Chapter 21 - Temptation and Love

The air was buzzing with expectation as the Quidditch stadium filled up with excited students.

Remus made to sit down with James, Sirius and Peter, like he always did.

"What are you doing?" Sirius uttered. "I think you picked the wrong stand. We cheer for Ravenclaw here! Go sit with the snakes." He nodded in the direction of the Slytherin tribune on the opposite side of the field.

Remus couldn't help feeling hurt by the waspish comment, although he really ought to have become accustomed to it by now, since Sirius had been dropping constant vicious remarks about him for the past few weeks. Well, at least he spoke to me directly this time, he thought sarcastically. I guess that's progress.

At least Sirius had forgiven James. A few days after the cataclysmic duel, Remus had confronted him about it.

"Sirius. I'm not going to pretend that you're not hurting me with that behaviour of yours. I know I deserve it, so I'm not going to ask you to start talking to me again or stop badmouthing me. But I'm begging you to forgive Prongs. You can't keep treating him like this. It's not fair. He didn't ask to be put in this situation."

Sirius acted as if Remus wasn't there, not taking his eyes off of his Astronomy book, but Remus knew that he was listening.

"You know what he did when he found out? He was furious! He basically ordered me to break it off with Regulus, and when I found that I couldn't, we decided that we had to tell you. The only reason he didn't go to you right away, was that he wanted to think carefully about how to best break it to you. He never meant to keep you in the dark. You have to believe me."

Sirius still hadn't responded, but the next day James and he were back to normal - to Remus' great relief.

Lily, who was sitting a few rows down with some of her girlfriends, turned around. "Come sit with us, Remus," she said, sending Sirius a glare that would have made any normally functioning person cower.

She made room for Remus, and he gratefully dropped onto the bench next to her. She gave his hand a squeeze and flashed him a knowing smile.

Remus couldn't deny that he was actually rooting for Slytherin. He knew that Regulus was extremely nervous and under a lot of pressure because his accident had caused them to lose the last game. So Remus was relieved and happy when Regulus swooped in to snatch the snitch from right under the Ravenclaw Seeker's nose, holding it up triumphantly, his face split into a wide smile.

o0o0o

Later that night Remus was lying on his bed, trying to read. The task, however, was made very difficult by James, who kept interrupting him to ask him his opinion on ideas for a spectacular Valentine's Day with Lily.

"Yes, Prongs, I think a refined combination of pink and yellow roses and lilies will be just fine," he answered in a tired voice, not removing his eyes from his novel.

"Or maybe purple is better... is pink too girlish? I mean will she find it corny? Will she think I'm a chauvinist or something?"

"I think she will like whatever colour you pick. Why are you in such a hurry, anyway? Valentine's day is over three weeks away!"

"There is nothing wrong with being well-prepared! You're just jealous because you can't celebrate in public."

"Oh yes," said Remus sarcastically, "I'm just dying to sit at Madam Puddifoot's, intertwining fingers and having Regulus bat his eyelashes at me."

Before James could think of clever comeback, they were interrupted by a loud pop. A very small house-elf materialised in the middle of the room. She looked around with her huge eyes, and then padded over to Remus.

"Mr. Remus Lupin?" she asked solemnly.

"Yes, that's me," smiled Remus.

"I have a message from Master Regulus," she said, straightening her back and looking very important.

"Really? Let's hear it, then."

The elf cast a glance in James' direction and leaned in to whisper into Remus' ear. "Master Regulus would like you to meet him at the usual place at 1 o'clock."

"What's your name?" asked Remus.

"Jenka, Sir."

"Well, thank you for giving me the message, Jenka. That was very nice of you."

The little elf beamed like Christmas had come early. "Not a problem at all, Jenka is very happy to help!"

"Master Regulus?" James said, eyebrows raised, when the elf had gone.

"It's not like that," said Remus. He could easily imagine what James was thinking - typical rich pureblood behaviour, treating school elves as personal property. "They just like him. He treats them with respect."

"Really?" said James, not looking convinced.

"Yes, really."

"But Master Regulus..."

"They call you Master Potter."

"Well, yes. But I'm Head Boy!" James replied, puffing out his chest.

"You know what?" Remus said, shaking his head, suppressing a smile. "Muggles have therapy groups for people like you."

"People like me?"

"People who struggle with low self-esteem."

He failed to dodge the object coming at him at full speed. Never engage in a pillow fight with a Chaser, he reminded himself, especially not one as accomplished as James.

o0o0o

Regulus was waiting for him in the Room of Requirement. He broke into a broad smile when he saw Remus. He looked cheerful and untroubled, and it warmed Remus' heart, since there hadn't been much of that lately. He realised that he probably hadn't seen him smile for real since some time before Christmas.

"Sorry about the time," Regulus said. "I couldn't leave earlier - the party, you know."

"Of course. You don't have to apologise. I hope you had a good time - you deserve it. You were brilliant today. That was a great catch."

Regulus' face lit up even more. "You really think so?"

"Of course," Remus smiled. "Even a Quidditch dummy like me could see that."

Regulus' dropped his gaze, smiling shyly and shuffling his feet.

"Come 'ere," Remus said and stepped forward, taking him into his arms.

Regulus let out a contended sigh as he relaxed into Remus' embrace, burying his nose in the crook of his neck. Remus could feel him smiling against his skin. He weaved his fingers into the soft dark locks and kissed the top of his head.

After about a minute of standing like that, Remus started kissing his way down Regulus' head, tipping his face upwards so he could move on to his temple, cheek and finally lips. He gently nudged them apart, letting his tongue caress Regulus'.

The kisses soon turned from sweet and gentle to urgent and passionate. Not letting go of one another's lips, they tumbled onto the bed. They play-fought a bit for position, Remus eventually letting Regulus settle on top.

"You're wearing far too much clothes," he said, letting his hands slip under Regulus' shirt and glide up the impossibly smooth skin on his back.

"Do something about it, then," Regulus replied, nuzzling his neck.

"Oh, I will," Remus said and pushed the shirt and jumper up and over Regulus' head. He rolled them on to their sides so that Regulus could do the same to him.

Trousers, briefs and socks were soon off as well, and they were moving against each other, hands everywhere.

"Remus," Regulus breathed, "I want you."

"You have me."

Regulus pulled away and looked at him. "No - I mean... I want to... to... go all the way," he said, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks prettily.

Remus looked at him, surprised. "Reg... I don't know..." he said uncertainly.

Regulus raised his eyebrows. "You don't want to?"

"Yes, I want to." God, did he want to! He had been fantasising about it for ages. But... "It's just - I don't know if we're quite ready for that. I mean - you're so young."

"What?" Regulus looked offended. "Again with the age difference? I'm not a child, you know!"

"You're not a grown-up either."

"And you are?"

"I'm almost 18."

"I'm almost 17!"

"No, you're not."

Regulus ostentatiously turned his back towards Remus, covering himself up and pouting.

"Come on, Reg. Don't be like that. I just want to protect you."

"From what? You? I really don't need that."

"I don't want you to do something you'll regret later."

"I won't!"

"I think we should wait."

"You just don't want me badly enough," Regulus said quietly.

"Reg, you twit!" said Remus, slipping under the covers and pressing himself against Regulus' back. "Of course I want you. I adore you!" He started peppering kisses on his shoulders and the back of his neck. "You are gorgeous. I can barely think of you without getting hard." He gave him a little nudge with his hips for emphasis.

Regulus wriggled a bit against him, and although he couldn't see his face, Remus just knew he was grinning.

"We can do all sorts of other stuff," Remus said, running his fingers teasingly down the other boy's side and gently nipping at the shell of his ear.

He leaned in to brush Regulus' fringe away from his face and kiss his eyebrows. "So beautiful."

Regulus always responded well to praise. He turned around, pressing his body into Remus'. "Remus," he whimpered.

"Oh, we're not completely turned off, I see," Remus chuckled, reaching between them, closing a hand around Regulus' member.

"Of course not. Not when you're so sexy."

They started kissing and letting their hands wander again. It felt like little sparks ignited Remus' skin everywhere Regulus' fingertips touched. Remus rolled him onto his back and covered his body with his own, Regulus allowing him to settle between his legs. They both moaned at the close contact.

Regulus placed his hands on Remus' buttocks, pulling him closer, and Remus started moving against him, slowly at first. Regulus was making the most titillating little sounds of pleasure and Remus sped up the rocking of his hips as his excitement grew.

"Remus," Regulus panted as they were both getting close to completion. "Imaging moving inside me, all hot and tight."

Remus came suddenly and hard.

After catching their breaths, Remus lifted his head and looked at Regulus.

"Fuck, Reg. You can't say stuff like that!"

The Slytherin grinned. "So, are we going to do it?"

"Yes, we're going to do it," Remus sighed, cursing himself for being so weak. "You're evil, you know that?"

"And you're easy."

Remus swatted him on the chest.

"So when are we going to do it?"

"Well," said Remus. "We need to do some research first..."

Regulus looked surprised. "Research? You don't know how?"

"Not in detail. I'm as inexperienced as you, remember?"

"Yeah, but - you always seem to know everything."

Remus couldn't help smiling at that. "Well, I'm going to find out, okay?"

"Okay."

They lay there next to each other for a long time, laughing and chatting about all sorts of stuff. Regulus was in an unusually good mood; his eyes sparkling, laughter like sweet music. It was rare to see him this light-hearted. Even when he was smiling, there was almost always that hint of sadness in his eyes. But not today. Today he looked carefree and happy; like he always should, like he deserved. Oh, how Remus loved him.

"Regulus?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

Regulus went rigid and the smile on his face faded away. After several seconds, he flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. This wasn't anything like the reaction Remus had imagined he would get.

"I'm sorry if I'm being to bold, or too fast. I didn't mean to freak you out. You don't have to say it back if you don't want to... it's all right."

Regulus was silent for about a minute, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling. "I... It's just that..."

"It's just that what?" Remus coaxed.

"It's just that... no one ever told me they love me before," he finished in a small voice that was barely audible.

Remus wasn't sure what to make of that. "Well, I am your first lover..."

"I mean - no one at all. Ever."

"N-no one? But your family, surely... your parents..."

Regulus shook his head. "Never. They... I've always been aching for them say they love me, but they never did. The best they could do was tell me I was a good boy."

Remus was dumbstruck and took a few minutes to speak again.

"Even if they never said it, I'm sure they love you, Reg. You're their favourite. Sirius told me how they always praise you and brag about you."

"They love the idea of me. What I can do for them. I'm not sure they love me as a person. I can't help suspecting that whatever affection they feel for me depends on how I behave and how well I live up to their expectations. Is that real love? I mean, isn't it supposed to be unconditional? At least that's what I heard... I don't know. I just don't know, Remus," he finished with a sigh.

"Well, I love you. And even if I didn't want to, I wouldn't be able to help myself. Even if you didn't live up to my expectations."

Regulus finally turned his head and looked at him. "You really mean that?" he whispered. "Don't say it unless you mean it."

"I mean it."

"Is it okay that I don't say it back?"

Remus nodded.

"It's just that it's a lot to take in..."

N/A: If you haven't done so already, you might wanna check out my other recently uploaded Remus/Regulus fic, A Beautiful Lie. It's more humorous and light than this one.