Growing Pains

Chapter 21

"And inhale." As instructed, Raphael took a deep breath for his immediate younger brother.

After the group parted ways to tend to their individual tasks, Donatello was quick to check out the barn and see what he could dig up from the odds and ends that had been left behind after his last visit. As it turned out, Raphael's brothers had returned several times in the last few years since the Invasion which had forced the mutant reptiles from the city. Consequently, upon hearing this news, the older turtle was not surprised to discover his sibling had been hoarding quite a stash of technical gear in the barn.

In regards to said wooden structure, April had been right. Although he could not stand at his full height – mind if he slouched enough he could still move on two feet – Raphael could comfortably sit on the floor of the barn once he and Donatello had shoved aside the old junk and straw bales that had accumulated over time. Actually, the straw had been rather useful to spread on the dusty wooden floor in order to make a half-decent bed. Raphael would have to stitch a bunch of blankets together again, but once that was done he wouldn't be far off from what he had procured in his subterranean home.

Once that was taken care of, Donatello had eagerly ordered Raphael to sit while he did a thorough physical examination of him. He wasn't exactly pleased by the idea, but Raphael knew he had gotten lucky to not be prodded more than he had, and so he willfully – if begrudgingly – submitted to the smaller's administrations. Currently, Raphael was kneeling while, leaning from a ladder, Donatello was listening intently to Raphael's lungs and heart from his stethoscope. "And exhale."

Once more the older silently did as he was told and after a moment, Donatello pulled away, "Wow. I hardly need the stethoscope; even with your plastron's plating your heart is like a drum beat."

"Uh huh." Raphael averted meeting his brother's eyes. He didn't need the Brainiac to tell him that tidbit of knowledge. He already knew his heart was just as huge as the rest of him.

"It's not a bad thing Raph!" Donatello quickly amended, "It's good actually. I'd be more concerned if your heart hadn't grown proportionally with the rest of you."

Consciously trying to limit as many scathing remarks as he could from passing his lips, the older repeated, "Uh huh." Before forcing out, "You said you wanted to do an EK… something too right?"

"EKG." Donatello nodded in response.

"Which means…?" Raphael sighed.

"Electrocardiogram." The purple-clad turtle descended the ladder before once more rifling through a box of equipment, "It's a way of measuring the electrical activity in your heart. If Semper's shock sticks did any damage it would likely show up on the results. Here," Donatello held up a white tube and several electrodes, "Squirt some gel on each wrist and then put the one labelled "LA" on the left and the one labelled "RA" on the right. This one," He brandished a final electrode, "Goes on the left ankle." He went back to his box, "While you do that, I'll find some wire to extend them to our measuring apparatus since uh…" Donatello met his brother's green eyes briefly before blushing furiously down at his hands, "You're a tad taller than a usual patient."

Quirking an eye ridge at his brother's obvious discomfort, Raphael felt something inside him thaw. Donatello was just as uncomfortable as he was. Raphael shook his head. It was so stupidly obvious yet somehow he hadn't considered the thought that his brother could be struggling too. Leonardo had even said so himself, yet Raphael hadn't really registered it until now. Despite himself, Raphael lightened his tone, "So both wrists and the ankle, huh?" He offered both clawed hands to the smaller, "Here, you'd better do it. Otherwise I'd probably just end up shocking myself and I've had enough of that for one day."

Donatello paused in surprised hesitation for a moment before giving the tiniest of grins as he began to prepare the electrodes, "What? You'd rather leave zapping to the bugs?"

"Is that even a question?" Raphael gave an involuntary shiver at the thought, "Doesn't matter how big I get, those things still freak me the hell out."

The younger teased, "Can you even see a cockroach from way up there?"

"Haha very funny." The giant turtle rolled his eyes, "For the record not only can I see them but I can smell them too."

"Really?" Mahogany irises lifted inquisitively, "I didn't realize your olfactory abilities had enhanced that much."

"One of the perks to having a giant-ass schnoz I guess." Raphael commented dryly.

Donatello didn't respond right away for he was solemnly staring at the massive open palm in front of him. With the gel coated on their surfaces, the electrodes were ready, but the younger reptile had failed to place them. Instead, he put the equipment aside and slowly moved his own hand over Raphael's. Only then, with the heels of their palms parallel, did Donatello lower his arm. When its scaly green surface touched Raphael's own rough skin did Donatello dare to look up. For several long seconds the brothers simply said nothing while Donatello's comparatively miniscule palm rested on Raphael's colossal one. All they could do in that moment was meet each other's stare.

Finally, Raphael's emerald gaze broke away to look at the side causing Donatello to mumble, "We always did have disproportionately large hands…"

"That's all you have to say?" Raphael's words were clipped, "That we have big hands?"

"I…" The younger returned his attention to where the hands remained connected, "I'm sorry…" Donatello's words were quiet with emotion, "What I said earlier. That I could "fix you." I didn't mean to imply there was something wrong with you. I just wanted…"

When his brother trailed off, Raphael probed, "Wanted what, Don?"

"I just wanted…" Donatello closed his eyes briefly before opening them to look beseechingly at Raphael, "I just wanted to somehow convince you to come home. That no matter your…" He gestured helplessly, "situation, we would find a way to work things out."

Raphael gave his brother a long hard look before ultimately turning away to release a huff of admission, "Yeah… I know."

Donatello's face wrinkled in question, "Then why…?"

"I had to still make sure you guys had a few things straight," Raphael answered. "Because even though you didn't mean it that way, I needed to tell you that I've changed in more ways than the physical."

"Yeah…" Donatello returned his gaze to where their hands still touched, "I'm starting to understand that."

After a moment when the smaller removed his hand, the elder exhaled, "At least that makes one of you. I doubt Leo's going to change his tune anytime soon."

"Be patient with him." Mahogany eyes rose again, "You're not the only one who has changed these last few years, and well…" He sighed, "You know Leo. He has a hard time letting things go. That especially applies to the brother he's been constantly obsessing over for the last eight years."

"Damnit." Raphael ran his hands along either side of his head before lamenting, "Why does every story have to have two sides?"

"Hmm…" Donatello arched an eye ridge knowingly, "You beginning to realize you can't just keep blindly fueling you anger towards him?"

"It'd be a hell of a lot more simple if I could." The larger grumbled.

"I thought as much."

Being forced to endure Donatello's smug smile only made Raphael's own frustrations worse. "Well congratulations to you for being an Egghead." He snapped, "Do you want me to get you a medal too? Or are you worried you won't be able to hold the weight with that big ass head of yours?"

Under attack from Raphael's impulsive verbal venom, the younger lifted his hands in placation, "I didn't mean to offend you, Raph."

"Then explain to me why since our little reunion there have been several things you haven't meant to do," The giant turtle folded his arms menacingly, "And yet you keep doing them anyway?"

That finally instilled enough emotion to get Donatello's own hackles raised, "Because believe it or not, you're not the only one who doesn't always think before doing!"

"The Brainiac not thinking first?" Raphael chuckled sardonically, "Now why do I doubt that?"

"I may be brilliant at a lot of things Raphael," Donatello hissed, "But we both know when it comes to communication and emotions, it is an area in which I am sorely lacking in any real degree of aptitude!"

Donatello's words left Raphael blindsided. He couldn't clearly remember a time when this younger brother freely admitted to not being "good" at something. Donatello prided himself on his technical skills and expertise, and although he was not always the star pupil when it came to his ninjutsu, it was by no fault of his own. His competition had merely been just that good themselves. Yet, here was Raphael's little brother willfully confessing that not only was he struggling but was convinced he was royally screwing up at any attempt made to try and reconnect with his gigantic sibling.

Except, Donatello was wrong.

Looking down at his purple-clad sibling, cheeks ruddy with agitation, Raphael knew their current predicament was by no fault of his own or Donatello's. The blame lay on all their shoulders, which meant what was broken between the brothers could only be repaired through mutual effort.

For a brief second, Raphael closed his eyes to momentarily regroup himself. Then, green eyes opened before the colossal turtle offered his palm to the smaller, "Here. Put your hand on mine."

Donatello's confusion was clearly evident in both his expression and tone, "Why?"

Raphael sighed in exasperation before speaking, "Just do it." Hearing the abrasiveness of his voice, he added, "Please."

Obviously deciding to humour the other, Donatello slowly lifted his hand. With scales touching once more, mahogany eyes frowned up, "There. Now what?"

Opting to ignore Donatello's cynicism, Raphael cleared his throat, "What do you see, Don?"

Even more unimpressed by his brother's actions, the younger returned flatly, "You're not trying to pull some after-school drivel are you?"

"Look Genius," The emerald-eyed turtle huffed indigently, "I'm trying to fix this, and I can't do it with you being an ass."

"Hmph." The expression behind the purple mask was still unamused, "Says the pot calling the kettle black."

"I already know I'm an ass!" Raphael retorted, "Everyone knows I'm an ass! It's an inherent part of my personality, but I know you are capable of more! So can you please just can it in the peanut gallery for five minutes?" Torn between intrigue and annoyance Donatello reframed from further comment, and after a curt nod, encouraged Raphael to continue, "Thank-you. Now I'm only going to ask you this one more time: What do you see?"

Sighing in defeat, the younger turtle answered, "Two mutant turtle hands touching. One is lighter green and tiny, while the other is dark green and massive."

"Alright." Raphael nodded in approval. "Now close your eyes." He purposely paused until Donatello obeyed. After rolling his eyes, the smaller sibling did as instructed. After a breath, Raphael asked, "Keep them closed. Now tell me, what do you feel?"

"Excuse me?" Donatello peeked an eye open, "You are turning this into some stereotypical Saturday morning cartoon!"

"Just answer the question, Donnie!" It was all the elder could do to keep his patience from souring, "And keep your eyes closed!"

"Fine." Donatello huffed before closing them again. Trying to determine what his brother's end goal was, the younger took his time in responding. It was only after a long moment's contemplation that said ponderous turtle wondered if perhaps he was beginning to clue in. Thus, he stalled for time, "I feel my brother's hand against mine."

"Obviously." Raphael sniped before consciously making an effort to relax and summon a gentler tone, "I mean… Try digging a little deeper."

Mahogany eyes shot open again, "You know…" Donatello stood before withdrawing his hand, "I really should give them a hand in the house…"

"Give me a break, Don." Raphael groaned as his sibling chose to ignore him turning to the barn doors instead.

However, the instant the younger spun around he was met with a giant hand blocking the exit. With a shadow cast over him, Donatello looked up to see Raphael stretched over him. The smaller turtle's lanky frame pivoted to try and remove himself from such a vulnerable position, but the older was still one step ahead of him. The second his shell was to the hand by the door, Raphael drew it forward, soundly knocking into the back of the younger's knees allowing him to swiftly sweep Donatello off his feet. Flat on his shell, Donatello was lifted belly-up to Raphael's eye level. Between the embarrassment of being caught so easily by Raphael again and the unnerving depths their conversation had somehow devolved to, Donatello's voice caught a new pitch of anger it had not held before, "Raphael! This is not funny! I am not some doll for you to play with!"

"I never said you were Don." It was unsettling to Donatello when he realized his brother's emerald eyes were dead serious. Raphael was more intuitive than the younger had remembered. "But we're in too deep now for you to just walk away."

Brown eyes blazing with internal turbulence the captive turtle pulled himself up, "So this is your solution?!"

"You want me to stick around don't you?" Green gaze was utterly unfaltering, "That means if I don't get to run anymore neither do you."

"I wasn't running away!"

"If you think lying will get you out of this mess," Raphael's voice was icy as his fingers closed around the smaller, "Think again."

"Fine! I was!" Donatello glared at the elder before turning his attention to the fingers encompassing his abdomen, "You of all people should know how much it hurts…" Mahogany eyes started widening in realization… "To be pushed into these things…" The words barely out of his mouth, the younger folded his face into his hands, "Aw shell. I'm so sorry Raph."

"Don't apologize." Suddenly, the purple-clad turtle found himself back on the ground with Raphael's voice subtly subdued, "It happened. You can't change it."

"Maybe not…" Donatello had no idea how to get out of this maze of pain they had somehow fallen into, "But it doesn't mean I can't learn from it."

Raphael considered the small turtle a moment before straightening, "You'd better because if you don't I won't be so nice a second time."

"Don't worry," Brown eyes smirked behind purple cloth, "April already made that perfectly clear."

That demanded a quick reply from the elder, "What did she say?!"

"Oh there's no doubt she'll be keeping a close eye on us while we're here. She spoke more eloquently but she made it very obvious that if we put one toe out of line she'd shellac our shells."

"Yesh. Next to me she makes me look like a kitten." At that mental image, Raphael shook his head as he offered up his arms once more, "Here. Better hook me up and get this over with."

Donatello chuckled as he began to apply the first electrode, "Which is saying something."

For several minutes, the younger worked in silence while Raphael quietly watched. It was only when Donatello had his eyes focuses on his monitor that he spoke, "I felt relieved." Raphael tilted his head curiously but immediately clued in when Donatello gestured with his hands, "Right there, in front of me was physical proof you were really here and okay." He continued nervously, "You know earlier, when you tried to pull off your Saturday morning special."

"Oh shove off it." Raphael's tone held none of the barbs his words did.

Still, deducing the moment was lost, Donatello went back to work until his brother's voice shyly spoke up, "Hey Donnie."

The addressed turtle looked up to see Raphael adamantly examining the ground, "Yeah Raph?"

Yet, despite his wary posture, the edges of Raphael's mouth were quirking up ever-so-slightly, "I felt the same."

A/N Oh this chapter… It ended up being way tougher than I thought it would. Mind, somehow it seems appropriate considering how tough this whole situation is for our guys.