Title: When You Win (20b/?)
Author: Brooke
Email: absolutxandman@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13/R (maybe)
Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.
Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe.
Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know.
Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!
Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!
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"That went well." Jenny commented to Xander when he stepped onto the porch. Xander ignored the comment and jumped down the steps, surveying the street for any sing of Buffy. "I have to find her." he said while turning to face Jenny, who had moved to sit on the steps.
"Why?" she asked simply.
"What do you mean 'why'?" Xander snapped, "She's hysterical. She'll get herself killed."
Jenny regarded him for a moment, "And that wouldn't be better then her slowly being driven insane by the ghost of her husband?"
Xander narrowed his eyes at his former teacher, not liking at all how insensitive she was being about this whole situation, "Look, I want this to be over as much as you do, if not more. I've hated watching her like this for the last month…"
"I got how much you hate this by the way you've insisted on haunting her and all. Must be tearing you up inside." Jenny smirked.
Xander felt something inside him snap at that comment and he shut his eyes to keep the building rage at bay. "I hate that she feels this way because of me, but I can't leave. I wish that I could, but I can't. Not now, I can't leave her like this."
"You seem to think that if you just pretend that you're still living and breathing that it'll actually happen again." Jenny shot at him. "You think that if you wish it hard enough, your eyes will open and you'll wake up in bed with your arms around her, AND THAT WON'T HAPPEN. You're dead Xander. You're gone."
"Just tell me which way she went before something happens to her." Xander whispered.
"You couldn't stop it if it did. And personally. I wish something would just put her out of her misery, end her quicker than you're doing it." Jenny knew she was being harsh, but she needed to get the point across now, before Xander got his wife killed.
"I'm going to find her," Xander said in a low voice, "but if you'd help me I'd get done quicker…we could leave sooner."
Jenny looked at his defeated form as he stood at the base of the steps, "She ran that way." Jenny answered pointing to an area to the left of the house. "Maple Hill's that way isn't it?" she stated more than asked.
Xander knew why Buffy would go there, it was where he was buried; Buffy went up there everyday. He took off in a sprint towards the cemetery, hoping that she would be alright, at least physically. Buffy was in no condition to have to fight any creature of the night, and having a weak Slayer in a cemetery at midnight was like baiting a hook.
Xander reached the main gate of the cemetery and noticed that it was pushed open a crack, but it was still enough space for him to squeeze through. He tread up the familiar pathway to the top of the hill and looked to his right. He saw Buffy, still clad in his pajamas kneeling on front of his granite headstone, just like he had seen her do everyday since his funeral.
He was thankful that he didn't see any demons lurking around, because if one attacked Buffy would almost surely lose. "I can't leave her here." Xander whispered, sensing Jenny's presence behind him on the path.
"If you wanted to you could." Jenny answered tiredly, "When you're ready to stop hurting her, you'll leave."
"I never want to hurt her." Xander whispered more to himself than to Jenny before he plodded onto the grass and walked slowly towards Buffy.
When he reached her he knelt beside her and stared at her face, doing his best to take in her features in the dark night. He remembered how she used to shine at night, and noted how that was not the case anymore. Xander watched as she traced her fingers lightly over his name as it was engraved in the stone.
"I'm so sorry." she whispered shakily.
"It's not your fault." Xander answered in the same tone while bringing his hand up to brush some of her loose hair behind her ear.
At his first touch Buffy let loose the loudest, most blood curdling scream he had ever heard as she pushed herself away from his grave. He sat back on the ground as her crying and screaming continued and watched her curl up on her side on the ground.
Xander stayed a good distance away from Buffy until she quieted down, even though she didn't move from the position in the dirt. He stayed there watching her until dawn broke, the only sounds breaking the silence being Buffy's occasional choked sobs.
As the sky lit up Xander rose to his feet and looked around. Even though he couldn't protect her, he couldn't just leave her in a cemetery at night. Not at night, but now he would.
He looked behind him and saw Jenny appear on the pathway. "I don't want to hurt her." He called to out to her.
"Then don't." Jenny answered.
"What do I do?" Xander asked.
"Walked with me." Jenny responded, reaching out her hand to him.
Xander slowly walked up to her and stared at her outstretched hand. He cast a look at Buffy who was still curled up on the ground and whispered, "I love you," before turning to look Jenny in the eyes. Xander tentatively reached out his hand and grasped her firmly and the world faded from around him.
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End Part 20b
"I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this"-- John Madden ("The Replacements")