Chapter 18: Only Mostly Dead
Unna'Karis: Seeing Shepard risen from the grave... It must have been a powerful moment.
Tali'Zorah: More of a confusing moment. I had lain him to rest, and I had thought I was over it. Seeing him ripped open too many old wounds for it to be a purely pleasant meeting.
In the back of her mind, Tali knew what she was seeing was real and exulted in it. The rest of her was totally rejecting the reality, crying out that she had gone mad. Before her stood the man she loved, the man she buried and left in that grave. And he was clad in the armor of her enemies, the people who killed the other man she loved. Tali shoved all her emotions to the back of her soul. She had a mission. She had to be rational.
"Shepard, I thought you were dead." Tali carefully said.
He still had that stupid grin on his face. "Oh, I was only mostly dead."
The dark brown human with with Shepard, rolled his eyes and muttered something. The female smirked. Tali immediately decided she did not like her, but she wasn't sure why.
"What is your old commander doing running around with Cerberus?" demanded Prazza, raising his weapon again.
"That's a good question." Tali looked at Shepard, really looked at him. Was he with Cerberus? If he was, it was not the real Shepard. It couldn't be. He would never kill Ven. "What are you doing with Cerberus?"
"Tali, when I say I was mostly dead, I mean it." Shepard said, his face clouding. "In fact, for a while there I was gone. But Cerberus brought me back. It took them two years and more money and resources than I can imagine, but I'm alive again."
"That's ridiculous!" Prazza declared, "Why would Cerberus spend that much to bring back just one man?"
A flare of anger rose up in Tali and she turned to Prazza, her eyes flashing. "If you had seen Shepard in action, you would know it was worth it. Gun down, Prazza. Now."
Prazza grumbled, but he tucked his rifle away. Tali turned back to the man who claimed to be Shepard. She had a thousand questions running through her head, a thousand reasons why this was impossible. Old wounds were coming open, and it was all Tali could do to keep her voice level.
"Shepard, is it really you?" She half begged. Part of her wanted to believe it was him. Half wanted to shoot the imposter right now.
"Remember the data on the geth I gave you for your Pilgrimage Tali? Did it help you?" Shepard answered softly.
` It was him. It was really him. There was that same kindness, same strength. But his eyes were different. They seemed mournful. Had Cerberus changed him? She didn't, couldn't know.
"It did. I'm on the crew of the Neema now." Her voice sounded a bit distant to her, formal instead of the gushing emotions she felt inside.
The Cerberus woman with Shepard spoke up. "This is all very touching, but that doesn't explain what you and your people are doing here Tali'Zorah."
Tali turned and glared at her. "I don't think we've been introduced, Cerberus."
The woman was obviously attractive by human standards, and Tali had to admit she had an almost unnatural grace and poise about her that weaker minded males might find alluring. She hoped Shepard hadn't been swept up by the bosh'tet's charms.
"Tali, this is Miracle Miranda Lawson." Shepard said, winking at the operative, who returned the gesture with a slight grin of her own. Tali felt her blood boil. "And Jacob Taylor, retired Alliance marine." Shepard said, gesturing to the dark skinned human.
"Hoo-rah," grunted Jacob, though he kept his eyes on Prazza.
Tali nodded politely, trying to keep her body language from showing her dislike of the Cerberus Operatives.
"We are here to investigate the disappearance of the human colonists. I think it might be connected to the Reapers somehow, and Cerberus has agreed to supply me with resources to end the threat to humanity," Shepard explained. "Do you and your people know anything that might be able to help us?"
A surge of relief washed over Tali. Shepard seemed to be less working for Cerberus and more working with them. She could understand putting aside old grudges to protect her people, and Shepard seemed to be doing the same thing. If Cerberus really had brought Shepard back from the brink, he could also be forgiven for trusting them. After all, saving someone's life was a pretty good way to earn their confidence.
"We don't, but we're here to find someone who may," Tali explained.
Shepard's eyes lit up with interest. "Oh? You mean survivors?"
"What do quarians want with human survivors?" demanded the bosh'tet woman.
"Nothing." snapped Prazza, "We are after one of our own, he was here on pilgrimage."
"What's a quarian pilgrim doing on an out of the way flyspeck like Freedom's Progress?" Jacob asked, and though he was blunt, Tali couldn't detect any hostility in his question.
"Veetor, the pilgrim, was always a bit nervous in crowds," Tali answered. "He liked the idea of helping out a small colony, away from the noise of big settlements."
"What she means is that he was unstable," Prazza interjected. "And combined with a faulty suit filter, a few secondary infections, he is likely delirious."
"We saw him when we came in for a landing, he ran away from us. It also seems he's programmed the mechs to attack anything that moves," Tali finished, glaring at Prazza for the interruption.
"Sounds bad." Shepard said, rubbing his chin with a hand. Tali noticed deep red lines that flickered underneath the skin as Shepard massaged his jaw. She felt a twinge of guilt, she had thought he was dead, KNEW he was dead, and given up on him along with everyone else. Those scars were proof of his abandonment. "Do you know where Veetor is holed up?"
"We tracked him to a warehouse on the other side of the colony, but there is an army of drones and mechs between us and the warehouse," stated Tali. "Perhaps we should work together to extract Veetor."
"What? Now you want us to work with Cerberus?" Prazza exclaimed, his voice screeching in anger.
Tali whirled and stuck a finger in his visor. "No Prazza, you work for me. You don't want to take orders, you go wait back on the ship."
Prazza's eyes flashed with anger, but he nodded sullenly and stepped back in line.
Shepard ignored Tali's subordinate's outburst, and for that she was grateful. "Sounds good. You and your men circle around back and draw off some of the drones. My team will head straight through the center; we've got the firepower for it."
Tali nodded, readily accepting Shepard's command. It felt good, like old times, and with the frustration of the past few hours she was more than happy to go along with him.
"Aye, aye Shepard." She leaned in close, and almost reached out to touch him, but held back with all the others watching. "Whatever happens, it is good to have you back," she said softly, then turned back to her troops.
"You heard the Commander. Wuul, you take Rill, Ooba and Kerlia. You stay with the ship, try and make enough noise to draw off the drones. The rest of you with me, we're going to circle around to the south and draw their fire away from Shepard's team."
They nodded, and Shepard and his squad stormed out the front, coming under fire as they came out of the cover of the building. Tali felt her heart skip a beat, but she made herself focus. Shepard was the best there was, and he wasn't going to let a few mechs and drones take him down.
She led her squad out the entrance and they almost immediately ran into more LOKI mechs. Though well armed and fairly durable, LOKI's were fairly easy to hack and dumber then a varren. Tali's squad spread out to cover and easily dispatched the few mechs that came their way.
"This is a joke, we should be going to save Veetor, not leaving him in the hands of those Cerberus bosh'tet's." Prazza grumbled.
"Let Shepard do his job Prazza. The majority of the mechs and drones are still going after Shepard and it's too hot for us to handle," Tali ordered.
Tali felt Prazza's strong hands throw her to the ground. "I'm done taking orders from bosh'tet Cerberus spies. Anyone who wants to save Veetor come with me. The rest of you cowards can stay with the human lover."
Dazed, Tali struggled to her feet and tried to shout, but her voice caught in her throat. All the others were glaring at her and following Prazza's lead, only Leewi stayed by Tali's side.
"What do we do?" The panicked Leewi panted, trying to help Tali up.
"That bosh'tet is going to get everyone killed," Tali gasped, then opened a comm link to Shepard. "Shepard, Prazza and his squad moved ahead! I told them to wait but they ran off. They want to get to Veetor before you can and take him away!"
"Understood." Shepard's replied, the calm business-like voice reassuring Tali. "We're almost to the warehouse, I think we can get there before-"
Shepard's voice cut out and Tali turned to the direction Prazza and his squad had gone. Sounds of explosions and quarian screams of agony could be heard.
"Prazza and his squad ran into a YMIR mech, Tali," Shepard said over the radio.
A chill ran down Tali's spine. While YMIR mechs were just as stupid as LOKI's were, they were also over 3 meter's tall, armed with enough fire power to take down a platoon and with heavy shields and armor. Prazza's squad wouldn't stand a chance.
"We'll take down the YMIR mech, you try and get to the survivors before they die of exposure." Shepard ordered.
Numbly Tali nodded before she realized Shepard couldn't see the guesture. "Aye aye Shepard." She turned to Leewi. "Come on, I just hope Prazza didn't get his whole squad killed."
Tali ran to the open space in front of the warehouse in time to see Shepard blast the YMIR with a grenade launcher. The YMIR swayed, then crumpled. Its unstable core overloaded, and the mech was engulfed in a fireball.
"SHEPARD!" screamed Tali. Her heart stopped, and the horrible thought that she had lost him again raced through her mind.
The commander ran out of the smoke. "I'm fine. You get to your men, I'll get Veetor and shut down the rest of the mechs."
Relief flooded Tali, and she felt weak from the roller coaster of emotions she had rode been on since she had discovered Shepard was alive.
She turned to the still panicked Leewi who had followed her into the carnage. "Come on, let's treat the survivors."
Against her better judgment, Tali first checked on Prazza but it was obvious he was dead. His whole body was shredded to bloody rags by the YMIR's autocannon . Though she knew it was what he deserved for his mutiny, then leading his squad to their deaths, Tali felt a pang of sorrow upon seeing his mangled corpse. A bosh'tet and a jerk Prazza may have been, but he didn't deserve to die in Tali's opinion. None of them had.
"Tali, Nannoc and Reddof are alive!" Leewi called to her, and Tali rushed over to take a look.
She sucked in her breath. Nannoc had been gut shot, and it looked bad. Reddof's arm was shattered, and bone shards stuck out of her suit. Tali administered medi-gel to stabilize them, then looked around. There were still more drones, and they could come back at anytime.
"Come on, let's get them into that building over there," Tali said, and they dragged the two injured quarians to safety.
Once they were inside, Tali called Wuul and Rill to come help stabilize the injured.
"You go make sure Veetor's OK Tali," Leewi said as she carefully sealed the breach in Reddof's suit. "I can manage these two until the others get here."
"Are you sure?" Tali asked, torn between her desire to help her subordinates and her longing to stay near Shepard.
"Positive. If he gets taken by those Cerberus operatives this whole mission is a waste," Leewi answered. Tali nodded and dashed over to the building Veetor was located in. She rushed in just in time to hear Miranda talking to Shepard.
"We need to get Veetor back to the Illusive Man for questioning. He can provide us with valuable data on what happened here."
"What? No!" Tali shouted in outrage. "Veetor is injured; he needs treatment, not an interrogation!"
The woman tossed her head in irritation and looked down her nose at Tali. "We won't hurt him and he will be properly cared for. You have nothing to worry about."
Veetor shied away in the background, clearly nervous with so many people shouting. Tali's heart went out to the tortured quarian, and she decided she wasn't letting Veetor go, no matter what.
She turned to Shepard, but the commander had already stepped close enough that Tali could hear him whisper.
"Tali, we really do need that data. Lives are on the line. You could come with us, make sure Veetor is cared for, help us get that information," Shepard whisper softly enough that only Tali could hear.
"Look at him Shepard!" Tali said, pointing to Veetor. The quarian was cowering away from Miranda and Jacob, looking at them in fear. He was looking over at Tali and Shepard with hope, like they would deliver him. He obviously trusted Shepard even in his Cerberus armor; that was the trust and respect that Shepard commanded.
Shepard looked at Veetor and nodded. "The offer still stands. You come with us, ask him yourself, make sure he's taken care of. Dr. Chakwas is back on the Normandy, she can make sure Veetor is well cared for."
Tali hesitated. She wanted to go with Shepard. She wanted to be with him, to celebrate the fact he was alive again. But she couldn't. It was too soon, the grief still too real, and the idea that he was working for the same people that killed Ven...
"I can't Shepard." Tali tried to keep her voice calm. "I have a responsibility to my people too. And Veetor is one of them. I'll give you the data off his omni-tool and forward you any information we get from him. But I have to go, and Veetor comes with me."
She took a deep breath and continued. "And I'm still getting over you being dead. I mourned and buried you Shepard; that won't go away over night."
For a moment, Tali thought Shepard was going refuse, to take both her and Veetor and go, to prove he had risen as Cerberus's monster. But he bowed his head and whispered, "As you wish."
He turned back to his team. "Veetor goes with Tali. We'll copy the data from his Omni-tool and she'll send us any further information. Let's move people."
Jacob nodded and walked over to Veetor, gently taking his arm and copying the data. Veetor didn't resist, too traumatized to protest.
"If that's what you want Shepard," Miranda said, but her stance spoke of her disapproval.
Shepard nodded, then smiled and turned back to Tali. "I hope to see you again Tali. It's not every day you meet an old friend after two years of being Mostly Dead. We have a lot to catch up on."
A lump grew in Tali's throat, and she nodded. "Yeah. We do. See you later."
"Done." Jacob said and stood.
With a final wave, Shepard and his team departed. Part of Tali raged that she had once more let the man she loved go, but she pushed it aside and hurried over to Veetor.
"Are the monsters gone?" Veetor whispered, avoiding Tali's eyes.
"Shh. They're gone Veetor. It's me, Tali'Zorah. We're here to take you home."
Veetor looked at her out of the corner of his eye, refusing to make eye contact. "Ok."
Tali tried to help Veetor to his feet, but he flinched at her touch, and she stepped back. "Veetor, let me give you some medi-gel. It will make the monsters go away for a while."
"Are you sure?" Veetor asked, sneaking a glance up at Tali's face. "You don't look like a monster."
"I'm sure, Veetor," Tali said, and slipped a shot of medi-gel into Veetor's suit.
The injured quarian closed his eyes and started rocking, whispering something to himself. While he was distracted, Tali quickly made a few repairs to his suit. They wouldn't permanently fix the problem, but they would keep Veetor from degenerating further until they got back to the fleet.
"Come on Veetor, let's get back to the ship," Tali gently coaxed. This time she got him to his feet and led him over to the ship.
The others were already inside. Tali set Veetor down in a quiet corner and hurried over to Leewi. "How are Nannoc and Reddof doing?"
Leewi turned, and her voice sounded tired. "They should live. We've pumped enough medi-gel into them that they won't die right away of infection, but it's still touch and go. How's Veetor? You didn't let the Cerberus take him did you?"
Tali shook her head. "No, I brought him back. He's resting now."
Leewi sighed. "Good, I was worried you would run off with that Cerberus commander for a while there. You two seemed to have a lot of history."
"Yeah, we did." Tali agreed, "But the fleet has to come first."
Tali ordered the pilot to take them back to the fleet and stared out the view port into space. All the emotions and tension of the mission were hitting her. The loss of Prazza, as much of a bosh'tet as he had been, and the rest of his squad hit her hard. She had never lost anyone under her command before, and it hurt badly. She was starting to understand how Shepard had felt when he lost soldiers. Losing people had always been a risk, and there had been quite a few near calls and multiple injuries, but never anything so devastating as losing an entire squad before.
"I'm not good enough," Tali whispered to the stars. "I wish I knew what you would do, Shepard. You never would have let Prazza push you around like that."
But those thoughts reminded Tali that Shepard had just returned from the grave. She didn't know what to do or say about that, didn't even know what to feel. Seeing him again had proven to her that she still cared for him, still wanted to be around him. But did she still love him? Tali didn't know. Everyone she had loved had ended up dead, or in Shepard's case, missing in action for two years. Perhaps just Ven and Shepard wasn't a wide enough sample pool for a reasonable conclusion, but Tali's emotions didn't feel like being reasonable just then.
And who could Tali talk to about this? She couldn't talk to Leewi, her only real friend among her team. She wasn't going to mention this to Boyya or her other shipmates, or even Auntie Raan.
"Oh hey, that human I really liked that I thought was dead came back! Oh, and he works for our mortal enemies, Cerberus now. Isn't he adorable?"
Tali snorted. That would not go over well. Suddenly, she remembered someone else who had mourned Shepard for two years and went to her command console. She selected the comm codes for the SSV Kilamanjaro. She and Hannah Shepard had stayed in contact over the past two years, sending an occasional message or funny picture they found on the extra-net. They weren't close, but if anyone needed to know Shepard was back, it was his mother.
The communications officer recognized Tali's signal when she connected. "Miss vas Neema, the Captain is busy at the moment, can I take a message."
"This can't wait officer. Captain Shepard needs to hear this. Now. It is critical intel for her and the Systems Alliance." Tali ordered, trying to keep the stress out of her voice.
The comm officer hesitated, but he knew his captain and Tali had been friends since he had joined the crew, and Tali's tone left no room for doubt.
"Aye, aye ma'am, paging the captain now."
Tali waited only a few moments before Hannah's face appeared on the screen. "Yes Tali? I'm in the middle of a meeting, what's going on?"
"Get to a secure terminal Hannah. I have something for your ears only." Tali said.
A flash of worry and curiosity flashed over the elder Shepard's face, but she ordered her officers out of the board room. Hannah Shepard was now CO of the Kilimanjaro, and with rank came privileges.
"Alright, this connection is secure and I'm alone. What's happened Tali?"
Taking a deep breath, Tali answered, "He's back."
Confusion twisted Hannah's expression. "Who's back? The geth? The reapers?"
Unlike most of the politicians, most of the military personal of the galaxy took its most decorated hero seriously when he told them of a threat, especially one that had crippled the Citadel fleet and the Alliance 5th fleet.
"Your son." Tali answered.
Anger came across Hannah's face. "Tali, if this is your idea of a joke-"
Tali cut her off. "No, Hannah. I just saw him. On Freedom's Progress. He said he had been "Mostly Dead" for two years."
Anger drained from Hannah's face, and she looked like she had just seen a ghost, which Tali realized was how her own face must have looked when she saw Shepard.
"Those were his exact words? That he was mostly dead?" Hannah demanded in a shaky voice.
"Yes. He said he had been mostly dead and a person he called Miracle Miranda Lawson brought him back."
"My God," whispered Hannah. "You're serious. And if that's what he said..." Suddenly her face hardened. "Did you say Miranda Lawson?"
Bile rose in Tali's throat. "Yes. And he had on a Cerberus uniform."
"No!" Snapped Hannah, her eyes flashing. "My son would never work for those bastards, never!"
Tali put up a picture of Shepard from her omni-tool, holding his helmet with the Cerberus logo on it and Miranda clearly in the background.
"I took this on the colony of Freedom's Progress. He said he was investigating disappearances of human colonies. He seemed to think only Cerberus would back him up on that."
Hannah bit her lip, then nodded. "If that's what he said, then he may have a good reason. The brass has thrown those people to the dogs. We didn't think it was the Reapers, but if that's what my son believes I'm going to contact Admiral Hackett. We have some feelers out, unofficially of course, and we might be able to do something to help the kid."
A sudden realization came over Tali and she felt a pang in her heart. "He... He didn't even try and tell you he was alive, did he?"
Hannah looked away, and Tali could see tears in her eyes. "I think he did. I received a message from Miranda Lawson a few weeks ago, but I didn't even read it. She's a known Cerberus Operative. She had contacted me before, talking about bringing my son back. But I dismissed it, thought it was a bunch of lies to try and bring me under Cerberus's control. I even get messages from people claiming to be my son, but half the time they don't even get his first name right. After the first few, you just stop reading them, too much hurt. I'll try and get hold of him though."
Hannah looked directly into the screen, trying to meet Tali's eyes across ten thousand light years. "Thank you for telling me he's alive Tali. Even if he is working for Cerberus, he's my son."
Tali nodded, afraid to speak, and Hannah cut the connection. Sitting in the silence of her now half empty ship, Tali wrestled with what she should do as her ship sped away from Shepard, and back toward the Migrant Fleet.
Unna'Karis: For this being a love story, it sure does seem you and Shepard abandoned one another frequently.
Tali'Zorah: Oh, we never abandoned one another. We were apart for a time true, but we would be drawn together again, almost as if the Ancestors demanded it.
Author's Note
Shepard may have watched a certain 20th century movie a few times. He also secretly spent the last two years building up an immunity to iocane powder. For details on what the heck I'm babbling about, look up Princess Bride on TV tropes. Or better yet, get the movie and watch it. It's Shepard's favorite movie on the Citadel.