CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
"[…] difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." – J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
ARIA
She felt constantly on edge, always hyper aware of her surroundings and those she interacted with. Anyone who knew anything about her would probably attribute her unease to the situation she was dealing with regarding Ava. Aria, however, knew that it was so much more than that. The fear of losing Ava, after just having gained custody of her, brought to life all of the insecurities and doubts she'd wrestled with after her parents had passed away. She felt inadequate, unable to provide for the one person who needed her the most, instantly reconnecting her with the same turbulent feelings she'd experienced when she'd had to take care of Mike.
As much as she wanted to, Aria couldn't even blame Ezra for what was happening. And believe her, she wanted to. Bad. She'd been ignoring his calls, had pretended they weren't home the few times he stopped over. But again, she couldn't blame Ezra, none of this was his fault. He'd had his child ripped away from him before she was born and had spent the better part of the last 4-5 years of his life searching up and down the eastern coast for her. It wasn't his fault that the child he'd so desperately wanted to connect with was the same child that Aria had just recently accepted as her own.
It didn't make the situation easier, though, and Aria was at a loss as to what to do next. Having finally found Ava, Aria knew that all Ezra had to do was have his lawyer put through a court-appointed order for her return to him and she'd be… gone. Just like that. Aria wasn't sure she could handle that. So she held close to Ava, protected her like she was her own and kept them both cooped up at home. They hadn't ventured to the town center or to the park in over a week now and Aria could see the effect it was having on Ava. She knew something had to give soon.
Running her hand, once again, down the glossy catalogue pages in front of her, Aria let out a small sigh. There was only so many times that she could shop for inventory for the book store until everything she read started to melt together and no longer make any sense. Perhaps this being cooped up in the house charade was starting to affect her just as much as it was affecting Ava. They needed to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and ultimately, just unwind. It would do them both some good. Just then, an article in the daily paper resting on the counter to her left caught her eye.
"Ava, Baby," Aria called, standing from her perch at the kitchen counter. "Where are you?"
Tiny feet pounded down the stairs behind her. "I'm right here, Mommy," Ava replied, her toothy grin instantly brightening Aria's spirits.
"How would you like to go outside today?" Aria asked, kneeling to the little girl's level and gently brushing some of her curls behind one ear.
Ava's eyes instantly lit up and she nodded her head vehemently, her tiny curls bouncing every which way with the movement. Aria couldn't help but smile at the site, even with the turmoil of emotions bidding their time within her.
"Well go gather your coat and boots," Aria smiled with fake enthusiasm. "Let's go out."
The brisk autumn air was a welcome reprieve from the stuffiness that had lately encased their home. The cold bite of the wind hinted at the snow that would not be too far off as the leaves decorating the ground papered the walkway as natural confetti. The site always brought a smile to Aria's face, fall was one of her favorite seasons and with Thanksgiving only a few days away, Aria sought to soak in the last days of autumn before they turned to the harsh snow and ice of winter.
"Ava, stay with me please," Aria called, attracting the child's attention. Ava had skipped many paces ahead, eager as always to know what was going on everywhere around her. She had grown a tremendous amount since those first few perilous weeks together. Ever obedient, though, she slowed her pace enough for Aria to reach her side and reached up to grab Aria's hand.
"Sorry, Mommy," Ava said. Aria squeezed her hand lightly, showing her that she wasn't truly upset with her, and they continued walking.
The afternoon found them wondering the corn fields of one of the neighboring farms. Advertising warm apple cider, hay rides, pumpkin carving and a variety of other activities, Aria thought the event would be a perfect way to spend their day and Ava so far seemed to be enjoying it.
Approaching the mock-entrance to the facility, Aria dutifully paid their admission and guided Ava past the rows of cartoonish scarecrows and tables of apple pies. Children of all ages, probably dumped by their parents, were sectioned off in an area housing a giant sled made of hay. Aria watched as Ava's eyes darted towards the commotion and back to her, silently asking permission to join in the fun. Aria smiled and dropped her hand.
"Go ahead, I'll watch from over here," Aria offered gently. Ava wasted no time and hoofed it to the long line of children awaiting their turn on the slide. Aria turned and found an open spot at the table of adults surrounding the play pen. No sooner had she sat down, a young guy, probably in his teens, came around offering free cups of coffee.
"Would you like some coffee, Ma'am?" he asked as he reached Aria. "It's decaf."
Aria smiled gratefully and plucked a warm cup from the tray he offered. "Thank you."
She flicked her eyes back towards Ava and smiled as she watched as her daughter explained, with very large gestures, some intricate story to a small boy standing ahead of her. Aria could comfortably say that she thought Ava was firmly out of her 'shy' stage.
The creaking of the bench she sat upon drew Aria's attention from Ava to a middle aged couple sitting down next to her. They seemed drawn into their own heated conversation and paid no mind to Aria.
"All I'm saying is, this is my weekend with him," the guy hissed quietly. "I don't need you chaperoning the visit. I'm capable of looking after my son on my own."
The woman huffed, taking a sip of her coffee as she looked anywhere but at the man sitting across from her. "That's what you said a couple of weeks ago. I had to pick him up from the hospital with a broken arm, Jim."
Jim huffed and sat back, giving up on the fight and Aria instantly felt bad for him. She didn't know their situation but she did know how unpredictable children could be. It was perfectly plausible that whatever had happened to cause their son to break his arm could have been due to no fault of his own.
"I miss him," Jim said quietly, catching Aria's attention again. She stared off towards the children, mindful to not make it look like she was actively listening in on their conversation. "You have him every week and I… I'm delegated to one or two weekends a month. It shouldn't be like that; a boy needs his father."
The woman didn't respond but Aria could tell that Jim's words had softened her, even if just the tiniest bit. She watched pointedly as the boy with whom Ava had been talking stepped up for his turn down the slide and clumsily found his way down the attraction. She stood as soon as his feet hit the ground, tossing her coffee cup towards the trash and turned away from Jim.
"Come on, we can discuss this elsewhere," she responded shortly. "Charlie and I have dinner plans tonight and we don't want to be late."
Aria watched as the man rose defeated and followed the woman across the grounds towards the play area. The entire scene struck Aria something fierce. She didn't know them, didn't know their situation, but she could relate with the man's earnest to not lose his son. She made a decision then and pulled her phone from her pants, quickly hitting a few keys, before standing and calling for Ava.
Her knuckles shook slightly as she rapped them lightly against the worn wooden frame of Hardy's front door. Ava hopped excitedly from one foot to the other as they waited for someone to answer. She knew where they were heading the moment they'd pulled out of town and couldn't stop talking about how excited she was to show Ezra her newest drawings and her new sweater, adorned with cartoon turkeys and cornucopias.
When the door swung open a few moments later, they were greeted with the warm blue eyes of Ezra's roommate. He smiled wildly and swooped is hand inside, welcoming them in.
"Hey there, Ava bug!" Hardy greeted as he pressed a kiss to Aria's cheek. "How are you?"
Ava giggled and pulled a stack of drawings from her coat pocket, offering them towards Hardy. "I dwawed pitures of your ducks, Uncle Hawdy," she explained in her adorable lisp. "And of your fishies and twees!"
Hardy laughed and thumbed carefully through the sketches, pausing to dutifully inspect a few of them. "These are, perhaps, the most spectacular drawings I've ever seen!" He exclaimed excitedly. "Why don't we hang them on the refrigerator?"
Aria nodded enthusiastically and grabbed Hardy's hand to pull him towards the fridge. Busing themselves with the arrangement of the pictures, Aria took the time to look around the place. Ezra didn't seem to be home, from as far as she could see. No sooner had she thought that, however, the front door opened and Aria watched as Ezra came in, pulling a knit hat from his head and unzipping his coat. He had bags of groceries in one hand and was struggling juggle everything as he closed the door.
"Hardy, I bought steaks for dinner. Can you-" He cut himself short upon glancing up and seeing Aria. Instantly stilling, their gazes locked and the tension between them intensified immediately. Aria suddenly wasn't sure that coming here, unwarned, was such a great idea.
"Hey," she whispered, offering a meek smile."
"Hi there," Ezra responded, still not moving. After a moment, he finally shook the shock away and stepped further into the room, his movements catching Ava's attention.
"Eza!" She cried happily, running over to wrap her hands around Ezra's pant leg.
Hardy came over to take the groceries from him and Ezra instantly bent down engulf the child in a bear hug. He pressed a kiss to her hair and ran a hand lightly over her curls before pulling away.
"Hey there, Ava bear," he greeted with a grin. "Did you bring me any new drawings today?"
Ava nodded and pulled him towards the fridge to show off her newest artwork. Aria forced a smile to her face. She could handle this, she could. Watching Ava babble on about the drawings to Ezra, Aria let out a nervous sigh and ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm her racing heart. Hardy noticed her movements and offered her a weak smile before turning to Ava.
"Hey, Ava, how would you like to help me wash up some potatoes for supper? Your mom and Ezra need a few minutes to talk," Hardy explained, offering a hand towards Ava. Ava nodded, unaware of the palpable tension in the room, and eagerly hopped over to join Hardy at the counter. Ezra stood, unmoving, for a moment before turning towards Aria and offering her a mirror of the weak grin she'd shot at him previously. He cocked his head towards the door leading out to the back porch and Aria dutifully followed him outside.
"I've tried calling and stopping by," Ezra said the moment the door closed behind them. The hurt in his voice was obvious. He dropped into a chair and patted the seat next to him for Aria to sit down.
"I know," Aria acknowledged lamely, she didn't know what to say in her defense as she really didn't have one.
Ezra stared off across the lake, unspeaking, just letting the moment sink in and Aria decided that it was now or never. Reaching into her purse, she pulled a handful of papers out and handed them to him.
"What are these?" Ezra asked, confused. He raked through the first couple of pages and drew taught as their meaning became clear. His gaze instantly shot towards Aria.
"Aria, this isn't what I wanted. I-"
"I know," Aria said shakily. "But I think that it's for the best."
Ezra stared at her and the intensity of his gaze chilled her, it was if he was trying to make her understand but she couldn't. This was a completely different situation for herself then it was for him.
"I've thought about this, long and hard," Aria started. She drew in a shaky breath before continuing. "She isn't mine, she never was. She's always been yours, even when we didn't know it. That's why I had my lawyer call yours and draw up the guardianship papers the day after you told me she was yours. I just couldn't bring myself to actually give her up… until now."
"Why?" Ezra choked out.
Aria forced a short laugh, quickly swiping away a tear falling down her cheek. "Because she deserves to be happy and… that's with you."
"That's with you too, Aria," Ezra shot back quickly. He dropped the papers and reached for her hands. "You are Ava's mother, she loves you. I would never take that away, you understand that, don't you?"
Aria didn't respond for a while, letting his words sink in. After a moment, she gathered the rest of her courage and continued.
"I couldn't bring my parents back for Mike, Ezra," Aria whispered, staring at their linked hands. "As much as I prayed, I just couldn't. I dropped to my knees every night for months, begging for them to return. But with Ava… I can give her back her father. I want you to be there for her, to raise her as she ought to be raised. We've only known each other for a few months now, Ezra, I can't pretend to have the final say in what you do but you should ultimately be her caregiver. You deserve that much."
Pulling her hands from his, Aria shakily stood to her feet. "You don't have to say anything but I've come to terms with Ava leaving. Please don't feel like you're taking her from me. We can decide later, if you wish, how to tell her, but… I'm ok. Everything will work out the way in which it was intended."
Ezra stood, shocked, and clutched the papers tightly in his grip as he studied Aria. She felt his gaze, shadowed with confusion and guilt, study her every feature. Leaning forward she pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"It really will be ok."