Chapter 21

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.

Bella drove home after the lunch with her father. Normally she would have stopped in at the gas station and said 'hello' to Leah, but today she stoically kept her eyes on the road. She wasn't ready for their talk just yet. She noticed the note was gone immediately and had a moment of self-doubt. She had put it there?

She was going to phone Leah and make sure she was coming tonight, when she saw she had a text from her. She must have missed it at lunch.

'Seth gave me the note. Cya 2nite. L'

Phew. She felt better after that; a little less nervous. But then Leah was late and Bella got nervous again. She had all the ingredients to make pasta sauce. The water boiling on the stove. She kept topping it up.

Leah came in the door apologizing. "I'm sorry I'm late. I ran to the gas station last night and then I forgot that I had no way to get home again."

"So you ran back?'

"Yeah."

"You big silly, you could have called me and I would have picked you up."

"I didn't want to trouble you."

"It's no trouble."

They both stopped talking. Leah was standing in the middle of the living room; Bella still in the kitchen.

"Do we talk first or eat?" Leah ventured.

"I vote for talk." Bella looked around the kitchen with a pursed mouth. "I'm not sure I can eat now."

"Me too. My stomach feels weird."

"Okay then."

"Right."

Silence.

"I'll start," Leah said. She kept watching Bella.

"Okay."

"I am an idiot. I am so sorry. I will over share forever if you want me to."

Bella shook her head. Still staring at the kitchen counter.

"What?" Leah asked.

"Don't do that; just be you. But do tell me stuff. Tell me things that affect us. I don't need to know what color shirt George wore to work today-"

"Red. They are always red checked."

Bella looked up and frowned at her.

"Sorry," Leah said.

"I'm sorry, too. I suggested the guy thing and I worry that it made you feel less secure. I didn't want to do it because I was unhappy with you."

"I know; you told me that, but I will admit that I worried about it."

"I can see that now."

Leah added, "And I treated you like a wimp."

"Pardon?"

"The whole reason I didn't tell you what I wanted to do ... you know… the strap on?"

Bella nodded.

"I didn't even ask you about it. I just decided that you were weak and breakable and that you couldn't handle it. Then I tried to keep it a secret to save from hurting you. Which was dumb because I ended up hurting you, by not telling you.

"I know which injury is more painful," Bella said.

"I'm sorry, baby." Leah took a step closer to her.

"I missed you," said Bella.

"You did?"

"Don't run away like that again. I woke up and I went looking for you and you weren't here."

"Oh."

"The bed is too big and too cold without you. And we could have talked it out then, instead of delaying for another day. But I can't talk to you if you are not here."

"Sorry. I will try not to run away again." Leah was almost at the kitchen now; sneaking up on her.

"So here's the deal," Bella suggested. "We talk! We talk about things that matter to each of us. We don't assume, and we don't try to hide stuff to protect the other person. Especially if it just makes it blow up in your face later. I think honesty is really important."

"You're right. Paul told me that you were tougher than you looked."

"That's not hard; I don't look tough at all."

"You do fine," Leah said. "The girl who dates vampires and wolves."

"When did he tell you that?"

"He came to see me at work."

"I spoke to him this morning at the building site."

"Yes, that was why he came to see me. He told me that he was leaving for a while."

"Oh."

"He thought it was the best solution, so that we can sort ourselves out without him around. Sam suggested it."

Bella thought that was a good thing for both her and Leah. Temptation would be out of reach, even with his long arms.

"Wow. Did he say where he was going?"

"I am not sure exactly, but he said he would go up to help his father. He's a tree feller, so he will be out in the forest somewhere."

"That was nice of him to do that."

"Yeah, it was. Seriously out of character for Paul to be so nice."

Bella nodded. "Yes." He had been nice to her; really nice. But then she thought that he always had been. "What about the pack?"

"What about it?"

"Do they know?"

Leah sighed. "I assume they all know, by now. I don't know how much, detail though. I didn't phase today."

"I get that. I didn't talk to Jake today."

"I didn't talk to Sam, either."

"So we are even," Bella suggested, with a small smile.

"Both cowards," chuckled Leah.

There was silence for a beat.

"You wanted a guy; you kept bringing it up," Leah pointed out. "I really thought it was what you wanted. Did we make a mistake?"

"It is… was," she corrected hurriedly.

They stepped away from each other a little, now.

Leah gave her a look. "Is this going to work?" she asked, very quietly.

"Don't ask me," Bella retaliated; she sounded a little annoyed. "You're the one who's wolf keeps running after him. And you're the one who brought yourself into the deal. You having sex with him, was never part of the original idea in the first place."

"What? It was his price."

"Bullshit!"

Leah was taken aback. Bella didn't usually swear.

Bella continued, "He would have agreed and I am surprised that you, with your epic wolf skills, couldn't tell that. You should have been able to tell that he wanted to do it."

Leah was stunned. She blinked and tried to think back to that scene in Paul's kitchen. She had tried to gauge his physical reactions. She had thought at the time, that they were a bit erratic.

Bella glanced at her and looked concerned. "Leah?"

"Fuck me," she exclaimed.

"Pardon?"

"You're right." She punched herself in the thigh. "How did I miss it? He was initially annoyed that I had come over and then he got so calm. That was half the reason why I suggested the pegging, he wasn't giving me any clues. I had been thinking about it, but I wanted to get a reaction from him." She looked agitated.

"And did you get one?"

"Yeah. He was cooking dinner. He dropped the spoon on the floor."

Bella studied her.

"We got played, Leah," she said.

"Yeah, I think we did."

"But I will add a proviso-"

"A what?"

"It's like a condition. I think it might have started for Paul as a game or a challenge, but somewhere along the way, something changed for him. He was so genuinely sorry. I don't think I misread that."

"So earnest," Leah added. She took another step closer.

"So apologetic." Bella finally stepped towards her.

"He didn't touch me. Knew it would be too much for me."

"He kissed me on the forehead." She lifted her hand and showed Leah where he had kissed her.

"He said he could stop." Leah reached out and took Bella's hand in hers. Their fingers laced together.

"So can we," Bella said. "We can put him aside and go back." Bella took her other hand.

"Oh, yes. That was what I kept hoping; that it would all go back to the way it was before."

They stood, very close now; holding hands. Leah leaned down and pressed her forehead against Bella's. "Sorry," she whispered. She searched for her lips. A gentle kiss; another whisper, "Sorry."

"I missed you so much."

Leah kissed her. It was gentle and heartfelt. When she pulled her head back, Bella made a breathless sigh.

"That's better," she said.

Leah smiled.

"Are you hungry now?" Bella asked.

"Not really."

"You know what I feel like?"

Leah shook her head.

"Ice cream."

Leah laughed. "Can we eat break up food when we make up?"

"Why not? I got a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough just in case."

"And we can eat it together."

"Yeah." Bella kissed her.

Leah got two spoons and Bella got the tub and a dishcloth to hold it in. She turned off the heat under the boiling water.

They threw themselves down on the couch, tangled their legs together and dug in.

Leah was playing with Bella's hair. "Hey, you want a bath after this?"

"Come with?"

"Sure."

"Then, yes."

Leah kissed her neck.

She chuckled. "Your lips are cold."

"Ice cream kisses," Leah whispered and kissed her neck again.

Leah loved having a bath with Bella. She loved touching her; having her lie on top of her in the water. Feeling the contact all along the length of her body. Touch and feel. She hated to admit it but she loved cuddling with Bella. And she cuddled her now; full of the fright that she had nearly lost her. Bella reveled in the attention and the confirmation that they were back together.

"In the spirit of talking," Leah started, "I left the dildo at Paul's place. If you want, I could go get it."

"You mean for us to use?"

"Yeah. If you wanted. I'm a little worried about using a strap-on on you, but there's no reason why we couldn't just use the dildo part. It comes out of the harness."

"Oh." Bella paused as she thought about it. "Okay."

"Good." She stroked down Bella's side. "You could even use it on me, if you wanted."

"Ooh. Now that would be fun."

They clambered out of the bath, dried off and fell into bed together. Leah was usually dominant in bed and tonight was no exception. Bella watched her as she climbed onto the bed. Leah straddled Bella's thigh and rubbed herself down on it. Bella sat up and reached for Leah's breasts. She was at the perfect height; her mouth level with them. She held them in her hands; kissing sucking, and pinching at Leah's nipples until they peaked.

Leah knelt over Bella; one hand under the thigh she straddled, holding it onto her. She ground herself onto it. Feeling her moisture slick on Bella's skin. Her other hand reached down and slid between Bella's lower lips. Leah came first; she was so excited to be with Bella again. Afterward she pushed Bella down onto her back. Bella stared into her eyes. Leah withdrew her hand and sucked her fingers into her mouth. She closed her eyes in ecstasy. She loved the taste of her lover.

Bella shivered.

When her fingers were moist with her own saliva she returned them between Bella's legs and slid them inside her. Two fingers now and her thumb on her clitoris. Bella shattered under her.

She lifted her, held her in her arms and laid them both down on their sides facing each other.

Leah was thinking as she held Bella close. She couldn't go to sleep.

Paul had played her. The more she thought about it, the more she knew Bella was right. He had somehow masked all his reactions. And she was so nervous that she hadn't noticed it at the time. She wondered idly, if her wolf had sabotaged her somehow. It did want to get close to Paul. Could it do it when she was human? They didn't really get on well. The wolf existed. Leah could not deny that.

But she kind of hated it.

It had cost her everything.

Sam, initially and then her cousin and best friend, Emily. It was pretty hard to be friendly with someone who stole your man.

And then it had killed her father. A heart attack when she phased in front of him and tore the couch apart. Completely unable to stop herself from literally scaring him to death. And then frightening Seth into phasing as well. Her breath caught at the memory of that awful night. She snugged Bella closer.

Then all the extra issues: crazy body temperature, no privacy, a shared mind with a bunch of teenage boys, dangerous missions against vampires and the icing on the cake? Bound to the rez forever. Stuck.

No college for her, like Rachel. No snagging a hot surfer husband on a trip to Hawaii, like Rebecca. No chance of a normal life like that. Marriage and kids.

No children.

The forbidden thought.

She remembered her complete and utter panic when she realized that she no longer had periods; that she had dried up like some old lady. It was too much. She was nineteen, for fuck's sake. As if she could have got onto having kids any earlier?

And what really burned her, was the fact that the cost was so much higher for her. The only female wolf. Alone. Misunderstood. Resented by the boys. Why was the cost so much more expensive for her? It wasn't fair.

So, yes, she hated the wolf. She even tried not to think of it as a 'she', but an 'it'. A thing.

A thing that had ruined her life.

And had almost cost her the only person she had. Bella.

Stupid fucking wolf.