So guys, it's coming to an end. Not yet though, but soon. There'll be a few chapters after this, so please keep reading! Thanks for reading guys; don't forget to review and favourite - love you all! xx :)
The walk back with Bae is silent. Caspar and Lily walk ahead of us, but occasionally stop so Caspar can put on a nice show. We both just keep walking, ignoring them both. When we get back I go straight upstairs, walking past dad – who is trying to get my attention, and lock myself in my room. I sit in front of a mirror and stare at my reflection. Not in vanity though, no I look at myself and think. I just sit and think. Before I know it, I'm sobbing.
When I pull myself together, I stumble down the stairs and make my way into the living room. I stop myself from going in when I hear their conversation.
"…so she was just fine with it?"
"Well she said she was, but I could tell she wasn't." Bae explains.
"Did he know she was there."
"Oh, he knew. He looked her straight in the eyes. It was very deliberate."
"I can't believe I trusted him. Honestly, if he thinks he can knock up my daughter, leave her and then torment her, he's got a lot on his hands." Right. I think. That would be understandable if the tables were turned and he broke up with me.
"What do I do Bae? I mean, I love that you're looking out for your sister, but I need to do something. Maybe I should go and talk to Caspar." No. For the love of god, he can't be serious.
"No, I don't think that's such a good idea." Thanks Bae. "Maybe I could. I mean, he still tries to talk to me; and up until now I haven't said much, but I could. If you want?" Wait? Caspar has tried to talk to Bae? When? Why didn't he tell me this before?
"Ok. Yeah that'd be a good idea" Dad agrees. I can't help myself, I push open the door.
"Well I don't." I tell them. "Just…" I trail off as I notice something on the news. I grab the remote to turn it up
"Hundreds killed at Osyrana as war scare continues." A plastic looking woman summarises. "The event happened at around six this morning, with hundreds of soldiers and their families from the capitol of Osyrana being held hostage and shot by Eron soldiers in their own villages. The islands of Osyrana and Eron have been at war for a few months now and although Panem is not involved yet, many fear that our alliance with Osyrana may put our country in danger. The attack was unplanned and unexpected, leading Capitol officials worrying for the safety of Panem. Although rumours of unexpected attacks are being spread – President Paylor has confirmed that Panem is not under any direct threat and has requested that everyone stays calm…" I switch the television off and the room remains silent.
"…dad?" I ask. He doesn't say anything, but looks me straight in the eyes. "How long have you known about the war?" the silence is unbearable.
"A while." Is all he says.
"Why didn't you tell me about it." I look at Bae. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I… Your mum thought… Well with the baby, and then the miscarriage… I didn't want to worry you"
"You didn't want to what? WAR SCARES. Dad. War scares. What if suddenly they declare war on us? How would you spin your way out of that one?"
"Forest. Please… let's not talk about this here, in front of Bae."
"What's it going to change whether I'm here or not" Bae asks. "I still know about the war." He reminds him. Dad sighs and collapses onto the sofa.
"I know. I just didn't want to scare either of you. You have to promise not to get to worried about it though, there's no need to worry about it. I didn't tell you because your mum and I thought it would be best if-" I interrupt him with a groan of disappointment.
"I'm sick of everyone thinking they know what's 'best' for me. Because no-one does. Dad, you should have told us."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just. Sorry" he stutters.
"It's ok" I say, my voice monotone.
"Do you think they're true? The war scares?" Bae asks, I can see he's a little shaken up and worried by the news.
"No… maybe" dad tells him. "I hope not."
"Me too" I sigh, taking a seat next to him on the sofa. "Don't worry Bae. I'll look out for you" I say,
"Why?!" He almost retorts.
"Because you're my brother" I say, as if it's obvious, because it is. "And you said you'd look out for me. With Caspar. Thanks."
"It's fine." He sighs.
"Hey, I forgot, Haymitch said he wanted to talk to you"
"Haymitch? Really? Haymitch wanted to talk to me?" I say, my tone incredulous.
"Really." He confirms. "I'd go soon, or he will've passed out by the time you get to him."
I take my time to get to Haymitch's, taking in deep breaths of the air. It's… sweet. I know that sounds odd, but it's the only way I can explain it. I hesitate before knocking on the door, but I do in the end and I know that it's done know, I can't undo it. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's just Haymitch. The door creaks open, and – to no one's surprise – an extraordinarily hung over Haymitch answers the door.
"Sweetheart" He mumbles. He always calls me that, 'because I'm like my mother' apparently.
"Haymitch." I nod.
"I thought you wouldn't come."
"Well I did."
"I suppose you better come in then." He sighs. I follow him into the house, which is extremely untidy, so nothing's different here.
"Would you like a drink?" he offers me a bottle of some sort of liquor.
"I'm 15."
"Age doesn't seem to affect you though, does it" He jokes. Although I don't find it very funny.
"What did you want Haymitch?" I change the subject, curious to why I'm here.
"Right. That boy. The Finnick-y one"
"Caspar?"
"That one, yeah. You're not with him anymore are you?"
"No. is this all you wanted to talk to me about-"
"Shh. Let me finish" he interrupts. "I think it's a bad idea."
"You think what's a bad idea?"
"Not being with him"
"What?"
"You need him."
"No I don't."
"Yes. Yes you do. Listen, sweetheart. Ages ago, and I mean ages… Your mum came to me and told me she wanted to get drunk. I let her, obviously, but that's beside the point. The point is what me and your mother discussed whilst drunk." He starts rambling, and I find myself snapping him back to reality.
"Haymitch!"
"What?"
"Where is this going?"
"Oh, right. Your mother asked me to make sure he stayed alive. He had come to me earlier that day to say exactly the same thing; to tell me to keep her alive. And I said one thing to you mum, that is still true to this day. I looked her in the eyes and told her: 'You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know.'"
"Ok…" I say, still a little confused as to what point he's trying to make.
"It's the same with you and Odair. He looks at you in a way that just screams 'I'd die for you' and I'm sure he would."
"Don't talk about dying, please" I say, still a little unnerved by the recent realisation that we could be at war any time soon.
"Fine. Just… think about it, yeah?"
"Maybe" I say as I get up. Just before I leave, he stops me at the door.
"Come back when you've thought about it" he sighs.
The truth is I will think about it, I can't do anything but think about it. I think about it for the entirety of the journey home, which is admittedly not long, but it gives me enough time to think about what's just been said. Why does it bug me so much? More importantly; why does it bug Haymitch so much? He was just exaggerating when he said that Caspar would die for me. I'm sure he was. Then why does it bug me? I sigh as I let myself into the house.
"That was quick, is everything ok?" dad calls.
No. no it isn't.