It's Monday, and that means a new chapter! As you can tell, things are getting rather depressing and angsty around these parts, and this next chapter doesn't help matters too much. XD Who knows what direction it will go in next, but this current arc of the storyline has just been fascinating and so much fun to write. I hope it's just as fun to read as well. Enjoy!
Five days went by, and Friday rolled around the corner at the blink of an eye. The promise I made to myself was kept; I hadn't spoken a word to Ian or Kari since Monday. Whenever we saw each other in the hallway, it always felt like a game of chicken; who would breakdown first and actually say a word to the other? At first, I had an empty feeling in my stomach whenever I saw her by my locker, but the more she treated me like I wasn't there, the more that feeling went away. Ian still knew I existed, however, as he always seemed to glance at me, almost like he wanted me to speak up, whenever he got the chance.
Throughout the week, I noticed Kari's overall mood change. I know it's nothing new considering her unstable emotions, but this time it seemed like it moved in one steady direction. She started off very depressed and upset over Monday's events, but gradually her mood brightened up and her tone of voice was closer to how I remember it from the first day I met her. Not only that, but I could tell she was getting closer and closer to Ian with every day that passed. I started to think that they had become official. I couldn't know myself since I was no longer speaking to either of them, and Dwayne seemed to have no clue what was going on still. It sickened me with jealousy. That was definitely a new emotion for me.
I sighed as I finished getting my things for first period from my locker. I suddenly heard two familiar voices coming toward me and knew immediately who's they were. Ian seemed to follow Kari almost everywhere now. I couldn't tell if Ian was purposely trying to piss me off, but I was so far off that ship by now that it almost didn't faze me anymore.
"You did what yesterday?" Kari said with a laugh. "C'mon Ian, you can't do that in class!"
"I'll do whatever the hell I want in class." He responded with a laugh of his own. "It's only three days detention. I've had plenty worse."
I slammed my locker, prompting both of them to look in my direction, not at me obviously, but the sound startled them.
"One second Ian…" Kari said and walked toward me. My heart jumped when she headed in my direction. This came out of nowhere for me. What was I going to say? I wasn't prepared for this to happen. Not much was going to be said, however, as Kari walked right passed me and opened her locker up. I mentally kicked myself, almost forgetting that our lockers were right by each other. For some odd reason this gave me the feeling of my hopes being up, but I was confused by it. This was what I wanted right? I looked toward Ian, and found his eyes looked directly at me as well. I felt like I should've said something, but started walking to my next class instead, not wanting to waste my time on it.
As I headed into Chemistry class, Dwayne was already there and I gave him a quick high five. He was my only friend now really. I felt a little bit guilty about him being all confused about all of the drama, but he seemed to have been taken it in stride. He always seemed so optimistic.
"How goes things, dude?" He asked.
"You know how it is." I said stretching in my chair.
"I still think you should fix things!" He said. "It's not too late, man!"
I shook my head. "It's not worth it anymore, Dwayne. Case and point, not once since Monday have I gotten into a fight, an argument, or any other sort of stupid drama." I looked at the ceiling while continuing my mini rant. "All the unstable emotions in Kari, and Ian's constant yelling in my ear…it's nice to get away from it. I'm pretty sure this is how it's gunna be…for a while."
"Aha!" He said. "You said 'for a while.' I knew you were double guessing this."
"Enough Dwayne." I sighed, cutting him off. "I don't want to talk about it."
He looked at me without an immediate response, but decided to give up on it and turned around to the front of class. What I said was true; there was definitely some good coming out of this. Besides the lack of fighting, I was actually paying more attention in school. Instead of focusing all my energy on Kari, I could focus on work. It was odd though, because I never cared for trying hard in school before I met her. Why the sudden care in good grades?
It wasn't long before Kari's voice was heard over the loudspeaker as she spoke the announcements. Every day I tried to picture someone else's voice coming through the speakers but it wasn't any use. So I took plan B, and ignored them the best I could. Maybe important information was being told, but I'm sure Dwayne could give me details on anything I really needed to know. The announcements finished in a few minutes, and the teacher stood at the front of the class, holding a pile of papers, which everyone knew what that meant.
"It's time for our first quiz of the year." The classroom groaned in unison as everyone started pulling out their notes. Dwayne jumped up in his seat at those words.
"I didn't know about a quiz!" He looked around in his binder for notes on anything from the week, but being him, he never wrote any. I tapped his shoulder and handed him a couple pieces of paper.
"He said we had a quiz yesterday. This is all we had this week." I said, patting him on the back. "Better study up for thirty seconds before he gets the tests out."
"Thanks, dude." He replied and tried to skim my notes as fast as he could. The teacher told everyone to put away their notes a moment later, and handed out the quiz. I was pleasantly surprised at how easily I knew every question, even though there were only twenty. Paying attention in class actually paid off! Who would've thought?
I handed my quiz in to the teacher at his desk, and to my surprise, I was actually the first one to finish. He looked over it quick and gave me a small smile.
"Very nice work H.A." He complimented.
"Heh…thanks…" I replied before heading back to my seat. Dwayne nudged me as soon as I did.
"Hey…" He whispered. "What'd you get for question four?"
I smacked my forehead. "You're only on question four-ug…nevermind…" I looked up to the front of the class to see if the teacher was looking. "It's D…and I'm not helping you anymore. I don't need to get in trouble again…"
"…Fine…" He mumbled before returning to his test. It took another fifteen minutes before the rest of the class was finished, Dwayne being one of the last ones to hand his test in.
"If you don't think you did well, don't worry." The teacher began as Dwayne was basically bashing his head against his desk. "It's only the first quiz of the year. We still have a long way to go."
"I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad thing…" He groaned as the bell rang. I sighed as I got up and headed out of the classroom. Study Hall was coming up; the only class of the day Kari and I had together. Despite me getting used to treating second period like any other one, I still couldn't help but look over at Ian and Kari every day. No matter what I tried to focus on, my eyes keep looking toward them, wondering what their lives have been like since my decision to break things off.
On the way to my locker, I was hit in the back of the head by a paper ball. I could tell it was one of the photos of me at the school dance before I even opened it up. I ignored whoever it was who threw it at me, as I had almost forgotten about the dance.
"Can't believe it's been a week already…" I said to myself, holding onto the paper ball. I crushed it even further in my hand and tossed it behind me. "I wonder if I made the right decision that night…"
Upon finally getting to my locker, I saw that Kari was already there, with Ian once again. She was already on her way to study hall, but she dropped one of her notebooks. I noticed it, but neither she nor Ian had a clue about it. I figured I couldn't let her lose it, so I picked it up, and with a big sigh, spoke up for the first time that week.
"Hey!" They both turned around. "You dropped this." As I went to hand it to her, Ian snatched it violently from my hands and gave it to her. I clenched my fist, wanting so bad to flip out at him, but I knew it wasn't worth it. I turned back to open to my locker, but overheard Kari thanking him for getting the book back for her. Hearing that was too much for me, and I punched then nearest wall as hard as I could.
"Fuck!" I yelled, grabbing my hand in pain. The wall was fine, but my hand was killing me. "What a bunch of bullshit…I don't fucking get it."
"Dude!" Dwayne yelled from across the hall. "You alright?"
"I'll be fine." I said shaking my wrist. "Just a little frustrated, that's all."
After finally grabbing what I needed from my locker, we headed to study hall. In just over a week's time, a lot had happened in this room. Between Kari's first rejection to me, and my eventual break off with her, I was starting to think study hall was the worst class of the year. Immediately after entering the room I already had my eyes darted toward Ian and Kari. I pulled myself away from them, and took my seat near the back of the class. Dwayne sat across from me with an excited look on his face.
"Dude, you got your DS?" He began. "We should co-op on something!"
"Nah, I'm good." I replied. "I think I'll kick back and relax."
"C'mon, you never turn down video games!" He said. "Snap out of it already!"
I rubbed my forehead. "Dwayne, please. I've got some school work to do."
"Where's the real H.A.!" He stared at me closely. "You're a fake! The real H.A. wouldn't pick school over having fun."
I honestly laughed at the fact I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, but I finally gave in and took out my DS. We played for a good twenty minutes before we eventually got bored of it. Dwayne decided to bring a game that we had already beaten one hundred times so it wasn't that entertaining for us.
"I really do wanna get some work done now Dwayne." I said, putting my DS away.
"Alright, alright." He laughed and got up. "Just don't wanna lose a cool dude to something stupid, that's all."
"Wait, what?" I sat up, hearing that almost out of nowhere. "What are you talking about?" I asked, but he'd already gotten up to another part of the room.
"What the hell did he mean by that?" I asked myself, very confused at the statement. "Does he actually think I'm not gunna be friends with him anymore?" I shook my head. "I don't know where he got that from…"
I looked over toward Ian and Kari one more time, but this time I couldn't take my eyes off of them. They looked so great together, almost like an actual couple. It made me sick with jealousy, but I kept telling myself that this was my choice to make. It wasn't their fault I'm keeping them out of my life now. Unfortunately, I stared at them a few seconds too long, and actually saw them kiss. Even though Kari had told me she had kissed him in the past, actually seeing it was ten times worse. It wasn't anything long, a peck at most, but I could feel myself start to boil up to my breaking point at an incredible pace. I stood up, and made a B line right toward Ian, but thankfully Dwayne cut me off long before I could reach him.
"Whoa whoa whoa, dude!" He said quickly, pushing me back in my seat. "Cool your jets."
I took a really deep breath, trying my best to calm myself down. "This…is getting ridiculous…I thought I was getting better about everything."
"It's not working, man." He insisted. "It's not worth it to kill yourself like this. You need to stop."
"I can't." I stated. "I was getting thrown through loops before and nearly beat the living shit out of Ian…this has to get better, I know it will."
"Well with the face you had you looked like you were gunna take him out again." He said with a small chuckle, but stopped when he noticed I didn't find it very funny. I didn't say anything back to him, so neither of us spoke for a few minutes. What Dwayne said to me minutes earlier finally came back to me, and I decided to ask him about it.
"Dwayne…what did you mean before?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Mean about what?" He responded.
"You said you didn't wanna 'Lose a cool dude to something stupid.' What did you mean by that?" I said. Dwayne sat back in his chair. Not being one for sensitive conversations, he didn't say anything immediately, looking very uncomfortable in his seat. He cleared his throat a couple times, and eventually spoke an answer.
"You were…well…so quick to toss Ian and Kari out the window…" He began. "I guess…well, you know since we already got into a fight and stuff…I just…I don't wanna lose you man."
I felt my stomach drop when he said that. The tone of his voice was so sincere, almost nothing like his normal upbeat way of speaking. He was legitimately afraid he was the next person for me to break a friendship with. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Dwayne…you're my only friend now." I responded. "What makes you think I'd ever stop being friends with you?"
"Well…look at what happened with Ian, dude." He paused. "You and him were like, best buds or something. Weren't you guys friends since preschool? You always seemed to trust him more than me all the time. I figured if you could move on from him…it could happen to me too."
I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled. "This serious talking stuff doesn't suit you man. You've got nothing to worry about. Trust me, I'm not about to throw my only friend out the door anytime soon."
His eyes seem to light up. "Really?"
"Would you believe me if I bought your lunch today?" I smirked.
"Well that seals it then!" He said, almost jumping out of his chair. Some kids looked over in his direction at the way he was acting. I laughed it off, but my smile disappeared when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kari and Ian had gone missing. They were no longer in the classroom, and apparently slipped out while I was having my conversation with Dwayne. I looked at the clock and saw that study hall still had around ten minutes left. Dwayne interrupted my thoughts as he sat back down.
"I'm sorry if I was a downer or anything, dude." I shook my head.
"You were far from it." I replied. "You really helped me get through this week more than you know." I glanced over at Kari and Ian's empty table again.
"You still wanna beat Ian up?" He laughed. I rolled my eyes.
"As much as he deserves it, I'm not gunna do him the honor." I looked over once more, this time Dwayne caught on to my constant glances.
"What are you looking at?" He asked.
"Er…nothing, Dwayne." I said standing up. "I'll be back in a sec, alright?"
"Sure thing man." He said leaning back in his chair. "Period's almost over though. Just thought I'd let you know."
"Thanks." I said as I left the classroom. I looked around the halls the minute I closed the door.
"Where could they have gone?" I asked myself. You'd think I wouldn't care about what they'd be up to, but I was genuinely curious to know where they headed off to. This was a very Ian thing to do, but Kari was too much of a teacher's pet to go skipping any class, including a study hall that for some reason doesn't have a teacher. A thought occurred to me at that moment.
"Don't tell me she's gunna start acting all juvenile like Ian now…" I said to myself, shaking my head. I looked around and gave a puzzled look. "Wait…why the hell do I even care? She's not my problem anymore. Fuck this, I'm heading back to class."
I wanted to head back to study hall before the bell rang as I still had my stuff in the classroom. Having to run back to class, get to my locker, and get to gym on time would be a hell of a lot to ask. There really no need to mention it, but being late to gym was never an option either.
On my way back, out of nowhere, I started to hear some noises that weren't very familiar too me and got me to stop walking. I perked up my ears and listened closely. The noises seemed to get quieter, but then I heard a voice that I did recognize. To my surprise it was Kari's. As my eyes brightened up, I looked in all directions, trying to figure out where they were coming from. I was eventually led up to a janitor's closet. I scratched my head at first, not having a close why I was lead here, but my eyes opened incredibly wide when the noises finally made sense to me as I now started to hear two people.
"Those noises…is that…is that moaning?" I didn't want to believe it. I shook my head violently, thinking I could clear my head of any idiotic idea. The sounds started to get very clear to my ears. I could almost picture what was going on inside of that room. My legs started to feel heavy all of a sudden, which forced me to sit down on the floor next to the door. My head started to hurt next as I grabbed it with both hands. Why didn't I get away from there? I was torturing myself if I just sat there and listened to them get to first base. The emotions I was feeling were unexplainable. If I stayed there any longer, I didn't know how I was going to react.
Suddenly, the sounds stopped. The silence made it possible for me to hear my own heartbeat, which was moving at a much faster pace than it should. I picked my head up, feeling relieved that the torture in my mind had finally ended. I was breathing incredibly heavily. It was a struggle to breathe, almost like I was having a panic attack.
"…I think we should get back to class before the end of the period." Kari said from inside the closet. That was my cue to get out of there before they saw me. As I stood up, I had trouble keeping my balance, as my body felt like it was numb. I didn't care and starting running, all the way past the study hall room. There was no way I could look at either of them without the images my mind created showing up and haunting me. I stopped running once I stood in front of my locker. I was nearly out of breath again, this time out of sheer exhaustion, and pounded the locker with both fists like a mindless warrior.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I yelled in sync with my pounding. With the amount of commotion I was causing, surprisingly enough no one in the school had heard me. I eventually stopped my outraged attack on my locker, and leaned against head first. I stood there like that for a minute or two, and heard a voice from behind me.
"H.A.?" Ian asked. "What the hell are you doing out here?"
I didn't turn around, or even give him the decency to answer him. "He wasn't worth it." I kept telling myself over and over.
"C'mon, the least you could do is answer me." He said, a bit of aggravation in his voice. He took a few steps closer to me. "Helloooo? Anyone home?"
I again didn't answer him, and hoped he'd lose interest and go away. My hopes weren't met, however, as I heard him step up right behind me.
"Hey!" He said in a raised tone. "Answer me already! Enough with the damn charades like I don't exist!"
He went to grab my shoulder to turn me around, but I grabbed his arm, threw him against the locker next to me, and pinned him against it. He tried to break my hold, but that only made me push his head hard into the locker. He finally stopped resisting and I stared him dead in the eyes with the most intimidating look I could manage
"I don't know when…I don't know where, but I'm going to beat the living shit out of you." I threatened. He had a look of fear in his eyes for a few seconds, but immediately started to chuckle to himself. I didn't take his joking manner very nicely, and punched the locker only missing his face by a few inches.
"You think I'm fucking joking!" I yelled. He kept the grin on his face.
"Go ahead." He said. "Try it. Just remember one thing…you know that gang you ran into?"
I loosened my grip on him, knowing where this was headed. "You wouldn't…"
He pushed me off of him and dusted off his arms. "Of course I wouldn't. I couldn't do that to a…what did you call it the other day? Oh yeah, a 'formal friend' or whatever you think it is." He started to walk past me. "Just trying to remind you I'm holding the cards here. They still want you dead, and I'm the only one saving you from it. You should be thanking me."
"Thanking you!" I roared in his direction, but I put my fist down and stopped. "Whatever…just stay away from me."
"Whatever you say." He replied, but I shouted to him one more time before he left and he turned around to my attention.
"…How's Kari…" I mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.
"I thought she 'didn't exist' to you-"
"How is she!" I repeated myself loudly, having a lot of trouble controlling the volume of my voice. He shook his head.
"Pathetic…she's doing good I guess; not sure why you still care."
I took a deep breath. "Look…this whole week has been hell on me. Just give me a straight answer for once."
Ian stared at me in disbelief, his eyes made it seem like his next words were going to be "Are you fucking kidding me?" I didn't understand his look, because I wasn't lying about what I said. He knew I struggled to remain sane throughout the entirety of that week.
"Just remember this…" He began. "You aren't the only one being affected by this shit…which I should remind you is all your fault to begin with."
With that he walked away, and left me without a chance to reply. Even if he gave me a chance to say something, I wouldn't know what it would've been. Was he trying to tell me Kari's charade of happiness wasn't as authentic as it looked? Only seconds later the bell rang, signaling the end of second period. I remembered at that moment that my books were still in study hall. I sighed, knowing that now I was going to be late for gym. Fortunately for me, however, Dwayne came running up to me as I headed back to the classroom.
"Dude!" He said, holding my books. "I figured you weren't coming back to class so I grabbed these for ya."
"Thanks, Dwayne." I said, but my face showed a lot of exhaustion which caught Dwayne's eye.
"Dude…what happened?" He asked. "What'd you go off and do the rest of the study hall?"
"It's nothing." I replied. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine." When I tried turning back to my locker, Dwayne's arm grabbed me for behind.
"C'mon…" He spoke with that serious tone once again, to which I had no choice to but tell him the truth.
"Alright…I'll tell you on the way to gym." I responded, taking a big sigh. I couldn't help but continue thinking what Ian had told me. If he meant what I thought he meant, I was going to make a move about it at lunch. I was done pretending that neither of them existed. Dwayne was right; it was killing me much more than I originally believed. I had to do something about it, and I knew exactly what to do.
And there you have it. Chapter 21 is now in the books. Check back in 2 weeks to see what H.A. plans to do! There weren't any reviews from the last chapter, but that's quite alright. Just remember, I enjoy all kinds of reviews, whether positive or negative. It's always fun to give feedback. Thanks for reading!