AN- I know I know…its gonna SNOW. Manda is getting out an update and its only been 6 weeks?

I'm major fail *hangs head in shame*. But I did warn you all in my last post. Obviously things have been quite hectic with the new position, as well as trying to clean out my new place. Every spare moment away from work that I'm not sleeping has been spent cleaning and organizing all the stuff that was my grandparents' so my aunt and I can pack it up and store it until the spring when we have a giant yard sale! Plus, I do not have internet access right now. So I'm only able to get on here when I drag my computer and my butt to Starbuck's or Panera Bread to use their wonderful free Wi-Fi.

As always, I don't own E & B…they are that wonderful Breaking Dawn producer's…oh and the song is not mine either.

Please look at the AN at the end….lots of info.

BU 21- Heavy in your Arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced a crown
I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across the ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown
My love has concrete feet, my love's an ironball,
Wrapped around your ankles, over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms

Heavy in Your Arms by Florence + the Machine

BPOV

"Ok, Bella, let's discuss the night that you ended things with James. What happened?" Carmen asked me. Carlisle had referred me to the best therapist he knew and an old friend from medical school, Dr Carmen Eleazer. I was currently sitting in my weekly session with her. Every week we had discussed a certain aspect of my past. She had decided to start with James, and we had been working through different events over the past three weeks. Things were going well, but we had hit a rough spot last week, and I knew after that question, things this week would be similar.

Before I answered I remembered back to my session the week before. Carmen had asked me about James and my anniversary night. I thought I was over what he had done to me, but as I recounted the night to Carmen I broke down into incontrollable sobs. She held me for the longest time just trying to calm me down. When I finished crying she handed me a tissue and we discussed my reaction. It was eye opening to me. I realized that because I had pushed everything aside, and forgot about it to an extent, I had never properly moved past that night. I knew Edward would never do that to me, but I had thought the same of James. Carmen helped me work through it all. Even though we had worked past it, I wouldn't let Edward touch me for days, simply because I couldn't handle the intimacy. He gave me my space and everything was normal for us again.

"Bella, is there a reason you aren't answering me?" Carmen inquired.

"No, I was just thinking about our last session. I don't want that to happen again. I kept Edward at arm's length for a few days after dredging up that memory last week. Even though I knew he understood why I was doing it, I could see the hurt in his eyes. I don't want that to happen again," I whispered.

"Bella, that is why you are here though. If you continue to let these things from your past go unresolved, they could lead to bigger problems in your future. What if Edward says something that triggers a memory in your brain from James, do you want to lash out at Edward?" I shook my head no. "I didn't think so. To prevent that we have to find the underlying issues and resolve them. Talking about those past events is the only way we can work through it all."

I knew she was right, so I explained that night. Everything that happened. Our friends coming over, the dishes, the fight, the hospital visit, finding him with Victoria, and of course his threat the next morning. I held it together until I repeated the threat. Carmen noticed that and probed deeper. Of course I broke down at that point because that threat had come true. He had come back for me and hurt me again. Took me from my family and in all honesty was going to kill me.

"But that didn't happen, Bella."

"It could have, though. I could have been taken away from everyone I love because of him."

"But, Bella, you weren't because those people you love got you back with the help of the police. Now he is gone and can't hurt you again."

She was right. He was dead. I had nothing to fear from him anymore. Everything he did was in the past, and they couldn't happen again. Not by his hand. It was like a weight was lifted from around my shoulders. Carmen let me go, but I knew what came next session would be even worse. If we had gotten past James that meant we were on to my other big problem, my fear of losing those I love in the line of duty.

EPOV

I didn't know what to do anymore. I knew Bella was getting very worried about me. If she was home when I left the house for work I saw her visibly tense and tears form in her eyes. One day she actually begged me not to go. It took everything I had to leave. Firefighting had been all I wanted to do for such a long time, but I didn't want to hurt my wife. I also didn't want to hurt my future children if something should happen to me. Bella and I had already talked about a family. We wanted a big family. I didn't want to be taken from that family just because I wanted to play hero at a fire. Em and I were both sitting in the station watching TV so I decided to find out how he left Ethan every day he worked.

"Em?"

"Yeah, bro."

"How do you do it?" I asked him, rather vaguely.

"How do I do what, Ed?" he asked me, confusion clear on his face.

"Every time you come into work, how do you leave Ethan, knowing you might not come back to him?"

He sat and stared at me for a long time before answering.

"I don't think about it, Edward. You can't or it will make you go crazy. I've always wanted this profession, even before my Dad died. Rose knew my profession when she married me. She knows I'm her husband and Ethan's father first and foremost, but she also knows I can't be me without being a firefighter. I take every minute I get with them. But when I'm here, I don't think about not getting back to them. Why, Bella giving you a hard time again? She knew your profession when she married you Edward."

"She's trying not to let me see it, but since her therapy started more than a month ago I've noticed little things. If she's home when I leave and she knows I'm not at Medic One I see tears in her eyes. I don't want to leave her Em, or our future family if I'm around long enough to have one with her. It's getting harder and harder to leave her when I see those tears."

"Maybe you need to think of leaving the station. You know how dangerous it is if your head isn't in the game. You could get yourself or someone else killed. I think you need to talk to the chief."

Em was right, I could hurt myself or one of my fellow firefighters. I needed to speak with the chief, and soon. I enjoyed my time with Medic One, maybe a full time shift over there would be better for everyone.

BPOV

We had been back from our honeymoon for almost two months. My therapy was going extremely well and Carmen was really helping me work through my fear. We discussed my dad, which didn't necessarily go well. I think I cried more than actually talked during those two sessions. But I'd felt really off for the past few weeks, and not just from the renewed grief over my dad.

I'd been extremely tired, sleeping every spare moment I had. I was also moody. I'd be happy and laughing one minute and in tears the next. Then for the past few days I'd been throwing up every afternoon. I knew I had caught something at the hospital. So I took a sick day and called Carlisle. He agreed to see me in his home office that morning.

Edward was at work, thankfully it was a Medic One shift. I was trying to hide it from him, but recently I'd really not been ok with his other chosen profession. I knew it was from working through that fear in therapy and it was just at the surface more than it had been. I drove over to the Cullen home, feeling nauseous yet again.

Esme opened the door and told me to head right up to Carlisle's office, that he was waiting for me there. I knocked on the door at the end of the second floor hallway and waited to be asked inside. When I heard Carlisle's response I opened the door and walked in. He was sitting behind the old cherry desk Esme had found a few years ago. It had taken four delivery men to get it up here, it was that large. It fit the space and Carlisle perfectly.

"So, Bella you said you weren't feeling well. What are your symptoms?"

I explained everything that I had been feeling recently. When I looked up he was smirking and it looked just like his nephew's.

"Bella, I really don't think I need to run any tests or prescribe you anything," he stated matter-of-factly.

"What? Why not, Carlisle I've felt like this for two weeks now. Add to the exhaustion the fact that I'm now vomiting every afternoon, how can you be saying there is nothing wrong with me?"

"Bella, I will run one test for you, but I want to have Esme join us first, is that ok?"

I told him it was and watched as he hit a button on the intercom system on the wall. When Esme responded he asked her to join us. I didn't quite understand his logic, but I also didn't mind if Esme knew what was going on. When she sat next to me on the couch in the office Carlisle asked me to relay my symptoms to his wife. As soon as I finished Esme's hand quickly came up to cover her shocked expression. Before I even registered her moving, Esme had me pulled into a tight hug.

"Oh I can't believe I'm finally going to be a grandmother. Alice has kept me waiting so long I never thought I'd get the chance," she squealed in my ear.

"Wait. Esme, what did you just say?" It couldn't be. I should have known that I was pregnant, right?

"Well you are pregnant, aren't you Bella?" Esme said, looking to Carlisle and then back at me.

I turned to face him as well and saw him nod.

"I'm pregnant?" I asked. Carlisle just started laughing as he again nodded.

"I have an at home test here if you'd like to take it to be sure. Of course they aren't perfect and we should have a blood test done at your normal gynecologist's office to be positive."

I hadn't even registered that I'd missed a couple of my periods but now that I thought about it I hadn't had my period since before our wedding. I took the box he held out to me and headed for the guest bathroom. I peed on the little absorbent stick and waited the listed amount of time, making sure not to look at the display while I waited. When I finally looked at it there were two very distinctive plus signs, which according to the instructions meant one thing, Edward and I were having a baby.

I went down stairs clutching the stick with a huge smile on my face. When Esme saw me she started jumping up and down in a circle, shouting at the top of her lungs how happy she was. She pulled me into her little happy dance and I felt the shock wear off.

"Holy Shit!" I screamed. "I'm having a baby!" This caused both Esme and Carlisle to start laughing at me. I pulled out my phone and called my gynecologist's office to get an appointment as soon as possible. Once off the phone I looked at my in-laws. "Please keep this between the three of us until after I've gotten checked out and I've told Edward. I can't have the daddy being the last to know." They both agreed and I left for home, feeling much better than I had when I went over.

I was so glad that I worked that night, so I wouldn't see Edward and get his hopes up before I was sure. I knew he really wanted a family, and I also knew the at home tests could give false positives.

My appointment with the gyno was the next afternoon. I was so excited. I floated right through my shift, a smile on my face the entire night.

After getting a few hours sleep I headed back to the hospital for my appointment. I'd been going to Maggie since I was in college. She took one look at me and pulled the ultrasound machine over. She asked when my last period was and wrote it down on a chart. She warned me about the gel being cold as she pulled up my shirt and squirted some on my stomach. She hit a button on the ultrasound machine and placed the wand against my lower abdomen.

"Aha, there we are," she said and pressed a few more buttons. I heard a printer start working and then I heard another sound. Maggie noticed the look on my face and said, "That, my dear Bella, is your baby's heartbeat. It sounds perfect. Let me turn the screen around and you can see your first glimpse of baby Masen." When she turned the screen around I saw the fluttering of a heartbeat on the screen coming from a peanut shape. Maggie turned off the ultrasound and let me get cleaned up. When I met her in her office she handed me a printout that showed my little baby. I couldn't wait to show this to Edward. She informed me that based on when my last period was I was close to three months pregnant and due sometime in April. She set me with a due date of April 14 and sent me home.

I stopped at the store on the way and bought two big steaks and all the fixings for a celebratory meal for me and my husband. I bought a card and put the ultrasound picture in it to give to him. I couldn't wait to see his face, he was going to be so happy.

Two hours later I was sitting at home, waiting for Edward to arrive. I knew he should have been home by now but figured they got a late call. I watched some TV and another hour passed. Just as I was about to put all the food away the phone rang. I figured it was Edward letting me know he was on his way. I grabbed the phone and quickly answered.

"Hello?"

"Is this Isabella Masen?"

"Yes, who is this?" I asked, not recognizing the voice.

"Isabella, it's Chief O'Rielly. I'm on my way to the hospital and need you to meet me there as soon as you can."

I hung up before he could say anymore, whispering no over and over again.

I grabbed my purse, cell phone, and car keys and left the building. As I got in the car I called Alice. That was when I noticed there were tears running down my face.

"Hey Bells, what's up?" Alice said so cheerily I almost hung up. Instead I let a sob escape me. "Bella, what's wrong sweetie?"

"Ed-edward…hos-hospital…n-n-now," I managed between my sobs.

"Oh no. Jazz, grab your car keys we need to get to the hospit-" was all I heard as I disconnected the phone before throwing it in the passenger's seat. I reached the hospital in half the time it normally takes to get there, and not remembering how I navigated the streets. I pulled into my normal parking spot and ran inside. I entered the ER through the employee entrance and went right to the nurse's station, which was empty. I looked toward the trauma rooms and knew which one Edward must be in because everyone was rushing in and out of it. I approached the door as Angela came running out. She took one look at me and looked back inside the room. There were tears in her eyes. She ripped off her Trauma gown and grabbed my arms. She turned me away from the door and took me to the waiting room. I put a bit of a fight wanting to see him but Angela calmed me and kept me moving in the other direction. Once I was in the waiting room I saw a few of the guys Edward worked with. Angela held me while I sobbed into her shoulder.

All I could think about was the fact that I had just received the call I hoped I would never get. The call that the love of my life, my everything, was being rushed to the hospital. This was why I had been so reluctant for us to start dating, let alone get married. I just couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to; we were meant for each other. We were soul-mates. Our life together flashed before me, even those parts we hadn't experienced yet, like the child that grew inside me. I prayed that Edward would be around to see this little one be born and grow up. I was positive of one thing, if Edward was taken away from me, my life would cease to have meaning. I felt movement under my head and turned to see Alice's black hair replace Angela's brown. Ang promised to go speak with the staff and have an attending come see me soon. She told me that most of the on duty staff was in with Edward, working to save him. I curled up against Alice and waited to find out if my life would live or die.

A/N- For those of you therapists out there (or those that have gone through therapy), I know this is not how it is, but I have never gone through structured therapy. My way of dealing with my past has been talking to my friends and just moving past it. I have nothing against therapy, but since I've never been I used my way of dealing as Bella's therapy…which is my author's fictional right. Remember this isn't real.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don't hurt me. I promise you, this story will have an HEA. Anyone realize where we are? What we've come back to? I'll give you a hint…Go look at the first posted chapter again…

So, Burning Up is actually beginning to wind down (which is actually a good thing). There are probably only about 3-4 chapters and an Epi left, and even that might be more than it turns out to be. It all depends on how wordy these characters get in the coming chapters. I can tell you that these upcoming chapters will probably move along for me much faster than the last few, which for you is a double edged sword; good because updates will come faster, bad because the story is going to end all the faster as well.

I know many of you will ask, Manda what are you going to write next? And although I have a couple of stories bouncing around in my head, at this time I'll be taking a break from posting those stories. I will probably still write, but I want to have a story finished and only needing little tweaks before posting again. What that means is, if you're interested in reading more from me you'll have to put me on author alert.

Let me know what you all think! (which means write me a note and hit that review button!)