"Good afternoon, Kiteyama-san,"

My gaze faltered at her politely appropriate bow, and I passed a quick glance to Toushirou standing behind her in an effort to absorb some of the strength the man exuded on a regular basis. He met my gaze with his own; trying to piece together whether or not I'd be able to handle this alone, or if he should stay in the room to provide an invisible comfort from a distance.

"Good afternoon," I replied after the two seconds of disarray passed with a quick nod replacing a formal bow.

Miyuki's body language told me enough; she was forcing politeness and what I imagined was a warm-colored aura to provide ease for my demeanor. I felt so damn terrible about the last awkward meeting I'd had with her—she probably thought I hated her.

"How are you feeling today? Have you been able to rest?" she questioned with her cautious approach.

"I'm all right," I immediately answered with the best amount of undivided attention I could muster. "Yes, I was able to rest easily for the past two days,"

She set her small medical bag on the ground beside the bed, and I could hear the clasp open as she replied.

"Very good; rest is so important during the recuperation process. I'm happy that you're able to rest in a disclosed facility; sometimes our patient rooms can get a bit rambunctious," she smiled to attempt light, mindless conversation as a tension break.

"I would imagine," I responded absently.

I felt terrible at detaching myself like this, but it was still painful to wrap my head around the whole situation. While I took solace in Toushirou and his words, and let myself become immersed in the warm safety that the Ice King—ironic, no?—provided, when the subject came to combat me face-to-face, I was just as hopeless as I'd been on day one.

She took out a roll of white fabric—in which I assumed she kept some of her medical tools in to prevent the spread of germs to the equipment—and set it on the bed.

"My apologies Hitsugaya-Taichou, but I must ask you to step out of the room for the moment," she began as she reached into her bag to take out her stethoscope. "The examination will require the removal of her clothing."

Toushirou looked right at me; asking me with his eyes if I was really okay with this—with her—being alone with me, and on top of that being okay with my fear of others seeing the freakshow hidden under my clothing. He'd said before that with the others that monitored me, he hadn't let them see anything but the actual wound—my resolve dwindled at the thought of her specifically seeing what she caused in her previous life.

I blinked and drew in a deep breath as silently as possible. While I wanted him to hold my hand quite literally, it was for the best if I took this bull by the horns as much as possible. I gave him a quick—and more than likely hardly convincing—nod, and he responded back after my strained reply.

"Please let me know when I'm able to re-enter; I'll be within earshot."

He was very subtle about it, but even I could tell that it was an order rather than a request. While I partially felt bad for Miyuki, at the same time a blush wanted to tint my cheeks at the stern concern that he displayed with the statement. As much as I wanted to allow myself to gush externally at the display, I had to keep reminding myself that this happening between the two of us wasn't public knowledge; I needed to keep my cool about it.

"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taichou; thank you," She turned and quickly bowed in respect.

Toushirou exited the room; sneaking a quick glance at me with his eyes that he wasn't expecting me to catch. I appreciated that he wasn't lingering and promptly filed out; he understood that I was attempting to slay this beast on my own. He tried to hide the glance so that I wouldn't lose confidence, but in all honesty it made me feel like he was rooting for me on the side-lines, and ready to jump in as back up if anything. I had to resist the blush and smile now.

"Okay—ready, Kiteyama-san?" Miyuki caught my attention—I snapped back into the battle I had been prepping myself for.

I nodded and abstained from a gulp as I sat forward.

"Please come to the edge of mattress before undressing—do you need assistance?" she asked—I shook my head.

"N-No, I'm okay."

Kami it was already happening—I displayed fear. Get it together!

I untied the winter haori I wore, and as it slid off my shoulders, she leaned toward me to take it and set it folded on the side of me. I untied my obi, and slid the warm yukata I wore down my shoulders to rest crumpled around me. Her eyes flickered to the morbid painting across my torso and I subconsciously crossed my arms over the area in embarrassment.

"That's good," she began as she fixed her stethoscope. "Most people with torso wounds have difficulty with their garments for the first few weeks; Kotetsu-Taichou is wonderful—isn't she?" She smiled warmly.

While hearing her voice in general stabbed at my soul in a monstrously vicious fashion; I suppose her attempt at idle chatter broke some of the awkward—I was grateful for it.

"She is," I agreed.

"Okay, I'm going to check your heart and lungs first, then I'll inspect your wounds,"

She took hold of the flat, circular metal hearing aid and placed it over my heart; the reminder of how I took comfort in her heartbeat for years making my own beat faster in her ears—Kami I was so atrocious. She removed it from over my heart and placed it over my chest in several places as she commanded me to breathe deeply; the inhales actually helping me calm down my anxiety levels.

"Very good," she said under her breath softly.

She took off her stethoscope, and set it back into her bag before making accidental eye contact with me when she regained proper posture. The corners of her lips turned up a shy sheepish smile at the contact; a faint clearing of her throat to precede her next sentence.

"Has the medicine bared any unusual side-effects?" she questioned as she put on a pair of disposable gloves.

"Nothing aside from the ones you warned me of," I answered quickly.

Kami it was either I stuttered, or I moused my reply. Stupid, stupid, stupid—

"That's good to hear. Every person reacts to things differently; since we haven't administered this medication to you before, I personally felt skeptical. Kotetsu-Taichou continues to amaze me though; she always out-wits me, but that just makes me admire her more." She smiled genuinely. "Please lean forward; I'm going to inspect your shoulder next."

I adhered, and fought the shiver her spandex fingertips invoked as she touched my skin.

"You seem to really enjoy her as your Taichou," I improvised a cool, collected tone. "I don't know her too well, but she seems very kind."

"No signs of scarring—nice," she mumbled to herself before rising back up to frontal face. "And here I hoped I wasn't gushing too much," she giggled sheepishly—geez she seemed like such a fragile little thing compared to the strong Miyuki I knew prior. "My apologies; I admire her medical skill so much that I can't help some of the admiration from trickling out."

"It's fine; there isn't anything wrong with admiring someone," I hoped to ease. "It's nice to have someone to look up to."

I caught her face lighting up at my encouragement, and my own mimicked partially due to the unusual comfort I was subconsciously providing.

"I agree; please sit up straight, and place your arms at your sides," she ordered.

Well here it was—the moment of truth. The full visual of my nightmare was about to distort the facial expression of the root cause. Something about her seeing them was different from how I felt about others seeing them—maybe she was the only one I wanted to see them? I couldn't conclude whether it was that I wanted a ghost's acknowledgement of the result of my heroic action, or if I wanted sick pleasure derived from a ghost's guilt. Whichever it was, it was foul even for me—I hated myself just for thinking of such a spiteful thing. Above all else however, her visual contact with them made me want to lurch for the covers and hide beneath them.

I untucked my arms out or their protective weaved-barrier, and had to bite down my inner lip to refrain from losing it. I looked away before glimpsing her facial expression with full expectation of the worst; the questionable gaze or the face of disgust or the overly dramatic concern—the ultimate change in facial expression making me want to just numbly check out of this entire situation until the moment where I could just unleash my relentless depression.

"I find that admiration leads to creating goals for greater achievements," she said as she removed the bandage.

Wait. Where was the uncomfortable shift in aura?

Her warm fingertips grazed next to the wound as she spoke, and at my own disbelief at the lack of reaction, I took a quick skittish glance—only to double-take at her facial expression.

Nothing.

There was no change.

Her eyes rested on the wound, and the wound only; her hazel orbs focused on the stitch work keeping my skin together.

"I'm sure that perhaps there is someone in your life in which you feel the same?" she looked up at me.

Yeah—there was…

I was staring right at her reincarnated form.

She unrolled her cloth of contained, sterile instruments; taking a pair of what looked like long tweezers out along with what looked like folded gauze. She took out some sort of liquid, and soaked it into the gauze before leaning to swab it.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou seems very admirable; offering his hand to assist personally is something most Taichou wouldn't do—you're extremely lucky to have a wonderful Taichou."

I blushed. She was right, but there was a huge difference in reasoning; granted, I wasn't complaining about the difference, but I think that if there wasn't that emotion behind it, I would've left and been in Rangiku or Kuchiki-Taichou's house right now.

"He is," I responded through grit teeth from the cold, slightly stinging liquid. "I do admire him; if it weren't for his kindness, I wouldn't be here right now,"

I didn't want to comment on the fact that he technically wasn't my Taichou. I didn't want to get into the full detail of the situation because we were supposed to keep everything tight-knit—who knows if Kotetsu-Taichou informed her.

"They say that a single act of kindness spreads roots—roots that run far and wide to sprout new trees. It pays to be kind; the better place this world would be the more people are,"

She finished the swabbing, and tucked the instrument in a new cloth so she didn't taint the others. She reached into her bag, and as she fiddled I thought about my own action toward her the last time we met again. She didn't deserve that—she didn't even know me. Her words in these brief moments proved that she was just an innocent, and caring person that got a taste of my rude personality unnecessarily. I hardly ever felt bad about the effects my attitude and vulgar personality had on others, but her in general was such an exception it hurt—the worst was she didn't even know why.

She patted my wound lightly to help the liquid dry, and as she did I mustered up all my courage to speak.

"About the last time," I blurted out—she waited for my continuance before reacting as she continued to blot the wound. "I'm sorry if I offended; you look like someone I once knew, so I was a bit taken aback," I began to explain.

She took out bandages to dress the wound, and at my struggled continuance in my intended layered explanation; she smiled and chose to interject.

"That makes more sense; I was a bit confused, but it's clear now. My apologies for getting your hopes up,"

"No, no—there's no need for an apology on your end. I was the one acting as if you had the plague; you didn't deserve that,"

The plague? Really?

She giggled—that same giggle that brought back the memory of my insides churning with fleeting happiness—before she responded. "Not to worry, Kiteyama-san; I wasn't offended. I hope that you can find your old acquaintance,"

She sealed the bandages, and began putting all of her tools away.

"I'm sure that seeing an apparition of someone must be difficult,"

Kami, if you could have her not say things like that I'd really appreciate it.

"However—aside from the unfortunate misplaced hope—the thought of the former, precious ally must have stirred at least a small bit of pleasant nostalgia I hope?" she smiled.

Her optimism hasn't changed—that's for sure.

"I suppose so," I commented lowly as she brought her bag up to the bed to close it properly.

"Your check up is complete for today, Kiteyama-san; you can go ahead and put your garments back on." She smiled.

I nodded as I took a—what I hoped was silent—deep breath. I picked up the yukata and pulled it back over me as she continued to speak.

"Perhaps with that kindness and encouragement from Hitsugaya-Taichou, you can once again regain contact with your beloved acquaintance—the feeling of a loved one's absence isn't a pleasant one."

I tied my obi as she continued.

"However, now that you've tasted the absence, perhaps now it will give you even more of a reason to hold on tight, and never let go again," she smiled.

I stared into her soft features; those hazel eyes lit up in warm innocence and a small, radiant smile on her lips.

To never let go again?

My confidence; my lack of strength…

I thought of Toushirou; the way he held me, the way he helped me in my darkest hours—the strength that radiated off him in a powerful reassurance. The fact that he had the power to do that…the power I needed to have...

"Right, Kiteyama-san?"

The person I couldn't protect…the person I let go of.

I broke eye contact; hiding my guilt behind a smiling façade I used for work.

"Right."

-x-x-

"Come now, Akinoyo," she took a step forward; looking down upon me with a glint in her eye that rattled my insides.

"Show me that bright hope your eyes hold—I want to revel in the pleasure of watching it fade to black."

I stared into those stern umber eyes; the hues painted with such disgust toward that made me want to cower down into myself and never resurface. It seemed so pointless now; her hate was completely apparent, and my demise was 99% imminent. How could I even begin to convince her to trust me? I had rationed out that utilizing the hurt that was the core of her words could be my best bet, but even that seemed like a slim chance now.

As I stared into those eyes however, I remembered what she'd said mere seconds ago; the predator versus the prey. She said that she normally sided with the prey, but that with me she was going to be the predator…perhaps if I…

Without the loss of eye contact, I took a deep breath.

"There is no possible way that I can convince you."

A small, snide curiosity flickered in her eyes, and I took that as a small sign of actual acknowledgment.

"You have to convince yourself." I continued—her gaze faltering a miniscule increment.

"I sincerely—without any ill-intended words or undertones—apologize. I'm sure that I must sound as lovely as a broken record, however, if this is my final shot at remedying this crumbled relationship—even if you still deny me—I'm going to take it. I don't know what my reasoning behind sealing you away was, but clearly it was the wrong choice. I can empathize the feeling of betrayal from someone held dear; I can relate to that cold, dark emptiness that becomes you."

"You go through stages of sorrow, anger, hate, numbness, and stick to the one most befitting. Mine was numbness; yours was clearly anger. And guess what? Both of our crutches make us cripple more in the end. While that pain that turned you into this bubbling mess is something that you never want to experience again, if you don't break through the cage you've put yourself in, it will close in on you, and you will be consumed by it."

"To be completely honest with you, I loathe asking for help. I've loathed any type of intellectual interaction for years, and the thought of letting someone even get close to that cage used to anger me, and still frightens me. With everything you've seen take place these past five years, it shouldn't be a shock to you to hear this from me; you said it yourself—I've rotted. While it infuriated me at the time you said it, I can't stand here and pretend it isn't true. Not only have I felt that way for the past five years, but I'm sure you've seen me deteriorate for far longer than that short amount of time. You're right; I've changed—I was a complete, and total ass that lived off bad habits and greedy tendencies. I treated others like shit, and never batted an eye—the pompous attitude I strived off of even though I was lower than dirt. And now with the recent life I took, I've become this weak, bubbling mess of a person; completely lacking that self esteem and pride I once held so dearly."

I clenched my hands into fists, taking another breath.

"But right now, I'm trying something new; something that I honestly don't deserve as much as I'm told I am; something that is so new for me that it makes me just want to succumb and cry rather than keep pushing. Want to know what it is?"

She stared at me with a surreptitious glint in her eye; I couldn't tell whether it was in my favor.

"I'm trying to better myself."

She audibly chuckled—I continued with my puffed-up, unfazed bravado.

"I know it's laughable—Hell, I'm laughable—but it's the truth. This is what I'm trying to do for the first time in my measly existence. I'm trying to change myself, because in changing myself, it will allow me to open new doors; to experience new things and meet new people,"

I gazed down at the turquoise beneath our feet; focusing on the blue hues creating part of the color more than the dark greens that blended throughout. The blue reminded me of those aquamarine eyes I couldn't get enough of; reminded me of that cooling demeanor that soothed my soul. He was the only who truly encouraged this new way of thinking—he encouraged me to help myself.

"So, you've come to me for a selfish reason as that—helping yourself. It's all that clearly matters to you—"

"That's not the whole reasoning," I interjected.

"Oh?" she swayed her weight in cynical amusement. "Please elaborate."

I thought about Miyuki; thought about how I felt when I saw the life drain out of her eyes because I couldn't save her. I thought about the woman attacked by the Hollow that mirrored the experience shortly after the encounter. So far, that's two people that I couldn't help; two people that lost their lives because I wasn't competent enough. If I ever saw that again…if I ever saw that on Toushirou…

"In helping myself, I can help others. I can help the ones who don't have a choice, and don't have the strength; the ones I care about. I can help you; we can grow together in a healthy—although I'm sure slightly difficult due to our personalities—relationship. It starts with me; I can't help others if I can't help myself—I'd do more harm than good."

"With this situation we're in, others can be put in danger—Hell, they have been put in danger. Because I am incapable of taking a stand, the ones around me have to do that for me; they put their lives on the line for me and you. I know I'm an ingrate, but I refuse to have others fight my battles for me; it's one thing to assist—it's another to commandeer. With everything that's happened so far, I've had to let Toushirou handle the situation. Whatever he's said goes because I am unable to take control and defend myself—I am in danger by myself."

"You've seen what happens when I'm left alone; you've seen how miserable, and all around fucked up the past few years have been to me—you know that what I'm saying is the truth—am"

"Incorrect." She interjected—I shot her a curious look. "I have not been involved for these past years. When you sealed me away, I became completely disconnected from your world. I've been in here; drowning in the water flooding the land little by little over the years. I've only recently been able to destroy the last of the barrier you set; the only times that I have witnessed any of the events of the outside have been when you contacted me. Those headaches you've been experiencing have been the only times I've been able to see, or hear anything; all other times I've had no connection." She explained.

So then that means…

"So you don't know what happened then…do you?" I asked.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

I don't know why the emotion overwhelmed me as much as it did, but I took her shoulders without any thought process.

"O—"

"So you've been under the impression that I forgot solely you? Nothing else?"

She pushed me off harshly.

"Yes, just me," she snarled. "You sealed me away—why else would you do such a thing other than to throw me to the wayside and dismiss my existence entirely?"

"Listen, I have to tell you this. The reason I don't remember you isn't because I sealed you away; I don't remember you because I can't remember anything from before five years ago. I'm assuming somewhere just after the time I sealed you away is when I lost my memory as well. As I'm talking about it, it's seeming more and more like it was ultimately the enemy's tactic—to seal you and my memories—"

"Hold on a moment," she interjected the beginning of my now panicked, rambling word-vomit. "Clarify this—you have no memory from before five years ago at all?"

"Nothing aside from my name." I quickly answered.

Her facial expression changed entirely; sadness and guilt now her dominating features rather than that hate from before.

"If that is the case, then everything that has occurred over the past five years is now clearer than crystal,"

I clenched my fists as my uncontainable emotion controlled me. I stepped into her; the lack of space between us no longer of any concern to me—she could be mad all she wanted; I needed to know.

"What? What is? What happened?"

Those changed hues looked into mine; a look of regret that made my stomach drop from the anticipation of the disturbing news.

"You lost faith, and reacted by default," she paused.

"You…purposely erased all of your own memories."

All I could do was stare into her.

I…

I did this…

…to myself?

"I-I don't understand," I mumbled as my fists and head dropped with gravity. "W-Why would I—"

Her hand set over my shoulder in a completely unexpected turn. I held myself together as best I could; the overwhelming entirety of the situation drowning me in complete disquietude. I was shaking at my own frustration; like the first stages of a pot boiling over and spilling the volcanic liquid to destroy whatever it splattered against.

Everything that happened to me…

Every single fucking thing that happened to me.

All my fear; all my heartache; my loneliness; my cries for help...

What was I—

"Akinoyo," she interrupted the beginning of my mental breakdown.

I didn't look at her, and at my lack of attentiveness, she took hold of my shoulders, and lightly jerked me to look up at her.

"You must hear my name, and call out to me immediately," the seriousness in her face penetrated my blank, crippling demeanor; her sharp gaze staring into me like daggers.

"Remember me well," she straightened.

Her lips moved, but no sound came from her; the five syllables her mouth formed no more than just a mere visual.

"Now, call upon me." She commanded.

"I-I couldn't hear you," I frowned.

She grit her teeth as her fingertips pressed into me with that anger and hurt. She sharply inhaled before letting out a breath to ease herself. She looked at me with that same look from earlier; that hurt and anger from before now tinged with determination and need.

"Heal quickly, Akinoyo; we have business to tend to immediately," she let go of me, and with one final gaze at my form, she turned around and began walking.

"Call upon me only when you've healed; your body and soul will need to be in perfect condition." She stopped and turned back around to me.

"This will be difficult, but you must regain our power—your world, and everyone you know depends on it."

She rose her hand up—pointed fingers aimed toward the sky—and in one foul swing, she plunged me into the water beneath us.

-x-x-x-x-

Note From the Author

Hello Readers!

Quick question; I'm debating if I should put a soundtrack together for this story. Would any of you be interested? I don't want to do it if no one is interested-I for one have to listen to music when I read/write, so I figured that maybe someone would appreciate It?

Thanks, and happy reading! :)

-Vi