Chapter 21: Of Dreams and Reality
Snow fell from the sky in a thick white cloud, blocking out everything happening around Bella. All she could see was a few feet in radius around her. It was so cold that her pale fingers were beginning to tint blue. Shivers raked her body, causing it to convulse harshly. The wind howled fiercely, creating a tornado of snow and ice that swirled around her, enclosing her in its icy grasp. She stumbled along aimlessly, confused as to where she was and what was going on. The ground was flat and rocky, covered in a thick layer of snow that went up to her knees.
A familiar voice rang through the air: "Betrayer." It was Kili's voice.
"Thief," said Fili.
"Useless," said Bofur.
Every word cut like a knife, as they all rang around her head, slamming into the edges of her skull like sledgehammers.
"Rat," hissed Dwalin.
"Idiot," said Balin.
"Liar," cried Ori.
"Shire rat," came Thorin's voice. Bella fell to her knees as his voice rang out above them all. "Unloved, hated, monster."
"Please stop," she sobbed as she pressed her hands over her ears. "STOP!"
"BELLA!" a voice shouted, startling her. "WAKE UP!"
Her eyes snapped open and she tried to sit up but found that she was being restrained by several sets of hands. Blinking up into the dimly lit area around her, she saw the faces of Thranduil, Tauriel, and two other female elves peering down at her. Each one had a limb firmly held down. Relief crossed all their faces as they saw she was awake.
"What's going on? How did I get here?" she asked. A pounding headache threatened to crack her skull in two as she looked around at her surroundings. She was lying in a healing room, which suspiciously looked like the one in Mirkwood.
"You're here in our home again," Tauriel said softly as everyone let go of her limbs. When she tried to sit up, she was stopped by one of the other female elves. This one had dark blond hair that was braided down her back, and she had a long, kind face with green eyes.
"You must remain lying down for now," said the she-elf. "My name is Laurel by the way, and this is Arianna." She gestured to the other female elf, whose eyes were a stunning mix of all the colors Bella could name, while her hair was as blond as Thranduil's.
Thranduil held a few leaves out to her. "They'll take away the pain," he said softly. Carefully, she reached up and grasped them, but as she was bringing them back towards her body, pain flared across her spine. As she closed her eyes firmly and sucked in air, the elves drew closer. "Your body was gravely injured in battle, and it will take some time and magic to recover."
As she placed the leaves in her mouth and began to chew them, she felt the pain already beginning to fade in her head and back. "Thank you," she said. A thought occurred to her and all the blood left her face. "The baby?! Did I… did I lose it?"
Tauriel shook her head softly with a small smile on her beautiful face. "No, we managed to save you both."
Happy tears sprung forth in her eyes as she cradled her midsection. "Thank you, thank you so much."
"When you disappeared from the battle that day long ago, we immediately sent out teams to track you down and bring you back safely," Thranduil said as he excused Laurel and Arianna from the room. "It was difficult, since you travelled sometimes invisible and very rapidly, but we finally found you. We saw your final battle with Bolg, and I must personally say that I am proud of you for holding your own, as we saw the dead bodies of the other goblins as well."
"I was very malicious," she said sadly, "but he… he k-killed…" New tears surfaced as she was forced to think about the thoughts that she'd been suppressing for a long while. Her Thorin was gone, he'd left her on bad terms and he never even got to know that he was going to be a father.
She didn't notice the looks that Thranduil gave Tauriel. "Come, we are going to take you back to the Mountain during these next few days. It'll be a bit of a journey but it should not take too long since we have requested the help of the Eagles."
"I cannot go back there," Bella murmured softly, "for I have been banished. Never again will I lay eyes on that mountain, or my family. I don't even know if anyone else from the company died."
"They are here to see you, so you can talk to them yourself," Thranduil said softly. "Do you wish to speak with them?"
"Only if I may stand up," she responded. She did not wish to seem too weak in front of her family, or what remained of it.
Tauriel nodded. "You may, just no straining to much. The wound is healed and shouldn't be too sore except for the inner muscles."
The two left the room while Bella stood up and tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. At some point someone had changed her into a nice blue gown, and braiding back her hair so that it wouldn't tangle. She was happy to see that all the blood and grime had been cleansed away as well. Nervous at the idea of seeing the dwarves again, she wondered if they would hold against her the fact that she had stolen the Arkenstone. But then again, they would not be here if that were the case.
After a moment, a knock sounded at the door, before it opened, revealing the happy faces of Fili and Kili. Tears immediately burst forth as she tackled the two of them into a fierce hug. "You both survived, thank Mahal, I was so worried!" The boys hugged her back firmly, and she was happily surprised to see that both had shining eyes from unshed tears.
Standing back, she looked them over for injuries, but both seemed right as rain. "You are uninjured?"
"Not a scratch," Fili said with a grin. "It's good to see that you are well. We were all so worried when you ran off and that it took so long to find you."
"Never do that again!" Kili added before two more figures appeared in the doorway. It was Balin and Dwalin.
"Balin! Dwalin!" she shrieked happily as she saw their grinning faces. Balin had a new cut on his cheek and Dwalin had a few new scars and tattoos, but other than that they seemed in perfect shape. Again, she lunged at the two and enveloped them both in a hug. "It's so good to see you both."
"You as well lass; gave us quite the scare you did," Dwalin said gently. "But you did well, taking down all of those goblins!"
"It's good to see you well," Balin added, before they stepped back so that five others could file into the room. It was Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Oin, and Gloin. Bella hugged them all, crying tears of joy and exclaiming loudly her appreciation that they'd all survived with only a few new scars and injuries. Next entered Dori, Nori, and Ori, who all wore happy smiles as Bella enveloped them all in a hug, sobbing all over their cloaks.
All of them engaged in an outgoing conversation before Fili piped up. "You have another visitor, but we all need to go check on a few things. We'll be back in a minute and give you two some privacy." As all the dwarves filed out of the healing room, Bella sat down on the bed, exhausted from all the crying and hugging. She was clueless as to who this other guest could be. It was more than likely Gandalf, whom she was also excited to see and speak with. She wanted to know all of what occurred while she was gone and unconscious here at Mirkwood.
A soft knock sounded on the door. "Come in," she called. The door opened and in walked a man she'd never thought she would see again. Thorin. His hair was falling in slight waves down his shoulders with a few braids splattered throughout, and his beard was cropped short like it was during their journey. He wore only simple clothing, with his fur cloak due to the winter chill in the air. He walked with a slight limp, but other than that he seemed perfectly fine. His icy blue eyes were filled with both a deep sadness and happiness as he looked upon her. He stopped several feet away from her.
"Th-Thorin? How can this be? I watched you fall! You got run through!" she exclaimed, standing up in shock. A sudden understanding washed over her as guilt filled her entire being. "Oh Mahal… That means that I left you… you were still alive and I left you!" More tears (she was surprised she had any left) pooled over her puffy cheeks as she collapsed back onto the bed.
Thorin immediately stepped forward before stopping himself. "No, do not blame yourself. You could not have known. I was unconscious immediately after the stabbing, and I was all but dead when Gandalf found me and saved my life. Damned wizard, his timing is so perfect that it is almost flawed."
"You're alive," Bella exhaled, taking him in. "But why are you here to see me? I betrayed you, stole the Arkenstone which was properly yours and gave it away to the men and elves. I am not someone you should still feel responsible to check up upon."
Thorin inhaled sharply before coming to crouch down in front of her, grasping her tiny hands in his large ones. A piercing sadness came forth in his eyes as they began to shine with unshed tears. "I came to ask your forgiveness originally, but now I know that I am not worthy of it. Even though the entire events of late were my fault, you bear the burden of guilt that does not belong to you. The words I said and my actions at the gate were not mine, but rather the monster that took over my mind. Without you having taken the Arkenstone, I fear what I would have become. I am so sorry, my Bella; if I can even call you that. You did the best thing possible for me, and even when I hung you over that wall, you were still willing to die for me, and said that you did not blame me. When I woke up and heard that you were gone after that goblin, my life shattered. I realize what I felt then was probably only a fraction of what you felt while you harbored the Arkenstone and saw me become a monster. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I do not ask for your forgiveness, for I do not deserve it."
Bella looked down at him with pure an utter love as she tilted his chin so that he was looking at her. "Thorin Oakenshield, do not make my decisions for me. Your actions were forgiven long ago, and have been forgotten. It was not even you who did those things, but rather the essence of dragon-sickness that still lurked in the shadows of that Mountain. I love you Thorin, and nothing is going to change that."
"What did I do to deserve your love?" Thorin asked rhetorically before standing up to place a chaste kiss on her lips. She hummed softly as she returned it, thanking the gods above for allowing him to stay with her. When they pulled apart, Thorin gazed down at her lovingly. "Bella, not as a king, but as a man, I would like to ask you something very serious."
Bella's heart picked up its pace double time as she nodded slowly at him. "Bella, my love, would you become my wife, my One, my queen?"
Yet again, more tears fell as she blubbered out a yes before lunging herself into his arms. The love she was feeling for him and the happiness she felt threatened to burst her in two as she clamped her lips upon his smiling ones. All of a sudden, the sound of loud cheers rang across the room as the dwarves entered once more, all smiling ear to ear. Thorin set her down gently, and she suddenly remembered that she had a secret that shouldn't be kept to herself and the elves anymore.
"I have something I need to tell all of you, especially you Thorin," she murmured, a blush appearing along her cheeks as everyone looked at her curiously.
"What is it?" Thorin asked nervously. "Are you alright?"
"I'm perfect," she responded. "It's just… I'm… pregnant."
Silence rang loudly across the room. Bella took in everyone's shocked faces before looking up at Thorin to see his mouth gaping like a fish's. His brows furrowed in confusion, and he looked down at her shocked. "I know I'm not a dwarf," she said softly, "and I can't imagine your subjects would be pleased about you having a child with a hobbit…"
Thorin placed a hand over her mouth, shocking her. "Stop," he scolded her, looking a tad angry. "Don't say such things. I do not want you to be a dwarf and it doesn't care what my people think. We're having a baby!"
Then the biggest smile she'd ever seen appeared on Thorin's face as he enveloped her in another hug, this time being mindful of her slightly bulging belly. The other dwarves' brains finally caught up as they burst into another round of cheers. Bella smiled into her fiancé's shoulder as she hugged him as strongly as she could. No one in all the worlds was happier than she was right now.