Chapter 21
~ First, Forgive Yourself.~
Elsa dropped Anna's hands and looked down. "I don't know what to say..." Elsa admitted.
"Just say whatever comes to mind, make the apology true. Don't write out a speech. They'll believe you if you seem, nervous or even unprepared."
"Why is that?" Elsa breathed out.
"Because, apologies aren't meant to be scripted like your formal addresses as Queen, you have to speak from your heart Elsa..." Anna smiled sweetly looking at her sister, she could tell Elsa was nervous. Her sister was shaking slightly where she stood.
"Anna?" Elsa looked at her seriously. "I don't know what I would do without you, you've never doubted me, not once. Not even when you knew all of the horrible things I've done."
"Elsa..." Anna began softly in a hushed voice. "I know you, and I know you would never be so cruel unless something was forcing you to be. In this case, your magic was turning on you. The properties of the Ice Crystal saved you from death, but your heart was still frozen... You grew cold and cruel... That's not your fault."
Elsa recollected the memories, her near death experience was hazy and the only memories she had were a blur. One moment she was practicing magic, the next so near death and then she was terrorizing her Kingdom.
"Maybe I should wait." Elsa spoke up after a long period of silence. "Maybe I'm not ready to apologize, maybe." she spoke softly "Arendelle isn't ready to forgive me."
Anna made sure Elsa was looking directly at her. "Find it in your heart to forgive yourself Elsa, once you do that you'll be ready to apologize to Arendelle."
The Queen nodded "Anna, the people I killed, they had families... if somebody did that to me would you forgive them?"
Anna looked at Elsa, of course she didn't want to answer. How could she forgive someone who killed her sister? Yet the Princess knew what her Sister wanted to hear.
"Yes, under the circumstances. I could try." she hesitated.
"You're a bad liar." The Queen insisted. "You'd never forgive someone who hurt me." Anna noticed Elsa was getting worse, she was coming up with every senario that would prevent the people of Arendelle from forgiving her.
"Elsa, it doesn't matter if a few people don't forgive you. Some will, what matters is you address you kingdom and let them know that you are aware your past actions were wrong and unjust."
"You said I have to forgive myself first." Elsa paused "But I don't, Anna I don't forgive myself for what I've done, and I don't think I ever will. It's my fault those people are dead! I didn't have to kill them! I didn't have to hurt anyone. Anna, I chose to harm those people and I made it quite clear I wasn't afraid to do so to anyone who defied me."
"You aren't the same person you were then Elsa..." Anna insisted. "Remember coronation day? and remember when you were able to reverse the eternal winter?"
"Remember what you said to me? If you could tell your past self one thing?"
Elsa searched through her memories and sighed deeply looking at Anna. "Everything will be okay, you don't have to be afraid." The Queen repeated. "I do remember, but..."
"But nothing Elsa, you told me you were ready to apologize and I Believe you can do it, I'll be right by your side the entire time."
Elsa guided Anna over to her bed and sat down taking both of her sisters hands. "Its going to be hard for me, I'm nervous, and I don't want to do this... But I know I have to, I want to apologize. I'm just so afraid that..."
Anna looked and her sister broken-hearted. "Elsa, you don't have to be afraid... You know you don't have to be afraid, at first you were afraid to let everyone see your magic but now its all okay, the same thing applies to this. It might seem frightening to apologize at first but once you've done it. It will be like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders." Anna smiled looking at Elsa meaning every word she spoke. "You will feel so much better after."
A long silence filled the air, Elsa heard everything Anna said and went over the words in her mind again and again. Knowing she had to apologize sometime, and now was probably as good a time as any. The Queen also determined she needed to feel relieved again. To feel like everything was going to be okay.
"Okay, I'll try my best Anna." Elsa finally spoke. "I'll try to forgive myself and I will make that apology tomorrow."
Elsa walked Anna to her own room and helped her get comfortable. "you've had a long day, the doctors are coming in to check on you shortly. You've been up so much their worried about you."
Anna laughed lightly. "I'm fine Elsa, just a little underfed and dehydrated. I'll be better soon."
"I know, but tomorrow is a big day, especially for me, and I really need you by my side." The Queen said sitting on the edge of her sisters bed. Looking down at her.
"I will be Elsa." Anna yawned sleepy curling up under her blankets. Elsa waited until her sister was asleep to leave which was mere minutes after she spoke those last words. Elsa got up silently and left the room, leaving the door open ever so slightly. Before returning to her own room.
Elsa paced back and forth for a long time debating what she should say at her address tomorrow. She tried to plan out what she was going to say, but nothing came to mind. Stressed and exhausted the Queen laid on her bed not even bothering to change out of her clothes or get under the covers as she fell fast asleep almost as soon as her head it the pillows.
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