—

Part VI

Memories

Song: "Undisclosed desires" by Muse

They rest in the blank weariness of afterglow, when he recalls something, that was too important to him years ago, that it is still nagging in a secluded corner of his mind.

"I must... ask something." He tries to muster courage. "My sister, Varania. She led Danarius to me, betrayed me to become his apprentice. I haven't seen her since he brought me back to Minrathous. Do you... know anything about her?"

Staring at the ceiling, for a while she doesn't answer. He starts to think that it was a mistake to lay his past before her, when she says in a careful tone. "She was... naive to think he would do such a thing. She was needed for the one and only deed, and when she played her role, I believe she was sent away."

Propping on his elbow, Fenris takes her chin in his hand, turning her head to face him. He wants to see her eyes, as he speaks. "Do you know where she is?"

"I don't." She looks at him with a cryptic expression, similar to sorrow and... dismay? Considering his question answered, he feels a brief, but sharp sense of disappointment. But then she continues, as if against her will. "I can inquire... If that is what you want."

Does he? What good would it do him? His sister betrayed him not five minutes after their reintroduction. What would their meeting now accomplish, other than stir his hate? But still... until this moment he didn't know how much he wanted a completion with the remaining shard of his forgotten life.

"Yes." A single word is all he can utter, and the shades of his childhood again stand before his eyes.

Nodding, she shifts her gaze away.

—

In the ensuing week she seems distant, and he loses count of how many times he regrets bringing that question up. Finally he can bear it no longer.

"Forget that I've asked."

Shaking her head, she gives him a wry smile. "I can't, nor can you. You will find no rest until you know."

"Then tell me what's wrong." Pulling her closer, Fenris holds her tight in his arms, refusing to let her go until she answers.

"I am... afraid."

"Afraid of what - me? My sister?" Once more she doesn't make any sense.

She looks through him, as if watching some scene playing before her. "Afraid of losing you to your past... again."

"Fool." He almost crushes her bones, pressing her to his chest and covering her face with kisses. "Foolish woman."

She readily answers, holding back the tears. The next time she cries, it will be from pleasure, he swears to himself, setting her on the table. The bedroom is too far, he needs her now, needs to make her forget these stupid fears, to forget everything except him. Except them. He brings her over the edge until she can no longer scream, until her limbs only shiver in response, until anything, but their tangled bodies, fades in her clouded mind.

—

Two days later she receives a letter.

He is sparring with Marcus, lieutenant of her guards, and one of the few, who uses a greatsword as his weapon of choice. The burly man puts all his strength into the thrusts of his blade, but he lacks finesse, and more often than not Fenris forces him to yield. Only twice has he found the need use his markings to withstand the most vicious of blows. Parrying another charge from his sparring partner, he spies movement from the corner of his eye.

She strides towards them with determined steps, briskly waving the guard off to leave them.

"Your sister has returned to Qarinus." She announces, causing him to lose the grip on his sword. "In case you still wish to go meet her, I have arranged us a ship."

They stand in the middle of the training ground, looking at each other for a long time. There is fear in her eyes, but also resolve to see it through. Lowering his weapon, Fenris wipes a sweat from his forehead and slowly nods.

"Let us be done with it."

—

When they depart for Qarinus, he is grateful that she doesn't take any of her servants or guards along with them. His past is not something he would like to share. Their journey is uneventful, but the closer the ship gets to their destination, the stronger anticipation takes hold of him, leaving no room for anything, but anxiety. She doesn't comment on his state, instead reading to him from a book of tales, or quietly humming old songs. Although he is perfectly capable of reading on his own, her voice is soothing to his nerves. When night comes, he lays in bed, watching as moonlight draws mystical shadows on the wall.

In Qarinus she leads him straight to the alienage. He would be a fool to think that she doesn't know his sister's exact location, not with the power she holds. Even though both of them are draped in hooded cloaks, the staff in her hands and his sword commands respect, keeping thugs and prying eyes away. It's a late evening, when she knocks on an unremarkable door, one of hundred in the alienage.

The door opens, revealing a red bun and large olive eyes. His sister looks even more exhausted from what he recalls of their brief encounter.

"Mistress!" Bows Varania, surprised and worried. Then she recognizes him under the hood with her sisterly senses.

"Leto!" A muffled scream escapes her lips. Shaking her head in disbelief, she moves backwards, seeing in his eyes that he remembers. Slowly advancing, Fenris hears the sound of the door, closing behind, cutting them from the world. There is nothing between him and his treacherous sister, only the memories and his revenge.

She begs him for her life. She pleads for the magister to stop him. She promises to tell him everything, to unveil who he was, if only he spares her. This promise and the scraps of his memories stays his hand, against his better judgment. He learns of his past, of being born into slavery, of his fierce desire to set his family free, compelling him to compete for his markings. Of his mother, dead from disease on the streets of Minrathous, of his sister's desperate attempts to rise above the dirt and misery of the alienage, leading her to Danarius upon receiving the letters from Kirkwall.

He looks at the woman, who gave him the chance to get to know an elven boy by the name of Leto. A boy, who was dead long ago, slain by his own hand. She extends her hand, as an offer of haven, if he chooses to take it.

"Our memories make us who we were, Fenris." She says. "But it's our decisions, that make us who we will be."

Fenris takes her hand, turning away from Varania. There is nothing else for him to reclaim.

"Let us leave this place."

At night, Valeria leans into him, gingerly nipping his earlobe, while her body is rocking above him in a tantalizing rhythm. She licks the shell of his ear in deliberate strokes, making him jolt against her in a spurt of unbearable pleasure, promising.

"We can create our own memories."