Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Square Enix does.

Chapter Twenty-One
Dark Will

Everything was so… weird. Buoyant.

I didn't feel anchored to my body anymore. I couldn't feel anything, not the cold floor under my body, not my red, burning eyes, not even the twist and rip of my heart. My emotions seemed to be in the background.

What a lovely dream.

I savored the feel of painlessness. It was wonderful. I tried to open my eyes and see what was around me, but I just… couldn't. I thought it was the fact that I was tired, but then I discovered… something was very, very wrong.

I couldn't even feel my eyes. I couldn't feel my body at all. It wasn't just paralysis- even then I would at least feel the dead weight. I tried again to open my eyes, to make a sound, to feel my heartbeat, or even to take a breath, but nothing was there to allow it.

It reminded me of the period in which I drifted after becoming a Heartless. That utter silence and numbness… this was exactly it.

My heart would have fluttered in panic if I'd been connected to it.

Did I lose my heart again? Would I be forced to abandon what little of myself I'd relearned and become Demyx all over again?

Just the name made me afraid. But… how could I be afraid of my old self? I hated my emotions, yet I didn't want to lose them. I was so messed up. They caused me physical pain, but I needed them. I needed them to know I was alive, and that I maybe- someday- might be okay.

I concentrated and tried to take a breath, or pinch myself, or something, but nothing came of it. If I'd been connected to my body, my eyes would have welled for the hundredth time.

No. Please. If this was death… I didn't want it!

There was nothing but the pressing blackness. I couldn't even say I looked around, but after a quick scan, I realized it was all around me.

I imagined a fake me into being, tried to put myself into his shoes. But it was like watching a movie, and I could only watch myself pretend to lean on an elbow. Did I really look like that? It had been so long since I'd actually seen myself in a mirror. I think I had something wrong.

Think hard, I thought. Don't let go just yet.

My attitude was different than the one I'd had the past few days. This me wanted to get stronger, to wake up, to leave all the bad stuff behind. I wanted to follow him badly, but the pessimistic me was dragging me down, saying, you can't do this. Just shut up and die already.

I stretched toward the good me, trying to grasp an invisible hand, something to hold on to. Even when there was nothing, I struggled. I can't let myself be forced into submission. That happened too freaking much lately. Why? I don't know. I can't let it get to me.

I knew you would feel better, a voice whispered at the edge of my mind. Just don't let go.

For a long while, I held on tight. Even when I grew tired of thinking, I kept myself going. Think Energizer Bunny. I can live. I want to live.

And then… I felt it. Sensations. A dull pounding sound. Pressure.

My body.

I reached towards it, stretching out my imagined arm as far as it would go, but it wasn't far enough. My effort… it wasn't good enough.

Like a rubber band, I snapped back to my spot in my mind.

No. I can't get emotional. I have to keep trying. It has to work eventually.

Just… once… more…

Xemnas smiled to himself as he walked down the stairs. It was nearly a full moon today, so he walked, as to be able to see Kingdom Hearts whenever possible.

Yes, he was obsessed. But who wouldn't be? All those hearts… they were nearly at his command.

Yes, Sora, he thought, smiling wider, just a little more. Work a bit harder.

And to add to his glee, he would get to see their prisoner today. Why this almost made him happy, he didn't know. But he would get to ask questions… finally find out the secrets of Myde's heart.

Xemnas was unsure of how to address the traitor. Demyx was such a silly name, but Myde wasn't any better. As long as he wasn't roaming free and working against them.

As he approached the cell, Xemnas sensed something.

Whether he considered it right or wrong, he was unsure, but as he grew closer, it became more apparent. Like any Nobody, Xemnas had heightened senses, but his were even more so because he'd been that way longer.

The sound of a heartbeat… this was… different.

Xemnas remembered the first day he'd heard Myde's heartbeat. It had been a particularly strange sensation for him. He'd almost felt jealous. The sound practically gave him bloodlust. How would a heart feel in his very own chest?

But, instead of the usual lively and emotional beat, it was replaced with a more monotone one.

An involuntary beat.

Xemnas crept closer to the cell. He peered inside. Like a few days ago, Myde appeared to be unconscious. He was obviously alive, but something inside him just… was… shattered?

First, he wasn't moving in the slightest bit, and he didn't lie on his side as he usually did. He lay on his back, his arms curled together on his stomach.

Xemnas realized what had happened and smiled evilly. Axel's confession finally pushed Myde over the edge. His willpower had crumbled, and what was left was nothing but a shell.

Myde had lost the will to live.

"Oh, how much longer will you remain alive?" Xemnas murmured. "You've lost. Your heart will soon be where it belongs… under my power."

Axel finally reached a conclusion- metal. It had to be metal.

He'd been thinking hard about ways to break the barrier. Xemnas had told him that only nonmetal inanimate objects could pass through.

And his chakrams where metal…

Axel smiled. Why would Xemnas specifically tell him not to give Myde anything metal? It made perfect sense.

He stood up, letting a single weapon appear in his hand.

They can't outwit me for long, now can they?

He used a dark corridor to get back to the prison, but when he arrived, his nerve splintered.

He only had to take one look at Myde to realize what happened, and when he did he cursed and smashed the fist of his injured arm into the wall. He let out a wail of pain. His plans were foiled.

If you've lost the will to live, it can't be reversed, or regained. You'd have to be extremely heartstrong in order to accomplish that, and Axel doubted Myde could even think right now. This was all that was left.

An empty shell, nothing more… Saix's words haunted him.

"I'm sorry, Roxas," Axel murmured. "I tried to keep him alive… I failed."

He left abruptly.

The sense of darkness shifted, became gray. I'd been wound into a trance, trying to keep myself alive by thought. It was growing incredibly hard just to think.

I refused to give up.

It was an endless struggle now, but I was almost there. Reach a tiny bit further…

Snap! Back to square one.

I mentally wailed in frustration. I wanted to live now! When I wanted to die, I was stuck! Now that I wanted to go back, I couldn't.

Sora, I thought. Mom. Irena. Jim. They need me. I'll do this… for them.

For Roxas.

Consciousness started to drift back to me slowly, in wavelengths. I was reconnecting. Yes! I knew I could do it!

I still felt buoyant, disjointed, and numb. I was obviously back inside my body, but it felt… almost limp. My nerve endings felt frayed. I could barely feel even the weight of myself.

And… breathing was so… hard. Had it always been this way and I'd never noticed? Or something else? Every time my chest rose, I felt like I was struggling against a weight. I could only breathe in short little pants.

In, I reminded myself. Then out.

I forgot living was so difficult.

Yet I felt it in my chest, my heart, which was diligently working hard to keep me alive. It was pounding almost erratically. Everything was spinning. Keep your eyes closed, I told myself.

Everything sounded and felt strange. My ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton, or wax, or something. Everything sounded far away, almost underwater, but this was worse.

I just needed to… concentrate… and this awful feeling would go away.

Axel still couldn't believe it. Xemnas forced him to visit Myde every day until he… Well.

And today… he expected the worst. He almost had to make himself close his eyes, but didn't, because that would be cowardly.

He heard the heartbeat as he entered the hallway; so automatically he relaxed a little, but he almost wished it would just happen already, so he could stop worrying about it.

The beat was slightly stronger then the last time, yet Axel's first thought was well, you know what they say… the candle burns a bit brighter before it goes out.

And then he moved. It was just the tiniest movement- the barest twitch of his arm- but it was a move all the same. He was conscious, or at least somewhat.

Axel didn't know just how hard Myde was fighting, but he was struggling hard. He could feel it.

"H-how did you do that?" He asked no one in particular. "It's impossible… unless… you're stronger than I thought."

Silence. Myde let out an almost strangled-sounding breath.

"You just want to live, huh, no matter what shit people give you?" Axel said almost to himself. "I… I wish I was like that." He sighed, and because it needed to be said, added, "I'm sorry."

…Nothing.

Sigh. "You can do this."

The silence seemed to say, "I know, and I'm trying, but it's hard, so shut up and leave me alone."

He did.

End! This is probably my favorite chapter out of the entire story. Finally, there's some hope. XD.
Eheheheh. I'm worried about the response I'll get from this.
This time, I think I'll ask for seven reviews, because it's possible.
Thank you Zemby, Kiexa, Sora Tayuya, Kitkit11183, Riayna Darkheart, Sunny Lighter, Kai-Alaric, and anonymous reviewers Tracy and Flightfoot.

Next update: approximately June Tenth.