Chapter 21

Congratulations to Jared Padalecki for winning the Celeb Charity Challenge!

WARNING: this might make you cry.

So I figured there are not many fics about Michael, why he is so uptight. This is just about him, I really like this character from Supernatural and I hope those of you who dislike or feel indifferent about him come to understand a little more of him. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

…*~)M(~*…

The rain poured heavily on a Saturday morning hitting the glass on the kitchen window making a sound as if it would shatter, the steam from the boiling teapot swirled in the air making abstract images which intrigued him, he watched as the swirls disappeared in the air and others replaced them. The heat coming from the stove warmed his face, hands and his torso, it was pleasant since the temperature outside was seventeen degrees Celsius; suddenly, a pair of warm, long arms curled around his waist gently pulling his body into the one behind him, he felt a hot breath on his neck which sent a shiver down his back knowing who it belonged to, his hands moved to the ones around him and he let out a soft sigh.

"Please release me, Lucifer." Michael said in an irritated tone, the day was too premature to be coping with his inane humour.

"Don't be a bore, Mikie, I know you like me holding you." he smirked not moving from his position.

"I do not, Lucian, please stop." Michael tried to push his brother away but the younger man held him tighter.

"I don't like you calling me that, so now I won't let you go." Michael sighed.

"Must you always ruin my day?"

"Aw, come on, mummy, I am only trying to make you feel loved."

"It is not working and I am not a mother."

"Yes you are, you're the mummy and I'm the dad, you know." Lucifer chuckled.

"We are not married, Lucifer, and even if we were, you would be the mother, now please release me." he rolled his eyes.

"Actually, you're the one who does the nurturing," he let out a small laugh which only irritated Michael further,.

"If you are finished with your nonsense, please go away." he stiffened in Lucifer's arms feeling utterly uncomfortable, Lucifer placed a gentle kiss on the back of Michael's neck knowing the older man despised him doing it and let go of his brother laughing as he walked out of the kitchen.

Michael sighed in relief but the ache in his heart did not dissipate, the overwhelming pain inside his chest caused him to feel as if the air in his lungs lacked making them compressed; it made his body feel weak and dizzy, his eyes burned as his vision began to blur and he knew it was coming. His bottom lip trembled slightly but he pulled it in between his teeth biting hard that it bled; lifting his chin up he blinked several times to make the threatening tears disappear, his arms curled around himself squeezing with all his strength as if hoping the physical pain would override his aching soul. Michael closed his eyes as the thoughts he tried to erase from his mind once again appeared, the memories of the previous night; he sat in the office behind the wooden desk with a book in his hands completely consumed by it when a mild vibration interrupted him. His heart nearly stopped at the realization who it was calling him at this hour of the night and he wished with all his might that he would have never called.

"Father." he answered in a monotone voice he used.

"Michael, how are you, son?" the man's tone was the same as usual, the tone Michael recognised and detested, the tone implying guilt, pity, formality, self-loathe but mostly, the tone his father had used the last time Michael saw of him, the last time he was held by his father as he kissed his forehead goodbye.

"I am well, father." his hands shook slightly as he managed to maintain his voice steady, "How are you?"

"I am alright, Michael. How are the others?"

"They are doing well, Lucian will graduate in a year, he is valedictorian of his class, Raphael graduated a few months ago, he is attending college with Lucian and I. Castiel is excelling in his studies, Gabriel as well and Anna has improved with the cello."

"I see. I am proud of you, Michael, in a few years you will be able to succeed over the company, I believe you will be exceptional, son."

"Thank you, father, I look forward to comply with excellence."

"It pleases me to hear that." there was a brief moment of silence before Michael spoke again.

"Will you be coming home this year? I am aware your business require much of your time but it would be rather pleasant if you were at least able to attend my graduation." he felt like the child he was a long time ago begging his father to attend his first football game and it hurt him having to even ask.

"Michael, we have spoken of this matter. I can not say how proud I am of you, son but I think it better I stay out of your lives as it has been all these years."

"I know, but Castiel and Gabriel have only met you once and they do not remember at all, they would be happy to see you."

"No, son, it is for the best they never see me, I will only disappoint them. Understand that it is not a simple matter, you are responsible for them and you accomplish to do it wholly, that is something I can not do and it is very pusillanimous from my part but I shall compensate you for it."

"Very well, sir, I will ask no more. I wish you only opulence in your business as well as your health."

"Thank you, I apologise for the burden I have placed upon you but you are much better doing so than I could ever have."

"It is no burden, father, they are my own blood and I simply wish the best for them, I will always try my best to ensure they become great leaders and not servants."

"Thank you, Michael. I have my trust in you. Take good care, son."

"I shall. Goodbye, father."

"Goodbye." he heard the other line die as he held the phone on his ear for a few more seconds with his mind in blank. At this point in his life the feelings, the so many things he had once felt had only left him numb today. He felt nothing, he was absolutely like a stone, no emotion to follow the vile conversation with the man claiming to be their father, the same man who had given them life and had never demonstrated love to him or at least his younger siblings. Michael could care less about himself but it broke him to know his innocent siblings would never know what having a real father was, it ached in his heart greatly remembering as he grew up being the one who would attend every single event they could possibly be involved in without having them ask him, they looked up to him and his opinion to them was vital.

He remembered when he was fourteen and Anna had her first cello lesson, how frustrated she seemed, had cried in his arms wanting to give up but he looked her in the eye caressing her auburn hair convincing her she was capable of doing anything if she believed it, she could conquer the world if her will was strong enough. Anna chose to believe in his word and he was there the day of her first public performance, he recalled sitting in that front seat with a smile on his face to demonstrate his confidence in her, he remembered clearly that little girl in a white dress seeming ethereal as the music she created brought tears and such peace to his soul.

He remembered attending Raphael's games, never missed any of them and was the first to congratulate his success, the day he graduated a few months ago and the pride he felt as he witnessed his brother receive his diploma; he remembered this well. Lucifer had been a struggle but he loved his brother and was really proud of him; they used to be close until their father left and the boy rebelled claiming their father was selfish, a coward and he hated him. It hurt when he first fought with Lucifer, it ached in his heart and the guilt killed him knowing he had been right.

Michael opened his eyes turning to see the sheet of paper hanging on the fridge door and he felt as though his soul could take no more; Castiel's first drawing of Michael when he was five, how the boy saw his older brother as a tall and beautiful Angel, the enormous wings on his back and the halo above his head, the way his bigger hand held Castiel's tiny hand, the smiles on their faces as they rose up to the sky in search for the clouds, in search for God. The memory of the innocent little boy sitting at the table with his crayons truly believing his older brother was that strong, a hero, the way his deep blue eyes lit up whenever he told the boy how he won the football game, those same small eyes staring into his as he trembled for fear knowing his brother would protect him, the way his small fingers curled around the edges of his shirt with force begging to not let him alone; a tear burned out of his eye.

The sound of the rain failed to soothe the pain he felt, only reminding him of Gabriel, when the boy was only six years old and decided to play outside jumping in the puddles while it rained heavily on a day like today, Gabriel had slipped and fell in the pool almost drowning not knowing how to swim, Michael had dropped the glass vase from his hands he had made for his art project and jumped in the freezing water pulling the young boy however he could. He had been the one to teach his brother how to swim, had left his own interests to aid Gabriel until he could do it alone. Michael had clapped and cheered for him as he finished first in a competition.

Not one of his siblings understood why Michael always seemed numb of emotions, always stoic, always uptight. No one knew why some days he stood outside looking up the sky as the freezing rain fell on his pallid skin, they never asked but Lucifer suspected he'd rather cry in the rain, to not feel the burning tears but the freezing droplets run down his face. Anna once heard him cry when she was five, she had fallen down the stairs and broken her arm, Michael had been there in the room as her arm was wrapped in a cast, she had later asked him to stay with her and he did.

"I want to be like you when I'm older because you're strong." she hugged him tightly, "You always make everything better, don't you, Michael? Will you make my arm better too?" she looked at him with those beautiful eyes that he remembered from his mother, those expectant eyes full of hope and awe.

"I will make your arm better, Anna, but it will take time, okay?"

"Okay!" she threw her arms against him again and smiled. They lay in bed together as the little girl fell asleep while he caressed her hair, her breathing becoming softer and softer until he knew she was asleep. Michael had hated himself for Anna getting hurt, he had been irresponsible and careless, had disappointed his father and worst, he could not take the pain his sister was feeling, could not fix that broken arm in an instant and he cried; he sobbed quietly to not wake her up, the aching feeling in his chest was too overwhelming for a boy of his age but he could not stop the tears, could not control them as they spilled. Anna opened her eyes as she heard a quiet sob next to her and the pillow was drenched in warm tears but she never told him of this, she was never going to because she was aware of what an affliction they were to him.

The sound of voices from upstairs became louder as they seemed to approach the kitchen, Michael blinked a few times letting his vision clear and the emotion fade from his face becoming once again stoic. His shoulders were firm and his voice monotone as a young girl with auburn hair entered followed by a blue eyed boy and a shorter one with honey coloured eyes, a taller one with ice-blue eyes and a taller blonde with that mischievous smirk on his face. Michael felt a pair of soft lips on his cheek as the young girl said good morning to him and he returned it politely.

"Are you making hot cocoa, Mikie?" Gabriel asked already jumping up and down next to him.

"Yes, take a seat, you make me claustrophobic."

"But I'm don't even take much space." he pouted, Michael rolled his eyes at Gabriel and took out cups from the cupboard.

"Take a seat or I will not give you any."

"Fine!" he sighed dramatically and walked over to the breakfast bar to seat next to his twin brother.

"Ugh, I have another cello lesson on Monday and cheerleading practice." Anna complained letting her head drop on the granite counter. "I still can't play well the piece my maestro gave me, I swear he hates me."

"You are his best student, Anna, that is nonsense. You will perfect it, I know it." Michael gave her a small smile and the girl smiled back.

"Thank you, I just need a little more practice, I think but studying and cheerleading take time too."

"Multitasking never stopped me," interrupted Lucifer.

"That's because you and Michael are like some kind of super humans, seriously, how do you do so much?"

"It's easy if you just put your will into it." Lucifer shrugged. He fixed his eyes on his older brother and even though others could see nothing but and expressionless face, he knew exactly what tormented him, had known him all his life to see through him.

"Thank you!" Gabriel grinned as a cup of hot cocoa overflowing with marshmallows was placed in front of him, "You are awesome, Mikie!" he jumped in his seat picking at them with a spoon.

"Thank you, Michael." Castiel smiled with gratitude at his elder brother.

"Thank you!" Anna kissed his cheek and grinned.

"Thanks." Raphael gave him a slight smile and nodded. He gave Lucifer his hot cocoa and took his walking out of the kitchen into the living room hoping no one would bother him at least for a moment. The rain did not cease to fall, he watched through the open window as it poured, cold droplets hitting the ground splashing everywhere, the wind blowing strong making the branches bend to sides, the skies darkened by thick, grey clouds. He could hear the voices of his siblings as they laughed and conversed with each other; Michael smiled knowing it was a good day because today was another day they were alive and a smile on their faces was all he ever wanted to see. He placed down his mug on the table by the sofa and stood up walking past the hallway to the door that led out of the house.

The drops fell one after another in such a great speed that soon his clothes were drenched, his body temperature dropped and shivered but he stood there stiffened looking up the sky with the corners of his lips turned into a smile, the trail of warm tears already dropping, mixing along with the rain hitting the ground one by one. He did not expect to feel the embrace of warm arms around him but he did not care who it was, it was nice for once to be held by someone in such a long time; he rested his head on that strong shoulder allowing the tears to fall as they wished and his arms wrapped around the other body. Michael sighed in between a sob and he could not be more thankful to have him there at the moment; he could not have been more thankful to whomever watched over them for giving him Lucifer.

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Thank you for reading, my heart is broken so… I don't think I can read this after writing it, hurts too much. Lol. Forgive me if I make you cry :/

Thank you for reviewing Nerdette92 and drjamband.