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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters...

Chapter 21: Dirty secrets

Kyo hung up the phone after having dialed Benimaru's number again and again.

"Hmm...I wonder what's up?" Kyo frowned, but then remembered. (Ash...) It was weeks from the incident...but Benimaru was still acting as if it was all his fault.

"What is it?" Yuki asked sleepily. It was 8:45AM.

"I've gotta go." Kyo got up quickly, pulling on one of his shirts.

"Where are you going?" Yuki asked him. Kyo said nothing as he slipped on his shoes.

"I'll be back. I've got to make sure everything is all right with Beni. He's not answering his phone." Kyo finally said after having tied his shoes.

"Maybe he disconnected it?" Yuki suggested.

"No...he wouldn't do that...I'll have to go see." Kyo headed out the door without another word. He just hoped that Benimaru was okay...

XDXDXD

A few moments later, Kyo arrived at the appartment building. He quickly headed upstairs, and before he knew it, he was in front of Benimaru's apartment door. He knocked several times, but no one answered. (Could he still be asleep?) Kyo asked himself as he knocked again.

"Beni?" Kyo called through the door. "Are you there?" He knocked again. He sighed after getting no response. He tried the door knob. It was unlocked. He slipped inside quietly. The house seemed messy, like if Benimaru had trashed the whole place. Kyo knew something was horribly wrong.

"Beni?" He called out his name, but still got no response. He looked at the kitchen table. It was littered with books, and papers. He saw the one paper that was from a few days before. He was in it. His eyes caught a light. He realized that it was the bathroom light. He spotted the door cracked open slightly. Was Benimaru in there? Had he done something to himself? Did he still feel guilty? Kyo rushed over to the bathroom, then opened it a little more.

"Beni?" Kyo looked inside. The sight left him in shock for a few moments. Seeing Benimaru's figure there, leaning against the wall, looking almost lifeless, and a pool of blood on the floor. He spotted a knife nearby. "Beni!" Kyo quickly reacted, rushing over to him immediately. He looked at Benimaru's pale face, his eyes were open, looking lifeless, and he wondered if he was still alive. Benimaru's shallow breaths told him otherwise. Kyo looked to Benimaru's slit wrist, staring at the knife a few inches away from Benimaru's hand.

"I tried doing it..." Benimaru mumbled suddenly. Kyo looked back up to his face. He wasn't looking at him, though. He seemed to be staring into the emptyness of the wall.

"Beni..." Kyo trailed off.

"...I tried doing it...but...I couldn't...I'm so helpless that I can't even kill myself..." Benimaru felt tears falling onto his arm, but he didn't feel them rushing down from this face. Everything seemed numb...

"Kami, Beni." Kyo tore off a strip of his shirt, then wrapped it around the slit wrist tightly to prevent anymore blood from flowing. It wasn't as deep, but it was still quite a gash. "Why do you do this to yourself?" Kyo asked him. "It wasn't your fault!" Kyo yelled out to him.

"How...?" Benimaru looked at him. "How was it not my fault?" He asked him.

"You didn't kill him! You didn't wish for his death!" Kyo yelled out again. He was sure everyone in the apartment had heard him by now. Kyo suddenly heard a laugh from Benimaru.

"If it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive!" Benimaru's voice cracked. He turned away, ashamed.

"He would've died anyway." Kyo stated. Benimaru looked at him, anger suddenly filled his face.

"Take it back..." Benimaru almost whispered. Kyo ignored him, and continued.

"He was a drug addict-he was playing in the band because he wanted money to get the drug!"

"Take it back, you son of a bitch!" Benimaru yelled out, trying feebly to punch at Kyo.

"No, I won't! It's true, Beni." Kyo now stood, looking at Benimaru on the ground, his arms wrapped around himself.

"...He didn't want to die..." Benimaru mumbled, the tears began to flow more rapidly. "He didn't ask for his death, Kyo! He was doing what he loved most!" Benimaru cried out, his voice cracking again. Kyo stayed quiet for a moment. "...It wasn't for the drugs..." Benimaru added a while later, Kyo slid down the wall slowly, sitting down on the cold tiled floor.

"You want to know something?" Benimaru didn't look at him as he said this. Neither did Kyo. They both seemed to be staring into empty spaces in-between the walls. "I'm a whore..." He whispered. Kyo looked at him, away from the empty space. He saw no difference...he still saw emptyness in Benimaru's face.

"Don't say that." Kyo's anger flaired inside of him. (Why is he saying this? Doing this to himself?) Kyo thought.

"I...I've been hiding it for a while now..." Benimaru ignored him. "...I'm a fucking whore..." Benimaru's voice deepened with anger toward himself.

"Benimaru-"

"That's why I never had anytime to hang out with you...I was earning money like a fucking slut...sleeping with other men..." Benimaru laughed bitterly. "All for what?" He had almost forgotten...but he couldn't tell Kyo...no, he couldn't say what the money was for.

"Shut up, Beni!" Kyo stood up, then walked over to him. "Why do you torture youself like this!"? Kyo lifted him up roughly by his arm.

"I'm a whore!" Benimaru yelled, despite the pain Kyo was causing him in his arm. "Why don't you believe me!"? Benimaru yelled out. Kyo realized that the look on his face was serious. He wasn't lying...Kyo let go of him in disgust.

"How...how in the hell could you do this to yourself?" Kyo asked him. "Sleeping with men...Kami, you are a whore...you're no better than Ash was..." Kyo realized.

"Kyo...stop..." Benimaru couldn't bare the pain Kyo was causing him inside.

"It's no wonder you two got along so well..."

"Kyo..."

"'Cause you two were fucked up in the head, that's why!" Kyo looked away, disgusted.

"Stop...saying...that..." Benimaru knew this day would come...where Kyo would no longer have pity for him, where he'd be in disgust toward him...when he revealed his dirty secrets...

Kyo shook his head, then headed out of his apartment room. Benimaru had nothing else to say...except that...he had lost another friend...was there anything else to live for? (Yes...) A voice told him. Where had that voice come from? Why hadn't that voice told him earlier? Told him what to do, and what not to do? (That's right...) Benimaru remembered bitterly...He had ignored that voice...

XDXDXD

Ooh...O.O I wonder what's gonna happen in later chapters? Man...I really feel sorry for what I'm letting them go through. Hehehe. Please review! XD