Chapter 20
Brittany slowly woke up and as she did she was hit with the aroma of coffee brewing. Santana must be up which meant Cole must have woken up early like he does quite often. Brittany wondered how early Cole woke Santana up because he would sometimes wake up an hour before the alarm clock went off. Just as Brittany was about to look at the alarm clock on her nightstand to see what time it was her alarm went off. It was 7 o'clock. Brittany got out of bed went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth before going to the kitchen.
When she walked into the kitchen she saw Santana standing in front of the counter watching the coffee brew in the coffee maker. Brittany didn't want to startle Santana so she yawned and stretched as she walked to the cupboard to get a couple of coffee mugs. Santana looked away from the coffee maker when she heard the yawn. She watched Brittany get the mugs from the cupboard and then bring them over to the counter by the coffee maker. Once she sat the mugs down she turned to Santana, "Good morning sweetie." Brittany gave Santana a quick kiss.
"Morning Britt", Santana said in her raspy morning voice.
"Where's Cole?" Brittany yawned.
"He's still sleeping. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to get up and make some coffee."
"When I smelled the coffee brewing I thought for sure you were up early because Cole had woken up early." Brittany rubbed Santana's lower back as they stood there.
"No, I had kind of restless night. I ate way too much food last night and my stomach was kind of upset." Santana looked at Brittany and made up a sick feeling face.
"Why didn't you wake me up? I would've given you some medication for upset stomach." Brittany's voice was full of concern.
"It wasn't too bad and it finally went away. My mind woke me up early this morning because it knows it's time to go back to work." Santana didn't want to go back to work but she knew she needed to because she had responsibilities and obligations.
"Are you sure your ankle is well enough for you to go back to work?" Brittany knew how unstable a sprained ankle could be in the first few days.
"The swelling has gone down and it doesn't hurt to walk when I wear my cast boot. I have a meeting this afternoon about a new school program we are putting together to strengthen the relationship between middle school aged children and the police. It's an important program and I need to be there in person."
"Just promise me you'll be careful." Brittany put her arms around Santana's lower back.
"I promise." Santana put her arms around Brittany's neck.
"I missed you in bed last night." Brittany stroked the side of Santana's face.
"I missed you too. I went to check on Cole before going to your bedroom last night. He was sound asleep and I watched him for a couple of minutes. On the way out of his room I tripped over a stuffed dinosaur and woke him up. He asked me if I'd lay down with him so I did and I fell asleep." Santana leaned into Brittany's touch. Both women loved the closeness that seemed so natural to them.
"I've told him a hundred times to keep his toys in his play area of his room. I've tripped over trucks and cars but never a dinosaur. You could've reinjured your ankle or gotten hurt in some other way. I woke up at 3 and when you weren't in bed I went looking for you. I panicked a bit when I didn't find you on the couch or in the guest room. Then I found you in Cole's room."
"Why did you panic? Did you think I left?" Santana asked concerned why Brittany would panic when she couldn't find her.
Brittany put looked down before looking back up at Santana. "It crossed my mind. I thought maybe you needed some space after Cole and Angelica's little meltdown last night."
"I would never leave without telling you. It really hit home last night just how much Cole and Angelica have in common. Losing a parent they don't remember. Their mothers' finding new loves to share their lives with. It's a lot for them to deal with, it's a lot for the adults to deal with too. Brittany, we're going to be ok right?"
Brittany saw the uncertainty in Santana's eyes and it made her feel sad but it also scared her a little. "Yeah, we're going to be ok. I had no idea Cole had been thinking it wasn't fair he only has one parent when a lot other children have two. Angelica saying you were her mother triggered his feelings for you and how much he wants you to be his mother. Cole really has a special connection with you and he really wants you to be his mother. I know it's not that simple but for him in his 4-year-old mind it is just that simple."
"I don't know maybe it can be that simple." Santana didn't hesitate when she spoke.
Brittany gave Santana a puzzled look, "What do you mean maybe it can be that simple?"
"Morgan said somethings to me last night that had me thinking even before Cole and Angelica's meltdown. I really wish we had more time to talk right now but we both need to get to work and you need to get Cole up and ready for preschool." Santana knew now wasn't the time to get into a conversation about the future.
"No, you don't get to say something like that and then not explain what you mean." Brittany's voice increased in volume to show her frustration as she backed away from Santana ending their embrace.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything this morning it's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking about us since last night." Santana didn't like that Brittany had pulled away from her physically and she was also doing it emotionally.
Brittany knew Santana felt bad but that didn't change the fact she wasn't happy having to wait to hear what Santana meant by saying 'maybe it can be that simple'. "I've got to go wake up Cole. I think this morning I'm going to let him breakfast at preschool. He doesn't usually eat breakfast there because I prefer him to eat at home so I know he had a good breakfast but we are going to be late today if he eats breakfast here. I've got to go take a shower and get ready for work. When are you leaving?" Brittany didn't mean for words to come out angry and cold but they did.
"Uh…I was going to leave soon so I have time to go home before going to work. Britt baby, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I promise we'll talk about this soon."
"Ok, we'll I've got to get Cole up. I guess we'll talk whenever. Have a good day." Brittany gave Santana a quick smile before leaving the kitchen.
Santana stood there not sure what she should do. Should she stay until Brittany and Cole leave or should be leave now? The way Brittany said have a good day made Santana think Brittany expected her to leave now. Santana looked at the pot coffee that was done brewing. She turned the coffee maker off knowing Brittany would get coffee at the coffee shop. Santana walked down the hallway and heard Brittany talking to Cole about what clothes he was going to wear. She heard Brittany tell him he was going to eat breakfast at preschool and when he cheered out loud Santana couldn't help but smile.
Santana walked to the doorway of his bedroom and when he saw her he shouted "Santana!" He ran over and gave her a hug.
"Good morning Cole. I wanted to tell you to have a good day before I leave."
"You're leaving?" Cole whined.
"Yeah, I have go back to work today."
"But you're coming back later right?"
Santana looked at Brittany who was making herself busy by picking up some of Cole's toys. "I don't know. You and your mom have taken such good care of me the past two days. It's because of you two my ankle is feeling better. If I don't see you later today. I'll see you soon, ok?"
Cole nodded his head yes, "Ok". Cole hugged Santana's legs and she hugged him back.
Brittany was done picking up the toys, "Please go brush your teeth, wash your face, and then get dressed. I'm going to go take a shower." Santana was still standing in the doorway so Brittany couldn't leave Cole's room. Santana knew this wasn't the time to play games so she moved out of the way so Brittany could go to her room across the hallway.
Santana followed her, "I'm going go now. I'll call you later ok?"
Brittany didn't look at Santana as she walked into the bathroom, "Ok".
Santana sighed and started walking down the hallway when she heard Brittany call out her name. Santana stopped and turned around. Brittany was walking towards her and when she reached Santana she hugged her tightly. Santana hugged Brittany back and both women felt the other relax. Brittany pulled back to look Santana in the eyes. "I love you. I'm sorry for acting this way. I just wish we could talk now. I hate leaving things unsaid. After Gracie died I worried all of the time when I said goodbye to my parents on the phone or after a visit or when I left Cole at daycare or preschool that it might be the last time I saw them. I worried about what thoughts or feelings I left unsaid and what if I never got the chance to say those things to them. What if something happens to you before we get a chance to talk?" Brittany stopped as she felt tears come to her eyes.
"We both know we never know when something is going to happen to us. I promise we talk we'll say everything we need to say so nothing is left unsaid. I wish we could right now talk too but as far as I'm concerned you telling me love me is all I need to hear until we can talk. I love you with all my heart." Santana placed a gentle kiss on Brittany's lips. Brittany didn't have a chance to kiss Santana back before she ended the kiss. The kiss was Santana's way of letting Brittany know she understood how she was feeling.
"I'm just being overly emotional today. Seeing Cole so upset last night has my emotions on edge this morning. It brought back a lot of feelings I dealt with after losing Gracie. It's probably a good thing we don't have time to talk right now." Brittany hadn't felt these feelings in a very long time. She thought she had dealt with them, especially worrying she'd never see someone again, but she guessed those feelings were bound to temporary return at some point. It didn't mean she hadn't dealt with them.
"I'm sorry those feelings came back. I can't imagine how you must have felt after Gracie died. I know when Jay died I worried for quite a while whenever I went out on an investigation that something was going wrong again and my partner or I was going to get hurt or worse. I know it's not the same as what you went through with your feelings. I just wanted you to know I understand how losing someone affects your life." Santana wanted Brittany to know she wasn't alone.
"I know you understand." Brittany could tell by way Santana looked at her that she did understand.
The two shared a passionate kiss before Santana left the apartment. Morgan's words about not waiting to act on her love for Brittany still running through her mind.
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Santana ended up working late trying to make up for the work she didn't get done the days she was off with her sprained ankle. Her assistant had been out sick those days too with strep throat so there was a lot of phone calls to return and a lot of missed work to do. Brittany and she had texted several times and talked on the phone a couple of time during the day.
Their last communication for the day were text messages at 8 PM.
Santana: Just got home was a looonnnggg day. I didn't call because I didn't want to wake up Cole if he was sleeping.
Brittany: Put your feet up and relax now. How's the ankle?
Santana: It's doing ok. I can tell it swelled up a little bit during the day. It will be ok once I get into bed. How's Cole?
Brittany: He seems ok. He was a little clingy tonight and said he was tired so we got ready for bed right after dinner. We started watching TV and he feel asleep in about 5 minutes and has been asleep since. He wanted to call you tonight but I told him you were busy at work.
Santana: :( You should've called I always have time for you and Cole.
Brittany: He made me promise if I talked to you after he fell asleep that I tell you he missed you tonight.
Santana: I missed him too. I missed both of you. I got used to seeing both of you every day.
Brittany: Me too. It was nice having you here. I could get used it. I called Morgan today and Angelica is coming for a dance lesson at the studio tomorrow at 1 o'clock. Any chance you can get away from work?
Santana: I wish I could but I have a meeting at 2. I would love to see Angelica learning to dance.
Brittany: I'll make sure to take some pics and video for you. You'll never guess who else is going to take a dance lesson at the same time.
Santana: Morgan?
Brittany: Nope
Santana: Scott?
Brittany: Guess again.
Santana: I have no idea.
Brittany: Cole. I told him tonight Angelica was coming to the studio for a dance lesson and he asked if he could come to the lesson to. He's never shown an interest in dance and I've never pushed him. I decided to let him miss preschool tomorrow and spend the day with me at the studio. I have a light schedule.
Santana: I don't know but I think he may have a crush on Angelica.
Brittany: I think so too. My eyes are feeling sleepy so I'd better go.
Santana: I'm tired too. Sleep well my love. I love you.
Brittany: Sleep well. I love you Santana.
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"You and Angelica are quite the little dancers." Santana sat on Brittany's couch watching the video Morgan took of Cole and Angelica during their dance lesson.
"I know. Did you see me spin around?" Cole asked as he spun around in front of the TV.
"I did. You are an awesome dancer. Like your mother."
"How do you know I'm an awesome dancer you've never seen me dance?" Brittany asked playfully.
"I just know you are awesome but I wouldn't be mind getting a private showing sometime?" Santana wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
"I don't know, I'm not sure you could handle it." Brittany said with a wink which of course caused Santana to feel all warm.
"Santana, guess what? When Angelica goes home we are going to Skype like I do with Grandma and Grandpa. Did you know Angelica lives in Texas? And I'm going to start taking dance lessons at Mommy's studio and Angelica's going to take dance lesson in Texas. We can dance together on Skype."
Santana couldn't stop smiling listening to Cole ramble on about Angelica, "Yes, I know they live in Texas and that's awesome both of you are going to take dance lessons."
"Angelica's mommy told Mommy that we are invited to Texas when she and Scott get married." Cole's was so excited he was continuing to spin around.
Santana turned to Brittany, "I haven't even been invited yet."
"Morgan said she hoped Cole and I could come to wedding with you. You know Cole he hears everything nothing gets by him." Brittany hoped Santana wasn't upset Morgan mentioned about them going to the wedding with her.
"I don't know when the wedding is but I hope you two can come with me." Santana replied.
"Actually, the wedding is in two months." Brittany said then wished she had let Morgan tell Santana when the wedding was going to be.
"Two months? Morgan told you when the wedding is and she hasn't told me yet. Wait until I talk to her." Santana pretended to be upset and offended but Brittany could tell Santana was only joking much to her relief.
"Are you going to be able to see them before they leave on Saturday?" Brittany asked.
"Yeah, I'm having breakfast with the three of them tomorrow. You mean she didn't invite you and Cole to that too?" Santana teased.
"Actually, she did mention it to me but I told her you should spend some time with them alone."
"Speaking of tomorrow, do you know what you want to do tomorrow night yet?" Santana had no idea what they were going to do on their night together. Well, since Cole was staying overnight with Tina she was hoping she knew the way the night would end but at the same time she wasn't going jump Brittany's bones the second they were alone. She assumed Brittany hadn't been with another woman since Gracie died and she knew it could be an emotional time for Brittany.
"Well, I had hoped we could go to dinner and then dancing but your ankle is in no shape for dancing. Maybe we could go to the movies?" Brittany was just as unsure about what they were going to do as Santana was.
"Maybe we could just stay at my apartment and do whatever we want to do. We can talk and see what happens after that." Santana suggested.
"Ok, that sounds good to me. Tina is picking up Cole around 5 o'clock and bringing him back around 2 o'clock on Sunday. We have a lot of time to be alone." Brittany looked down because she suddenly felt shy.
"I'm looking forward to being with you." Santana knew what she said could have a double meaning but in this case it was appropriate. She couldn't wait to be with Brittany and spend time alone with her so they could talk, and she couldn't wait make love to her.
"Me too." The double meaning wasn't lost on Brittany.
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"We are going to have a small ceremony with family and few friends." Morgan explained as she took a bit of her scrambled eggs.
"That sounds great. I heard through the grapevine the wedding is in two months." Santana said sarcastically but Morgan knew she was kidding.
"Oh, Brittany told you. I told her I hoped she and Cole could come to Texas for the wedding in a couple of months. I was going to tell you our wedding date this morning at breakfast." Morgan explained.
"I'm going to be a flower girl!" Angelica shouted a little too loud causing other customers in the restaurant to look their way.
"You'll make a beautiful flower girl sweetie." Santana said as she looked at Angelica who had maple syrup from her French toast all over her mouth.
"There is one thing Brittany doesn't know about the wedding. She doesn't know that I want you to stand up with me when I marry Scott. I'm not having bride's maids. I would love it if you would stand up with me during the ceremony." Morgan asked Santana.
Santana felt herself getting emotional, "I'd love to."
"Yay, Santana's going to be in the wedding too! When are you going to marry Cole's mommy?" Angelica asked using a loud voice again causing people to look at their table.
Santana choked on the coffee she just swallowing. While Santana recovered Morgan stepped in to help her out. "What makes you think Santana is going to marry Cole's mommy?"
"Well, Scott was your boyfriend and now you're getting married. Brittany is Santana's girlfriend so now they have to get married."
"Sweetie, it doesn't work that way. Just because a person is your boyfriend or girlfriend you don't have to marry them. A lot of times a person has a boyfriend or girlfriend and they don't get married because they like each other but love each other enough to want to get married. When two people decide to get married it's because they love that person the most."
Angelica thought for a few seconds, "So Santana isn't going to marry Cole's mommy because she doesn't love her the most?"
Morgan knew this was difficult for a 5-year-old to understand, "No it doesn't mean Santana doesn't love Brittany the most, it just means they haven't decided if they want to get married."
Angelica again thought for a few seconds, "So they might get married and they might not."
"Exactly." Morgan smiled satisfied Angelica had gotten the point she was trying to make to her.
Santana had recuperated from choking and admired the way Morgan had handled the situation with Angelica. Santana decided to change the subject. "Armando said you, Scott, and Angelica stopped by to see Ella."
"Yes we did. I felt bad we could only stay about half an hour but it's been difficult to see everyone we wanted to see during our visit. Ella is so precious. I can't wait to have…" Morgan didn't finish her sentence because she didn't want Angelica to hear what she wanted to say.
Morgan looked at Scott and by the smiles on their faces Santana knew exactly what Morgan was talking about. "So am I to assume you won't wait long?" Santana asked and Morgan nodded her head yes.
"Angelica!" Everyone turned when they heard Angelica's name being shouted. Cole ran up to their table with Brittany trailing behind him. "I drawed you a picture of us two dancing. See!" Cole pushed the piece of white paper towards Angelica.
"Cole, how many times have I told you not run ahead of me? And you know better than run in a restaurant." Brittany was flustered and a bit embarrassed because everyone in the restaurant looked their way once again when they heard Cole shouting Angelica's name and running to the table.
Cole knew his was in trouble by the tone of his mother's voice, "I'm sorry Mommy but I saw Angelica and my feet got excited so I ran."
Brittany tried not to smile and laugh when Cole spoke because he was in trouble but sometimes he said the cutest things. Santana, Morgan, and Scott were tiring not to laugh too. Santana got up for her chair and kissed Brittany on the lips. "Hey baby, I didn't think you were joining us for breakfast."
"We're not. I was at the studio this morning for an early class and Cole drew a picture for Angelica while he was there. I told him we would mail it to her when we got home but he insisted he needed to give it to her in person. I knew you'd all be here and since this restaurant isn't far from the dance studio I told him he could give it to her quickly and then we'd leave. I'm sorry I hope it's ok we stopped by."
"This is you and this is me. I'm spinning around." Cole was standing beside Angelica's chair pointing at the picture he drew. The adults paused and smiled at the two children.
"I told you yesterday at the dance studio you and Cole were welcome to join us for breakfast. Have a seat." Morgan pointed to the one empty chair at their table. Brittany sat down and immediately looked at Santana who smiled and winked at her.
"Mommy, can Angelica and I go to the park and swing?" Cole was pointing out the window that was by the table. Across the street was a beautiful a park with playground and picnic tables. Brittany had taken Cole there many times since she moved her dance studio to Manhattan.
"I'll take the kids over to the park so you ladies can have some girl time talk." Scott stated before finishing his coffee and leaning over to kiss Morgan.
"Thanks honey." Morgan said as she wiped the maple syrup off from Angelica's face.
"I'll go with you Scott. I want to spend some time with Angelica before you leave and I never pass up the chance to play with my little buddy Cole." Santana made sure she included Cole when she spoke because she didn't want him to feel left out and beside what she said about playing with him was true.
"No, I'll go you stay here and spend some time with Morgan." Brittany protested and started to get up but Santana, who had gotten up from her chair, put her hands on Brittany's shoulders to make sure she didn't get up.
"You two sit and enjoy a cup of coffee. Just no talking about me. Well, if you want you can talk about what a wonderful person I am, but no telling funny stories about me." Santana leaned down and kissed Brittany before she and Scott left the restaurant with the children.
The waitress poured a cup of coffee for Brittany and refilled Morgan's almost empty cup. The two women enjoyed a couple of sips of coffee as they watch Santana and Scott cross the busy street with the children. Angelica was holding Santana's hand while Cole held Scott's hand. Scott and Cole had bonded during dinner the other night which made both Brittany and Morgan happy.
"Scott is going to make a wonderful father someday." Morgan said as she continued to watch him with Cole.
"He bonded with Cole quickly which isn't an easy thing to do. Other than Santana and Armando, Cole has always been shy and cautious when he meets someone for the first time. Which is actually a good thing but it takes a quite a while to feel comfortable around people." Brittany watched as Scott helped Cole up into the swing.
"Scott bonded with Angelica quickly too. He adores her and she adores him." There was a couple of minutes of silence as the two watch the children at the park. Santana and Scott were pushing them on the swings. "You look like you have something on your mind. I noticed at the dance studio during the kids' lesson too. I'm Santana's friend and I'd like to be your friend too."
Brittany thought for a few seconds and debated rather she should ask what she wanted to ask Morgan or not. She finally decided to go ahead and ask. "The other night when Cole got so upset it brought back a feeling I thought I'd gotten over. The feeling that every time I say goodbye to someone I love that it could be the last time I see them. After Gracie died, I dreaded saying goodbye to my parents on phone or saying goodbye when they came to visit. When Cole started preschool, I dreaded leaving him there. I almost panicked every time worrying it might be the last time we'd see each other. Yesterday before Santana left my apartment to go back to work we started having a serious talk and then Santana said she didn't want to continue since we didn't have time because we both had to go to work. I got upset because she wouldn't keep talking although she was right we didn't have time to continue talking. That's when the feeling came back that what if something happens and I never get hear what she wanted to say to me." Brittany's voice cracked with emotion.
Morgan reached over and put her hand on top of Brittany's hand that on the table. "I know exactly how you feel. I always worried about Jay coming home safely when he went to work but that was nothing compared to how I felt after he died. Just like you when I said goodbye to my parents, family, and friends I worried it would be the last time we would ever speak or see one another. Angelica was only 6 months old when Jay died and I didn't let her out of my sight for more than a few minutes at a time for over two years. I quit my job after Jay died and we moved to Texas so Angelica and I could be close my and Jay's families. It took like I said over two years before I felt comfortable enough to get a job and leave Angelica with one of her grandmothers. Every time I said goodbye I made sure to really look at her sweet face just in case it was the last time I saw her. It's gotten better with time but every once in a while, the fear of it being the last time I'll see someone comes back like it did for you."
"I told Santana how I was feeling and she was supportive as usual. I just worry some day she may think this all too much to handle and decide to walk away."
"Santana never walks away from people she cares about and she cares deeply about you and Cole. Don't ever doubt Santana's loyalty and commitment. When Santana told me the story about how she met you and Cole on the plane I could tell something in her changed after that. Having Cole call her Mommy affected her deeply. When she told me about promising you she'd walk the other way if she ever saw you or Cole, I could tell her heart was breaking. She knew she was doing the right thing because of what you and Cole were going through but at the same time she missed you both. Santana would text me and let me know when she saw you at the coffee shop. You and Cole were a part of Santana's life for those two years you didn't talk. The other night after dinner I gave Santana some advice. I told her if Brittany is truly the one for you don't wait to act on it. The same goes for you, if Santana is truly the one for you don't wait to act on it. Follow your heart."
Brittany felt tears coming to her eyes and she didn't couldn't find the words to respond right away. She was startled when she heard someone knock on the restaurant window by their table. When she looked up Santana, Scott and the kids were standing there. When Santana saw tears in Brittany's eyes she looked at her concerned but when Brittany gave her smile she felt relief.
"I hate to do this but we need to get going if we are going so we can make our flight this afternoon." Scott had been the one who knocked on the window.
Morgan shook her head and laughed because sometimes Scott was like a kid himself. When the waitress brought the check Brittany grabbed it and paid for it as a payback for the takeout food Morgan and Scott had paid for when they had dinner.
Everyone said their goodbyes in front of the restaurant. Cole and Angelica made plans to Skype on Wednesday night. It was difficult to explain to them that there was a time difference between Texas and New York City. Morgan, Scott, and Angelica got a cab to go back to his parent's house to say goodbye and get their luggage before heading to the airport. Santana, Brittany, and Cole got a cab to take them to Brittany's apartment. Even though it was only three blocks away Santana was still wearing her cast boot and in no shape to make the walk.
When they got to Brittany's apartment Cole went to his bedroom to pack his bag for his overnight stay with Tina. Since they were alone Santana asked Brittany, "Are you ok? I saw tears in your eyes."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Actually I'm more than fine. I'm fantastic. I love you so much." Brittany pulled Santana into a hug and kissed her passionately which took Santana off guard.
"I love you too." Santana gave Brittany a quick kiss.
"Mom, what pajamas should I take to Tina's?" Cole shouted from his room.
"I can't wait to be alone with you." Brittany said kissing Santana once more before going to help Cole pick out his pajamas.
Santana just stood there with her heart racing because she couldn't wait to be alone with Brittany either. She knew the talk they were going to have would decide the future of their relationship. She just hoped Brittany would feel the same way as she did about what the next step in their relationship should be.
TBC
A/N – I know there's a lot different moments in this chapter and they are needed to set up the next chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing.