Chapter 21: Slightly nicer than Knutsford

Canto viii: "Now art thou arrived, fell soul?"

Kobyashi stomps towards me, grabs me by the neck and tries to pull me forth. "Seriously, if you think it's bad in there then you clearly have no idea what is out here. Come on, old chap, it won't be that bad."

I shake him free. I shall not be moved!

"Me for her, right?" I ask, pulling away against his grasps at my belt and tugs forward. Every pull sends a stabbing pain to my fingers, but I will endure.

"Yes," he sighs with exasperation, "that was the deal."

"She's in there?" I ask, nodding at the ominous red door in the darkness; for reasons I cannot quite fathom I am certain she is not. Then again, trust has never come easy for me.

"Yes. Come on!"

I look at Kobyashi with incredulity, "And she married you?"

"It was quick. I had to improvise."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why everything: why was she there when she was meant to be out there? Why did you know? Why did you make a deal? Most importantly, why on earth did she marry you?"

"You're seriously asking me this, now?"

"I'm asking you this, now."

"There was a job," Kobyashi begins with exasperation, "My superior at the Archive, this man called Rook, called me to his office one day. He insisted I take the job. He is a very, very persuasive man. He said I had the perfect skills. They needed to find something and 'I was the best'. I would take the job, he said. No one says 'no' to Mr Rook." For the first time Kobayashi seems afraid. "I said no." His poker face faltered. I wonder what kind of task would terrify this man, he had seemed fearless.

"What was the job?"

"Firstly, they wanted me to work with the Collector. They needed an inside man to get information. There was a legal position coming up, even the worst creatures in the world need legal representation! Hence my nickname. Rook told me to attend the interview, get the job and find out what they needed to know. I declined because it meant..."

"You would change."

"Yes, it meant..."

"Giving up on a human life."

"Yes, it meant..."

"Giving up on Belinda?"

"Do you want me to tell you this or do you know it already?" I decline to answer. Kobyashi continues, "I said no. I went about my life. Then you, Mr Yorke, took it upon yourself to kill the woman I love."

"I turned her into a vampire," I respond sarcastically; though, yes, technically that had not been my intent.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was much the same thing. The point being, I told you that you were being watched. When my associates went to clear up your mess they got more than they expected. They got Linny."

"And leverage?"

"Oh, they knew if they passed her on to the Collector that I would follow. I would have to take the job. My supervisor called me into his office again; calmly, and with his usual intent, he told me what they had done with 'Belinda Weaver's body'. Of course, I took the job immediately. I went to the interview. I got hired. I did my job, and then I used my time there to find her and get her out, but it didn't take me long to recognise I could not do it alone, so, I got help."

"Connie?"

"Others too. I came up with a plan. I thought it was fool proof, but I was wrong. Sometimes people get things wrong. Sometimes even people like me can be foolish, Hal."

My eyes have not left the door before me. The pit of my stomach and the hairs standing to attention upon the back of my neck remind me that I know just how wrong sometimes people can be.

"So when the Collector worked out what I was doing I had to think fast. I told him that I had worked out a flaw in the security system, and that I was testing it. I'm smart, Hal...the Collector is much smarter. He realised that Linny was important to me, worked out that I took the job to get her out and, you know what? He was impressed! He said I could keep her, if I brought him something he'd been after for a while. He told me he wanted an Old One and he had heard there were only a few left. I said I knew of one, you, and he said if I brought you to the Collection then I could have Linny. Then he...promoted me, if you can call it that."

He was being euphemistic, he clearly meant that as a gift he was given whatever corporeality he now possesses I cannot fathom how, "That doesn't explain a marriage? You can't get married in Hell!"

"Is that where you think that is?" He laughs, "It's not Hell, Hal," he reassures, though I find it hard to trust him.

"It's not?"

"Not literally speaking, but Hell does exist. We would have to go a lot deeper than where we are to get there. But it's close. It's very close. Can't you feel it? It'll come up to meet us and take us deeper if we stay here too long. Or, we can keep going if you would rather?"

"But the Devil, he…" I am talking to myself now, thinking of all those years ago when I lost any kind of faith. I shake my head. I no longer know what to believe, "he didn't listen."

"Oh, he's been on holiday. Sort of. I think you know. And that's half the problem. Guess who it is my bosses wanted me to find?" He smiles, knowingly. I have a sinking feeling that he has been exceptionally efficient at his job. Suddenly I see him in a different light.

"Where?"

"You're better off here, trust me."

"And, where is here exactly?" I snap.

"Imagine it's like a service station, old chap. Somewhere to stop off for a pasty and a wank on the way to the big house...the demonic equivalent of Knutsford Services; in fact, it's slightly nicer."

"You're not lying are you?" I can tell a liar, this man gave up lying to me the minute we fought. I know that now. There is no point for him to lie. "I just don't understand why she would marry you."

Kobayashi sighed, "If I tell you will you come with me?"

I hesitate, I nod.

"Linny was out of it, half herself, less than that. Being there, in that place, it has changed her, Hal," he says sadly, I can't imagine what would change someone like Belinda Weaver. I made her a vampire and it had barely even knocked her from her stride. "I saved her, made a deal, but they still took her away from me. The Collector needed a bargaining chip, after all, to make sure I kept to my end of the deal. But, you know Linny, she attacked the men who were taking her and ran off. The Collector sent me after her. He told me if she tried to escape she would turn to ash, our deal would be done, and so would my entire existence. He promised me a one way ticket straight down into the furthest pits of this place. I went after her. She was heading to the humans, he keeps a bunch. She made her way there and had clawed her way in hungrily before I had stopped her. Killed two. The humans had all been taken weeks before, what was left of a wedding party. When I found Linny she had killed the bride. She was wearing her dress. 'Don't I look pretty, Stuart,' she said. 'Don't you love me, Stuart.' She was teasing me like I was a child. I had just saved her from a pit! I had given my soul away! My life, for her! And she was teasing me."

"Your name is Stuart?"

He rolls his eyes, "Stuart Algenon Leftbridge... the second, to be precise, Hal. Anyway, I don't know how but somewhere along the journey she had got hold of a chunk of wood, she snapped it and held it to her chest. She said, "I'm a monster, Stuart, and you still love me. I should die." Noble, yes, but stupid. Probably half the reason I love her. I panicked. I begged her. I got down on my knees and I pleaded with her not to take her own life." Stuart, or Kobyashi, or whatever his name is, hangs his head, his voice quietens to a well-spoken hum. "She said 'what's the point in being alive if I'm out there and Hal's in here.' "

"She said what?!"

"Don't make me repeat myself, Hal, you know what I said! She made me promise. She said if I loved her that much then 'fine'; she would be mine; she would marry me and I could do whatever the hell I liked, but - and here's the kicker - I was to leave you out of it. Do you see what she was doing, Hal? She was giving me a choice, between being with her, the woman I have loved, completely and utterly, since I was a boy, or betraying a promise to one of the most dangerous demons to have ever existed!" He shakes his head, "Classic Belinda, just classic. I mean, you've met her. It's no competition really! I called her bluff, I said, 'if you mean it let's do it, here and now'. So we did. There. Then. The humans witnessed it, the vicar did his job, and then I took her back to the Collector like a willing lamb. When we got back to him she said, 'Hello babes, thought I might stay a while longer, if that's okay with you.'" He laughs. I don't.

"But I'm here," I said with surprise, "If you promised Belinda why in the name of all that is holy am I still here?"

"Do I strike you as someone who keeps a promise, Hal? I'm not stupid! This way I get to have my cake, and eat it. Linny has completely lost her mind, old bean, she won't know the difference between me rescuing her a second time successfully, and me negotiating her freedom by giving the Collector exactly what he wants. I'll know though, that's all that matters. I'll know that the one man standing between me and my happiness is tucked away in a nice little corner, never to bother us again. And if Linny every recovers her mind, gets curious and thinks to pay a visit to your old friends, she will find that you gave up on your pointless bid for sobriety and ran off into the dark to rape and pillage, or whatever it is you vampires do. That's if I haven't been able to get rid of your friends so they can never tell her otherwise."

I stare at this man in horror and, I will admit, admiration. "That is truly evil," I tell him.

"Thank you. Coming from you I take that as quite a spectacular compliment! I really do admire you Mr Yorke. If you hadn't killed Linny, we might have even been friends at some point." He claps me on the shoulder in a friendly sort of way and then gives me another firm pull. This time I follow, unable to protest any further and too stunned at the nature of this man to remain steadfast any longer.