Chapter 21

Patrick loosened his tie and slowly walked back to the house. All the cars were gone by the time he walked through the door. The house had an eerie silence about – like it was in mourning too. He walked to the backyard and found Nathalie sitting on the deck, sipping wine.

"I have a second glass, if you want some" she said looking over at him.

Patrick joined her on the next chair and took the glass from her. "It's a beautiful night" he said quietly.

"So Robin left"

Leaning forward, with his elbows on his legs, he turned to look at his friend. "Are we going to do this?"

"By this, do you mean where I make you talk about the girl you are obviously crazy about?" Patrick said nothing. "Yes – we are going to do this."

"Why?" he sighed.

"Because our options for conversation are Andrew" she whispered his name "or Robin. I choose Robin."

Patrick gave a small smile. "That's not true, we could talk about how Alexander Ovechkin is the greatest rookie hockey player since Gretzky."

"Who and who?" Nathalie asked.

"See – this is why you are not the perfect friend."

"I'm surprisingly okay with that P. So Robin…."

He leaned back into the chair. "What do you want to know?"

"Why did she leave?"

Patrick took a long drink of his wine. "Was she upset?"

Nathalie shook her head. "Not at all. In fact she was quite kind, Grace insisted on walking her to her car. Why would she be upset?"

"I propositioned her" he said simply.

"Turned you down?"

"I'm here aren't I?" he said resignedly

"New experience for you?" she teased.

"Hardly. Getting turned down by Robin is a relatively regular occurrence."

"Hmmm – and yet – you keep trying."

"She has a boyfriend" he blurted.

"And that bugs you?"

"He's an asshole"

"Ah" she said knowingly.

"No Nat, I'm not jealous – he's really an asshole."

"So do something about it."

"Like what?"

"Convince her to leave him"

"She wants a relationship and I can't give her one."

Nathalie leaned back into her chair and pulled her knees to her chest. She studied his face and saw the evidence of the struggle. "Drew told me about her."

"Told you what?" he asked suspiciously.

"That you wouldn't stop talking about her. I do think you said, she was really smart for a researcher" Patrick grinned. "And you peppered him with questions about HIV and AIDS research."

Patrick shrugged. "I'm interested in the scientific advances"

"You are the worst liar in the world Patrick Drake. You were asking Drew back in March about it."

Patrick ran his finger around the rim of his glass. "We had an encephalitis outbreak in the city and every day it seemed like there were a 100 new cases. The hospital was quarantined and I tried to convince her to leave but she is possibly the most stubborn, hard-headed person I have ever met. At first I was glad she didn't leave because, Nat- you should have seen her – she was brilliant. She found a way to make the antidote go further. These were her friends, her loved ones who were sick and she soldiered on when others couldn't – sheer force of personality."

"What happened?" she asked quietly.

Patrick swallowed. "She got sick" he said simply. "Long after the incubation period, she got really sick. We had one dose of the antidote left and it was earmarked for her but she refused."

"What? Why?"

"She said it was because there were other patients sicker than her."

"Were there?"

"It was debatable – she was pretty sick. But I think the real reason she refused it was because with her HIV, she didn't want to take it at the expense of someone else." Patrick drained his glass. "It was the single most courageous and selfless act I have ever seen."

"Obviously she got some of the antidote in the end?"

"Yeah" he nodded. "But it was touch and go for a while. I haven't been scared that like in a long time. Anyways" he said trying to change the tone "I called Drew to see if there were any complications or experimental meds that he might know of in case her situation got worse."

"I see"

"She makes me mental. She has expectations of people.."

"And you don't?"

Patrick looked at her quizzically. "No I don't – live and let live"

"Riiight. Patrick-bad or good, expectations are expectations – you expect the people in your life to let you down and you just kind of wait for it to happen."

"I don't.."

She raised her hand. "You know, not that your ego needs to know how much time Drew spent talking about you …but it was a lot. He would tell me about his failed attempts to get you and your father to reconcile and how you kept refusing. I mean, it was clear to me even if it wasn't to you, that you wouldn't make up with Noah – not because you were still mad at him - because you were afraid he'd let you down all over again"

"What's your point lawyer lady?" he asked as he poured them both another glass of wine.

"My point is, you push people away so that you don't have to worry about them leaving you."

"You talk too much, you know that?" he said lightly.

"Control freak"

"Shark" he retorted.

Patrick inhaled, breathing the cool night air. "She is the single most frustrating human being I have ever met."

"Tell me some of the things you like about her."

Patrick raised his eyebrows. "Do I have to?" he whined.

"Yes" she nodded. "Look, Pat, she flew from Port Charles to DC to be at the funeral of man she never knew, in support of you – which, for the record – tells me everything I need to know about her but I want to hear you say some good things."

Patrick sighed, sipping his wine. He stared straight ahead, watching the floating lights move around the pool. "She's brave – not because she has HIV but because.." he sighed again "she's been kicked around some and yet she doesn't let it stop her. She watched the love of her life die and regardless of how painful that was, she's willing to get back in the game. She's compassionate and enormously kind. She also has a wicked sense of humour" he smiled at the memory of her laugh.

Nathalie stared at her friend and reached for his hand. "You're in love with her" she stated.

"Yup"

"What are you going to do about it?"

Patrick shook his head. "Nothing. I had my shot" he said quietly.

Nathalie held his hand for a while, two friends bonded by their grief. The baby monitor began to squawk with Oliver's crying for a bottle.

"I better go feed him" she said getting up, putting her wine glass down. She stopped in front of Patrick, putting her hands on his shoulders. He looked up.

"In case you were wondering, if I had to do over, I would take five short years with Andrew over never having loved him – every time." She dropped a kiss on his head and went inside.