A/N: I'm posting a little early today b/c I have company coming later! Thanks for sticking through this rather angsty bit - I'm sorry, but in deciding on what I thought might have transpired during this time period, I wanted to make sure it coincided with what happened in the end - some of the cryptic things that they said that didn't make a whole lot of sense - why they suddenly said things they hadn't voiced before, seemingly out of the blue - and especially why they were still tentative to say how they felt, even right up until the last moment. I hope this fleshes out everything in a much more comprehensive than what we got - at least it's one idea of what could have taken place. Thanks again for reading!

1 MAY 2005
0205 ZULU
HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION

He had almost finished packing and still Mac hadn't picked up his challenge to have 'the talk'. He sat on his bed and stared out across the room – in his fingers he held the necklace he'd bought her in Italy what seemed like a lifetime ago. It was such a beautiful chain… running his thumb over the gold and silver links he remembered how he had kept picturing her wearing it as he had flown home that day. Never before had he been so excited to give something to someone just for the shear pleasure of giving it to them. Of course he'd heard often enough that it's better to give than to receive, but he'd never actually experienced that feeling - not until he felt the anticipation of giving this necklace to her. He knew exactly how he would have done it too… if only he'd gotten her out on that date…

...they would have gone somewhere nice. When he arrived to pick her up, he would have brought her flowers and told her how beautiful she looked, then, when she wasn't expecting it, he would have come up behind her. He would have stood maddeningly close and brought both arms around her as he leaned over her shoulder, holding the box up in front of her to reveal his surprise. Afterwards, he would have asked her if he could put it around her neck – he could just picture her holding her hair up in a bunch on her head – a few wisps trailing down over her delicate neck. After fastening it, he would have leaned over and sealed it to her skin with tender kisses… she would have been putty in his arms… maybe they wouldn't have even made it to dinner…

Now, it suddenly became clear to him why men gave women jewelry. He also now understood why he'd never before given it to any other woman – he'd never loved anyone that much. He struggled for a breath under the weight of his heavy heart. Maybe he'd just mail it to her from London – it wouldn't be the same, but he wanted her to have it. He certainly wouldn't be giving it to anyone else and he didn't want the damn thing lying around his apartment either - a constant reminder of all that he'd lost.
He sniffed and rubbed his watery eyes. It would have been so good. He would have had her for sure. He was actually pretty good at seduction when he set his mind to it, he'd just never tried with Mac – a reality that he'd never quite figured out the reason to. She never would have known what hit her if he'd ever fully ramped up into 'seductive mode'.

He was a good lover – he knew that. He also really enjoyed sex. The idea that he could make a woman cry out with pleasure by just playing her with his fingers – like he played his guitar - made him feel powerful, but it also just made him feel good. There was a simple satisfaction in knowing that he was able to make someone else feel good for awhile. He shook his head in frustration. He still couldn't quite grasp the concept that he would never bring Mac that kind of pleasure – it almost seemed incomprehensible. How could it possibly be that he would never share that intimate ecstasy with the one and only love of his life? And knowing that, would he ever again be able to be with another woman? Would bringing someone else that joy mean anything to him anymore? Would he ever again take any enjoyment from it himself or would it just cause him to die inside a little more every time? Exactly like he felt right now. Tom Boone had been right – the life had gone out of him somewhere during the last couple of years and he knew exactly why – if love was food for the soul, he was slowly starving to death.

Suddenly overcome with the silence of his almost completely packed apartment, Harm picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Homo!"

"Hey, Jack. You busy these days? I think I'm up for a trip. Can you get me another tour of the Space Center?"

"Sure Harm. You can even sit in the Flight Director's chair if you want." Harm's voice didn't sound right – couple this with the fact that Harm suddenly wanted to get out of town and Jack was immediately on alert. "Uh-oh… please don't tell me my advice made everything worse…"

"No, Jack… everything got worse all on its own…"

"I'm listening."

"Mac and I both got orders… to opposite sides of the planet…"

"WHAT?! Where?!"

"Mac to San Diego, me to London - Force Judge Advocate, Europe."

"Holy crap! I'd say congratulations, if it wasn't so horribly ironic…"

"Yeah… well, thanks anyway." Harm managed a small smirk.

"Did you… uh… talk to Mac? How does she feel about all of this?"

"I tried, but she seems… I don't know… resolved to the idea that we have to separate."

"But you're not?"

"No. I mean, as much as I love the Navy, Jack… I would give it all up for her… if I just knew…"

"That she loved you."

He sighed heavily. "Yeah."

"How much time have you got 'til you ship out?"

"I've got 13 or 14 hours until the movers get here and then I'm out of this apartment. I have to be in London on the 10th. My Frocking's at 18:00 tomorrow night… what I do between that and the 10th is still kind of… up in the air."

"You got a Frocking!?"

"Yeah – crazy, isn't it? I didn't even think they did that anymore."

"Me neither! Geeze, Harm - they didn't give you much time, did they? Who the hell did you piss off?"

"Keeter, who the hell haven't I pissed off in my career?" He chuckled bitterly, "But you know me - I perform my best work when I'm under a deadline."

"Well, buddy – that works great when you're cramming for exams, but not so good when you're trying to sort out your life."

Harm rubbed his hand over his face and breathed deeply. "Jack, what am I going to do?"

"I think you know exactly what you have to do. You have to ask her how she feels about you… and none of that cryptic shit either, Rabb! Ask it plain and simple – hell – you might even throw in how you feel about her first."

Harm shook his head as tears welled in his eyes. "I don't think I can" he choked.

Keeter's big heart was breaking for his friend. He'd seen Harm through many a 'Mac crisis' over the years, but never had he heard him quite this devastated. "It's the only way you're going to know for sure, Harm."

"But what if I don't want to know? If I never ask her, then I can always have hope! I don't have to hear that damn 'never' pounding over and over in my brain again…"

"And what good is hope going to be when there's an ocean and a continent between the two of you?" Hearing nothing in response, he continued. "Harm, listen to yourself…"

"I can't, Jack. I think I've finally had enough of this. If she wants to go, she can go."

"You're going to regret it, Harm. I know you. Once you get to London you're going to wish you did more…"

"DAMN IT – I WON'T FORCE HER TO LOVE ME!" Harm shook his head and fought back the sobs. He had to pinch the bridge of his nose so tightly that his head hurt. For the first time in his adult life, he actually felt like curling up in the fetal position. "I'm not Brumby…" he finally managed to croak out, "…that's his MO, not mine. No, Jack - if we're going to do this, I want her to do it because she wants it – not because I talked her into it. She would regret it later and that would kill me I think. I need her to want this or not at all… I won't talk her into it…"

"No," Keeter replied quietly, "but I don't think you're going to have to." He knew the turmoil Harm was experiencing but he forged ahead anyway. He'd always hoped these two would sort things out on their own, but now time had run out and it looked as though he may have to intervene to make things happen. "Harm, just promise me one thing. If she comes to you, you have to tell her how you feel."

Harm shook his head in dismay. "It's not going to make a difference, Keeter – she's made her decision."

"Harm! Promise me you will"

Harm took a deep breath and scrubbed his hand over his face. "I promise" he whispered

"I'm serious, Harm…"

"I promise, okay!"

TBC