A formal warning: This story will contain abuse, non-con/rape, death, dark themes, it will not contain graphic descriptions of such.
*****And I don't own HP, or the excerpts from the book/movie you see below*****
I AM SO MAD THAT I'M HITTING A BRICK WALL, BECAUSE I HAVE A BIG IDEA FOR MARCH/APRIL/MAY AND THIS IS ONLY LATE DECEMBER/ EARLY JANUARY
It was good knowing they had destroyed one Horcrux. However, they still didn't know where the others were. Sirius suggested they go back to the house, but they realised two Death Eaters seemed to be following them.
Somehow, wherever they Apparated, these two wizards would appear as well.
Late one night, Sirius sent a patronus to Tonks, knowing she could help them. He had a plan, and it would involve her- which, he figured, she would enjoy.
Just as he expected, he spotted Kingsley's dark blue car parked outside of a small library in the town they had spent the day in while trying to lose the Death Eaters tailing them.
He led the trio across the street, opening the passenger side door and aiming his wand at her. "Morph."
"You know I can't, you arse." Tonks said.
"Prove it's you."
She huffed, unbuttoning her jacket. "How's this?" She asked, patting her baby bump.
"It'll do." Sirius said, gesturing to the three teenagers and getting in. "I guess we really haven't seen you for a while."
"No, you have not." She said, as Ron, Harry and Hermione climbed into the backseat. She redid the buttons on her jacket quickly. "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, did we miss any others?"
"Uh... it's only January, right?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, sir."
"Then, I don't believe so." Sirius said as she threw the car into gear. "Does Kingsley know?"
"Yeah, I walked into his room and took the keys, he just said not to be gone too long."
"Are you alright? You seem a little... angry." Sirius said.
"Well, you sent me a patronus at one in the morning and woke me up, but no. I'm fine."
"Did Remus have any issue without you leaving at one in the morning?" Sirius asked.
"He doesn't know." Tonks said, tensely. "And I'm sure he doesn't care anyway. I doubt he cares what I do now."
"Oh, I know that tone." Sirius said slowly. "Argument?"
"No argument, but we broke up."
"What?" Sirius demanded. "You can't just break up, you're married. And adults! Adults don't just-"
"Adults do break up, Sirius." Tonks said. "It doesn't matter, he's already gone."
"Gone where?"
Tonks shrugged. "No idea."
"Oh, for the love of..." Sirius grumbled. "When?"
"After the last full moon."
"Why?"
"That wouldn't be appropriate for the ears of children." Tonks said.
"Is it about Ro-"
"Sh!" Tonks spat, glaring at Sirius.
"Pull over here, Dora." Sirius said after a moment, pointing to a dark parking lot.
"Uh, why? Sirius, there may be Death Eaters-"
"Just do it, please." Sirius said. She pulled into the parking lot, and Sirius reached over, turning off the ignition. "I've been thinking about this a lot. It's part of the reason I asked you to meet us here."
"You asked me to drive an hour and half so we could sit in a dark parking lot?" Tonks asked.
"You don't recognise this place?"
"No?"
Sirius sighed. "In 1973- February 10th, to be exact- I got a letter from Andromeda. She had a daughter. A month later, I found out that the baby had been abandoned and that Andromeda and Ted were gone. I didn't know where you ended up, not until summer. I was forced to attend Narcissa and Lucius' wedding in July and after the wedding, they immediately asked the Ministry to take you from your godfathers and place you with them."
"I know this story." Tonks said.
"A Ministry worker observed you with Kingsley and Alastor for two years, without Alastor and Kingsley even knowing when they were doing it. They observed Lucius and Narcissa as well, but Lucius already had enough connections to know when they were being observed. The Ministry didn't hesitate to deny Lucius and Narcissa's request- that was in 1975." Sirius said. "I hate to admit, I was a little disappointed. I hadn't met you yet, and kind of figured I'd never be able to. And then I was disowned, the Christmas after I turned sixteen. I had left, blaming my family for Andromeda's death, and I went to James' home. I got a letter a few days later from Regulus, saying Mum had blasted me from the tree. James lived three blocks from this park."
Harry sounded interested immediately. "Dad lived near here?"
"I believe Muggles own the house now, I can't remember for sure." Sirius said. "That summer, I wrote to Alastor and Kingsley, asking if I could meet you. I expected them to say no, but they agreed. They knew I was underage, so they agreed to meet me here, because I didn't have to travel far. You had turned three a few months before."
"I really don't remember."
"Well, I do. And I saw you with Alastor and Kingsley, and it was like you had always been their kid. I suppose you always were, though." Sirius said. "Anyway, I've just been thinking about it for a while. And I want you to think about it too, Harry. Your family isn't always the one you're born to. Whether it's by choice, or something you didn't choose- what matters is that you eventually end up right where you need to be."
"What made you think of this?" Tonks asked.
Sirius shrugged. "I realised that I ended up where I belonged, and I just wanted to make sure you two knew you could do the same...it took me sixteen years to find my family. It took you a month and a few days, Dora." Sirius said. "And Harry, maybe you've already found yours. Maybe not. What matters is that family is not always someone related to you by blood. You can choose."
"Oh, can I?" Tonks asked. "Then I choose to sever our relation, cousin."
"Oh, I am absolutely heartbroken." Sirius said, just as he spotted the two Death Eaters again. This time, they were in the park, watching the car. "Wait here."
He jumped out of the car, heading for the Death Eaters. Immediately, one pulled up his sleeve, touching his Dark Mark. Sirius used this momentary distraction to Obliviate the one who touched his mark, as the second pulled out his wand and fired off a curse at Sirius. Sirius dodged the curse, firing back a Stunning Curse, which connected with the Death Eater's shoulder.
Apparently, these two weren't exactly the most skilled at dueling. He cast another memory charm, and headed back to the car. He slammed the car door shut. "Go." He told Tonks, who started the car and threw it into gear again.
"Why didn't you do that and then Apparate instead of making me drive out here?" Tonks asked.
"The second they touch their Dark Marks, you can't Apparate." Sirius said. "And besides, I figured you'd like to be involved."
Over the years, Tonks thought she had perfected sneaking in or out of the house. Apparently, she hadn't.
The moment she opened the front door, the light turned on, and Kingsley was there, wand in hand.
"What did you tell me earlier this evening?" He asked.
"I said that it was alright if you went for a patrol, because you couldn't keep getting others to cover for you." Tonks said. "Prove yourself."
Kingsley nodded, putting his wand away. "When you were seven, your hair was green for a week because you had the chicken pox." He said. "Where were you?"
"I went for a walk, wasn't sure what time you'd be back."
From the look on his face, he didn't believe her.
However, he didn't push the subject. He went for a patrol the next day, and the day after that. She didn't mind spending the time alone, she found. On the day she was supposed to meet Remus, a couple days after she had gone to help Sirius and the trio, Kingsley was gone most of the afternoon. Since their return, Sirius and the teenagers had been doing nothing but looking through the Horcrux books again. Sirius hadn't pushed the subject of the breakup, and Tonks was relieved.
When Kingsley returned, he handed her a small package.
"I thought we just weren't doing Christmas this year, I didn't think to get you anything-"
Kingsley shook his head. "You don't have to." He said. "Besides, it's not really a Christmas gift, it's just something I thought you'd like."
She took the small package, untying the ribbon from the box. She pulled out a soft white knitted blanket, followed by a small white onesie.
"It's just- well, your parents had their own versions of those to put you in when you were first born. We still have them here, actually. I just figured you may like the same keepsake for your baby. You know, the first blanket they're wrapped in... the first piece of clothing they wear...?"
Tonks smiled. "That's really nice. Thank you." She said, looking down at the blanket. "Kingsley, I lied to you the other day."
"I know."
"You do?"
Kingsley nodded. "If you went for a walk, you wouldn't have Apparated so close to the boundaries."
Tonks swore under her breath.
"So, where did you really go?" Kingsley asked.
"I found Remus."
Kingsley frowned. "You went after Remus?"
"Yes. We argued a little, I let him feel the baby move, and gave him an ultimatum."
"What kind of ultimatum?" Kingsley asked.
"If he loves me, like he claims he does, he needs to choose. Either he can come back, help me with the baby and we can be a family, or he doesn't come back and never hears from me again."
"And which did he choose?" Kingsley asked.
"I don't know yet, I told him to meet me at the end of the street at midnight." Tonks said.
"If he comes back, I'm not going to be nice to him."
"Can you at least try?" Tonks asked. "For me?"
"I can't promise anything." Kingsley said. "He hurt you, Dora, and I'm not sure I can forgive that so easily."
Later that night, Tonks waited underneath the tree, watching her watch. At twelve fifteen, she had seen someone walking towards her and thought it was Remus- but then the figure turned towards one of the houses.
By twelve twenty nine, her heart was pounding.
At twelve forty five, she walked back towards their house slowly.
It seemed Remus had made his decision.
In the days afterwards, Tonks was in a terrible mood. This wasn't lost on Kingsley or Sirius, who gave her space most of the time.
"You." Sirius said, walking into the living room and Tonks. "Come with me." Slowly, Tonks stood and followed Sirius into the kitchen. He tossed a jacket her way, pointing at her shoes next to the back door.
"What's going on?" Tonks asked.
"Just come with me." Sirius repeated.
She pulled her jacket on, stuffing her feet into her shoes, and Sirius was already outside. She followed, walking quickly to catch up with him, when he spun to face her. "You have been in a rotten mood lately." He said.
"Excuse me?" Tonks asked.
"I think I know what it is." Sirius said. "Dora, have you ever gone back?"
"Back where?" Tonks asked.
"To the house." Sirius said. "I showed Harry where James and Lily lived-"
"No." Tonks said. "And I won't. Besides, don't you think I'm in a bad mood because my husband ran out-"
"I think you should." Sirius said.
"I won't go back."
"You should. Address it."
"No."
"Look, Dora, it sucks. There was never a definitive answer. Did they die immediately? Did they die later? Where are their bodies? Are they still alive, kept imprisoned? Still alive, memories erased, no knowledge of their former lives or daughter? We didn't know then, we won't ever know." Sirius said. "However, I think you should go back and see the house. You were born in that house, it was your home-"
"No." Tonks said. "This is my home. That never was. That was- it was temporary."
"I'll make a deal with you." Sirius said. "You come with me. We'll stand outside the house. If you don't want to go in, you don't have to."
"I could just go back inside." Tonks said.
"You could." Sirius said. "However, that doesn't mean I'll stop suggesting it. Kingsley agrees with me, he thinks you should go back there too."
Tonks was quiet for a minute. "I won't go inside."
"You don't have to." Sirius said. They walked to the end of the yard, where the boundaries ended and the back alley began. They Apparated together, appearing on a quiet street.
Perhaps the street had once been charming, but now it was anything but. Most of the houses had overgrown lawns and weeds, most of the fences discoloured and leaning. Shutters were either missing altogether, or hanging crooked.
It didn't look like anyone lived on this street at all, and had it not been for the lights in a few windows, or the cars in very few driveways, she'd think no one did. Sirius seemed to know where they were going, so she followed him quietly.
The house was small, the white paint peeling and discoloured from so many years of neglect. The shutters may have been blue at one point, but now they were faded so terribly she couldn't identify a colour for sure. Weeds had grown over what may have been a nice green lawn, a nice garden, even the pathway leading to the house.
The mailbox was attached to the gate, rusted. The gate and fence were the same peeling white as the house, and part of the fence was slanted, possibly displaced by a harsh storm.
She approached the gate, Sirius staying back. She ran a finger over the rusted numbers stamped on the mailbox, no longer readable. Tonks lifted the metal lid, listening to the groan of protest from the weathered hinges. She wasn't sure why she wanted to open the mailbox, but something told her to. Perhaps, she was just hoping there would be mail, left behind for so many years, that said their names. Something to prove they had once been here.
A thick envelope was the only item there, the envelope yellowed and the writing slightly smudged. She picked it out, her heart skipping a beat as she saw her own first name printed in neat, feminine-looking cursive.
Nymphadora
She stared at the envelope for a long time. Did this mean they were alive? Or, had been for a while?
Tonks looked up at the house again, and then pushed the gate open. She had to see it. She had to see the house, see if it looked as she imagined. Alastor and Kingsley had told her the door and windows had been destroyed, but they must have repaired them, she figured. After all, this was technically her house.
She didn't like how quiet it was, although she knew she shouldn't have expected it to be otherwise. There seemed to be a thick layer of dust on everything, except a few spots on the floor, and she was sure those were from Harry and Hagrid's visit in July.
The furniture was damaged, she noticed. Some was destroyed completely. There were pictures on the mantle above the fireplace, a thick layer of dust covering the glass. She felt something crunch under her foot and looked down. Some pictures had been knocked down, the glass shattered.
Tonks turned towards the stairs, wondering if they'd be stable enough for her to go up. They didn't appear damaged, and didn't creak when she slowly stepped up a few, so she continued on.
She noticed the rooms up here seemed to be similar to how Alastor and Kingsley's house looked. The bathroom door was right at the top of the stairs, a bedroom door a little further down the hall. She noticed, however, there was only one single door that was open partially at the other end. No attic stairs, no extra bedroom.
Did she want to see the room she had spent a month of her life in?
After a moment, she realised she did. She knew that she had spent nearly six months in a crib next to Kingsley and Alastor's bed, before they had turned one of the extra rooms into a room for her.
She just wanted to see if it had been the same here, or if that had just been something they decided to do. She headed down the hallway towards the partially open door, pushing it open the rest of the way.
The nursery was untouched, the furniture where it had always been. She never understood why Kingsley and Alastor had left it all untouched and just bought everything new again. Perhaps it had been their way of entering parenthood, because they(obviously) had been unable to enter parenthood in the traditional sense. There was a thick layer of dust covering the room, the blanket in the crib was shoved aside in the crib, probably from when Alastor had retrieved her from the crib.
She picked up the blanket, a lump forming in her throat. A wave of emotion hit her, and she sank to her knees, clutching the blanket. Sirius found her there a few minutes later, still holding the pink blanket, sobbing.