A/N Standard disclaimer applies. Between RL and software/ hardware issues where many of my stories were lost destoryed or corrupted during transfers and savings on different computers was and is a big downer. Thank you for all for your patience with this journey. I esp want to than an avid reader who with kind words of encouragement, helped, motivativating me to write again on despite my fears of losing more documents. ;)

Chapter 20

Northern California 1978

Clutching the doll to my chest, my memory playing tricks on me. As Amanda pushed me taking the long way around the small pond, my legs twitching with the need to walk and my eyes caught a glint of gold among the green bushes.

"Amanda, please can you stop a moment."

We paused by the hedge row, and I once again was the dying boy, my gnarled fingers reaching, seeing the bloodied hands of my youth, plucking gold from green. Disembodied whispers of a girl child, echoing on the breeze transporting me through memories not quite lost to time.

The yew berries yellow yew berries red

Choose the yellow,

Take what I give.

You will live to die,

Live to lie,

Yes yes it is the way.

Shaken to my core, liver spotted hands, pulling the precious from the green cupping oh so gentle, a whirlwind of a manic girl, dancing in furious circles her voice escalating in whisper yells chanting a voodoo goddess in mud splatted frock and mud covered boots undone..

Give what I take. Take what I give

Gold from green plucky plucky

Rise rise the time is right, ashes no more

What is dead is alive burning bright burning light

Yew berries yellow yew berries red it kills

Winter green in the spring,

Myths of old have foretold, Huey dewy

Plucky ducky birdy wordy belly jelly

Within the heart, it soars

Hornets nests in the heart hold on tight must burn the light

Rubbish it burns, lives it lies, lies it lives

Sings for new life soars with the eagle

Soars with worthy

Worthy of love, new love

Unending in the talons of the eagle.

A vision so clear fading to trembling hands and a ragtag doll, gripped to tight, so tight to feel the contents hidden within.

"To my room please, Amanda," I croaked.

Amanda held my journal, slowly reciting the uneven canters of Velda's chants.

Love of mine,

Bullied boy

Majestic waves of dark brown hair liver spotted and so frail,

The sight I see is a mystery, follow my words to a world so fair

Love is ethereal and love is strong

Centuries in the making right the wrong.

Capture the essence in liquid steel, berries bathed in pony blood; collect the spat of gory sight, into the silent heart

Bury the daughter with a kiss

Run run run far for your life, return to peek at a room full of ice.

Wakey wakey time is right, blue on brown yes that's right.

Fact and fool gems and tools, boil and bake with silver spoon

Hot it boils into veins turning time on its nose.

See you now. See you then. Mirror images now and then.

Furious son rise from the ashes…

Hand covering her face as understanding unfolded within her mind.

"Am I a crazy old loon, my dear?" I asked, trying to keep my lips from crooking upward and failing.

Her grey eyes, burned into mine and she started to laugh, grabbing a scratchy pillow covering her mouth until the tears and hysterics passed. We sat in silence, Amanda nodding her head as she thumbed through the worn pages until the screeching wheels of the dinner cart was heard through the door.

"No Ernst, I am the crazy one. I'm afraid I'll wake up and find this all a very strange dream that I have just escaped." Amanda sighed,

Pushing up on the arm rests of the rickety wheel chair I stood, then kneeled in front of this poor woman who may or may not be a victim of Velda's cursed fate, "Speaking of escape, will you help me leave this place," Holding my hand up, "merely my dear giving an old man a ride in the morning that is all I ask."

She snorted, "A ride you say that is all you ask. No Ernst. I am in this till the end. If all you require is a ride find someone else. I want to be a part of this.

"You don't truly know what you are saying I sighed.

I know enough that I want to be a part of this, I'm drawn to you. I have been since the day they wheeled you in here, unresponsive. This is what is meant to be."

Guilty pervaded al my senses she could be another innocent or sacrifice. Misgiving built and I shook my head I'd could n allow it my resolve faltered and the hot tears sprung from deep within I knew I could love her if I were a younger man. She possessed that beauty and inner strength. She saw through my bullshit and gave me time to explain myself. No I would not let her do this.

A warm hand pressed against my chin, and the depth within I was a done for old man my daughter was right, I was a vile old man for thinking such thoughts.

"Here Ernst. You won't believe me but this is what I need to do. Look here at the final words." She pointed to the last refrain.

"I am not worthy of love my dear, not anymore."

"Ernst my name, is Amanda Aquila. Amanda means worthy of Love and my last name means eagle."

My heart stuttered, and shook, pain radiated from my very insides and I clutched my chest. Tremors shook and a loud shot ensued, it was my head banging on the cold linoleum. Screeching of Voices I later found to be Amanda's. Blessed silence and peace in the deep seated pain radiating throughout. Only the pain and silence as my heart beat no more.

A/N Next chapter is in the works, next posting within the week. bee safe till later-t