A/N: Since SOMEONE (cough) dantesdarkqueen (cough) is threatening me bodily harm if I don't update this, here you go. Another one of my husband's ideas. He's perverted. But, at least all the Reno fangirls get to gush at the red head, since he is in this chapter.

Reno: All RIGHT!!!

Me: Re-Re, you are in a lot of chapters.

Rufus: He gets more face time than me.

Me: I don't think you would be caught dead in this chapter.

Rufus: Why?

Me (whispering to Rufus)

Rufus (smirking): Carry on, then.

Reno: Uh...guys?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this bitchin' plot.

Reno: GUYS?!

Me: Shut up! It's story time!

"Hey Reno."

"Sup Teef?" the redhead asked sitting down at the bar. "Just a beer, please. Yuffs been by today?"

"No," Tifa answered, filling a glass full of the alcohol. "She called earlier and said Reeve had her doing some paperwork about one of her recent assignments."

Reno laughed as he took a drink. "I don't envy her," he said shaking his head. "Tuesti was always a bitch with the paperwork. More so than Tseng. Glad he's got his own gig now and leaves ShinRa alone with that shit."

Tifa grinned and wiped down the bar. "He is a bit anal, isn't he?" she asked.

Reno nodded and slid some gil over to her to pay for the beer. "That he is, Doll," he said. "That he is."

Tifa pushed the gil back to him and shook her head. She smiled and patted his cheek at his confused expression. "Family doesn't pay, Reno," she said with a wink.

He smirked. "You DO know how much I drink, right Teef?" he asked with a wink of his own.

"You DO know how hard I hit, right Reno?" she countered.

"Ah, touche," he said.

"Hey Tifa!" Cloud called from the garage.

Tifa stuck her head out the side door. "Yeah?" she asked.

"Can you help me for a sec?"

"Be right there," she called back. She turned to Reno. "You're the only one here, so can you yell at me if someone comes in?"

"Sure thing," he answered with a nod as she went out to help Cloud. Reno waited until she was gone, then reached back into his pocket and took out the money for the beer, slipping it in her tip jar. He grinned. Being nice every now and then was a pretty bitchin' feeling. Especially being nice to your...'family'.

"Hey Uncle Reno!"

Reno about jumped out of his skin when he heard the young voice. He turned around and stared down at the two kids. "Hey Kids," he said with a grin. "What's up?"

Denzel held out a small, square object to him. "This fell out of your pocket," he said as Reno took it and paled. "What is it?"

"Uh...it's...uh..."

"Cloud has some up in his bathroom," Marlene said. "I found them when I was helping Tifa with laundry and was putting some towels up. I was wondering what it was, too."

Reno let out a long sigh, trying to buy himself time. "Okay," he said, ripping the package open and showing them the contents. He wasn't going to lie to them. "This is a co..."

"Hey, a balloon!" Denzel exclaimed excitedly. "It's one of the kinds you can turn into animals and stuff, isn't it?"

He wasn't going to lie to them, but if they guessed wrong, he wasn't going to correct them either. "Yeeeaaahh, a balloon," he said, lifting the condom to his lips and blowing it up and tying the ends off. "Knock yourselves out, Kids."

Denzel took it and began trying to twist it into an animal. "It's all slimy," he said, wiping his hands on his pants.

"Yeah, that keeps the balloon from...drying out," Reno said, downing the rest of his beer. "Okay, gotta go. See ya, Kids!"

Reno hauled ass out of the bar. There was no way he was sticking around when Tifa caught the kids playing with a condom. Besides, he needed some gum really badly. Spermicide tasted like shit!

"Shh..." Marlene giggled. "They're coming."

Denzel ducked behind the bar and waited until they heard footsteps.

"What the...?"

"Cloud, are those...!"

"Surprise!" the kids yelled, jumping out from behind the bar.

"We made you balloon animals!" Denzel said proudly.

"Cloud had a whole bunch in his bathroom!" Marlene grinned innocently. "And some of them smell like candy!"

Cloud blushed. "You got these from my bathroom?" he asked.

"Uh huh," Denzel said. His smile faltered a little. "Sorry they're all snakes. We aren't the best at twisting them into shapes."

"They're very...nice," Tifa said sweetly. "Why don't you all take them up to Cloud's room for now, okay? I'll put them someplace special later."

"Okay!"

Tifa watched as the kids carried about fifty 'snakes' up the stairs. "Oh my gods!" she exclaimed. "How did they find our condom stash?"

"Beats the hell outta me!" he replied. "Where did they get the idea to blow them up like balloons?"

Tifa shook her head. "I don't know, but don't tell Barrett that Marlene was playing with condoms with Denzel," she warned. "He'll shit a brick."

"Then beat me with it," Cloud said, swallowing hard.

A/N: Heh heh...go on. Say it. I'm EVIL!!!! Review!