THE BOTANY OF FEELINGS

SOMEWHERE, IN THE BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAINS

When Enos gently spread the ointment on Daisy's forearm, thousands of needles pierced her burnt skin; she bit her lower lip and held her breath until the fresh ointment eased her pain, and her memories too.

FLASHBACK

The smoke entered Daisy's lungs and eyes.

She closed her eyes and coughed while the barn crackled around her.

Her right hand on her mouth and her eyes half closed she walked toward the animals' shouts, just her left arm instinctively stretched in front of her to guide her.

When a small piece of burning wood fell from the barn's roof, hitting her left arm, she stopped, looking terrified at the fire spreading along her shirt's sleeve.

An excruciating pain made her shout, her lungs inhaling the fiery-hot smoke and her shout turning into a convulsive coughing.

In that moment, the fire spreading along her left sleeve and her lungs burning, she realized she was going to die.

The cough shook her like the wind shaking a leaf on a tree. She knelt down, her legs too weak to sustain her; in her eyes tears because of the pain and the smoke.

Two hands patted her left forearm, putting the fire out.

She buried her face against the wide chest near her, protecting her mouth, nose and eyes from the smoke; she wrapped her arms around the neck of the man who was taking her in his arms.

Bo? Luke?

A sudden crack told her there was nothing else she could do for the barn and for the animals inside; the barn was collapsing, but she was alive.

She opened her eyes and she looked up at the sky and at the man who was bringing her away from the barn.

Enos.

Enos dressed her injured left arm and smiled, "Doc Appleby said to spread this ointment and then dress the burns every day. In a couple of weeks, we'll be OK," he glanced at her, "it's what he said before to give me the sedative." He shook his head and sighed, "I'm glad you brought with you ointment and bandages."

Her left forearm finally covered with bandages, Daisy took Enos's hands in hers, "And now it's your turn." She gently caressed the palm of his hands, "Enos. You saved my life. Thank you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and she kissed him.

SOMEWHERE, IN ATLANTA

Jo put the receiver down and sighed.

Ellen entered the living room and looked at Jo's tight features, "Jo! Forget about it. We have already talked about it!"

Jo nodded and walked to the couch, sinking into it, "You're right. But I can't help but being confused. I hate Nick but at the same time I love him. I ran away from him but at the same time I want to talk again with him … and understand. I still think that… maybe… I have exaggerated things."

Ellen sat by Jo's side, "Did you call him?"

Jo shook her head, "No. Fortunately, no."

Ellen sighed in relief, "Jo. We have already talked about it. Just some time ago you told me that Nick would kill you and your supposed lover if he thought you're cheating him, and now you want to talk to him. Sincerely, I don't think he could kill anybody, but I think he is an abusive husband, and it's enough to run away."

Jo stared at Ellen, "This is the point, Ellen. I think of him as a possible killer, and the day after I start to wonder if I am exaggerating things. I start to ask myself if he was really so bad or if I am crazy! Maybe he was right when he told I have some emotional problems!"

Ellen rested her hand on Jo's shoulder, "And we have already talked about it, too. Jo, you have been the victim of a manipulative man. When you met him you fell in love with him 'cause he looked like your prince charming. It's called love bombing. After you married him, he started to control you as his puppet, in a really subtle way, so that you didn't even realize it. You started to feel jealous, depressed, anxious, and also angry, but you didn't realize why, while he blamed you for your negative emotions. You came to the point to think he was right, wondering what's wrong with you, and accepting also his slaps, as if you deserved it. Do you understand it?"

Jo nodded, "You're right; before meeting him I have never felt so negative emotions. I started to think that something was really wrong with me and he had a really big patience with me. I came to the point I thought to deserve his slaps and his way to grab my arms and squeeze. My instinct shouted me to run away while my mind made me doubt of my mental health. I am still both attracted and repulsed of him, my instinct and mind are still arguing."

Ellen smiled and gently squeezed Jo's shoulder, "This is the point, Jo. You faced a sort of brain washing, a subtle and slow manipulation. But your instinct can't be manipulated, and it's why it keeps on shouting you to run away, but the more you stay with Nick the more he can manipulate your emotions, sense of worth and also sense of reality. It's why you have to stay away from him; any new contact with him is new poison for your mind. If you carefully think of it, I think your instinct was already shouting to you to run away since the first time you met him, when he still acted like a prince charming. And, I bet too, he talked to you about some crazy ex-girlfriend or about his painful relationship with an abusive parent or relative, just to hook you in his deep and complex character: the poor and kind guy survived to a rough life."

Jo remained silent, her eyes half closed. She finally nodded, "You're right, both things you're saying are right. You know, since then, when I was happy and everything seemed fine, sometimes I felt there was something wrong, a subtle sense of discomfort I couldn't explain. Thinking now about it, probably my instinct was trying to tell me he was wearing a mask, but he was so convincing I couldn't trust my guts. Not to mention everything he said about his mother and sister, two evils, and I believed him though I never met them."

Ellen nodded, "Trust your guts. It's what I have learnt along my life, especially after my past job at the psychiatric department, and especially after my experience with women abused by their husbands. The dynamic is always the same. Your negative emotions weren't your emotions, but the emotions he projected on you, then blaming you of those emotions and trapping you in the blaming trap. You can't win with a manipulative man; your only chance is run away and go back to your old self, when you were a strong and positive woman. 'cause I know you pretty well, Jo, and I know you have always been a strong and positive woman."

Jo smiled, "Thanks, Ellen. So, you don't think I am a psychopath, do you?"

Ellen burst out laughing, "Come on, Jo. For starters, a psychopath doesn't doubt of his mental health. You aren't a psychopath, you're the polar opposite, and that's the only reason you're asking this question in the first place."

Jo hugged Ellen, "Thank you so much, Ellen." She held Ellen tight, a long hug of gratitude. She finally stood up and walked to the living room's table, on it a pot full of roses; she took a white rose and inhaled its sweet scent.

FLASHBACK

Nick wiped his hands, a thoughtful and disappointed look on his face, "Mary called me, some days ago. She's planning to come to Hazzard and meet me on her way to Atlanta."

Jo glanced at him while she kept to work on the roses, "Mary? You don't look happy 'bout her coming."

Nick shrugged, "In effect, I have no good memories 'bout our relationship. I'm planning to go out for dinner and talk with her, anyway."

Jo cut the long stalk of the rose in her hands, "You aren't obliged to see her, if you don't want to."

Silence. Jo bit her lower lip, wondering if she said something wrong.

"Have you some problem 'bout my meeting with Mary?"

Jo's heart skipped a beat, "Problem? No, I'm simply saying that you don't seem happy about this meeting, so you should avoid it. It's just your decision, and you should do what makes you feel happy."

Silence. A thorn entered Jo's fingertip.

Nick shook his head and sighed, "You know, Jo, I think you should stop bein' so jealous. I love you, and you know it."

Jo sucked the blood on her fingertip, her cheeks burning in shame and sadness.

The door of the shop opened, and Jo had a sigh of relief.

Enos walked toward the counter and smiled, "Good morning Mr Russel. Good morning Mrs Russell."

Jo smiled, "Hi Enos. May I help you?"

Enos nodded, blushing a bit, "Tomorrow is Daisy's birthday. I'm planning to ask her out for dinner, and I'd like to give her some flowers," his eyes lingered on the roses scattered on the counter, "Roses, for example."

Jo took a red rose, "Since it's for Daisy, what would you think of red roses? A red rose symbolizes love and passion."

Enos blushed, his skin reflecting the rose in Jo's hand, "Passion... it's too much... I mean... I want something softer." He averted his eyes from the red rose, "What 'bout white roses?"

Jo rested the red rose on the counter and took the white one, "Purity. Secrecy. Friendship. Reverence."

Enos nodded, "I like it. May I have a bouquet of white roses?"

Jo smiled, "OK. I'm goin' to wrap a beautiful bouquet for tomorrow evening. Come here tomorrow, in late afternoon. OK?"

Enos nodded, "OK. See you tomorrow. Thanks." He walked away and left the shop.

Silence. Jo felt Nick's eyes on her.

"What was, Jo?"

Jo stared at Nick, "What?"

"Your flirting with Enos Strate. That talking 'bout love and passion. The way you talked 'bout it and the way you looked at him."

Jo opened her eyes in surprise, "Flirting? I wasn't flirting."

Nick shook his head and walked to the door behind the counter, opening it and entering their house, "If this is your way to show me your disappointment 'bout my meeting Mary, OK, I won't meet her. But I don't want new shows of jealousy from you."

Staring at the door closing, Jo felt a bitter taste in her mouth; the taste of shame, sadness and also rage.

Was it jealousy? Was she really so jealous and vindictive? She didn't know what's going on in her mind.

SOMEWHERE, IN THE BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAINS

Daisy dressed Enos' hands with white bandages, "You know, some time ago I had a strange dream. I think it was because of the idea someone hates you because of jealousy."

Enos stared at her, "What kind of dream?"

Daisy blushed, "It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk 'bout the dream." She pushed away the feeling of his fingers exploring her body like blind creatures, " But that dream made me wonder 'bout the meaning of jealousy and 'bout..." she looked into his eyes, "Enos. Have you ever been jealous of the guys I dated in the past? Have you ever hated them to the point to want them dead?"

Enos opened his eyes in surprise, "Jealous?" He shook his head, he stood up and walked to the window, looking outside and so avoiding her eyes, "I was sad. I knew that, some day or another, you were goin' to marry one of those guys. I was sad 'cause I feared to lose you, my dream of marryin' you definitively gone." He turned to her and looked at her with a shy and sad smile, "See, people are jealous when they think someone is taking away from them something they deserve, something they own. But you can't be jealous if you think you don't deserve what someone else is taking. Or, at least, it's how I feel things. I have never felt you as mine, neither deserving you, so, why being jealous? Just sad of seeing my dream fading. Do you understand what I mean?"

Daisy nodded and walked to him, hugging him, "You are a fantastic man, Enos. So pure and caring. I love you."

SOMEWHERE, IN ATLANTA

Ellen walked near Jo, "I like roses. Red. White. Pink." Her hand gently caressed the roses in the pot, "You should have added some yellow roses. I love yellow roses."

Jo raised her eyebrows in surprise and finally smiled, "Yellow rose: in the victorian age it symbolized jealousy. Now it's different, but in some Countries it still has this meaning, so I don't like them very much." She stared at the white rose in her hand and smiled, "Purity. Secrecy. Friendship. Reverence."