Chapter 21:
"How heavy are my hands?
They're heavier than blood
That rushes to my head
As I will walk away from here again"
I made my way back towards the docks with heavy feet. Even now that I knew it was too late, I was still weighing the option of turning around and running all the way back to my flet. I could just turn around, I told myself, but quickly reminded myself that this was my only chance at getting home. So I bit my lip and trudged on, emerging from the trees to see the rest of the Fellowship settling into the boats.
Though I knew that there was certainly no expectation of me to look happy, I still tried my best not to let my sorrows show. Aragorn and Boromir were helping the hobbits into their boats, while Legolas waited for Gimli to be seated in theirs. Before I could ask where I would be sitting, Gimli noticed me and waved me over.
"You're stuck with us, lassie," he said gruffly as he shifted into his seat. I smiled, wishing that I could have been in a better mood.
Legolas was seated at the back, and Gimli at the front. Seated between the two, my pack and a few other supplies placed at my feet, I found myself holding a paddle. I looked down at it skeptically, fingers trailing across the smooth grey wood. Legolas had another paddle, which he already had in the water, anticipating Aragorn's orders to start off.
"I can't remember the last time I used one of these," I mused as I placed my own paddle into the clear water, watching the ripples travel across the smooth surface, floating lazily along with the current. Legolas chuckled.
"You will have time enough to get accustomed to it," he answered easily. I found it both a comfort and an annoyance that the elf seemed to not be so bothered about leaving Lothlórien behind. I knew that he must have surely been feeling sad, but it irked me that he hid it so well.
We soon pulled away from the docks, making our way slowly up the stream. The water was bright, the morning sun glinting off the surface, and I stared straight ahead, watching the two other boats in front of us. I saw Sam clutching at the sides of his boat, looking across the water at the shore, and was thankful then that I wasn't fearful of the boats like he was. Poor Sam.
As we carried on, I listened to the sound of our paddles in the water. All else was quiet, apart from some birdsong from the shores. A few golden mallorn leaves floated along beside us, and I reached down to scoop one up absentmindedly.
We had not traveled very far when my eyes shifted to something not far up the stream. A large white boat was making its way towards us swiftly, the current carrying it easily. I saw quickly that it was shaped like a swan, its wings half-spread as if it had just landed on the water. Two elves in white stood with black paddles, steering the boat down the stream. In the middle were Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel, the latter wearing a crown of golden flowers from the spring mallyrn. She sang as they neared our boats, fingers dancing upon the harp at her side. Her words were lost to me, my ears too focused on the sounds of the strings.
"We have come to bid you our last farewell," Galadriel said as she finished her song. Aragorn's boat had drawn up next to the swan, and he halted it to speak with her. "and to speed you with blessings from our land."
"You have not yet eaten with us, and we bid you, therefore, to a parting feast, here between the flowing waters that will bear you far from Lórien," Celeborn added as their boat drifted on past Aragorn's.
I helped Legolas to turn the boat around, and we followed the Lord and Lady's vessel back towards the hythe. We docked and climbed from the boats, joining Celeborn and Galadriel on the green lawn. Already the two accompanying elves had laid out a multitude of dishes, but I barely glanced at them as I sat down on the grass with the others. Breakfast had been hard enough to keep down. Knowing, however, that this would be the last time that I would get to eat anything this good, I convinced myself to eat something small.
As I finished nibbling on a pastry, Celeborn raised his hand and pointed across the water to the forest on the far shore.
"As you go down the water, you will find that the trees will fail, and you will come to a barren country. There the River flows in stony vale amid high moors, until at last after many leagues it comes to the tall island of the Tindrock, that we call Tol Brandir. There it casts its arms about the steep shores of the isle, and falls then with a great noise and smoke over the cataracts of Rauros down into the Nindalf, the Wetwang as it is called in your tongue. That is a wide region of sluggish fen where the stream becomes tortuous and much divided. There the Entwash flows in by many mouths from the Forest of Fangorn in the west. About that stream, on this side of the Great River, lies Rohan. On the further side are the bleak hills of the Emyn Muil. The wind blows from the East there, for they look out over the Dead Marshes and the Noman-lands to Cirith Gorgor and the black gates of Mordor."
I listened intently, able to piece together some of the things that he was saying. It was not often that I had heard the Lord of Lothlórien speak, but he spoke in the same manner as Lady Galadriel. Musical and poetic, but somewhat hard to follow, I found. I recognised few of the places that he had named, but that was it. Mordor, of course, was one of the names that I knew well, and I shivered at the thought of it. Rohan, too, was etched vividly in my mind, and I hoped that my path would take me there as expected, and not to the fiery peaks of Mount Doom.
"Boromir, and any that go with him seeking Minas Tirith, will do well to leave the Great River above Rauros and cross the Entwash before it finds the marshes. Yet they should not go too far up that stream, nor risk becoming entangled in the Forest of Fangorn. That is a strange land, and is now little known. But Boromir and Aragorn doubtless do not need this warning."
Fangorn Forest. I wondered if it was as it was depicted in the movies, dark and threatening. Yet it had seemed magical and wonderful to Legolas. I wonder if he could really hear the trees talking.
I was pulled from my thoughts as Galadriel rose from the grass, taking a cup from one of the elf maidens at her side. Offering it to her husband, she looked at each of us as she spoke.
"Now it is time to drink the cup of farewell. Drink, Lord of the Galadhrim! And let not your heart be sad though night must follow noon, and already our evening draweth nigh."
Once Celeborn had drank, we were each given a cup of our own. I didn't know what was inside of it, but I drank nonetheless when bid to. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was sweet, and I drank it easily. We were promptly told to take a seat once again on the grass, the Lord and Lady taking seats that were brought to them.
"We have drunk the cup of parting," Galadriel said once she and her husband were settled, "and the shadows fall between us. But before you go, I have brought in my ship gifts which the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim now offer you in memory of Lothlórien."
I watched eagerly as each member of the Fellowship was called before Celeborn and Galadriel. Aragorn was first, and was presented with a sheath for his sword. It was made of a rich, brown leather, and decorated with flowers and leaves of silver and gold. I was surprised to see the name of Andúril etched on the side, and realised that he must have been given the sword prior to leaving Rivendell.
"The blade that is drawn from this sheath shall not be stained or broken even in defeat," Galadriel said as he admired it. "But is there aught else that you desire of me at our parting? For darkness will flow between us, and it may be that we shall not meet again, unless it be far hence upon a road that has no returning."
"Lady, you know all my desire, and long held in keeping the only treasure that I seek. Yet it is not yours to give me, even if you would; and only through darkness shall I come to it," Aragorn answered grimly. I knew that he must have been speaking of Arwen. Funny, I had almost forgotten all about her. I was so busy worrying about my own troubles, that I had failed to remember that every other member of the Fellowship had left something behind, whether it was a lover, and family, or simply a home. They had chosen to depart on this quest for the greater good of their world, while I was going for no reason but my own. I knew that this quest did not need me, but still, I felt selfish at the thought.
I turned my attention back to Galadriel as she presented the Ranger with another gift. A silver brooch with a small green stone, which sparkled in the sunlight. "This stone I gave to Celebrían my daughter, and she to hers; and now it comes to you as a token of hope. In this hour take the name that was foretold for you, Elessar, the Elfstone of the house of Elendil!"
I watched as Aragorn took the brooch and pinned it to his tunic. He stood proudly before Galadriel, his gratitude showing. "For the gifts that you have given me I thank you. O Lady of Lórien of whom were sprung Celebrían and Arwen Evenstar. What praise could I say more?"
Galadriel smiled as Aragorn turned and sat down once again on the grass with the rest of us.
One by one, the rest of the fellowship was called before the Lord and Lady and presented with their own parting gift. It was interesting to watch, comparing the gifts to what each member had been given in the movies. Boromir was given a golden belt, and Merry and Pippin silver belts with golden buckles. Very different from 'nice shiny daggers.' I had to keep from chuckling as I recalled the scene where Sam had been given rope. He had been overjoyed to see the rope by the boats earlier.
I gaped as Legolas received his new bow. It was longer than his old bow, and seemed stouter too. Beautifully crafted yet not at all like Haldir's, it was a light grey colour and had intricate designs carved into it. With it he received a matching quiver of arrows.
Sam was given a small box, and I had to listen carefully to hear what exactly was inside. Magical dirt for his garden in the Shire was what I figured it to be, from the sounds of Galadriel's words. I smiled, watching as Sam blushed at her words and bowed, holding the already treasured box tightly.
"And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the Elves?" Galadriel said once Sam was seated, turning to Gimli. I glanced over at him as he stood, trying to hide my smile.
"None, Lady," Gimli said as he stood before her. "It is enough for me to have seen the Lady of the Galadhrim, and to have heard her gentle words."
"Hear all ye Elves!" Galadriel laughed, grinning broadly at the dwarf's words. "Let none say again that Dwarves are grasping and ungracious! Yet surely, Gimli son of Glóin, you desire something that I could give? Name it, I bid you! You shall not be the only guest without a gift."
"There is nothing, Lady Galadriel," Gimli replied, stumbling over his words. "Nothing, unless it might be - unless it is permitted to ask, nay, to name a single strand of your hair, which surpasses the gold of the earth as the stars surpass the gems of the mine. I do not ask for such a gift. But you commanded me to name my desire."
I heard the almost inaudible murmur of the elves around us, and noticed Celeborn raise his eyebrows in wonder. Galadriel simply continued to smile.
"It is said that the skill of the Dwarves is in their hands rather than in their tongues, yet that is not true of Gimli. For none have ever made to me a request so bold and yet so courteous. And how shall I refuse, since I commanded him to speak? But tell me, what would you do with such a gift?"
"Treasure it, Lady," he answered, regaining some of his composure, "in memory of your words to me at our first meeting. And if ever I return to the smithies of my home, it shall be set in imperishable crystal to be an heirloom of my house, and a pledge of good will between the Mountain and the Wood until the end of days."
I was sure that in that moment, there was not one person who was not touched by his words. I couldn't help but smile again as I watched Galadriel cut three of her hairs and lay them into Gimli's palm.
"These words shall go with the gift," Galadriel spoke again as Gimli closed his hand around the strands protectively. "I do not foretell, for all foretelling is now vain: on the one hand lies darkness, and on the other only hope. But if hope should not fail, then I say to you, Gimli son of Glóin, that your hands shall flow with gold, and yet over you gold shall have no dominion."
Frodo was the last to receive his gift. I watched in awe as she passed him a small phial, the light of Eärendil glowing bright despite the sunlight.
"May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. Remember Galadriel and her Mirror!" Galadriel concluded as Frodo stepped back, admiring his gift.
I shifted on the grass, waiting for Aragorn to stand and lead us back towards the boats, but he did not move. I looked back towards Galadriel, waiting for a final farewell, but instead met her gaze.
"Christa," she said, watching me expectantly. Shocked, I stood quickly from the grass and stepped forward. "You, too, have been our guest. I would not have you leave without a parting gift," Galadriel explained, smiling as she watched my expression.
"May these blades protect you on your journey home," she said simply, extending her arms to offer me a sheath. Unbuckling one of the pouches, I pulled out an elvish fighting knife, unable to find my words. The handle was made of grey wood and in it were carved a number of beautiful embellishments. I wrapped my fingers around the handle and drew the weapon, admiring the steel as it caught the sun's light.
"I cannot thank you enough," I said simply, staring down at the gift in awe. Though I had no idea how to use them, they were beautiful. Not to mention sharp. Not for decoration. I heard the Lady chuckle lightly and blushed slightly, returning the blade to its sheath.
"I wish you all the best," she replied with a final smile. Bowing my head in gratitude, I turned back to my companions and joined them as they rose to stand with the Lord and Lady. We made our way back towards the boats, climbing back into them and taking our seats again. As I waited for everyone to be ready, I tucked away my gift into one of the packs at my feet and stared down at the water to my right.
When the hobbits were seated, I Legolas and I picked up our paddles. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes as we were pushed off into the stream. I heard the water ripple around the boats and the farewell cries of the elves as we began to drift off down the stream. I turned my gaze back towards the banks, hoping for one last glimpse of Haldir, but I knew in my heart that he would not be there. I would not see him again, and perhaps it was for the best. I knew that I would break down if I was made to watch as I left him behind, and I needed to be strong now.
As the Silverlode flowed into the River Anduin, we passed Galadriel as she stood upon the bank. We all turned to watch as we drifted on down the river. Lothlórien was slipping away, and soon both it and Galadriel were small and distant, but my eyes saw well as she raised her arms in a final farewell, and my ears caught her distant song.
Though she sung in Quenya, and I did not understand many of the words, I found comfort in her voice. I watched as everything that I had grown to know and love shrank and eventually vanished around a bend in the river.
"Farewell, Child. By the grace of the Valar, may you find true happiness." Galadriel's voice whispered in my mind, urging me to relax.
I heard Gimli weeping in front of me, and knew that all of the company must have felt deeply saddened, yet there were no tears in my eyes. For the first time since my arrival in Middle Earth, I willed myself to cry with my companions, but no tears came. So I sat in silence.
"I have looked the last upon that which was fairest," Gimli said suddenly, breaking the silence in the boat. "Henceforward I will call nothing fair, unless it be her gift." He paused before continuing.
"Tell me, Legolas, why did I come on this Quest? Little did I know where the chief peril lay! Truly Elrond spoke, saying that we could not foresee what we might meet upon our road. Torment in the dark was the danger that I feared, and it did not hold me back. But I would not have come, had I known the danger of light and joy. Now I have taken my worst wound in this parting, even if I were to go this night straight to the Dark Lord. Alas for Gimli son of Glóin!"
My heart ached for him as I listened to him speak, his emotions running deep in his words.
"Nay!" Legolas said in reply. "Alas for us all! And for all that walk the world in these after-days. For such is the way of it: to find and lose, as it seems to those whose boat is on the running stream. But I count you blessed, Gimli son of Glóin: for your loss you suffer of your own free will, and you might have chosen otherwise. But you have not forsaken your companions, and the least reward that you shall have is that the memory of Lothlórien shall remain ever clear and unstained in your heart, and shall neither fade nor grow stale."
"Maybe," Gimli said, quietly. "and I thank you for your words. True words doubtless; yet all such comfort is cold. Memory is not what the heart desires. That is only a mirror, be it clear as Kheled-zâram. Or so says the heart of Gimli the Dwarf. Elves may see things otherwise. Indeed, I have heard that for them memory is more like to the waking world than to a dream. Not so for Dwarves."
I contemplated Legolas' and Gimli's words as we drifted on in silence for a moment. I would never forget Lothlórien, no matter what. I could not forget it.
"But let us talk no more of it," the dwarf spoke up after a pause. "Look to the boat! She is too low in the water with all of our weight, and the Great River is swift. I do not wish to drown my grief in cold water."
I kept my paddle across my lap as Legolas steered our boat towards the middle of the river, following behind Aragorn and Boromir. I was lost in thought, my mind wandering to times spent galloping through the golden woods with Faenelin, strolling through the city with Haldir at my side. I was lost to memories of the smallest things: stringing my bow on a brisk morning as the sun rose, the sound of Raina knocking on my door, watching as the sun set behind golden boughs, enjoying dinner with Haldir and his brothers…
That was when I realised that I had forgotten about the letters. My heart stopped, breath hitching. Instinctively, I turned around quickly to look back again at the forest, even though I knew that it was long gone. No! How could I have forgotten about something so important? There were so many words that I had written that I had never been able to say, and now Haldir might never read them. My knuckles quickly turned white as I clutched the paddle, until my hands began to tremble. Then, finally, the tears came.
"How heavy are these words?
Heavier than time
That rushes past your face
As you would turn to walk away again"
Richard Walters, Elephant in the Room
Haldir:
I walked back to Caras Galadhon in my own company, desperate for some solitude. I was to return to my post at the eastern borders of the forest, but instead I found myself back at the great gates of the city. I passed through silently, hoping that my patrol would not react negatively to my late arrival. I wished to delay my return to them until the dawn. I would give them a valid excuse, and they would accept it as the truth, I knew this.
The city had fallen into shadow by the time I had returned, and though the silver lights lit the way, I saw only darkness. What was I to think of all of this? Christa had slipped through my fingers, and I was unsure as to what more I could have done to prevent it. In my heart, I knew that I had done all that I could have, yet it had happened all the same.
I found myself climbing the stairs of the great mallorn tree at the center of the city. Flight after flight I wound my way upwards until I reached the wide flet. Following the bridge across to the next tree over, I wandered across the next flet. My footsteps were silent in the night, and I walked lightly, despite knowing that now none of the lodgings were occupied.
I came to what had been Christa's flet and stood before the door, raising my hand on impulse to knock. I swallowed the knot that rose in my throat before lowering my arm and pushing the door open.
Stepping inside, I lit the lamp that sat on the table, my eyes straying to some scattered pieces of parchment that were laying on the table. Each was folded neatly in half. One in particular caught my eye as I noticed that my name was written carefully on the outside. Tentatively, I reached down to pick it up. It was clearly addressed to me, why had she not given it to me? Unfolding the parchment, I read through it carefully, fingers following the words along the page.
"Haldir,
I'm writing to you because I have many things to tell you. I wish that I could have spoken these words to you, but I was not brave enough.
I wish that I did not have to leave. I wish that I could tell you why exactly I needed to leave, but I'm afraid that I must keep that to myself. Since the day I set foot in Caras Galadhon, you have been there for me. You became my friend, my mentor, and (though I would rather forget about it) my saviour. You were always supportive of me. I felt comfortable sharing my secrets with you.
I have been selfish, Haldir, and I'm sorry. I know that you wished for more than friendship between us, and I would be lying to say that I did not wish for the same. For the longest time, I willed my heart to ignore your words, your glances... And I gave in. I was happy, I was happier than I had been in a long time. But there are certain things in this world that are not meant to be, I suppose. You made me feel alive, you pulled me from a dark despair that had been weighing me down for years. You made me feel loved again, and that was more than I could have ever hoped for. But I know that it is time for me to leave Lothlórien. There is more for me to learn, and Caras Galadhon has given me all that it has to offer.
I did not make this decision lightly, nor did I come to this decision by myself, as you already know.
I would tell you to not worry about me, but I know that saying that is pointless. You will worry about me, no matter what I write to comfort you. I will not try to convince you that I am by any means going to be safe, for I am leaving on a trip that I know will put me in great danger.
You have taught me well, and so long as Lady Galadriel feels confident in my abilities, I believe that I am making the right choice in joining the Fellowship. Still, I will not say that I am not afraid. I am very afraid, but I suppose that I should be.
I do not know what else to say to you that might comfort you. I feel a hole in my heart when I think about leaving you tomorrow when the sun rises, and I wish that I could stay.
I wish that I could have loved you, Haldir. But I cannot be with you. It's tearing me apart to think that tomorrow will be the last time that I see you, that I hear your voice. Know that I won't ever forget you, nor all that you have taught me. You will always be in my heart. I will be strong.
I'm sorry. Stay safe, my friend.
Christa"
I clung to the final piece of parchment, staring at her name as if it was a part of her. Unable to form coherent thoughts, I simply stared at the words that no longer made any sense. My fingers creased the paper before they loosened, letting the letters fall from my hands. They floated down to the floor, landing silently as I turned to leave her flet, eager to leave behind the ghost that loomed over my shoulder.
Christa:
Night soon fell, and the river became impossibly quiet. The sky was dark, and the river was black without the moonlight. Mist came along with the starless night, and I pulled my cloak tighter around myself as I looked to the banks. Large, dreary trees reached their roots down into the water, and we guided our boats beneath them, staying hidden in their shadows.
We paddled slowly well into the night, and I soon found that I was having a hard time sitting up straight. Pulling my paddle from the water, I sat with it on my lap, staring at Boromir's boat ahead of ours, trying my best to stay awake.
To my immense relief, Aragorn soon gave the word to make for the west bank. Legolas steered the boat behind the other two, guiding it up onto the shore. Stifling a yawn, I stood slowly, finding my legs weak from sitting for so long. The earth beneath my feet felt strange, and it took me a moment to properly find my balance. I helped Legolas pull the boat up further onto the shore, before grabbing my bedroll and wandering over to where the rest of the Fellowship had begun to settle down for the night.
Frodo was already asleep, and I had seen Aragorn carry him from their boat. Sam laid down beside him and pulled his bedroll up to his chin, shivering beneath the blankets. As tired as I was, I was not overly eager to go to sleep on the cold, hard ground. I laid my own bedroll down near the middle of the group, unwilling the sleep on the outside of the camp. I allowed myself a brief look into the bleak forest that sheltered us, before turning away, trying not to think of all the evil that could be lurking in the darkness.
If anyone was uncomfortable with my proximity to their own beds, they were too tired to mention it. I didn't even take the time to see who I was laying next to as I curled up under my blankets and closed my eyes. I was asleep within a matter of moments.
I woke too early for my liking, the sunlight hitting my eyes as it rose above the trees. Groaning, I opened my eyes and rolled over onto my back. I had slept on several rocks, judging by the rather sore spots on my right side. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I looked around at the other beds, noticing that some where empty.
"Ah, you are awake."
I turned the other way and saw Legolas as he stepped from the trees, his bow in one hand and two hares in his other. I resisted the urge to grimace as I caught sight of the dead animals, knowing that they would be breakfast. Aragorn followed behind him, holding a rabbit of his own. The ranger looked past me and nodded.
"It's time to wake them up, Sam," he said. I looked behind me to see Sam sitting up behind me. The hobbit had been so quiet that I hadn't even noticed him there. He leaned over and gently shook Frodo awake.
We ate quickly and packed up, moving most of the supplies from our boat to the other two, at Gimli's request. Despite Legolas' reassurances that the boat would not sink, the dwarf insisted on lightening it. Aragorn seemed to be in no rush to get anywhere too fast, but he insisted nonetheless that we get started early on in the day. I knew that I was certainly in no rush either, despite how much I hated sitting in the boats all day. I knew that when we reached the Falls of Rauros, I would have my first real taste of fighting, and that was definitely not something that I was looking forward to.
The day passed on uneventfully, our paddles barely pushing us along at all. We stopped briefly twice during the day to stretch our legs, and I was thankful for these stops. I had refrained from drinking an awful lot for fear of needing to relieve myself at inconvenient times, and so far it was working well. I was starting to feel a little lightheaded because of it, but it didn't bother me too much since I was only sitting. We let the river carry us along, and I even dozed a few times during the morning, and as the night fell. The next day was the same, stopping late at night to sleep on the shores beneath the trees.
During our third day on the river, the trees dwindled and then disappeared altogether. The Eastern bank was brown, with long, sloping hills rising up, crowding us. In shocking contrast to the dead lands to our left, the shore to our right was green and flat, and in most places masked by thick clusters of reeds. In this empty land, I found myself staring at the quiet waters ahead of us, my thoughts wandering back to the Goldenwood.
I wondered if Haldir had found my letters, and how he had reacted to my words. Had they helped him to better understand my leaving, or had they only made him angry with me? I knew that I would never know how he now felt about me, or if he would ever even have the chance to read them. Perhaps my letters had already been cleaned away and lost forever in the flames of the fireplace.
I also couldn't help but wonder, now that I had left, what might have happened if I had decided to stay behind in Lothlórien. Could I have ever found happiness in Caras Galadhon? No one seemed to think so, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had made the wrong choice. I had felt happy with Haldir, but I wanted to go home. Maybe that was the wrong kind of happiness, or maybe I just hadn't been happy… enough? I shook my head and sighed. I honestly had no idea what to think anymore.
"Swans!" I heard Sam's voice pierce the silence of the afternoon and followed his gaze as I heard the flutter of wings above. A large flock of dark birds flew overhead. "And mighty big ones too!"
"Yes, and they are black swans." Aragorn replied, his voice carrying easily across the water.
"How wide and empty and mournful all this country looks!" Frodo said, and I looked forwards again, happy to hear the hobbit speaking. "I always imagined that as one journeyed south it got warmer and merrier, until winter was left behind for ever."
"But we have not journeyed far south yet," Aragorn said in response, before lapsing into a long-winded explanation of where exactly we were along the Anduin. I looked around as he described the lands that were on either side of us and hoped that we would not see any snow, as he was suggesting that we might. He concluded with mention of the orcs daring to cross the river and that they had been raiding Rohan's smaller settlements, stealing their horses. With those words, a shiver ran down my spine. I would take snow over orcs any day.
The days wore on, and with each day I felt less and less safe on the open river. The whole Fellowship felt the same, and we barely spoke. On one of these days, it was decided without any discussion that we would no longer allow the river to dictate our pace. Picking up our paddles, we traveled on at a faster speed, eager to move on.
On the fifth day, I was alerted that Gollum had been spotted, but I shrugged it off. I had no desire to lay eyes on him, and so I kept my eyes forward while the rest of the company kept their eyes peeled for him. I knew that he was of no threat to us, so I wasn't bothered by him. The days began to run together, a blur that I was growing too weary to keep track of. It was only through the others' talk that I knew how many days it had been since we had left Lothlórien.
On the eighth day, the lands around us again changed dramatically, rising up in stony ridges and sharp peaks. Atop the cliffs that rose on either side of the river stood tall fir trees, bent by the wind. And birds, there were birds everywhere.
"What is that, Legolas?" Aragorn asked, approaching our boat as we pulled up on the bank near sunset. Legolas looked up and I followed his gaze, searching the sky. "Is it, as I think, an eagle?"
"Yes," Legolas replied. "It is an eagle, a hunting eagle. I wonder what that forebodes. It is far from the mountains." I found it as he spoke, watching as it circled, far off. Like, a giant eagle? I didn't ask, just in case it was a foolish question.
We didn't set off again until the sun had set, at Aragorn's discretion. For the first time since we had left Lothlórien, the sky was clear, and though there was no moon, the night was brighter than it had been.
"Come!" Aragorn said as we climbed back into the boats. Legolas pushed ours out into the river and we held it there while the others joined us on the water. "We will venture one more journey by night. We are coming to reaches of the River that I do not know well: for I have never journeyed by water in these parts before, not between here and the rapids of Sarn Gebir. But if I am right in my reckoning, those are still many miles ahead. Still there are dangerous places even before we come there: rocks and stony eyots in the stream. We must keep a sharp watch and not try to paddle swiftly."
Taking Aragorn's advice, I rested with my paddle on my lap. Legolas didn't need any help to keep up with the two boats ahead, and I was content to watch the night sky as we slipped quietly along the river. As the night went on, stars began to light up the sky, and I found myself getting lost within them. I wondered if there were any constellations that the peoples of Middle Earth had identified, and for a long while I traced my own.
It was late in the night when I heard the sound of rushing water, and felt Legolas trying to still the boat. Not a moment later, I heard Sam shout from up ahead and tensed, gripping my paddle tightly. I heard the thud of Aragorn and Boromir's boats as they bumped into each other, and braced as our own joined the huddle. I could see the sharp outlines of the rocks before us now, jutting out from the river. We were being pulled towards them.
"Hoy there, Aragorn!" Boromir yelled above the sound of the rapids. "This is madness! We cannot dare the Rapids by night! But no boat can live in Sarn Gebir, be it night or day."
"Back, back!" Aragorn called out to us all. "Turn if you can!"
"All together, paddle!" Boromir shouted, too. "Paddle! Or we shall be driven on the shoals!"
Legolas jammed his paddle into the water as I swung my own around to help. In the same instant, my ears caught the twang of bowstrings and the sound of arrows whizzing through the air. By some miracle, Frodo was the only one who was struck. He cried out but I quickly remembered his hidden mithril shirt. Several arrows sunk themselves into the sides of our boat, and I felt my pulse quicken as my adrenaline spiked.
"Yrch!" Legolas cried from behind me. Orcs. Gimli voiced my thoughts as I risked a look behind us at the eastern shore. My eyes widened as I heard more arrows come whistling towards us.
Throwing myself sideways instinctively to avoid being struck as an arrow whizzed by my head, the boat rocked dangerously and I felt myself falling sideways. My paddle fell from my hands and I grasped wildly for the side of the boat as I felt it tipping. My fingers grabbed the smooth surface of the wood, but I could not stop the boat from following me in my descent. I heard Gimli shout as I plunged into the river.
Everything went dark as I hit the icy water, my senses going numb all at once. I had no concept of up or down, and thrashed about in a panic. I quickly surfaced, coughing violently, and caught sight of the boat not far from me. Somehow, it had remained upright, and I briefly saw Gimli and Legolas as they searched for me in the water. Kicking madly, I tried to make my way towards them, but the current was too strong and I felt it dragging me away.
I had never been a very good swimmer, despite taking lessons when I was a child. My mother had nearly drowned as a teenager, and her frequent warnings and worryings had instilled in me a fear of water. Now, I held my breath and watched in horror as the river dragged me towards Sarn Gebir, my legs kicking and my arms working hard to keep me afloat.
I latched onto the first rock that I could, my arms wrapping around the cold stone. My boots dragged along the bottom of the river, but I could not stand. I did not trust myself to let go of the rock, so I clung to it with all of my strength.
The rush of the water drowned out all other noise, and soon the sounds seemed to die altogether. I felt my limbs tingling, my fingers and toes beginning to burn from the icy water. As the minutes passed without any signs of aid, I whimpered, unable to stop myself, and closed my eyes tightly.
So this is how I am going to die. Not on the edge of a sword, or by the tip of an arrow, but from hypothermia. I would have laughed bitterly had I had the energy to do so, but instead I shivered violently and willed my fingers to not let go of their grip on the stone.
I was only vaguely aware of the sound of soft footsteps on the rocks behind me. My mind worked slowly, and I briefly feared that it was an orc, but even my sluggish mind was able to reason that no orc could ever move so quietly.
"Christa!" a voice whispered harshly. I was barely able to discern my own name above the noise of the water. Turning my head slowly, I pried open my eyes and looked up, seeing Legolas' figure against the night. Relief coursed through me.
"Legolas," I said through clenched teeth, watching as he kneeled down on the rock that he was perched on and reached out his hand.
"Take my hand," he insisted. "You must hurry; the orcs are still near."
Mustering my strength and my courage, I stared at his palm. In one quick movement, I released my grip on the rock and reached for Legolas' hand. My heart leapt in fear as the current threatened to drag me further down the river, but my hand found Legolas' safely. I clung to it for dear life as he pulled me towards him.
I clambered up onto the rock, the night air feeling even colder than the water had. The rock was slippery, and my leather boots offered me little traction on the smooth surface. I clung to Legolas tightly, terrified that I would slip and wind up back in the river. We slowly made our way towards the western shore, skipping from one rock to another.
By the time my feet touched the ground, I was sure that I was going to lose my toes to the cold. Letting go of Legolas, I tucked my hands under my arms and shivered as he steered me towards where the rest of the Fellowship was huddled in the darkness.
My clothes were dripping and weighing me down. I sat down as soon as I could and removed my cloak and outer tunic. The wind bit at me through my remaining clothes, and I was relieved when I felt a dry cloak being placed over my shoulders.
"Thank you," I said quietly, coming to my senses. I looked up sheepishly to see who had given me their cloak. Aragorn looked down at me, concerned.
"You are incredibly lucky," the Ranger said as he kneeled down, placing a hand on my forehead to feel my temperature. I had no response for him, so I sat quietly, ashamed at my rash actions. We were only a week into the venture and already I had made a fool of myself. He then motioned to take a look at my hands, which were red and felt as if they were burning. They must not have been as badly frozen as they felt, for he pulled away after a brief examination.
"We cannot linger," Aragorn said as he stood up, turning the to the rest of the company. I knew that he was talking to me more than anyone else, as they all seemed eager to get moving. Quickly and silently, we all got back into the boats and made our way carefully along the western banks until we found a safe spot to rest.
We stayed in the boats that night, too fearful of the orcs to set up camp and light a fire. I lay huddled at one end of the boat, with Legolas and Gimli farther towards the other end. We all were munching on a corner of lembas, staring up at the stars.
"Praised be the bow of Galadriel, and the hand and eye of Legolas!" Gimli said as he finished his wafer. "That was a mighty shot in the dark, my friend."
I glanced over, curious as to what he was talking about. Legolas looked over too. "But who can say what it hit?" he replied, obviously bothered.
"I cannot," Gimli added. "But I am glad that the shadow came no nearer. I liked it not at all. Too much it reminded me of the shadow in Moria - the shadow of the Balrog." His voice trailed off in a whisper.
"What shadow?" I asked quietly. The others continued to talk in their own boats, but Legolas turned to face me.
"A winged shadow, that is all I know. I shot it and it fell somewhere beyond the river," he replied, his brows furrowed.
I had a hunch that the 'winged shadow' was probably one of the winged steeds of the Ring Wraiths, but did not mention it. The conversation carried on, shifting from the beast and on to different matters. I knew not what they were discussing, and I didn't really care, to be honest. I curled up in the corner of the boat, hugging my knees to my chest, and tried to get some rest.
All through the night, I couldn't seem to fall asleep. Even after the others had drifted off, save Aragorn, who had offered to take the watch, my mind wandered. My clothes were still wet and clung to my skin, and I wished more than ever that Haldir was at by side. I longed to be in his arms, warm and out of harm's way. But I faced the cold reality of the night alone.
Yay! Next chapter is up! Kind of a not-so-great ending in my opinion, but I'm pretty happy with the rest of the chapter. It was a difficult chapter for me to write, as it is mostly just them paddling down the Anduin, but I did really enjoy writing from Haldir's perspective.
I'm interested to hear from you all, so please let me know what you thought of this chapter! I am trying not to include all of the book dialogue, but most of it seems too necessary to be taken out, so I hope that you guys don't mind having to read it all! I guess it's a good refresher for those of you who haven't read the books in a while!
Remember to check out the Tumblr blog, Waking-Dreams-Fanfic! Now that Christa's left Lothlórien, things should be picking up on the blog. I've already posted a bunch of stuff, including an illustration of her clothing designs! I'll also be posting the designs for her knives, and other things as well!
One final note: I will be dividing this story up into at least two parts, probably three. I will give you all plenty of warning before this part of the story is over, and of course the next books will be able to be found on my profile. They will most likely simply be called Waking Dreams: Part 1/2/3, so they will be easy to find once they are up.
As always, thanks for reading!
-Eru