tits sure, at least my hair doesn't look like a bloody cotton ball!"

"Guys! So what are we supposed to do about the dire wolves then?"

"Kill them Stan, easy"

Cartman jumped to that conclusion easily

"Well what are we supposed to kill them with?"

Stan asked

"Cartman can sit on one that will kill it for sure"

"Okay you know what Kyle why don't you get your dad to sue it to death that will work"

"Okay guys, bickering isn't helping anything we need to think for a minute"

"I have a suggestion"

The Earl started

"Do you know the Muffin Man?"

"Duh Muffn Mah?"

Wayne D asked

"The Muffin Man"

"Yes I know the Muffin Man, who lives on Duruy Lane?"

I asked

"She's married to the Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man!"

I said startled

"The Muffin Man"

"She's married to the Muffin Man"

I finished

"Wait…who's married to the Muffin Man?"

Cartman asked…that wasn't part of the song

"The Muffin Man"

The Earl continued

"The Muffin Man is married to the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man?"

"Duh Muffn Mah"

"What about the Muffin Man?"

Cartman asked

"She married to the Muffin Man"

"Who's married to the Muffin Man?"

"He lives on Duruy Lane right?"

Scott asked

"Duruy's married to the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man is married to the Muffin Man or is Duruy Lane married to the Muffin Man?"

"KAW!"

"Guys! How are we going to get rid of the dire wolves?!"

I asked as that conversation obviously made me lose it

"Muffins"

Cartman just had to add in like a smart ass

"I told you guys just go talk to the Muffin Man he lives on Duruy Lane"

"DURUY LANE DOESN'T EXIST!"

I screamed

"Yes it does look"

The Earl pointed at a street sign that said…Duruy Lane

"He owns the Muffin shop on that lane you can't miss it"

"Thank you Earl but I don't see how Muffins will help us…"

"He knowns a guy that can, I promise. I want those dire wolves dead just as much as you do"

I sighed…slowly wanting to get of this place but I had Kenny's little sister to save…I wonder where Kenny is right now?

Cut to: Canadian Border

Kenny's P.O.V.

The Canadian border patrol laid on the ground, beaten badly

"Make me go and get a fucking passport, son of a bitcheth"

I mumbled, letting my anger go from beating the shit out of him…I'm coming Karen

Author's Note: Chapter 21 peoplez! I am so sorry I have not uploaded in a long time. I know these excuses for not uploading every weekend are getting old and it's not like you guys are begging me to upload every weekend but I didn't have any internet for a while and I'm kind of embarrassed to tell you this may happen somewhat frequently…I try to keep weekly uploads you guys know that by now but if don't upload for an extended period of time it's most likely because my house is internetless so I can't upload. I managed to upload for you guys this weekend because I'm at the library. But that doesn't mean I haven't forgot about my wonderful readers though. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and you'll probably be reading chapter 22 right after this so enjoy!