["cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet"- may he who has never loved before, love tomorrow; And may he who has loved, love tomorrow as well]
It took Tadashi almost three months to get the time off. The village was still in dire need— many people had lost their homes, their shops, everything they'd owned. It was far worse than the destruction of the last invasion, as most of that damage had been directed to the edges of the village instead of right smack-dab in the center. The death toll, at least, was less.
(It'd taken a few weeks for his father to loosen his grip, but Tadashi hadn't really minded. It was nice to know that he was loved, even if it came from his father's insane overprotectiveness.)
Tadashi could still barely believe it. Their enemy, the man they'd all been fighting against for days had been the one to save them? Naruto… he truly was something else. Tadashi admired him to be the one to defeat Pein's last vessel, that was true, but— even more than that, he was almost in awe of his ability to turn enemies to his side. To change a person's perspective was no easy thing to do. Tadashi struggled almost daily with his own biases, it seemed impossible to try changing someone else's.
Uchiha Sasuke was still a problem, however. That whole thing with Danzo had been so fucking ridiculous, Tadashi didn't even want to think about it. But Tsunade-sama had recovered, and the hat was back where it belonged. It was okay— not great, but okay.
Well, none of really that mattered now anyway.
"Tadashi, I'm glad to see that you've arrived safely."
"Yeah, me too." He gladly took the hand that Gaara offered, allowing his soulmate to pull him into the house.
Getting to Sunagakure had been a pain, sure, but it was worth it. Anything was worth it, if it meant getting to see Gaara again. The letters just hadn't been enough, especially with how freaked out Gaara had been— what with his compass going dark, and everything. Tadashi couldn't blame him. He remembered that indescribable grief, the way it had slid into place like an old friend with the darkening of his compass.
"I trust that your travels weren't too difficult?" Gaara inquired, leading Tadashi through the winding hallways with the ease of long practice.
"Not at all," Tadashi replied with a lopsided grin. He didn't mind these formalities, as long as they came from Gaara. He made it seem oddly cute. "How's everything been on your end?"
"The same as always, really," Gaara gave a wry smile of his own, squeezing Tadashi's hand for emphasis. "The council still can't stand any kind of real change, but I think we're getting through to them. It's slow going, but at least it's going."
"Oh yeah, I remember you talking about that in your last letter." Tadashi winced, imagining having to deal with a bunch of stuffy old people all day. If they were anything like Chiyo…
"Kankurō was the one to step up, actually," Gaara explained as he opened the door to the guest room and ushered Tadashi inside.
"Huh, really? I always assumed that Temari would be the one to break first," Tadashi commented. He absentmindedly rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid the of the tension that had begun to build there. Laying down on the bed, he let out a big sigh, feeling that much-needed relaxation wash over him. He loved Konoha and wouldn't trade it for anything, but there was something about this little guest room (that had steadily become Tadashi's room), that was just eminently satisfying.
Well, Gaara wasn't in Konoha. Tadashi wasn't ashamed to admit to his bias there— anything with Gaara in it was immediately improved.
He felt the bed dip a little as Gaara sat next to him, and a calloused hand began to run through his hair. Tadashi almost purred at the sensation, shifting closer so that he could have better access. Gaara let out a light light, the sound as endearing as always with his raspy voice.
(No longer did he think of the man he'd killed, when confronted with that particular cadence. His mind always went to Gaara first. Always, always.)
"Sorry…" Tadashi muttered sleepily, cracking open an eye so that he could look up at him. "Was there something else you wanted to say? 'Cause otherwise I'll probably just pass out for the next couple of hours."
"No, this is fine." Gaara smiled. His expression was tender in a way that Tadashi thought he could finally recognize.
Yeah… He was ready now. Perhaps that confrontation in the other world had been useful after all. The past would always have it's hold on him, but he refused to continue allowing that to prevent him from making it to the future. Even if their stations in life were so far apart, even if Tadashi didn't feel like he was good enough… He was selfish. So this time— please.
"It's alright Tadashi," Gaara's voice rumbled in his ear, easing him into sleep. "We still have time."
(|||)
Tadashi shifted in place, murmuring in discontent when his pillow tried to move.
"C'mon, j-just one more minute," he stuttered on a yawn, pulling his pillow firmly against him so that it wouldn't try to run away.
"Normally I wouldn't mind," his pillow said with an amused voice. "But Temari and Kankurō are waiting downstairs. It's time for dinner."
"W-who?" Tadashi sight was blurry, so it took a moment for him to make out the sight of Gaara's distinctive red hair. Still half-asleep, he scowled accusingly. "You're not my pillow."
"Indeed," Gaara said gravely, though a smile was twitching at the corner of his lips. "A mistake that I will be able to rectify for you later. But until then, dinner?"
"Oh, sure." Tadashi sat up, stretching out his back like a cat. "Sorry about falling asleep on you like that, jeez."
"I don't mind," Gaara assured him, sliding off the bed to stand patiently in the doorway.
"Uh…" His cheeks were heating up, and he just knew that he must be blushing like an idiot. "That's good? I mean, I'm glad I wasn't bothering you. Or anything."
Gaara merely smiled like he knew something that Tadashi didn't, and the two then headed downstairs.
"Here come the lovebirds!" Temari said teasingly. "Was wondering if you'd actually show up at all. After all, I'm sure that you were very busy up there."
Tadashi groaned, another traitorous blush rising. "This is payback for you and Shikamaru, isn't it?"
"Oh, completely," she confirmed, smirking.
"Speaking of Shikamaru, how is he?" Kankurō jumped in, looking as if he'd just been waiting for the opportunity to bring this up. "And more importantly, how is Kiba? He said that he was doing fine in the last letter he sent me, but he's an idiot and can't be trusted."
"He really is fine," Tadashi chuckled, imagining said jōnin's reaction to that comment. He'd been spending a lot more time with Kiba recently, as the two of them recovered, and Tadashi liked to think that they'd grown closer as a result. Apparently, dying together was a good bonding experience. "He's still on bed rest, but he'll be okay. I got taken out with one solid hit, but the Path fucked him up real bad. There was a lot of external stuff that still had to be taken care of when we were revived."
At the reminder, the table descended into a very awkward silence.
Tadashi cursed himself for bringing it up in such an abrupt manner. Sure, he and the others back home had a good laugh about it, but he should have remembered that not everyone would view it in such a way.
It was easier to distance yourself from something if you used humor, if you treated it callously. Sometimes, Tadashi would catch himself wondering if the whole thing was just a dream. No one had died, right? And with their resident Mokuton user doing overtime, the village was repaired soon enough. But no— it hadn't been a dream. And he never wanted to forget it, forget the pain he'd suffered in that war. Being stuck in the mountain, never sure of his loved ones survival, aware that he was the last line of defense if the Paths tried to go after the civilians… It was hard to forget that feeling, no matter how much he may have wished for it.
But joking about those times made it better. It made Tadashi feel less affected, like he had some control over the trauma that had happened to him.
"I'm glad," Gaara said quietly, and there was no recrimination in his eyes when he gazed at Tadashi.
"Yeah, nice to hear that things are going smoothly!" Temari grinned, reaching across the table to poke him with a fork. "Shika's told me a little bit, but you know how he is—"
"Yeah, yeah, that's great," Kankurō interrupted, still seeming a bit anxious. "But, like, how okay are we talking here? Why's he still in the hospital if he's fine? And how's Akamaru, Kiba was really concerned about him—"
"He's fine," Tadashi said firmly, though he couldn't help the bit of amusement that sprung up at seeing him act so fussily. "Akamaru has recovered perfectly under Hana's tender love and care, and he spends most of his time with Kiba— who is still in the hospital because he keeps trying to escape before he's officially checked out."
"Idiot," Kankurō muttered darkly, though he still settled back into his chair, some hidden weight lifting off of him at the confirmation.
"That's why he suits you so well," Temari jeered, laughing when he took a playful swipe at her.
The rest of the dinner was spent in much the same way, the three siblings ribbing each other as Tadashi pitched in with his own teasing remarks. Not a bad way to end the day, that was for sure.
(|||)
"Ah, that was great." Tadashi let out a yawn, feeling sleep begin to creep up on him despite his earlier nap. Well, that was apparently an aftereffect of dying— you got exhausted much faster than before.
He hovered by his bedroom door, and turned to say something to Gaara before stopping short. Gaara was staring at him, an edge of determination in his jaw even as his eyes reflected his uncertainty.
"Is there something wrong—"
"Would you mind terribly if—"
They both cut themselves off, amused despite the situation.
"You go ahead," Tadashi said, flicking his hand to emphasize.
Gaara nodded, and then seemed to steel himself. "You were receptive to staying with me… before. Would it be okay if I— if I stayed with you tonight?"
At seeing that nervous look, Tadashi just melted. He had no issues with that regardless, but that hopeful expression would have torn any of them away.
"Not at all!" He opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for Gaara to enter. "After you."
Gaara approached him, but instead of going in, he hovered by Tadashi's side. He gazed at his soulmate, serious as ever. They were close. Really close. Tadashi could see the flecks of brown in his eyes from here, every intricate line of his tattoo.
I'm selfish. Forgive me, I'm so selfish.
Tadashi leaned forwards, slowly, allowing Gaara the time to back away if that was what he wished. When he didn't, Tadashi smiled, and pressed his lips to Gaara's in a gentle embrace.
They simply stood there for a long moment, soaking up the warmth and reassurance.
I'm alive, Tadashi's kiss said. I'm alive, and I love you.
I'm alive, said Gaara's in return. I'm alive, and I had to fight so much for this. I love you, I love you.
Tadashi was the first to break away, smiling uncontrollably. He had never even prayed for something like this, but it was still better than he could have ever imagined.
"Thank you," he whispered, perhaps the most sincere thing he'd ever said in this life or the last.
"No," Gaara replied, cupping his cheek with a tenderness that was new to them both. "Thank you."