Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry about the late update, the past few months have been crazy! I plan on putting out a few more chapters in the upcoming weeks/month, hopefully regularly! Thank you so much for the reviews, I read all of them and you guys are awesome!
As always, thank you to my Betas - MelancholyMadness and TheRamenNoodleGirl. :)
"Who are you going to prom with?" My voice pierces through the silence of the library.
Sasuke looks up from where he's working on a biology review. We're supposed to be studying for an upcoming test in the class, but I have other ideas. "Why are you so curious?" He complains. It's true, I have been bothering him about this non-stop all week.
"Because I care about you," I insist. "You're my best friend, and I have to make sure that you have the best senior prom ever... just like I will!" Kiba had actually been on his best behavior for the past week, so I had gotten my hopes up that I would have a great time at prom in a week and a half.
"I don't know who I'm going with," Sasuke dismisses. "I might go alone, actually."
"You can't do that!" I scoff at him. Does he really not understand? "It's your senior prom, Sasuke. It's not 'just anything'."
"Don't you have better things to worry about?" He sighs, and makes a small note on the review that he'd been working on.
"I'm sorry I'm not going with you," I say guiltily. "Now that Kiba and I are back together..." I had meant to go with Sasuke after Kiba and my last breakup. I had been sure that it had been the end of our relationship, but Kiba had promised to try harder (for the hundredth time at least), and I wanted prom to be perfect.
"It's okay." Sasuke replies, even though he looks tense. "I don't want to go anyway." He was only going because of his position as senior class president - something he had been telling me ever since I brought up prom in January.
"We'll find you someone," I tell him, "and then we're going to have the best night of our lives." It sounds silly, but I really believed that at the time.
School had just ended, and I was rummaging in my locker for a form that I had somehow managed to misplace again. Being Vice President was no joke - prom was coming up quickly, and I still had to book a DJ within the next week. We had decided on getting a DJ during the latest Student Council meeting after exploring our options for potential bands. They were mostly local and all terrible.
I didn't realize that she had been standing behind me until I turned around to leave.
"Hey," Karin adjusted her glasses, looking awkward. "Can I talk to you?"
"Um... sure." I replied. Instead of her usual scowl, Karin looked guilty. I wondered what she wanted. "What's up?"
"I wanted to apologize about this year," she began. "How I've been acting wasn't fair to you, especially on New Year's Eve. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have gotten so jealous when I was dating Sasuke. I shouldn't have taken it out on you..." Karin trailed off, looking embarrassed. "I've been having a hard time this semester. My parent's have been crazy about my grades and getting into a good college and it's driving me insane. I've been really overwhelmed."
"Thank you," I said, after a pause. I hadn't expected her to apologize, but now that she had explained herself I felt bad for her. After spending the whole school year redefining myself and understanding people that I had never bothered to get to know before, I realized that I hadn't really given that chance to Karin. Sure, she hadn't exactly tired to be my friend at the beginning (in fact, it was the opposite), but I had never tired to understand what she might have been going through. I had only chosen to go with what I had thought about her in the past. "I forgive you, Karin."
Karin nodded. "I'm glad," she said, "I'm trying this new thing where I'm making amends before we all go to college. It's... going well." To my surprise, she gave me a small smile. "I hope we can be okay now."
"Definitely," I smiled back at her. Neither of us was expecting to be friends now, but it was like we had an understanding between us now.
On my way home from school, I thought about what had just happened. Karin was making amends with everyone before college? What did that mean? Had she done this last time? For some reason, I didn't think so. But why was she doing this now? Was it possible that something changed in her? Last time, when I had been popular, I had never really liked Karin but we had always been decent to each other because we were both friends with Ino. It was true that she shouldn't have treated me the way that she did, but maybe she was just insecure the entire time.
If this is what Karin's doing now, I thought, do I need to make amends? Then again, wasn't that what I had been basically doing all year? Not being popular, or having my old friends that year really had changed me. While I really did miss having Sasuke remember me, maybe I was a better person for it. Maybe I was finally the friend he deserved to have all along. The only problem was that being a better friend wasn't good enough. He was supposed to love me if I wanted to survive. Maybe if my life wasn't at stake it would have worked out better. Maybe if I just had a little more time I would know for sure...
I was lost in my thoughts for the rest of the evening. I made up a hasty excuse to my parents about having to work on a project for English (something that I had finished a few days ago) and confined myself to my room.
It wasn't until I heard voices downstairs that I realized I had company.
"Oh, hello Ino." I could hear my mom saying brightly. "Do you need anything?" My mom had "met" Ino for the first time around Christmas break, and she loved her. It was weird that even my own mother couldn't remember anything from before, especially since she had always liked Ino.
"Hey Mrs. Haruno." Ino chirped. "I'm here to see Sakura."
There was a little more conversation, then I heard Ino walking upstairs. I waited patiently in the doorway of my room until I saw her.
"Hey," I said. "What's up?"
"We need to talk." Ino raised her eyebrow at me.
"What is it?" I asked, moving aside so she could step into my room. I hadn't been doing much - mostly just some calculus homework because there was nothing better to do.
"I heard about what happened with Karin," Ino said. "Or, well, I heard that you guys talked after school. What did she want?" I wondered why it was such a big deal that it made Ino want to come over. Then, I realized that it was because Karin had once been one of her best friends.
"She wanted to apologize," I explained to a startled Ino. "It went well, she said her parents were pretty crazy this semester and she was taking it out on me."
Ino looked astonished for a second, and then she grinned. "Good for her." Ino wasn't friendly with Karin anymore, after everything happened on New Year's Eve, but I could tell that she still cared about her former friend.
"Yeah," I replied. "I guess I should have realized that there was something going on with her."
"It's not your fault," Ino sighed. "Karin's never been good at sharing her feelings, not even with her friends."
I shrugged. "I never thought I would say it but... it's nice that we were able to work it out."
Ever since she had apologized, Karin had been a lot friendlier towards me. We weren't friends or anything, but I could tell she was making a conscious effort to be amiable to everyone. I tried to return the favor as well as I could - I should know better than anyone how good change can be for a person.
I told Sasuke what happened the next day, after being prompted by Ino. "He should know," she insisted. "They were close once... unless that's too awkward for you." Ino was still trying to get Sasuke and me together somehow.
"It's fine," I shrugged, and it really was. It wasn't like I felt uncomfortable talking to him.
Sasuke's reaction to the news wasn't what I expected, to tell the truth, I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it was nice. He just gave me a small smile and said, "I'm glad she's decided to apologize."
I thought about asking him if he knew about her home life, but then I decided not to press the matter any further. Things were about as close to friendship that I was ever going to get with Karin, and that was okay.
Later that night, after Ino left, I was sitting in my room thinking. It was one of those nights where I couldn't sleep because my mind was racing. If I wasn't worrying about prom, then I was worrying about what was going to happen to me on the night of graduation.
Thinking about my future at this point was tricky, because I still wasn't sure where I stood with Sasuke. I mean, I still wanted him to love me, but there wasn't much more that I could do besides spend time with him. I knew he wanted to be my friend at the most, and sometimes I thought I felt something more than friendship from him, but it was still hard for me to tell if it was working. Part of me knew that I would need to prepare for the worst - my death.
I had been trying to avoid thoughts like this for months, but they always seemed to catch up with me.
I should probably do something productive, I thought. Instead, I ended up rereading Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time. There was something about reading that book that made me feel almost content inside, even when I was having a bad day. I couldn't explain it.
"Sakura," Konan's voice came from the corner of the room. To my surprise, I didn't scream.
"Konan," I gasped, startled. "I'm sorry for what I said that last time you visited." I had been thinking about it a lot since my birthday, and I felt bad for being so short with her. "I think... it's because I'm scared," I admitted. "I don't want to die, so I got angry at you instead of facing my emotions."
"It's normal for you to feel this way," Konan replied. Her voice wasn't as imposing as I was used to. She sounded... tired. "I've had many cases where those who were affected by the enchantments lashed out at me."
"There were others?" I said in a tiny voice.
"Indeed," Konan's eyes - a beautiful deep blue - looked tired too.
"What happened to them?" I couldn't resist asking, even though I was afraid of the response.
"I cannot say," her voice sounded small too. That couldn't have been a good sign.
"Can I ask you something?" I whispered.
"What is it?" Konan asked.
"What happens when you die? I want to know... just in case." Even though my room was warm, I shivered. Did I really want to know the answer? Would it be comforting?
"You go on," Konan replied simply. Like everything she said, it wasn't very reassuring.
"Go where?" I insisted.
"On." As if it was the simplest answer in the world.
Despite myself, I started to cry. "Sometimes I wish I never came back," I told her. "It's so hard. Was it even worth it? Am I just torturing myself?" The tears only streamed harder when I thought about what would happen after I died. Sasuke wouldn't even know that it had been me all along. "I just want him to remember me," I sniffed.
"It is hard," Konan agreed. "I'm... sorry that you have to go through this. It's never easy. I remember every one of the others who went through similar trials." She sighed. "It's a noble thing that you're doing in agreeing to this. Remember that, Sakura Haruno."
"How did I get so much stuff?" I say, brandishing an old jewelry box that I found in my closet. It's May, and I'm already packing up my room for college.
"Don't you have all summer to do this?" Sasuke asks. He's being a good friend and keeping me company.
"You could say that," I answer vaguely. Truthfully, I'm procrastinating. Finals are coming up and even though they're kind of a joke (I mean, we are about to graduate), I can't make myself study yet. "I have so much stuff anyway."
Sasuke sighs, but he still sits down beside me and starts sorting through the pile of stuff that I had dropped on the floor. "Hey, look at this," he says, pulling out a wrinkled t-shirt. "I think I gave you this in middle school."
"Let me see," I reach for the shirt. Once I'm looking at it, I know he's right. It's a hideous puke-green blouse that I had worn once or twice and then immediately 'lost'. "Didn't your mom pick this out for me?" I grin at him. I knew it was true, because he had admitted it to me a few weeks after my birthday party.
"Yeah, she did." He laughs. Part of me enjoys that I'm the only one (besides Naruto) that he really opens up to.
"The necklace was way better," I tease. "Much more my style."
Sasuke shakes his head. "You're unbelievable."
"It's going to be weird not seeing you all the time next year," I sigh, suddenly feeling sad. I suddenly realize that part of the reason I insisted on starting packing so early was that I didn't want to think about not seeing my friends as often. Especially Sasuke.
"I know," he agrees. "How am I going to make a friend like you again?"
"What do you mean?" I giggle, now opening an old make-up kit that had been forgotten. It was full of old powder - gross.
"Well," Sasuke responds, "you're the only girl who really acted normal around me. At least when I first moved here." This was true - when he first moved here in fifth grade it was like no one really knew what to make of him. I can't explain it, really. Most of the girls either followed him around giggling or just acted strange. Now that we were older, it happened a lot less frequently.
"Do you remember how we became friends?" I'm still grinning. Lately Sasuke has really been a lifesaver, always coming to help me whenever I need him - especially when I was having trouble with Kiba (who I finally broke up with, thank god).
"How could I forget that?" He smirks back at me. "You pushed Kimimaro off a slide."
"He was taunting you," I shrug. "I felt bad because you were new, and no one else had made friends with you yet." When Sasuke first arrived, he hadn't been very friendly. The only person he really hung out with was Naruto (and Sasuke never looked willing). Later, he confessed that he had just been nervous - Sasuke made a lot of friends after I befriended him.
"Thanks for that." He sounds sarcastic, but I wonder if he really is grateful.
"You're welcome," I stand up, going to look in my closet for more junk to clean out. "I got two days of detention for you, you know." I would have gotten into more trouble, except that Sasuke and Naruto, coming to my defense just in time, had vouched for me to the teacher. Sasuke started talking to me after that - I guess it's hard not to be friends with someone who will push another eight-year-old off of the playground for you.
"I know," Sasuke replies. "You won't let me forget about it either."
"Of course not!" I pretend to scoff. "That is literally one of my best accomplishments."
"What do you mean?" He snorts.
"That's the one time I can say that I did something badass."
This makes him laugh. "We were in elementary school. I doubt that it was very 'badass', Sakura."
I shrug. "No one messed with you again - you have to admit that." I wink at him and turn back to my closet. Unfortunately, it's empty. Eventually, I would have to actually study. "And I'm still your best friend."
"True," Sasuke sighs. "I'm glad you've been here to keep me sane all this time."
"Me?!" I laugh at his words. "If anything, I've been driving you crazier."
"You've been great," he reassures me. "Much better than anyone else."
"I do what I can," I grin at him. Sasuke really was my best friend, and I knew I would be going crazy without him too. Besides Ino, he was the only one that knew how hard I tried to keep my life together. "You know, I want to tell you something, but it's really embarrassing."
"What is it?" Sasuke's eyes meet mine curiously.
I shrug. "In middle school I had a crush on you. It's kind of funny now, because we're still such good friends. The crush didn't last very long, don't worry." I laugh. "I completely forgot about that until now." I look at him to gauge his reaction.
For a second, he just stares back at me. Then, a smirk forms on his face.
"Hey!" I exclaim. "Don't give me that look! You know it's not like that anymore!"
Sasuke just rolls his eyes, but it's not mean. He actually looks highly amused. "Is that why you acted so weird for that week in seventh grade?"
"How do you even remember what I was like that week!?" I'm laughing now, harder than ever. Talking about this suddenly feels ridiculous. "And for your information yes, it was... Don't tell anyone I told you this!"
Now we're both laughing, and I throw a pillow from my bed at him when he can't stop. Honestly, what would I do without him?
To tell the truth, I had thought about dating him when we were in high school too. It was junior year - a few months before I had even decided I wanted to date Kiba - and the thought of dating Sasuke came to mind. It would be easy, I thought, and possibly perfect, but I didn't want to risk our friendship - especially if it turned out that Sasuke wasn't into me in the first place. Like in middle school, I kept quiet and soon forgot about that thought I'd had. If only I had known then that he'd been in love with me.