Game Over
Training your mind to ignore fear was one of the most difficult, brutal challenges that a human could ever face. Some would say it's impossible; that everyone, big or small, strong or weak, has fears and nobody can have none. Others would claim that it's possible, that you just need to have a strong enough mind. Me? I think we all have fears and that anyone who tries to tell you that they don't have fears is talking bullshit. So why am I different when it comes to facing my fears? Why am I afraid, yet completely aware that my fears aren't real? How does my brain work like that?
I was sat with Christina and Tris outside of the mental training room, nervously waiting for yet another day of work. A few days had past since I told Christina everything. In many ways, she reacted differently to how I would have thought - instead of being shocked and horrified by it, she seemed encouraging and pleased that I'd discovered a side of Eric that no one else ever had. She'd even gone as far as telling me to keep pushing forward with out relationship, even though it was destined to doom.
" He hung me over a chasm, he's evil. But if a guy like Eric so much as takes an interest in you, or protects you like he has, it means he's beyond seeing you as a friend. Guys like Eric don't have friends, they don't care about people in general, let alone pay so much attention to one single girl. He must really like you. Be careful though - you never know when he might just go back to being the guy who hung who both over a chasm." Christina's advice had been stuck in my head ever since I'd told her. Every bit of it was convincing, except the fact that Eric liked me more than a friend. He couldn't, he doesn't - or does he? As always, things were mindbogglingly confusing.
" Rianna, follow me." I looked up in surprise as his voice called my name forward. Every other initiate that had been called before me had been called forward by Four, not Eric. Christina and Tris both seemed surprise too as I collected my nerves together and stood up, making my way towards Eric.
" Good luck," Christina whispered, just before I was out of hearing range.
" What the hell are you doing here?" I muttered to Eric with a deep frown as I made it to the door while he followed behind me.
" I've been specifically asked to sit through your training today. Don't ask anymore questions." Eric replied in a quiet tone. Making our way through the door, I was equally surprised to see Four there too, meaning that I would have the both of them watching me face my fears. Great - not embarrassing at all.
" Rianna." Four nodded in my direction as I headed towards the seat in the middle of the room.
" Four." My expression matched his impassive one, though his eyes gave a hint of something away. Fear, maybe? Or could it be the complete opposite?
" Today you'll be facing at least two of your fears, but they will be different to the one you faced last time. Depending on your luck, the fears you face will either be your worst fears or your not as worse fears."
" As if luck has anything to do with this," I scoffed under my breath, avoiding Eric's hawk like eyes as he studied me and Four.
" Sometime time today would be good, Four. Unlike you I have much more important work to do than sit through initiate training sessions." Eric grumbled grumpily, glaring at Four with as much hatred as he could project.
" Oh, you'll want to sit through this one." Four stated dominantly, glaring back at Eric with as much menace.
" Wait, it was you who asked him to sit through this?" My full attention turned to Four as I questioned him in a shocked and frightened state. Was Four trying to get me killed? Despite my valiant attempt to dissuade him from believing the truth about what I truly am, he knew perfectly well that I was a divergent. If Four could tell just by looking at a simulation, then Eric would be able to. He'd been specifically trained to spot divergent's from a young age. Anger and fear washed over me as I lost myself within these thoughts.
" Is that a problem?" Four's eyebrows raised in questioning and he had a knowing look in his eye. I'd always believed that Four was one of the kinder people within Dauntless, one of the ones that wasn't convinced that fighting was the answer to everything. So why the hell was he trying to have me killed? What possible reason could he have for this? It was only a few days ago that he was telling me to trust him, that he wasn't like the others - he claimed he wasn't a killer.
" Of course not." I muttered, glancing quickly at Eric's confused and questioning expression.
" Then let's get on with this." Four said in his usual emotionless tone. " Head back and relax," Grabbing the needle from the side, Four placed in at the base of my neck, before injecting the serum into my body.
Keep calm. Relax. Hide your divergence.
Everywhere was dark. There was no sound, no scenery, no life. Nothingness. I was laid down on a solid surface, yet when I knocked it with my hands, no sound emerged from the contact. Looking sideways, I could barely even see myself. The darkness was all consuming, the echoing silence was terrifying. Then, suddenly, it happened.
I was falling, rapidly gaining momentum as the gravity tugged at my body with all its omnipotent strength. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. There was nothing - my rapidly beating heart was the one life source in the whole area. All I could do was feel; feel the helpless feeling while knowing there was nothing I could do to stop this, nothing I could do to quench my fear. I screamed as the numbness overtook my body, thriving through me faster than light. I screamed and screamed and screamed. Again and again and again. Thrashing around with all my might, I attempted to throw myself in a different direction from the one I was going in.
Bang. My hand knocked against a solid wall. Scraping my hand down it as I fell, I threw my other arm over to the wall, making sure that both my hands trailed down the wall. Though the friction burned, I kept my hands firmly in place, begging and hoping for something to latch onto.
This isn't real, Rianna. None of it's real.
Thud. In surprise, I grabbed onto the small indent in the wall, somehow managing to stop my rapidly falling body in mid air. Impossibly, pushing my body forward into the wall, I seemed to melt through it's solid components, ending the nightmare I was living.
It wasn't over yet. No, that would be too easy. Stumbling over my own feet, I fell to the floor, landing in a thick, gooey liquid. Gasping in horror, I scrambled up as I realised I was laid in a pool of blood, and that it was now dripping from every part of my body.
Finally, there was light. I could see and hear, unlike before. Yet everything seemed eerily more frightening. Looking down, I followed the trail of blood, following it's deathly path across the never ending room. I froze. Ahead of me, there were too bloody, mangled bodies which laid lifeless on the floor in their own pool of red blood. Somehow I knew them. I recognised them, even though I couldn't see there faces. It was a feeling I couldn't ignore.
Taking another few steps forward, I approached the bodies cautiously, preparing myself for the worst it could possibly be. Freeze. Yet another scream escaped my dry lips. I jumped backwards, away from the familiar bodies, holding a hand to my mouth in horror. My mother. My father. Lifeless, gone, dead. A rush of tears threatened to spill as my breathing became erratic. In a matter of moments I was hyperventilating, unable to calm myself away from what I was seeing before me. Once the tears begun, they didn't stop. They flowed from my eyes endlessly, cascading down my cheeks in a rush of immense despair.
" Adrianna Jones." A robotic voice echoed around the room. A voice that I knew all too well.
" Adrianna Jones." This time it was a female's voice who spoke. Another that I recognized. They appeared in separate corners of the room, before walking towards me in sync, glaring at me with a menacing look in their eyes. The fear dominating my body sent a cold shiver down my spine. My body felt numb and unresponsive, but Eric's parents had always had this affect on me.
" You must be killed." His mother spoke first, her ice queen voice piercing straight through me.
" You're afraid - a coward, just like your parents. You belong with the dead." His fathers words hit me hard, reminding me of my incompetence against him.
" You don't belong in Dauntless. You're too weak and predictable."
" You're own father knew you were nothing worth his time, since it's your fault your mothers dead, after all. Now you can join them both," In sync, a callous smirk grew on both Eric's mother and father's faces, before they each brought out a gun, aiming directly at my brain.
" Please... No, please!" I screamed. I felt weak, vulnerable and afraid, everything I shouldn't feel. All of my will power and strength had gone. Eric's parents had crumbled me back down to the powerless little girl I use to be.
Avoiding both of their cold eyes, I looked straight ahead, my eyes landing on a person I didn't even know was there. Eric. The younger version of the Eric I knew now, the one who had saved me all those years ago.
" Eric." His name ran smoothly off of my lips as we both caught each other's eyes. My breathing calmed slightly, the panic within me dwindled. " Help me, please."
" No. You're nothing to me." The younger version of Eric shook his head, as a similar smirk to his parents grew across his lips. " Kill her."
" Eric, no!" I shouted in panic, tears frantically spilling from my eyes. Eric only laughed at my weak attempts while turning around and walking away, leaving me for dead. " Eric! No... No! No! No!" I screamed continuously, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the endless tears. Just as my eyes, closed, the echoing sounded in my head once again.
This isn't real.
Bang. Just as I came back to my self aware state, two gunshots sounded. In a panicked state, I threw both of my hands out in the direction of where both bullets were flying. In one single, fluent movement, both bullets dropped to the floor, having bounced off of my outstretched hands. That's when everything faded to darkness.
" You knew, Four. You knew about this and that's why you did it." Eric's stone cold, threatening voice sounded through my ears as I gradually awakened from my unconscious state. " The question is, why did you think I wouldn't kill her?"
" Because you won't kill her. I know that, you know that, she knows that. She's just too afraid to trust anyone. You can help her, Eric." Four replied. The panic that hadn't yet vacated my body erupted as I heard Four and Eric's loud and angered conversation. Eric knew - he knew I was divergent. He wanted to kill me, just like in my greatest fears. I was literally living my worst nightmare. You're nothing to me. His words from the simulation echoed through my mind.
Eric chuckled sarcastically. " You're deluded if you think I care. She's a divergent - a threat to the system. All divergent's must be eliminated, that's the rule that we both know well. But I know exactly why you did this, Four."
" I did this because I've seen you with her. You care about her. And despite the fact that I hate you, I did this so that you can finally admit to yourself that you care for her. She deserves a happy ending as much as you do."
" What? You think I'm going to begin the romance of a life time, just like you and the stiff? I'm going to kill her. And as much as I'm glad you reported the situation to me, her deaths on you, Four."
" You're not going to kill her," Four shook his head in disbelief, turning away from Eric and instead deleting the file with the video of my simulation.
" Well, I'd shoot her now, but unfortunately I can't have the other initiates hearing her death. I'll take her to Max, while also reporting the fact that you failed to report a divergent. Say goodbye to your time hear in Dauntless, Four."
" You're a coward." I sat up in the chair as I spoke these words, finally finding the bravery to speak. Both Four and Eric seemed surprised as I stood up dominantly, not an ounce of fear or fright breaking through my brave barrier. " You're weak, you're cold... You don't belong here anymore than I do. You're too afraid to even shoot me."
A hint of surprise and hurt washed over Eric's expression but a steely, impassive expression replaced it. Glaring at me with his intimating, stone-like eyes, he clenched his hands into fists in anger. " Leave us Four. Tell the other initiates to go back to their dormitories. If they ask questions, add thirty seconds to their practise times for stage two. If they ask where Rianna is, tell them she's ill."
Four glanced at me for a second, an apologetic look in his eyes. I only glared at him as he left, before I switched all of my attention back to Eric.
" You're not going to shoot me." I stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
" You underestimate me." Though Eric's demeanor remained stone cold, his voice held hints of softness to it, reminding me that this Eric was not who he truly is - it's who his parents made him to be.
" You care about me too much, don't deny it. I know, because I care about you too." I spoke softly now, attempting to remind him of how things were between us before today.
Eric chuckled sarcastically, reminding me of Carl. " You're nothing to me." He didn't look at me as he said this - he couldn't make himself look at me. I knew it hurt him to say that, I could see it. In fact, he was only saying it because he'd seen himself say it in the simulation.
" You don't mean that. You can't just go from protecting and caring about someone to hating them within a matter of minutes." I shook my head.
" You believed me in the simulation, why don't you believe me now?"
" Because that wasn't real, it was just a simulation." I reminded him.
" It was your worst fear." Eric stated angrily. " I am your worst fear, along with my parents." In that moment, I knew the exact reason why Eric was mad at me. Me being Divergent was obviously part of it, and I knew that he was truly considering whether to kill me or not. His parents had indoctrinated him too much for him not to consider killing me because of my personality. But the main reason for his anger, was that even after everything he'd done for me, he knew he was one of my worst fears. He now knew that no matter what he did, I would always be afraid of him because of his parents. That was something I'd never been able to admit until now, and now he knew too.
" Then prove to me that you aren't like my worst fear. Prove to me that I shouldn't be afraid of you. Because I've been worried about this day for a long time now, I've been afraid of what you would do to me when you find out. So prove to me that my fear was for nothing!"
Eric looked down as I took a few steps towards him, while reaching out my hand a carefully touching my palm to his cheek.
" Please don't kill me." I begged, using the same tone that I had in the simulation.
Cringing at my words, a haunted look covered Eric's expression as he seemed to zone out for a moment. " You're divergent."
" I am." I whispered, frowning as I searched his eyes, trying to anticipate his next move.
Eric looked up, his now vacant eyes staring coldly into mine. Slowly, as if someone had stretched out time itself, Eric dipped into his back pocket and pulled out a black, metal object. I jumped away from him, my eyes widening in fear as he aimed the hand gun toward me.
" Divergents are a threat to the system." Eric spoke in a strained, shaky voice as he repeated the same words his parents always did when they killed yet another divergent. During his brief pause, he looked me directly in the eye, while attempting to hide the despair that was slowly making his way onto his expression.
" Eric... Please. Look at me, I'm not a threat." I spoke slowly and carefully, desperately hoping for him to listen to me.
His whole body was shaking profusely and his eyes quickly dropped to avoid mine. " They must be eliminated."
The man, who I cared for more than I'd ever cared for anyone before, was about to kill me. Game over.
Bet you guys didn't see that coming, did you? Well I hope you enjoyed this incredibly dramatic chapter and yet again, I'm sorry about the cliffhanger. please do review and tell me what you think to Eric's reaction to the whole situation. Do you think he's really going to kill her?
More updates coming soon and, as ever, thank you for reading!
-DareToDream