Hi there, i come to you with tail between my legs. i am so sorry that i haven't posted in a while but things have been a little crazy here and i needed some time to sort through things.

Some emotional triggers in this chapter.

enjoy

nessa xx

Chapter 21- You will always break my fall, like a parachute

Today was a hard day, it was a day that my father and I dreaded every year but this year was especially tough as my father couldn't get time off work to fly over and spend the day with Austin and me. Five years had passed since my mother had been ripped from us and now, at twenty-one, I was alone for the first year to grieve. Austin was away on some business for an upcoming tour and I was alone in our home for a while, of course I had the workers and the telephone to call my father, and Austin to thank him for the flowers I woke up to this morning. Even then it was hard to deal with this alone when all you wanted was the comfort of human touch.

A knock on our door made me sigh, thinking it would be another reporter trying to get to Austin, I shuffled to the door and without looking I opened it. "Look, just get lost, he isn't here." I muttered, looking at the floor rather than at them.

"Well is that anyway to speak to your best friend." My head snapped up to see Trish, holding the little bundle of joy her and Dez called Tilly, and I almost cried.

"Trish? What are you doing here?" I squealed and hugged her around the baby, giving Tilly a little kiss on her forehead.

"I know how hard this day is for you and Dez is close by on business so I thought me and the little one could spend some time with Auntie Ally." She passed me the baby and wondered in, looking around the place for anything out of the ordinary. "Where's Austin?"

"Away again, he is doing some stuff for the new tour that's coming up," I frowned, "he wanted to be here so bad for today but work just can't wait for famous people." I smiled despite my sour mood, it wasn't Austin's fault that his tour was closing in on us.

"Bless him, he hates being away you know. Sometimes he rings Dez to come and check on you." Trish and Dez lived pretty much a block away from us in LA and it was so much easier to enjoy time with my best friend now that a plane journey wasn't involved. Dez got a job as a filmmaker out here and Trish was a studying beautician, to the stars, as well as being a very loving mother to my precious God-daughter. They had been married for pretty much the same time as Austin and I have lived in this apartment and secretly I think that Austin looked up to Dez a little bit, as well as just being a very proud best man. Austin was also a very proud God-father twice for Dez and also for his boss's daughter, he was super with kids.

Trish and I decided to head down for a little bit of TLC shopping, also because I needed a new dress for Austin's award ceremony that weekend as I had to wear something designer and super fancy. We found the perfect dress in a designer outlet that was a soft blue and floor length. It wasn't a tight dress but it was tastefully fitted so that it didn't look like I was wearing someone else's dress and the seamstress was going to make it my measurements so it was perfect fit. We found some pretty silver high heels and clutch bag that matched what I was wearing perfectly and I was set for another big event for Austin. It also helped me to get my mind off of my mum for a little while.

However later that evening when I was once again alone my mind started to wonder…

Suddenly I was seven again and my mum was in my room with me, telling me of all the beautiful things she saw when she was in South Africa doing research for her book.

"There were elephants the size of buses Ally and giraffe's with necks as tall as buildings. It was beautiful my darling and one day I'll take you there so you can see all of the animals for yourself. I know you would love to see it all and experience exactly what mummy got to see." I was picturing it all in my head, the vivid colours and the warmth of the sun, the skyscrapers that were giraffe's and the bus like elephants, the lions that were so close it was like having your cat with you. I wanted to go there and I made mummy promise that one day we would go there, one day I would get to see all the pretty things her and daddy got to see when they were there. Lelliot was telling me that in South Africa where mummy and daddy went the problem mummy has wasn't even able to be treated and that scared me, how would mummy get better if she couldn't go to hospital and take the nasty tablets she needed to keep her hair and not be tired all of the time.

That was around the time my mother had been diagnosed with cancer and she had been predicted to be terminal, but she had good few years left in her, she was planning a trip to South Africa the summer that she died. She had been going down hill for a while…

"Mummy, why does your hair keep falling out?" I asked, looking at my mummy fix her wig to her head.

"It's my illness Ally, love, it doesn't like my hair very much." She smiles.

"Well I like it. I wish it didn't fall out." She had left the room before she had started crying in front of me and Elliot had taken my hand, leading me to the garden to play whilst her and dad started making plans for her time in hospital and when she ultimately left us.

My mother was only 39 years old when she was taken from us and it was the hardest thing for a fifteen year old me to understand. I cried a lot when my mother first died but Elliot just seemed to handle it, like it didn't effect him at all.

Months later Elliot when missing and we hadn't heard or seen from him since, only a very elusive letter telling my father he couldn't do it anymore because it was too hard to be around us and not think of mum. He had always been so close to our mother so it was hard for him to handle it but he didn't come to us for help, just held it in until he couldn't handle it anymore.

I missed my family more than anything on days like this and I wished I could know where my brother was so I could hug him, my heart was in place I didn't even know of that night.