It's been like a year, and for that I'm so sorry. I never intended to leave it this long, things just got away from me. But huge thanks for the following reviewers, who I hope haven't given up on me yet. The fact there's so many of you makes me feel even guiltier (20, I don't think you realize how over-the moon that makes me).
JensonBensen, BraveryisStrength, Rani Jashalithie, PoppyPotter, The B00KW0RM, CatrinaBear, RodentFace, Guest (anon), DevilCharms, blueisasome, Nymphadora, seasidesimone, janie17, brilliant incandescence, cheygrl94, Iptrthr4iam, .153, SSJJ92, countrymusicfanatic, PureAwesomeness13.
On that note another thanks to Anakha Swift for all she's done (this includes catching the fact that I spelled Galaxy180 three different ways. . .)
I haven't acquired ownership of HP over my absence, damn it, was on my to do list and everything. . .I haven't acquired ownership of HP over my absence, damn it, was on my to do list and everything. . .
The Public Humiliation of. . .Well Basically Everyone
Lily Luna Potter's competitive streak was genetic, that everyone agreed one. What they did not agree on was who she got it from, it might have been any one of her numerous uncles, or aunts for that matter, or either one of her parents. When it came down it though, it did not really matter where it came from, because no matter who the gene could be traced to, it did not change the fact that Lily Potter wanted to win.
So, Harry was not really all that surprised when Lily came home from the Young Witches Adventure Association with a plea to go door to door selling biscuits.
"Why would you possibly want to sell biscuits to annoying strangers?" Harry asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked up from the pile of paperwork he had procrastinated about up until then
"Who's selling biscuits?" Ginny asked as she entered the kitchen.
"Lily is, apparently, though I haven't been told why yet."
"Because," nine year old Lily said exasperatedly, "whoever sells the most gets the new Galaxy180."
"I could buy you the new Galaxy180," Harry offered.
"It's not even out in the market yet Dad."
"And how would that stop me from buying it?" Harry asked.
"Daaaaddddd," Lily whined, "Rose and I are tied right now, if she wins this competition I might never catch up. Talk to him Mum, please." Ginny nodded at her only daughter, and grabbed Harry's sleeve, pulling him out of the kitchen and into the hallway.
"Look Harry," she whispered fiercely, "We've got to let her do this. If Rose wins more competitions than her this year then Hermione and my brother will never let us live it down."
"Fine, she can do it, but I'm not going with her."
"Yes you are. She'll sell twice as much if you're there."
"You want me to use my fame to manipulate people into buying biscuits?"
"Yes! Think of it as payback from when you were a kid and manipulated your image to be whatever suited their needs."
"Honestly Gin, we're sinking to that level?"
"If it means we beat Hermione and my brother then yes."
"Fine, but for the record I'm stating that we are sad, sad people."
So that's how Harry found himself walking up and down his neighbourhood and the surrounding ones, looking for people who wanted to buy biscuits from the boy-who-lived. Ginny went with him, wearing an old Harpy's shirt from when she played for them. The double fame convinced quite a few people to buy more biscuits than they probably wanted.
Lily skipped ahead of them, smiling at the ever decreasing pile of boxes in the wagon Harry had been roped into pulling.
"I still don't see why this is necessary." Harry groaned, "If you want I'll buy all the biscuits in the wagon." Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, looking scarily like her mother,
"Then Rose will accuse me of cheating, like she did when I won the hippogriff race, even though I beat her fair and square."
"You don't even like the YWAA," Harry pointed out tiredly, pulling the wagon up a drive way that seemed vaguely familiar (and the thought that he might be selling biscuits to someone knows terrified him), "And yet I still end up selling biscuits every single year."
"If it makes you feel better I'm leaving the YWAA at the end of this year."
"I would feel better if I didn't know my years of pain were for a higher purpose than some ridiculous competition with Rose over who can win the most activities in an association you both despise." Lily rolled her eyes again,
"That's why I'm leaving; Rose is going off to Hogwarts next year so she can't participate." Harry moaned as he rung the door bell,
"You can't even quit without it being some ludicrous contest." Lily rang the doorbell again, responding indignantly,
"You and mum are exactly the same way. I was doomed from the start,"
"Did you inherit any positive traits from us?" Ginny asked amusedly, leaning up against the railing of the porch, she didn't get her answer though as the door had opened and Lily began her spiel with her best aren't-I-adorable-smile.
"Hi! I'm Lily Potter and these are my parents, Harry and Ginny Potter and we were wondering if you would like to buy some biscuits?" Here she smiled sweetly again, half hoping the lady would initially refuse so she could do the wounded but-your-money-will-go-to-making-sure-little-girls-have-something-to-do-and-don't-end-up-homeless-criminals bit. Ginny meanwhile had gone pale with horror, and Harry had plastered on his they-talked-me-into-it face, trying to save some of his dignity in front of the head of the Department of Muggle Relations.
Judging by the amused smirk it wasn't working.
It just got worse though, as none other than Hermione Weasley nee Granger came to stand behind her good friend asking,
"Who's at the door, Susan?"
And then silence prevailed for several seconds before Rose pushed her way past her mother and set eyes on her little cousin,
"You dirty little-" What surely would have been an impressive display of obscenities remaining from her "Flow" stage was cut off as Hermione was jolted out of her shock, eyes bright with anger.
"Really Harry? I expected this from Ginny, but not from you." Harry didn't respond, eyes wide with helplessness at the impossible situation he had been dragged into.
"It's really not my fau-" he started as Ginny spluttered in indignation but Hermione cut him off,
"Well, two can play at this game, you're not the only one with your face on a chocolate card Mr. Voldemort-Vanquisher. Ronald! Grab your coat, we have biscuits to sell." Lily scoffed at Rose,
"My parents are far more famous than yours." Harry meanwhile looked as if he might start crying, with Hermione and Ron out selling biscuits as well there was no way he would have any shred of self-respect left at the end of the day.
The press were going to tear him apart.
"The winner of are annual biscuit sale is," Rose and Lily's troop leader announced dramatically as she struggled to open the envelope containing the results,
"Totally me," Rose whispered to her cousin, who was seated next to her,
"You wish, I creamed you," both girls snorted slightly, "pun not intended."
"Drum roll please," the troop leader (well the new one, they only ever lasted a month or so dealing with both Lily and Rose) requested, and the girls responded half-heartedly (they all knew there were only two potential winners and they were not one of them).
"Lysander Scamander."
Dead silence, and then from the two red-heads who had been glaring smugly at each other seconds before,
"He's not a member of our troop,"
"He's a boy," they shouted, for once in an agreement (each other currently the lesser of two evils). Their troop leader only smiled genially (which was not her usual response to the red-headed duo mind you),
"He's a boy who sold a very impressive amount of biscuits." Rose and Lily watched open mouthed as Lysander walked away from his father and brother (who stood in the very back of the room, eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to convince themselves that this. Was. Not. Happening.) and towards the brand new, not even for sale yet, Galaxy180.
"How did you even-" his not quite cousins asked at once,
"Put an add out in the Quibbler, thank you very much ma'am," the end of his statement directed to the troop leader who handed him the broom, "By the way," he continued, "I quit." And then he walked back to his father and brother and left.
And from that day on the two girls had a somewhat major crush on the boy.
For those of you who still care, I'm not giving up. I have one more chapter left and god-damn-it I'll get it done.
Thanks for reading after all this time,
Punk