A/N: Surprise! Umm...yes, long overdue. I apologize. I didn't realize how much directing a show would take a toll on my creative side. But, it opens tonight, and I celebrated by working on this chapter bit-by-bit. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I wanted to thank you all again for the enthusiasm. Every day life can be discouraging, and writing is such a nice outlet. Anyways, you all have waited long enough. Let me know what you think!

CHAPTER 21: JUMPING IN

The repeating rapt of the clock pierced the silence that permeated through the empty dormitory, and nothing could block out the sound. It reminded Hermione that every passing second meant one less moment in this decade. A part of her relished that. Everything was futile now. Severus was a Death Eater, so it wasn't like she had a chance to save him now. It was too late. But the other part of Hermione dreaded leaving, and not just because of the consequences of her actions. She knew that her life would never be the same, now that she really connected with Severus.

Her throat constricted. She was so angry with him, and yet she couldn't let him go. And what would happen when 1991 came around and Severus realized who she was? If she thought he was a pressuring professor then, she couldn't imagine how vindictive he would be after all they had been through. On the other hand, even if they didn't have the epic fallout and had gone their separate ways without the drama, he would still be vindictive when he found out the truth.

Hermione sighed and collapsed on top of the duvet on her bed, burying her face in the pillows. A long, muffled scream issued from her mouth to release some of her frustration. She even let a few tears escape her chestnut eyes. But crying would do nothing. Hermione knew that she couldn't leave Hogwarts without having some sort of closure with Severus.

His birthday present sat untouched on the top of her dresser, glistening seductively in the torchlight. She had no use for the tome, and it would be a shame to toss it like a worthless pamphlet. Perhaps she could figure out a way to just leave him the book in easy reach, and leave a polite note…

Hermione found herself walking her way towards the troll ballerina tapestry. Purposely missing dinner, she hoped that Severus would be sitting in the Great Hall with the rest of his Slytherin cronies. She timed it late enough in the evening where she knew he would be gone. That way, she could leave the package on his workspace and leave in peace. Then, she would let him decide what to do. It was the least she could do. She was the one to start the turmoil, after all.

That is, if he hadn't changed the wards yet…

Mixed with worry that she would be denied access or worse, he would be working there currently, she exhaled and gripped at the door handle as it morphed into existence. To her relief, the door opened with ease. Her conscious scolded her for entering the room, but she brushed it aside, convincing herself she needed to do this.

It's not like I'm going to steal something of his, or destroy an experiment he's working on. I'm simply dropping a parcel for him. There's nothing wrong with that!

Before her curiosity could overwhelm her, she rushed over to a clean table and set the neatly wrapped tome down where she knew Severus would see it. However, once the job was done, she made the mistake of reminiscing over the past few weeks in that very lab, and she sighed, lowering herself on a nearby stool.

How quickly everything had changed! One minute, Severus was threatening her with Veritaserum, the next they were developing the Wolfsbane potion, as well as their relationship. Now…well, she was surprised he didn't change the wards as soon as they had their fall out.

After standing up, Hermione took a good look around the room, knowing it was probably going to be the last time she would be there. Everything was neat and immaculate in the same graceful art Severus had created it to be, except for one difference in lighting, which was coming from the far work station he usually occupied.

As much as Hermione willed her legs to move towards the door instead of that cauldron, they betrayed her. In a flash, she was standing in front of a bubbling cauldron, amazed by what she saw. Colorful sparks were emitted by the opal colored liquid. A pearly sheen was glistening on the top of the potion, and the sweetness of the odor surpassed any perfume she had ever sprayed on her body. It was entrancing, like the call of a veela, and she just had to touch it.

A small gold ladle rested next to the bubbling cauldron, so Hermione picked it up. To her astonishment, it wasn't just colored gold. It was solid gold, probably made for this specific purpose; to make a potion more potent and powerful, and prevent it from being contaminated and useless. Just when the lip of the ladle was going to brush the surface of that tempting potion, she was startled.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing?" Severus shrieked in panic.

Hermione managed not to drop the tool, for her senses knew the instrument would be useless if it was dented. But that still didn't stop her heart from frantically beating as Severus rushed over to the workstation, fear etched into his features, worried at the thought of his elixir being ruined.

He snatched the gold ladle from her hand, and wafted the vapors towards him, Hermione saw his features relax. Apparently, nothing was wrong with the potion. However, his attentions were drawn back to her, the fire blazing in his dark obsidian eyes.

"I ask again," he articulated precisely and threateningly, "What is your business here?"

"Severus, I…I'm sorry to have broken in here, but…"

"Sorry? You're not sorry for anything, you nosy little wench. You made that perfectly clear the other day. Now, I would recommend you take your bushy head of yours and get out of my labs, before I do something I probably wouldn't regret," he spat, not allowing her to finish.

Hermione sighed, knowing she deserved his hostility. "Please forgive me, Severus. I honestly had no right judging you so harshly. It was a spur of the moment reaction." She went across the room to fetch the gift she brought for him. "I understand if you never want to speak to me again after everything, but I got you this for you for your birthday. At least take it as a parting gift."

At the sight of the colorfully wrapped present, Severus's expression softened, but his rationale reluctantly took the parcel from her hands. He sat down, resting the gift on his lap. He seemed to think twice about unwrapping it, biting his lip and furrowing his brow in frustration, but eventually he slowly began to rip the shiny red paper apart. When the book was unveiled, Hermione was transfixed at the raw expression and awe in his eye. She would definitely have to thank Regulus for the invaluable treasure.

She heard him snort and he shook his head. "What the hell am I supposed to do now? Merlin, Hermione, you make it difficult for me to hate you."

"You can still hate me. I deserve it," she responded quietly.

He set the book gently on the table. "Yes, and I wish I could. But that means I'd be a bigger git than I already am. No reason to make it worse for me."

Hermione restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "So does that mean you forgive me?"

Severus's dark eyes flickered to his. She saw something glitter in them mischievously. "For now," he stated simply, then turned his attention back to the book, and gently caressed the spine of the tome with his index finger. Hermione could make out the tiniest indication of a smile creeping from the corner of his mouth.

As it was typical for their visits together, Hermione made some tea for the two of them and sat down on a stool next to Severus. No words were spoken, but some unknown fire was sparking in the air. She couldn't identify the energy, or whether it was good or not, but it didn't deter her. He hadn't locked her out of the labs, and he hadn't dismissed her either.

But…why would she even bother? He was already branded. Nothing she did could let him take back his decision. These thoughts saddened her, but her stomach leapt at the thought of his forgiveness. She had a chance…but a chance at what?

So lost in her thoughts, she missed something Severus said. She shook her head. "Sorry?"

"I asked where you got the book. It is…what…a first edition?"

"Oh. Well, don't you worry your pretty little wand about it. I have my sources."

Severus rolled his eyes but his expression softened as he glanced back at the present. "Thank you. It is…definitely unexpected."

She softly smiled back at him, knowing he was lowering his guard, if but for a moment. "You're welcome." She took a sip of her tea. "So, how did you know I was here? Was it a coincidence?"

Severus snorted. "No, you imbecile. You think I wouldn't place wards on my prized possessions in this room? As soon as you got within one hundred feet from the golden ladle, I was alerted and I had to make sure nothing was wrong with the potion or it wasn't being stolen. That instrument costs more than your life."

Hermione stood up and approached the cauldron once more, the sweet smell enveloping her senses once more. She sighed happily, feeling calm and content. "May I touch it?" she asked.

Severus furrowed his brow, but stood up and went to stand next to her. For a moment, Hermione thought he would not allow permission, but just as soon as he got close enough into the vapors of the bubbling cauldron, his composure relaxed. To the both of them, it felt like nothing from that moment on could go wrong.

He stepped behind her, and motioned for Hermione to carefully pick up the golden ladle. With his right hand, he gently grasped the hand holding the precious tool, helping her dip it into the pearly liquid in a precise, delicate motion. His vacant hand rested gently on her hip.

Hermione felt dizzy. She wasn't sure if it was because of the sweet aroma or from being in such close proximity to Severus. Her senses were overloaded. Her skin burned where his hand rested on top of hers. The weight of his hand on her hip made her tremble slightly, and if she wasn't mistaken, she could feel his hand tremor as well. She felt the heat radiate from his lean body that stood so close behind her. If she leaned back slightly…

"What is this potion, Severus? It's making us act…irrational," she whispered, most of her efforts being used to control her desires rather than volume.

"It's not irrationality," he whispered huskily, motioning her arm to stir the substance slowly. "Nor is it an aphrodisiac." Hermione let a sigh escape her mouth. His voice was doing wonders to her. "It's reacting to our desires. Our distractions. Our wants. If there was anything in the world we wanted more, we would have the will to carry onto our journey to reach it. But…here we are."

Hermione closed her eyes, letting Severus lead with the cauldron. "Does it have a name?"

"Felix Felicis. Stage one."

Recognizing the name, she turned her neck and smiled. "Of course. Liquid Luck. That makes perfect sense now." She inhaled deeply. "It is astounding. I've never felt like this before."

"You've never witnessed anyone brew it before?" he asked softly, reluctantly letting go of her hand to set the ladle down. Hermione shook her head before resting her head against his chest. "It's such a fragile potion, Hermione. One wrong stir, one minute too long on the flame, and the vapors can have such an…unfortunate effect on others." He grasped her hips firmly with his free hand, which made her gasp. "Quite the opposite effect, I might add." She felt a trace of a touch on her left cheek and she shivered. He was so close now. She could feel his breath follow after that light caress. He brushed back the hair resting on her shoulders, and then she felt his mouth trail gentle kisses down the length of the newly exposed skin on her neck.

Hermione was losing all control of her mind. Coherent thoughts were becoming obsolete. "It's a good thing I can trust your brewing skills, Severus," she managed to speak, earning her a pleasant chuckle from behind her as he continued his ministrations.

"You won't trust me so strongly if you keep distracting me like this and the potion becomes volatile," he whispered, his voice full of raw emotion.

Hermione tutted at his remark, but she knew he wasn't offended. Severus pulled back reluctantly to tend to the next stages of brewing, and Hermione was surprised how she already missed his contact, and how she longed for it to turn into so much more…

Severus whispered a stabilizing charm over the bubbling brew so as to not have anything disturb it. A small shield appeared around the cauldron, keeping it safe from outside debris. Unfortunately, if nothing could go in, then nothing could go out, including the magical vapors from the potion.

As the air began to clear around her, Hermione suddenly felt embarrassed at her earlier display of affections for Severus. Neither of them behaved like they normally would in ordinary circumstances. She felt him stiffen behind her with awkward tension, but he still didn't pull away. That had to be a good sign.

But along with her awareness returning, Hermione's rationality kicked in. Wasn't Felix Felicis a highly monitored brew?

"Sev," she spoke hesitantly, "Please tell me you are brewing this potion legally."

At the sound of her voice, he released his gentle grasp on her hips as if her fabric burned his hands. "Actually, I can honestly say I am. It's for the admissions office of the Healer program at St. Mungos."

Hermione furrowed her brow. "But Severus, aren't they requiring specified loyalty tests for any new applicant or prospective employees. And…well…you don't know what that entails. I don't think you could pass it."

"I know the circumstances of the bloody test," he snapped. "Do you think of me so poorly that I wouldn't be prepared in this situation? It's still early in the application process. Some of the regulations will not be successfully enforced. I'm hoping that with all the new procedures, I get bypassed throughout the chaos."

Hermione bit her lower lip, skeptical that it would be that easy to get away with, especially now that he was officially a Death Eater. "You're risking the chance of freedom, you realize that? If you don't get away with it, you can possible serve a life sentence in Azkaban for that."

"I know that already," he snapped impatiently. And rather anxiously, Hermione noted.

Hermione could feel the "I told you so" speech burning on her lips. A part of her knew he deserved the complications thrown in the way of his plans, but the other part of her was sadden that his dreams were crushed before ever having the chance to blossom. He would have made such a good Healer.

"Well…I wish you the best of luck," Hermione finished indignantly.

"Look, I don't feel like hearing your soap box speech. This isn't nearly as much my fault than it is for those damn political blokes we've voted into the Ministry. If they would just do their job, people like me wouldn't be joining revolutionary groups!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, because the Ministry was making your life so damn hard to bear. Face it, Sev. It has nothing to do with politics. It has all to do with getting back at your abusive muggle father, and your weak disowned mother."

"Of course, it also has to do with them! I'm not denying that. But muggles have no place in our world. That's the truth. They get vindictive and the come out with vengeance to take us down, one wizard at a time. And muggleborns just fall into that category because they have baggage; a past with that society. I'm trying to help build that wall of separation. They won't touch us. We won't touch them."

Those words stung Hermione. She began seeing red as she stormed towards the Slytherin once more. "So that's all I am to you then? Baggage? Who was it that helped with the Wolfsbane? Who are you trying to fool? And what was all that rubbish you were talking about at the Yule Party? If you want me in my 'proper place', do you deny telling me that it didn't matter where I came from? Did you only try to take advantage of me?"

As the tirade escaped her lips, Hermione realized how upset she truly was as his whole belief system. She quickly turned her head so that he would not see the tears in her eyes. How could she have been so naïve about him…or that foolish…

Hermione felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. "Of course not, Hermione. I meant everything I said that night. I don't place you in the typical group of muggleborns. You are just so…different. You're not like the others."

She hastily brushed at her eyes so the tears wouldn't fall. She had to stay strong. "I am aware that this is how things between you and Lily ended. You can't just pick and choose which muggleborns are acceptable. Either we all are, or none of us are." She straightened up. "I have seen the decision you've made. Goodbye, Severus." Hermione quickly turned to escape the room, but she suddenly felt a tight, desperate grip on her wrist.

"Hermione, wait. Don't go," Severus pleaded.

"Why?" she snapped viciously. She quickly turned her head to glare at him, which was a mistake. Hermione never saw so much pain and fear in his eyes. She could see his jaw clenching. All in all, his stance and features uttered pure panic and desperation. How could she not lend him a fair ear?

"Once bitten, twice shy," he simply stated. Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, loosening his grip and sliding it down so he was holding her hand in his. "You said it. I lost Lily for the same ignorance. I can't deny that, and I learn from my mistakes. I cared about her dearly…you know that, and losing her was like losing a part of myself. I never thought I'd get a second chance, but then you showed up. And now…well…if I lose you…if you leave me, I'm left with nothing."

All his defenses were down. The pure, raw emotion he was emitting made Hermione's breath catch in her throat. He was being sincere, no doubt about that. But she still was skeptical. "Severus, why should I believe you?" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, only a few weeks ago, you told me that you just wanted to be friends. And with everyone going on, we'd be putting each other in danger. It makes no sense."

"I was only trying to convince myself that I didn't care about you," he whispered as he took a step closer to her. "And it is insane. The timing is wrong. The world's in chaos. And we've both made choices to further our own personal initiatives. You, with your fugitive lifestyle and me, well, with my revolutionary attitude." His hand cupped her cheek. "But if we are to make the most with what we have, might as well jump in."

She closed her eyes at his slightly calloused fingers grazed gently across her cheek. She smiled. "Even though it's only destined to end in heartache and pain?"

He smiled in return, the fire in his dark eyes ablaze with passion. "That doesn't have to be the case. Besides," he added, "Liquid Luck never lies."

Hermione bit her lip in anticipation as Severus guided her mouth to his. "Too true," she whispered breathlessly, and his lips met hers.

There was nothing comparable to the way it felt to have Severus's breath fanning on her face. His lips, soft and gentle on hers were unlike anything she thought kissing him would be like. Their first kiss at the Yule Party was hesitant. This kiss spoke of a future and of excitement, and as Severus deepened the kiss, desire, want, need, and passion.

They were quickly giving into the feeling and fervor of losing themselves to their senses. Severus's hands made their way to the back of Hermione's head, fingers tangled in her curly locks. He tugged back gently, eliciting a moan from her, and he smiled against her mouth.

They pulled back to catch a breath, thoroughly disheveled and flushed. But neither of them planned on stopping there. Their mouths met again, this time more desperate. Hermione's hands could not get enough of his contours. They traveled down his back, up his arms, only to rest at the front of his robes, working on the long lines of buttons on the garment. "Severus," she whispered as her fingers were one layer closer to his hot skin.

Somehow, their feet made there way to the other side of the room and collapsed on the soft surface of a large bed that had appeared out of nowhere. Neither of them cared. It was the Room of Requirement after all.

Severus's outer robe had been discarded on the floor and Hermione's soon followed suit. Lying on her back, she reached up to where he kneeled above her and tore through the buttons on his shirt. When her delicate touch traced down the skin of his chest, he hissed with pleasure, and bent down to plant another hungry kiss on her awaiting lips.

"You're driving me mad, Hermione," he whispered huskily on her skin, kissing the delicate flesh on her neck. "Tell me to stop right now, or I swear I won't be able to later. Please." He began working the buttons on her own blouse, pausing only to place his lips on the newly exposed skin. Hermione focused on pushing the useless fabric off his framed shoulders

As his mouth reached her delicate stomach, her breath hitched. With all the sensations soaring through her body, the last thing she wanted him to do was end this moment. "Oh, Merlin, I don't want you to stop." She reached down to have him come back to her lips. If she had any doubts, his smoldering gaze would convince her otherwise. "I want you, Severus," she said, her voice raw with emotion. "Please, don't stop. Don't stop."

Nothing else needed to be said. He collapsed on top of her, and the sensation of his skin on hers was sublime. His hands began to roam fervently on her torso, stopping only to tease her brassiere encased breasts that begged to be touched. He was rewarded with another tantalizing moan, while her hands ran down his back, encouraging his exploration further.

In all her life, Hermione was always second guessing her personal decisions. She was always cautious, exploring the various options she had and thoroughly scrutinizing every one before making the final choice. It seemed like Severus was her undoing. The first spontaneous thing she could remember doing was going back in time. And now, she was going to make love to him with no regrets or hesitation.

She looked up at Severus with so much devotion. His long hair hung around his face like a curtain. Hermione reached to brush it behind his ear. In return, he placed a tender kiss on the pulse point of her wrist.

"Ma mie, are you sure?" he asked cautiously.

Hermione smiled tenderly up at him. "I've never been more certain of anything else in my life."

As he began kissing her once more, Hermione began to let go of all control and give in to the sensations. The heat between the two of them intensified. Even with only a few layers of clothing on for the both of them, she couldn't get his body close enough to hers. With some difficulty, Hermione managed to undo the belt of Severus's trousers, sliding the leather strap out of the confines of the loops. She shivered when her hands brushed the evidence of his arousal.

Hermione felt Severus stiffen above her after she tossed the belt on the ground with the rest of their discarded clothing. Then, he hissed. But Hermione noticed it was not like the ones she was used to hearing from him. This one was a hiss of pain.

Suddenly, Severus rolled off of Hermione and knelt on the bed above her, a grimace on his face. Nothing about the last few minutes was visible on his countenance, except the flush to his cheeks. Hermione sat up quickly, wondering if she did something to harm him. "Severus, did I hit you with the belt?"

He began shaking his head fervently. "No, no. Not at all. I just realized we shouldn't be doing this. It's not proper." He tried to turn his body so that it was no longer facing hers.

Hermione could not believe what she was hearing. Only moments ago, he spoke about how they should embrace any chance they had. Take advantage of it, so to speak. And now, he was going against his word. This was unlike anything he had ever done before.

For a moment, Hermione felt personally victimized by Severus. And then, she saw him flinch. Another spasm of pain raked through his body. Reflexively, his right hand grasped onto his left forearm. Then, everything connected.

The open blouse that was hanging off her shoulders returned to its proper position. Hermione folded her knees and wrapped her arms around them, trying not to believe that a Death Eater revel had interrupted the most beautiful encounter she had ever had with another person. She had to choke back her tears.

"Does being summoned hurt badly?" she asked quietly.

He didn't answer right away. Severus stared out toward the frame of the headboard, clenching his jaw and gathering his composure. "It all depends on how he feels," he uttered with indifference.

Not knowing what else to do, Hermione simply nodded. Severus stood up and gathered the rest of his clothes. He dressed silently, the only noise coming from rustling fabric and the crackling of the hearth. Once his appearance was presentable, she saw him fold her own discarded robe neatly and place it on the end of the bed.

The air was heavy with dread. It was like the atmosphere of a funeral. Departing was inevitable, but neither one of them wanted to be the first to acknowledge the fact. Finally, Severus sighed and sat down next to her.

"I'm not sure how long I will be gone…" he began.

Hermione refused to look at him. She brushed a stray curl behind her ear. "So, you don't want me waiting up for you."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "You would be wasting your time. And people would worry where you had disappeared."

She felt her throat tighten. "So, how many days should I wait before alerting the Headmaster of your own disappearance? Surely, you don't think you can get away with a long visit."

"The Dark Lord knows I'm still a student, and he won't blow my cover. There will be no need to tell anyone where I am. It will only make things more complicated."

"It's already complicated, Severus," she emphasized involuntarily.

The tension was thick. He couldn't say anything to comfort her, so Severus stood up. "Right, then. I will be back soon. It will be alright." With no response from her, and not a single look from those chestnut eyes, he turned towards the door.

Hermione wished she could stay angry. She wanted to throw curses in his direction. She wanted to scream and yell obscenities about how he was toying with her emotions. But the only thing that was taking over her reflexes and emotion was the knowledge that Severus would be leaving the grounds of Hogwarts and going to a Death Eater revel, putting him in direct harm's way. A part of Hermione knew that it was possible he would never come back the same man as he was now.

That was what made Hermione jump off the bed and run to the door before Severus stepped out of the room. He heard her frantic steps and turned around just in time to catch her in his arms. She placed a desperate goodbye kiss on his lips.

"Be safe," she said, a single tear cascading down her face. Severus brushed it away with his thumb, and nodded. He pulled out of her embrace and exited the room, leaving Hermione standing alone and frightened, staring at the oak door as it slammed shut.