Jumper

A/N: I'm kinda scared to write Spencer's perspective on last chapter, I never had an easy time handling sensitive girls views, even if they aren't really real. And I also found out today... 6 WEEKS TILL SEASON 3!!! How come no one has told me?? Well I'll be starting the countdown in all my chapters now, so 47 days till new season of SoN, and I think I have an end to this story on the horizon, potential next week, or two weeks. Well, lets not dwell on the future... Thanks to all my reviewers and readers, you guys are still keeping me going... --Enjoy--

I don't know what happened. It escalated from ok to nuclear in under ten seconds. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I mean, Brad scared me, he almost raped me, but it was for the most part physical, it'll fade, all the bruises and scratches will heal and be gone without a trace. But Ashley, she yelled at me. She screamed at me. She scared me half to death. I won't forget that moment. Her eyes weren't full of love, or hazed over with lust because I stopped her mid kiss, they were full of hatred. She hated me. She looked like I had driven a knife right through her heart and was proceeding to twist it slowly in circles around her heart. I didn't mean anything by what I was saying, I just... I was afraid ok? I was terrified that the people I loved more then anything were going to hate me for who I was.

But am I really gay? I knew these questions would find me, but I expected Ash to be right there to answer them and drive them away, instead, she was screaming and yelling at me. I, my heart broke. I don't feel much of anything right now. If you were to shoot me in the foot, I wouldn't feel a thing, it felt like I'd been gutted and all that was left was a hollow inside, echoing her shouts at me, increasing in intensity as I replayed the scene. I was so angry... But it was true, what she said. I thought she broke me of worrying about other people and what they thought about me, but it was ingraned in me, my mom had taught me that it was everything, what people thought about you, and that's why she wanted me to stay away from Ash, Glen and Clay had told her stories of Ashley Davies wild party escepades and adventures, and I'm sure I might have told her one or two myself. She was so terrified that I'd stop caring, and if I did, she'd lose that death-grip she'd had on me since I was little. But I was weak, and I let her wrap her hands around my neck, soon after Ashley managed to pry them off and keep them off. Now I was suffocating, ten times worse then before I met her, and everything that was normal was now stifling and closing around me.

"Spencer?"

I turned from my thoughts to see my mom, and the sight turned me sick. Her eyes were sunken in, and they gleamed with scheming and secrets. Her face was expressionless, and I realized that I'd left the only person that might have steered me away from that future. The thought hit me like a punch in the face, and it took all of my will to keep myself composed for my mom.

"Yeah mom?"

My voice cracked, and I could feel the tears just screaming to run down my face, but I kept them inside as she sat down beside me. Thank God she was so oblivious.

"I talked to your father. Did you love that girl?"

This was it. Do I lie about everything that my life had become, or do I finally say it?

"More then life itself."

The realization hit me, and the tears finally escaped. My mom stood motionless and I knew she was getting ready to blow up, my ears were already closing themselves, and I felt my systems slowly shut off, backing into myself as I saw her open her gaping mouth.

"Spencer Marie Carlin, you will never see that girl again do you understand me?? NEVER. I will be crucified and hung by my toes like Jesus if you throw away everything I've ever given you on some heathen slut. You will not be going to hell. Not on my watch."

I suddenly remembered a conversation me and Ashley had had before. On the topic of religon. I was trying to explain the whole 'being gay is a ticket to hell' concept, but she couldn't keep a straight face for more then a few seconds.

"C'mon Ash, listen, it says in the Bible that being gay is a sin, you go to Hell for it."

She fixed me with a look that could melt the polar ice caps in seconds as she sat up, sighing.

"Is that what you think Spence? That what we're doing right now is going to send you to hell?"

You could see her mind furiously working on how someone could even arrive at that conclusion, let alone teach it to other people to teach to others.

"I- It's love, and I don't really think God can say that what we have is a sin."

She smiled at me, her mind finally resting.

"Exactly, so if anyone ever says your going to hell, you just tell em' I went down there cause I was in love with a smokin hot disciple of Satan."

I laughed and threw a pillow at her as she dodged it and climbed on top of me, straddling my waist and beginning to work on my button up top.

The conversation made me lightly chuckle, but my mom was too wrapped up in her own speech to notice. All I heard was the tail end of it, followed by a;

"Is that clear?"

I nodded.

"Good, now, I called St. Mary's and they have an opening, so hurry up and get packed, we're leaving tomorrow morning."

I gaped at her as she moved to leave the room.

"What is St. Mary's?"

"A repiration site, they fix girls like you."

My anger suddenly flared up, and I jumped up to talk, but all I saw was her back retreating and closing the door. That was the final straw, I collapsed on my floor, gripping onto my knees as I began to heave, the sobs wracking my body with a terrifying intensity. I needed Ash, I knew I did, I'd been so dumb to leave her, but there was still a part of me that was telling me this would be just what I needed to get my life back on track. I wish I could just choose, but I was never too good at making choices. I always felt like there was too much riding on them. And this time, it was my very heart that was being held at point blank, my own hands itching to pull the trigger.

I did pack, but not before leaving message after message on Ash's phone. All I ever got in response was her voice mail, but even the brief message was soothing to my turbulent mind, her rough voice making me shiver as I remembered the countless things it would tell me as we lay together. The rest of the night passed me faster then any other time had before, and before I knew it, I was getting roughly woken up by my mother with a smug look on her face, knowing this would "fix" me for good. I wish Ash was here. So badly. It had began to rain, and as I made my way outside, I paused in the cold liquid, feeling it burn through my skin as I remembered our first kiss. The passion, that fire that burnt me to even think about. The way she could make me feel like I was the only thing even remotely important within a million mile radius. I heard a car drive by, and my head snapped up as my heart stopped. It was her. In our Porsche. It casually stopped, and I quickly thanked God that my mom was inside getting some coffee.

But even as happy as I was, I found my legs refused to move. I saw the window roll down, and her eyes bored holes into my heart and mind. She gave me the slightest of nods, and I found my legs suddenly free, and before I knew it, I was flying to her car, only stopped by the cold metal and plastic seperating us. I expected her to leap out and crush me in one of her bear hugs, but she made no move, and her face remained neuteral.

"Ash...?"

My voice was like sandpaper being ground on the pavement, and I cringed at it's own roughness. She continued to look at me, her eyes distant.

"Goin somewhere Spence?"

Her voice was cold and distant, and my heart practically shattered. She shrugged, her eyes still emotionless. She held up something, her grey sweatshirt. I choked on a sob and quickly grabbed for it, purposefully brushing my skin against hers in an attempt to incite her to say something.

"I figured you might need it. I hear it gets pretty cold in Heaven."

She slammed on the gas and dashed away, kicking up a spray of water and left me sobbing hysterically as I looked after her car that eventually drove out of sight, disappearing in the thick sheets of grey rain.

"Spencer!"

I turned to see my mom in the doorway, scrutinizing me. She hadn't seen, which meant I could keep the sweatshirt, this little piece of Ashley. I stumbled to the car and collapsed onto the back seat, my mom not paying the slightest attention as she gunned out of the driveway, throwing me this way and that until we finally made our way out of the immediate city and towards the nicer parts, i.e Beverly Hills, and I knew that this place, this wasteland, this Ashley-less place, this was Hell.

A/N: Figured I'd give you guys my complication, now the repiration place isn't a camp, I didn't steal Salvations idea (it's way better first of all), picture it like a Catholic school full of Paula's with rulers and a Bible. Yes, you should all feel bad for Spencer right now.