Elena

Damon was gone.

I felt as if a cold hand squeezed my heart. When I found out he had quitted his job and ended his tenancy, waves of intense and varied emotions battered me. First came pain so excruciating it felt as if someone had carved a hole in my heart with a dull, serrated knife.

Damon had left, and he hadn't even told her. Instead he had allowed me to think we had a future. The sound of my heart breaking and my world crumbling around me drowned out the noise of the people and the traffic on the street.

Next came anger. White-hot, soul-searing anger. Now I understood why he had come to my house the other night, why he had never told me he loved me, no matter how many times I had said those words, Damon had never completely trusted me with his heart. My stomach clenched.

The pain was so intense. Why didn't he trust me? Why didn't he believe that I cared about him? Why didn't he believe that I want a future with him?

He had left me.

No explanation.

No goodbye.

Just…gone.

Tears blurred my vision. "You lied to me," I whispered hoarsely. 'You have promised you would never leave me."

I hunched over as I felt a sudden ripping sensation through my abdomen. Warmth flowed between my legs. I wove unsteadily on the street. My world began tilting, and more fluid flowed down my legs. I wove on rubbery legs, my hands stretched outward to keep myself upright. Gasps and sobs exploded out my mouth as the pain made me hunch over again.

I bent over, my hands cupping my belly. Suddenly, I heard different people talking. Looking up, I noticed a few people were standing around me. I didn't know who were there, but I sank to my knees. I was too weak to stand, too weak to see if they were friends or foe. Then, as if someone had lowered a black curtain across my vision.

I knew nothing more.

x x x

White.

Nothing but white. It surrounded me, then ripped apart, cut through by flaming scissors of pain that slashed ruthlessly into my consciousness.

I desperately attempted to rouse myself, to pull free. To pull free of the pain that oppressively weighed me down.

A multi-coloured mosaic of incidents, feelings, sounds swirled through my brain and I tried to make sense of the shards. There was no whole, no picture, only fragments. Damon, his sensuous mouth smiling at me, fading farther and farther away as I tried to reach out and touch him. Lost, I was lost, running, searching to find my way.

"Damon where are you?" I tried to utter the words, but no sounds came out.

Was I dead?

No, I hurt too much to be dead. Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Was it?

Was I just dreaming?

I struggled against overwhelming weight to open my eyes. I felt as if there was something incredibly heavy pressing down on my lids, drugging my senses. If I just gave in, it would be all right. I wouldn't have to struggle, to flight.

But I wanted to open my eyes.

It's you who change my life. You make me a different man. Damon's voice whispered in my ear.

Damon, please don't leave me.

His voice filled my head again. I need you. I have never felt happier in my life until I met you. I want to lie with you in bed every night and wake up with you in my arms.

"Damon?" I whispered hoarsely. Dry, my lips felt dry, cracked, as if someone had taken a knife and cut little notches along them.

Something, no someone moved just next to me. I could sense it. A voice drifted to me from very far away, growing louder with each word.

"No, it's Jenna, Elena. Can you hear me?"

This time my eyelids did lift when I tried to move them. The stark whiteness I had sensed started to take shape. It was the curtain near my bed. There was someone there with me. I laboured hard to focus.

A lady in a grey blouse and dark jeans. Almond-coloured hair spilling down on the collar.

Jenna. My aunt.

"Can you hear me, Elena?" Jenna repeated, squeezing my hand.

"I can hear you, Jenna." I attempted to sit up but couldn't. "Where am I?"

"Mystic Falls Hospital. I came immediately as soon as the hospital called me."

"Damon…where's Damon?" I pushed myself up but almost fell of the bed.

"Elena, be careful." Jenna cried as she rushed to my side to hold me.

"I need to see Damon," I cried out. "Damon, where are you? Don't do this to me. Please. I need you." Tears slid down my cheek.

Jenna said nothing but just sat beside me, drawing my trembling body to hers.

I wasn't sure how long I had cried for. Maybe until Dr Meredith Fell walked in.

Meredith Fell was a gynaecologist/obstetrician at Mystic Falls Hospital. Why was I in the gynaecology ward? Another fear ripped through me as I gripped Jenna's hand more firmly.

"I'm sorry, Elena. We have tried our best. It is not uncommon for miscarriage to happen, especially when you were only six weeks pregnant."

My jaw dropped. "What!?" I choked out. "Miscarriage? I was pregnant?" I couldn't believe my ears. I must be hallucinating.

"Yes, you were six weeks pregnant," she answered. "Miscarriage which happens in early pregnancy usually indicates either there is malformation of the foetus which is incompatible with life or there is genetic abnormality…."

I didn't hear what she said next. I felt numb. I was pregnant. Pregnant with Damon's baby. Our baby. But I lost the baby.

Tears slid down my cheek again when I thought they were completely drained. I was too weak to hold them back any longer.

"Are you in pain? Can you give her something for it?" Jenna asked, concerned.

"Yes, of course we can to give her some pain killers," Dr Fell explained.

I shook my head. "They haven't got anything for this kind of pain, Jenna."

x x x

I slept intermittently for the next thirty-six hours. Apparently I had lost quite some blood and Dr Fell ordered a series of test performed on me to ascertain there were no complications from the miscarriage. Every now and then, unconsciously my hand would splay over my stomach, thinking about the baby I had lost. Was it a boy? Damon would love to have a boy, I thought. They could play soccer together and Damon could teach him how to drive when he grew up. Maybe it was a girl. I would love to have a girl. I could tie her a ponytail every day and teach her how to make up when she grew up. Damon would freak out when our daughter started dating. I could imagine how uptight he would be.

"Hi, how do you feel?"

I turned around to find Stefan standing in the doorway. He held a bunch of roses in his hand. His smile was warm.

I smiled back. "Still surviving."

"The flowers are for you," he placed the roses on the table next to my bed. "Caroline told me you like pink roses."

"Thank you," I said as I gestured him to take the seat beside my bed. "How are you, Stefan?"

I hadn't spoken to him since he had the accident. It was too awkward, and most important of all, I felt guilty because I lied to Stefan.

"Still surviving," Stefan replied, throwing the same words back at me. We looked at each other for a moment before grinning like silly children. Although there was no chemistry between Stefan and I, I had always felt comfortable with him. Like he was family. Like a brother.

"Have you heard from Damon?" he asked after a brief silence.

The agony filled my heart and soul immediately. I shook my head as I tried to hold back a sob.

"He's scared, Elena. That's why he is running away."

"But why?" I asked, trying to control my emotions. "I will be there for him no matter what happens."

"Damon has gone through a lot. He has lost our mum and Katherine. He thought he doesn't deserve to be loved. Until you came along." He took my hand in his. "Trust me, he cares about you. He loves you more than anything."

I wanted to believe Stefan, almost as much as I wanted to believe that Damon would eventually come back to me. But would he?