Chapter 20.
That dreaded day finally came. The day in which Anna, her Anna, would be going on a date with that… that man. Elsa just didn't like him. But why? Probably just because Anna liked him and was always smiling and wooing over him, and she just got jealous. Yes, that was the word she'd been searching for and had finally remembered after re-reading a part of the book in which she had first saw it: "Harry Potter and the half-blood prince". Elsa was utterly and completely jealous.
At first, she hadn't been sure if said word could be applied in her case because, well, Harry was jealous over Ginny, given that he wanted her to be his girlfriend; he was in love with her. But Elsa was quite sure it wasn't the case of her feelings towards Anna, not because she didn't feel the same way about the redhead that Harry had felt for the younger Weasley, but because she and Anna were both women, and women don't fall for each other. So, she had asked her friend and protector if someone can be jealous over a friend or a relative, and she had answered her yes, dissipating any doubts the blonde could've had about her animosity against a man that hadn't really ever done anything bad to her.
It was somewhat wrong, Elsa knew that, but she couldn't do anything about it, except observe Anna change into her nicest clothes, spend half an hour doing her hair, and several minutes applying makeup on her face, something she had never done before with that much effort. What bothered Elsa the most, though, was that Anna kept asking her about what she thought about her clothes, hairdo, etc., when, after all, she wasn't wearing any of that for her, but for that damned man.
When Elsa finally grew tired of it and was thinking about retiring to the library, the doorbell rang and Anna asked her to go answer, saying that it was probably Kai and Gerda, since Hans wouldn't be arriving until half an hour later. Elsa didn't want to oblige because she still wasn't comfortable being with others unless Anna was with her, but she knew that if she continued being so dependent and such a burden, Anna would always prefer Hans' company. So she obediently went to answer the door.
Gerda and Kai greeted her enthusiastically and Elsa answered with a polite nod, too focused on her jealousy that she wasn't really there. So she didn't really hear Gerda saying that she'd be in the living room and just walked out of the house to the front yard, where she laid down on the grass, looking up at the gray clouds and wondering if it'd rain soon. She hoped so; probably that way Anna's date would end sooner and the redhead would return to her, maybe even spend some time cuddling on the couch reading or watching a movie as they enjoyed a mug of hot chocolate. She smiled at the thought, but immediately berated herself for it. She was too selfish; if Anna was happy with Hans, then it was OK for her. After all, she wasn't a man and therefore, couldn't bring the girl the kind of love Hans could offer… But if Anna had to be with a man, she'd prefer it if it was Kristoff; even if he was kind of smelly and too muscular, at least she trusted him more.
Maybe it's because of Hans' ugly facial hair? Or his attitude of "I am too perfect"?
Elsa tried to imagine Anna with Kristoff instead, to prove her theory, but again, it awoke the same feeling of nausea combined with utter anger and possessiveness, though at least there wasn't distrust. It was an odd feeling and definitely selfish and destructive, but she just couldn't help it.
In that moment she heard a crunching sound and looked down at the grass. It was frozen. Only slightly, though, and any other person would've assumed that it was because of the air humidity (It was about to rain, after all) combined with the cold coming from the North mountain, but Elsa knew better.
She sighed. She wished there was one single day in which she wasn't reminded of her unnatural and evil curse, but life had to be that cruel. Many times in the past she had asked, without getting an answer, why her? Why was she cursed, even before she was born, with those powers that hadn't brought anything but suffering to her and the ones around her? So many times she had wished to be normal, if even only one day, so many times she'd wished she hadn't been born with that magic… or hadn't been born at all.
Elsa closed her eyes, feeling the familiar burning behind her eyelids and the knot on her throat. She hated her inability to control her feelings and, therefore, her powers. She was weak, and she was dangerous, as her father always said… but Anna, on the other hand, had said that her father was wrong, that no one could control their feelings, and that it wasn't her fault at all. Anna… so caring, so gentle, so loving. The mere thought of her sincere gaze so full of affection never failed to bring a smile to the blonde's face. Before meeting her, she'd thought she was undeserving of such affection, but now she had it, and it was enough to give her broken and pointless life some meaning. Anna was the only thing she lived for.
Elsa sighed, this time contently, and felt warmth spreading through her chest (Both, figuratively and literally) as she thought of the girl that had picked up her pieces and put them together. The girl who had made a monster human, and she found that, if Anna was happy, even if it wasn't with her, she'd accept it (Which didn't mean she'd like it), because that's the last thing she could do for her savior: let her go.
In that moment, she heard a car parking in front of the house and her whole body instantly tensed. She sat up, noticing that the ice that was previously coating the grass had disappeared, but she shrugged it off, knowing she had something more urgent to do. Elsa then crawled in all fours to the nearest bush, sneaking a peak of the street from her hiding spot.
It was a black luxurious car, too ostentatious as if made to impress someone, more likely Anna, since it was Hans the one who got out of it. He had a shirt, dress pants and sun glasses. Nothing about him was modest in the sightless, even less the expensive cellphone he had tucked in his hand as he talked.
Elsa wanted to know what he was talking about and who he was talking to, but she couldn't because of the distance that was separating them, so she cautiously approached behind the bushes and tried to catch something of his conversation.
"Yes, I'm here… No, I won't screw it up again." He said exasperatedly and anxiously, running a hand through his hair. "I told you; I'm the best for the job. I'm smart, handsome and I know how to trick a girl into falling for me, so there's nothing you have to worry about."
Trick a girl into falling for him? Isn't that like… something bad? Does that mean he doesn't love Anna? Is he just playing with her?
"I promise. By tonight she'll be completely blind with love, and in less than a month I'll send you the… thing that you requested." He smiled. "Okay. Yes… I'll tell you everything as soon as this date is over. Goodbye." He hung up the phone and put it in his pocket, sighing. "That weasel… who does he think he is? I hate him so much."
Weasel?! Like Weaseltown?!
Elsa's fears came in full force and she had to literally clasp a hand over her mouth in order to prevent herself from screaming.
Calm down, Elsa. Weaseltown's real name was Wese… Wasel… no. Whatever his name was, it didn't have anything to do with weasels. What Hans said was totally unrelated.
Elsa felt herself relax as she watched Hans walk to the door and press the doorbell. She looked down and saw more ice though, so she sighed, disappointed of herself. From the distance, she saw as Gerda opened the door and allowed him to enter, remaining on the door a moment, probably searching for her. The blonde crawled again to her original bush and laid down, curling and pretending to be asleep; she knew it wouldn't be pleasant if Hans knew she'd heard his conversation on the phone.
She felt Gerda shaking her shoulder and pretended to be waking up, even rubbing her eyes and yawning in a very convincing act.
"Elsa? Did you fall asleep out here?" Gerda asked chuckling and Elsa nodded. "Come on, let's get in so you can say goodbye to Anna before she goes out with this handsome gentleman."
Elsa got up and followed the woman inside, still pretending to be sleepy, and taking care of staying as far away from Hans as possible as she got through the door, not even looking at the man who tried to greet her. Then, she went running through the halls searching for Anna, wanting to tell her what she'd just heard… however, she didn't expect to collide with her.
Both girls fell to the ground with a thump, Elsa landing over Anna, and stayed there, trying to make sense to what just happened.
"Ouch…!" Anna exclaimed rubbing her head with a pained grimace, eyes closed. "Elsa, what were you thinking running like that?"
"Sorry." Elsa quickly apologized, still not getting up.
"It's okay." Anna said trying to get into a sitting position, slowly opening her eyes. "It wasn't your…" Anna now had her eyes opened wide when she realized that, in her attempt to stand up, she had ended up way too close to Elsa, too much to be appropriate. She blushed hard. "F-fault."
"Are you okay?" Elsa asked concerned, placing her hand on Anna's cheek, which made Anna's face redden even more.
"I-I…" Anna didn't know what to say anymore, she couldn't even think. Her face was so close to Elsa that she could clearly smell her minty breath and feel it on her lips. They were so close that, if she as much as moved forward less than an inch, their lips would be touching, and she'd be in heaven. It was, again, too easy, and the temptation too strong, but she tried to resist with all her might.
Elsa, on the other hand, was caught off guard about this situation. She felt butterflies in her stomach, just not of fear or anxiety, but rather on anticipation of something that she knew was going to happen, but wasn't sure what it was. The look Anna was giving her was so intense, so loving and desperate at the same time, as if she wanted something from her… as if she were going to take something from her, but it was probably something good, because nothing about Anna could be bad.
As the redhead started to lean in, Elsa found herself slowly closing her eyes instinctively, waiting for the welcomed unknown to arrive… but it never came.
"Anna! Hans has…" Kai's voice died as soon as it started and both girls jumped in surprise, as if they'd been caught doing mischief, separating from each other.
"Oh… K-Kai." Anna stuttered, red as a tomato. "W-what are you doing here?" She put an invisible strand of hair beside her right ear nervously.
"Well…" The butler blinked trying to recover from what she just witnessed. "I was… I came here to tell you that Hans Westergard has arrived."
"H-Hans?" Anna dumbly asked, as if she didn't remember who was Hans. "Oh, right! Hans. Already?"
"He is here just in time, eleven in the morning, the hour you requested him to come." The man politely answered.
"Eleven…?" Anna took out her phone and checked the hour.—Eleven!—She quickly got up and dusted her clothes, straightening them and running her hands through her fiery hair in order to make it look more presentable.
In that moment, Hans came through the hall and said:
"Anna! You look more beautiful than usual. Did you cut your hair? Or are those clothes new?" He gave her a ravishing smile and Anna returned it shyly.
"H-Hans… Hi." She said blushing.
"Shall we go?"
"Y-yes! Yes, of course, just let me…" Anna went through a door and came out holding her purse and jacket. "Ready!" She said beaming.
"Wonderful." He said, offering his hand to carry Anna's jacket, to which Anna oblige, but before they could take even one step in the direction of the entrance, Elsa finally gathered the courage to speak.
"W-wait! A-Anna…"
—Elsa, you'll be fine.—Anna gave her a reassuring smile, thinking she was anxious about being left alone on the mansion.
"N-no, it's not… C-can I talk to you, p-please?" She eyed at Hans and knew she couldn't (And shouldn't) speak in his presence. "Alone?"
Anna briefly glanced at Hans and then at the wall-clock.
"Sorry, but I really have to go now. You can tell me when I come back, okay?" She asked with an apologetic smile.
"B-but A-Anna it's…" The man took Anna by the wrist and start leading her out of the house as she waved Elsa goodbye. The blonde wanted to stop them , but she didn't know how without upsetting the two of them, so she just watched for a few moments, too hesitant to move a muscle, until they turned a corner and got out of sight. "… important." She finished with a sigh.
Anyways. I guess I'll have to tell her when she comes back. It's not that of an urgent matter, is it? I hope not.
Without anything else to do, and after assuring Gerda that she was fine and wanted to spend some time alone, Elsa went to the library and took out her sketch book and colors, remembering the request Kristoff had made her the previous day: to make a drawing of Weaseltown's face. It wasn't a pleasant task, nor one she'd like to do without Anna's comforting presence, but she decided it was better to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Maybe Anna would be proud of her if she did.
So, she started remembering his distinctive features. One of the things that had attracted her attention more of that man was his short stature and skinny complexion, followed by the rather obvious toupee of gray hair on top of his head and that excessively large mustache, under an equally disproportionate nose, which had tiny glasses on top of it. Glasses that covered the hatred-filled stare, mustache that hid the sinister smile, just like the toupee covered his boldness. Weaseltown was a man of appearances, always concealing his true nature… and that had cost her dearly. Her parents had put too much trust in the wrong man.
The first tears fell on the paper even before she had had a chance to start drawing, and she soon found herself crying over the table and making it snow inside the library. What was she thinking? It was a bad idea, a terrible idea! How had she expected to be strong enough to face this without Anna? Weaseltown was like a taboo in her mind, something she'd tried to wipe from her memory, something that caused her too much fear and pain, and only Anna's presence seemed to dull it.
Anna… yes, thinking about her might help me calm down.
So Elsa concentrated on imagining her gentle teal eyes, long eyelashes, cute freckles, pink lips, red cheeks, tanned skin, slim neck, soft curls of red hair, beautiful body… Then she imagined Anna laughing, Anna hugging her, Anna running, Anna taking photos, Anna getting worried, Anna getting angry, Anna eating chocolate… And soon, Elsa's tears were replaced for smiles, as she remembered all the times she had spent with the younger girl. She wiped the traces that the drops had left on their way down and looked at the table. Just as it had happened on the front yard, the ice had suddenly disappear as if it had never existed on the first place, and just because she'd thought about Anna? It was odd. Could it really be the solution to all her problems? Thinking of Anna? Why? It didn't make any sense.
Elsa sighed. It was a mystery, but she wasn't going to complain about it. She better finish her sketch (Yes, she was determined to do it now that she felt a little better). Maybe she could try to imagine a situation in which Weaseltown wasn't threatening, but ridiculous, maybe a snow storm taking his toupee away? That'd be hilarious, or that time when she'd accidentally frozen his butt… it didn't end up well, though.
No, let's not think about it. Concentrate on hilarious things, Elsa. Only hilarious things.
So she started drawing Weaseltown with his toupee half-blown and his butt frozen, with an expression of anger, but not threatening anger, it was rather comical, and Elsa found herself wishing that she'd been brave enough to do something like that to him in real life as revenge for everything he'd done to her. It wouldn't have been nice for her at the end, of course, but it was still better than suffering everything without even having the opportunity to fight back… It had made her feel so helpless.
Elsa sighed.
I'm still dwelling in the past. I should stop it. Maybe if I go downstairs and watch some TV I'll be able to forget about it, at least for a few hours.
After grabbing some chocolate cookies from the kitchen and telling Gerda that she'd be on the living room watching TV, She sat on the couch and started searching for something to see. Gerda came in and asked if she minded to have company for a while, Elsa reluctantly accepted her presence and continued skipping from one channel to another, increasingly bored.
For a while, nothing caught her attention, but then she saw an image that interested her on what was happening on the screen. It was a wedding, though not just any wedding; a massive wedding, just… something seemed off. The couples were all same-sex.
"In celebration of the approval of gay marriage in the state of Corona, Germany, a massive wedding was hosted by the government…" The news commentator was saying.
"Wait…" Elsa said as she saw two women kissing. "A-a-aren't they like… two women getting m-married? Isn't that… uh…" She wasn't sure how to continue with her question, so she just left it like that. It wasn't wrong, because they weren't hurting anybody, but it wasn't something usual either, at least not for her.
"Yeah…" Gerda sighed. "It seems like now-a-days homosexuality is a normal thing."
"H-homo… homosexuality?" Elsa asked confused. "Is that…" She pointed to the TV.
"Yes, exactly. And now they're even allowed to get married." Gerda sighed again. "But who am I to judge them? If they're happy that way, then… well, it's their problem."
Elsa returned her gaze to the TV. They really looked happy, and how could they not be? It was their wedding day after all! And she found herself smiling at the sight.
Suddenly, a thought hit her like a lightning bolt.
I want to marry Anna… In the future, of course.
"What?!" Gerda asked, very surprised, and Elsa realized she had talked out loud without noticing. She turned to see her and only saw shock on her face. "Y-you shouldn't be watching this… it's getting into your innocent mind." The woman spoke hurriedly and snatched the control out of her hands to change the channel, deciding for one that had cartoons. "That's better." She said approvingly as the typical heterosexual couple fooling around a beautiful forest appeared on the TV.
Elsa looked at the screen, not really watching the cartoons, just wondering what Gerda's reaction was about. She said she didn't judge homosexuals, right? Then why had she acted like she was "protecting" her innocent mind from damage? If she could be happy with Anna, then… what was the problem? Elsa couldn't understand.
What she did know is that the only person she could ever consider marrying was Anna… true, she didn't know a lot of people, but the redhead was the only one who could make her happy even if she was immersed in unpleasant memories. She made her feel safe, she could trust her, she was her world… besides, her mere memory had thawed her ice, not once, but twice, and Kristoff had clearly said that "An act of true love can thaw a frozen heart", hasn't he? If that wasn't love, then she didn't know what was. And if she was happy, then what could be wrong about it?
She decided she was going to tell Anna, right after informing her of Hans' intentions and showing her the sketch she'd made of Weaselton.
We're going to have a long talk once you arrive from your date, Anna.
Anna arrived a little latter than expected, but just a little; she made sure of that. Even if Hans had asked her to stay with him a little longer, she hadn't accepted because of Elsa, and now she was at the entrance, saying goodbye to him.
"It was a lovely date, Hans." Anna said smiling. "As usual."
"I'm glad you liked it. I could never forgive myself if I screwed it up with as lady as kind and beautiful as yourself." Hans answered winking at her, which made her blush.
"You're a charmer." Anna smiled shyly looking to the ground.
"I only live to serve the love of my life." He replied with that flirting attitude he always had.
"L-love?" Anna asked, looking at him nervously but with hope.
"Yes, Anna. I'm in love with you, and I'm not afraid to admit it."
"Holy…!" Anna exclaimed, but was silenced by a pair of lips on hers. Once the contact was over, she touched her mouth with her fingers, not believing it had been real.
"Goodbye Anna." He said walking away before she was able to answer.
After dumbly staring at him as he walked away, got into his car and drove, Anna's mind finally processed what had happened.
"Holy shit! Hans kissed me!" Anna exclaimed. "And he loves me! Yes!" She started jumping excitedly while she beamed as she hadn't done in a few… hours actually; Elsa always made her smile one way or another… but whatever, it was a radiant smile nonetheless.
"Elsa!" Anna called happily as she got through the door. "Elsa, I'm home!" The blonde came running down the hallway and hugged her tightly, almost knocking the air out of her lungs, but Anna reciprocated without doubting even a second.
"I missed you." Elsa whispered on her ear.
"I was only gone for a few hours, silly." Anna giggled.
"Still." Was Elsa's answer. Anna felt her heart warm at the blonde's words, making her smile become even wider, but she still broke the hug to look the girl at the eyes.
"How were you in my absence? What did you do while I was out?"
"I finished a sketch of Weaseltown." Elsa answered proudly.
"Wait… alone?" Anna asked concerned. "Didn't it trigger… memories?" Instantly Elsa's smile faded and Anna regretted having asked that.
"Yes." She answered sadly. "The library got covered in snow." Anna let out a gasp and was about to say something when Elsa continued. "But don't worry." She smiled. "Thinking of you helped me."
"But the snow…"
"I thawed it."
"How? I thought you didn't…"
"Yes, I didn't know how, but remember what Kristoff said yesterday? 'Love will thaw' I thought about you and the ice just… disappeared." Elsa smiled tenderly at Anna, and the younger girl found herself at a loss of words and incapable of even moving a muscle. She was hypnotized by the intensity of the stare. It made her feel so special… like she was the only person in the world for Elsa. And then, the blonde said something that left her even more astounded. "I love you."
Anna had never felt more loved in her life. First, Hans had kissed her and confessed to her, and now Elsa was telling her that she loved her… even if it was a different kind of love and it wasn't the first time the blonde had said it to her, but Anna pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and allowed herself to enjoy the moment.
"Oh, Elsa…" She sighed happily, staring at her eyes adoringly. "You know I love you too."
"Really?" Elsa asked with hopeful eyes. "Then, can we get married?"
"Wait... What?!" Anna exclaimed, shocked, and blushed. Married? Where had Elsa got that idea from? Why was she even asking her that? Did she even know the meaning behind marriage?
"Not now, of course." Elsa clarified. "Maybe in a few years, or months… does it really matter, though? If we love each other then…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Anna interrupted her, distancing herself from the girl to clear her mind (Elsa's touch was too distracting), and took a deep breath. "I… where did you even get that idea?"
"From TV." Answered Gerda's voice coming from behind Elsa. Elsa turned around, so now both girls were facing the woman. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have let those things about homosexuals get into her innocent mind, but it was too unexpected. I did what I could, but I'm afraid the damage is done."
"That's enough, Gerda." Anna said frowning, clearly irritated by her words. "I will handle this situation. You and Kai can retire for the day." Elsa's nanny was about to protest, but clearly thought better after seeing Anna's frown and nodded silently, retiring to get her husband.
Anna didn't even wait until she had returned and, instead, took Elsa's hand and dragged the girl towards their room, sitting them both on the bed and staring at Elsa's eyes, which now were cast down, her head hanging low.
"I… I said something bad… Didn't I?" Elsa asked with a saddened voice.
"What?! No, of course not." Anna answered placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.
"You were angry." She pointed out.
"At Gerda. What she said wasn't nice; homosexuality isn't wrong, and seeing something about it on TV doesn't corrupt your mind."
"Oh." Elsa frowned, processing the words and then turned her face to see Anna. "Really? Then you will marry me?
Elsa's face looked so hopeful that Anna was having problems saying no, but she had to remind herself that Elsa didn't really know what she was talking about.
"No, but it isn't because I don't love you…" Actually I love you way too much, and nothing could make me happier than marrying you. "It's just…" Anna bit her lip. "There are different kinds of love."
"Different…?" Elsa frowned. "How?"
"The love a parent feels for their child isn't the same as the one a person feels for their friend, or their pet, and so on. The love someone feels for their husband or wife is also different." Elsa seemed to have problems understanding, so Anna added more to her explanation. "I know you love me as a friend, and that's why we can't marry."
Even if I love you as a lover.
"How…? How is the love you feel for a husband or a wife?"
"It's… difficult to explain." Anna rubbed her neck, thinking. "It's like the other person means the world to you."
"But that's how I feel about you!"
"Yes, but… there's also sexual attraction."
"Sexual…?" Elsa asked confused.
I can't believe I'm giving Elsa the talk!
"Yes, sexual attraction, like… uhm…" How could she explain it without adding too much details? "Liking someone's body too much."
"I think you're pretty."
"Yes, but… It's more like… wishing to touch it. Wishing for skin on skin contact. Naked." Anna blushed badly and a shiver ran through her spine. She had to deviate her gaze to the floor to avoid jumping over Elsa that very instant. Talking about this topic with her was way too dangerous.
"N-naked? But why?"
"Because… You know what?" Anna said getting up. "You'll get it once you're older… mentally older, I mean. Now, I'm going to get something to eat and sleep. I'm tired." She walked away, but in that moment, Elsa remembered she had to tell her something important.
"Wait, Anna!" Elsa exclaimed getting up after her. "I have to tell you something about Hans."
"Uhm? What is it?" Anna asked turning to look at her.
"I heard him saying something about knowing how to trick a girl into falling for him, and a plan… I think he's using you, Anna." Elsa said concerned.
"Elsa, look, I get that you don't like Hans. You made it quite clear after my first date with him, but it's something very different to invent stories about him so that I don't see him again.
"But it's the truth!" Elsa insisted.
"Hans is the nicest guy I ever met, and I lo… like him." Anna didn't knew why, but she couldn't bring herself to say that she loved Hans. Maybe because the girl she truly loved was standing in front of her. "So I won't have you saying bad things about him, understood?"
"Anna…"
"Now I'm going to get some rest." Anna said getting out of the room and briefly wondering if she should've given Elsa more credit.
Nah, she's just jealous. Shecan be quitepossessive sometimes.
The truth is, a part of Anna was telling her that Elsa had never lied to her and what she was saying could actually make sense if Hans was after her money. But she denied it because she was really happy when he'd said he loved her, and it'd hurt her too much if it was all a big lie. So, just like that, she shrugged off the affair.