Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or the original characters, only the plot.
Thanks to my super Beta Rita01TX and my pre reader Keye.
A/N - This is the one you've all been waiting for, our boy is coming home. Apologies for posting a little later than usual, but my eldest had a rope swing incident and broke his wrist, meaning a couple of hours spent in A+E this evening :(
Chapter 21
Shuffling my feet on the ancient black and white floor tiles, I stood facing the heavy, bolted, metal door wishing I'd taken the chance to take a leak before we'd left the main facility.
This door represented so much. It was a portal I would pass through before taking the first steps back to my old life in the outside world. Part of me wanted to punch the air and yell for the guards to hurry up with the formalities so I could hear it slam closed behind me, sealing off this wasted quarter of my life forever.
But it was only a very small part.
A bigger piece was scared shitless. Beyond the familiar, chipped green paint and riveted steel lay the outside world, a frightening place I didn't know anymore. The only things I was certain would be out there waiting for me were my mother's arms, Rose's sunken, lifeless eyes and my Harley, untouched and neglected under its protective tarpaulin, all of them so familiar yet forever changed by the consequence of my actions that one fateful night.
At the moment, nearly overwhelmed by the idea of my impending freedom, the urge to turn tail and run back to my bunk slammed into me. My cell was a known quantity, the security of preplanned routine and friends...of sorts, familiar. Prison life was no picnic but, after six years, it had grown easy and manageable. It had become my home.
My long lost, real home seemed more like a figment of my imagination to me, now. Of course, I was under no illusion I was anything but a pariah in Forks…the boy who'd snapped for no good reason. From the changes in my family, I could tell people hadn't forgiven me. Would their hatred drain me like it had Rose? That night, she'd begged me not to tell the truth, her selfish pride too brittle to take the pity and gossip from those who'd placed her high on a pedestal.
With a vague twinge of remorse, I thought of Royce King. After all, I was regaining my freedom whereas he would forever be a prisoner in his own skin. Superimposing the image of Rose lying battered and bleeding in that dirty alley drove away any residual feelings of guilt.
"Edward Cullen," the guard bellowed.
"Yes, sir," I answered instantly.
They loved it when you acted all humble and shit. Good job they couldn't see how little you respected them on the inside. Finally satisfied with my paperwork, his large fingers punched a combination into the electronic keypad and the bolt slid back.
"Keep your nose clean, Cullen, and this will be the last door you'll ever have to see with a bolt across it."
I clenched my teeth and bit back the obscenity that came to mind. This was clearly his attempt at humor, some shitty line reeled off to every inmate passing through this gateway to freedom.
With the second door behind me securely locked and a bundle of my worldly goods tucked under my arm, he shook my free hand and tugged on the heavy outer door. I sucked a deep breath in through my nose and stood a little straighter.
This was it, my spotlight moment.
My nerves were getting the better of me and I ground my teeth a little as the green, wet Washington scenery was slowly revealed. If I believed in omens, the fact it was hammering down might have been a particularly worrying portent.
Stepping slowly out into the open, I took a moment to close my eyes and inhale the damp but amazingly fresh air. My lungs felt like they hadn't truly expanded in ages. My eyes slid open to the vision of my mother slamming her car door and rushing across the wet asphalt with open arms.
"Edward!" she squealed, fat raindrops darkening her hair, plastering it flat to her head.
If she even noticed the rain, she didn't let on as she launched herself at me. I dropped my package and caught her as she slammed against my chest. She felt no heavier than a small child in my arms. I'd noticed the gradual drop in her weight over the years but to actually feel her fragile bones through her thick overcoat was very worrying.
"Mom, it's good to see you," I answered, wrapping myself tightly around her and losing myself in the scent that was a walk down memory lane…roses and jasmine, the perfume of my mother.
"Oh, my poor boy, I've missed you so much," she crooned, pushing her way out of my grip. "Let me look at you."
Her eyes roamed my torso and face before her fingertips skimmed my damaged cheek and her eyes filled with tears.
"How could they have done this to you? Your handsome face!" she exclaimed.
Here she goes making a big deal out of it, I thought, rolling my eyes. Honestly, I didn't even notice it anymore when I looked in the mirror to shave.
"It's fine…really," I reassured her.
"No. Not to me, it's not. A mother should be able to protect her children. Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to see you get hurt in that place and not be able to do anything about it?" she protested, tears beginning to glaze her eyes.
Sighing, I took the opportunity to study her a little, too. Of course, I'd seen her across a table on numerous visits throughout the years but I'd always kept one eye on the others in the room, the inmates and the guards. In an unpredictable environment, it paid to keep your wits about you. She looked tired and old, much older than her fifty years should have made her, and I couldn't help feeling responsible. My sentence had added at least fifteen years to her face. I only hoped my early release might go some way to reversing the effect. I glanced over her shoulder and saw the car was empty.
"Where's Rose?" I asked.
Not that her absence was entirely unexpected. This was the one place where she was forced to face the truth. In here, she saw me caged like an animal and her guilt was suffocating, not to mention how the mere thought of being strip searched triggered debilitating panic attacks.
"I told her to wait at home. She wanted to come, but you know how upset she gets and..." she trailed off, no doubt remembering one of Rose's episodes. Then her face brightened. "And...I guess I wanted to have you all to myself for a while."
While I understood her need to have me within touching distance, I tried not to groan at being treated like the prodigal son.
She shivered and I realized were still standing in the downpour, our clothes soaked through while rain dripped from the end of my nose.
"We'd better get in the car," I urged softly and she nodded, a warm smile breaking across her lips.
"Yeah, let's take you home," she said, clutching my hand.
Stooping to collect my things, we sprinted the short distance to the waiting car together.
The journey back was long and uncomfortable. Mom made several attempts at starting a conversation but I couldn't concentrate on her words enough to participate. I was too entranced by the miles and miles of stretching greenery flashing past the windows and the sense of dread expanding in my gut the closer we got to Forks.
By the time we reached the "City of Forks Welcomes You" sign, the rain had given way to a thick, heavy mist cloaking the trees like something from that horror film, The Fog. It clung wetly to the car windows, obscuring the view and forcing my mother to keep the wipers going.
All in all, I guessed it wasn't wholly inappropriate for this kind of weather to announce the homecoming of a monster like me.
We followed the tree lined roads deep into the woods before swinging off the highway onto the track that led us home.
"I've made your favorite for dinner…fried chicken with baked potato," she announced proudly.
"Thanks, but you shouldn't have gone to any trouble," I murmured.
She looked so delighted with herself, I didn't have the heart to tell her my tastes had changed. Years of regularly eating spicy, easily prepared and served meals like curries and chilies had corrupted my palate to crave hotter dishes. Fried chicken sounded like a plateful of bland.
"It's no trouble, sweetie. I still can't believe you're here. I'm looking forward so much to being able to take care of you again," she sighed contentedly.
As she reached across to squeeze my hand, realization dawned. She couldn't see the forest for the trees. She had no clue I wasn't the same naïve, innocent eighteen-year-old she'd lost all those years ago. I was a different person, one who'd been shaped by the horrors I'd survived. I was coming back to her a man; independent, hardened and life worn but, in her eyes, I was always going to be her little boy.
"Mom...I..."
How could I tell her I didn't want to be fussed over…that I only needed to get showered and changed before disappearing into the garage to check out my bike and maybe, if I got her running, escape for a ride? My objections crumbled when I looked at her. She was happier than I'd seen in ages and so hopeful. "I just want to say...thank you."
"You don't have to thank me, Edward. I'm your mother…I love you," she blushed.
"I love you, too," I replied.
Giving my hand another squeeze, she released me to steer the car to a stop in front of the house.
Grabbing my bundle as I got out of the car, I looked up at the old place shrouded in mist. It hadn't changed…still as beautiful and remote as ever. The natural wood construction was surrounded by a thick perimeter of huge, ancient trees. My father had been an architect and designed the place himself. His meticulous flair for detail meant the enormous life insurance payout at his death allowed us to keep the place after he'd gone.
In the past, I'd taken it for granted. Sure, it was a bigger house than most of my friends had grown up in but to me it was just home. Now, as I prepared to face the wrath of the townsfolk, it was a sanctuary, somewhere I could hide from the rest of the world and their accusing eyes.
As I stood staring, the door cracked open and Rose stepped out into the damp air. A small smile flickered at her lips before she rushed down the wooden steps to catch me in a hug.
"Eddie, you're home," she whispered, her body trembling as tears began to fall.
I clutched her to me a little tighter, the first time I'd been able to really hug her in years.
"Yeah, I'm home, Rose. I'm home," I whispered back, enjoying the way her blonde hair tickled my nose.
"I'm so sorry," she gasped as sobs took hold of her.
Like my mother, she was far too thin and I wondered if either of them had bothered to eat enough to keep a bird alive while I'd been gone.
"C'mon, let's get inside. I'm dying to see my old room again," I told her.
I wasn't, really. Other than a place to escape my mother's cloying, overprotective fussing, it felt alien to be there. I tried to sound upbeat for her. What's done was done and there was no going back to change things. Rose had punished herself with the same sentence I'd been given but mine had been the consequence of my own actions and the promise I'd made and I always kept my promises, regardless of the personal cost.
"Everything is just as you left it," she said with strained brightness, taking the bundle of belongings from me and leading the way.
"Great," I groaned under my breath, raking a hand through my hair.
Just what I needed…teen magazines and school textbooks. I shouldn't have been surprised. It stood to reason Mom would've wanted to keep my room untouched, like some kind of shrine. I imagined she'd spent hours sitting on my bed, clutching my pillow to her breast while she cried over her poor baby boy.
We stepped into the hallway and a wave of nostalgia swept over me. Everything was as I remembered. The smell of furniture polish, the wooden floors, even the way the light filtered down the staircase from the landing window. It was a salve for my fractured soul and I took a moment to drink it in.
"Edward, darling, why don't you go have a long soak in the bathtub while Rose and I finish making dinner?" Mom suggested.
"Yeah, sure…sounds good," I replied.
As I climbed the stairs, the warmth of the wooden banister beneath my hand felt very different to the cold hard metal I'd grown familiar with.
Peering into my room, I smiled despite myself. Rose was right. It was like stepping into a time warp. Here was young Edward's lair. I mooched around taking it all in. My school backpack was still hanging on the hook behind the door, a motorcycle parts catalog lying on the bedside nightstand. Jackpot! My stash of porn magazines remained untouched in their hiding spot beneath the loose floorboard in the corner. These were old friends and ones I would be only too happy to visit tonight. With Emmett's close proximity in the bunk below, I'd hardly ever felt comfortable enough to indulge myself in our cell.
The offerings in my wardrobe looked discouraging. I'd filled out quite a lot since using the gym equipment and I doubted my old biker jacket would still fit. I fingered the soft leather sleeve before plucking up the courage to try it on.
Its scent was familiar but I was right…it was far too tight on the arms and steadfastly refused to fasten, which put me in a black mood. Without bothering to look which band logo was on the front, I snatched up a blue t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants before storming off to the bathroom.
Six years of quick showers and I'd forgotten how good a soak in the tub could be.
Inhaling the jasmine scented steam, I sunk low in the warm water with my eyes closed. I'd used some of Mom's scented bath oil and didn't give a shit if anyone called me out for smelling like a fucking flower. This little bit of me time had been a long time coming. It was only when the water had cooled and my fingertips turned all pruney that I made a move to get out.
Since I'd grown at least two sizes larger and an inch or two taller while I was away, the t-shirt barely skimmed my bellybutton and, with the sweatpants slung so low, my midriff was bare. I sauntered down to the kitchen, my hair still damp and pushed back by nothing more than my fingers. It could dry whichever way it wanted. I'd lost interest in beauty routines a long time ago.
Rose and Mom were chatting in low voices when I walked in. They both stopped the moment they saw me. Eyes wide, mouths open, they burst into gales of raucous laughter. McCarty might as well have slugged me, it was so alien to see them happy.
"Shit, Eddie," Rose hooted between gasps. "You look like an ugly Britney Spears."
Fuck! I'd just escaped years of Emmett constantly poking fun at me and now Rose was going to take his place? I thought back to the times he'd defended her when she came to visit and wondered if she ever thought about him.
"Or a really low class belly dancer," Mom sputtered. "I think we need to get you some bigger clothes, dear. I'll see what I can find in your father's things."
My heart clenched. Eight years since his death and she still couldn't bear to clear out his stuff. That was true love. I wondered if it was too late for me to find someone who would care about me so deeply. I snorted sourly. Who was I kidding? Who would want to be with me, a violent ex-con with no prospects?
After my initial misgivings, I wolfed down the meal she'd made, enjoying the flavors of the spices I'd forgotten she used. She picked at hers, more interested in watching me eat than feeding herself.
"Is there anything you want to do tonight?" she asked hopefully, "I thought we could maybe watch a movie, just the three of us, like when you were kids. Or, we could go for a walk in the woods..."
I got that she only wanted to compensate for all those dry years without me but I really needed to get out of here and have some time to myself.
"Actually, I wanted to take a look at the bike. She might need some TLC to get her back on the road but I think I'm up to the challenge," I replied, hoping I didn't hurt her feelings too much.
I'd emerged from prison as a first rate mechanic so I was confident I could do whatever my bike needed to fly again.
The disappointment spread across Mom's features and I felt like a shit. I'd hardly been home an hour, scarfing down her food, and already I was plotting my escape.
"Well, when she knew you were getting out, Rose had the bike serviced for you."
The sharpness in her voice and the way she glared at Rose shocked me.
Rose gave a weak, almost apologetic smile. "I just thought you might want some freedom," she said and Mom's face crumpled.
"What do you mean freedom? You think he feels trapped here?"
"No, Mom. That's not what I meant but he's been stuck inside four walls all this time. He needs to be able to spread his wings a little."
"And getting him killed on that goddamn death trap is your idea of what he needs!"
She slammed down her fork and scurried from the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence in her wake.
I swirled my juice in the glass and Rose hung her head.
"I'm sorry. I think she's just finding this hard."
I twisted in my chair and frowned, encouraging her to go on without using words. She sighed.
"She never believed it…that you were the one who hurt Royce, I mean. And there's been so much gossip and nastiness in the town she hardly goes out anymore."
While I was aware they'd been shunned by some of the locals, hearing Mom had become a virtual recluse was news to me and I immediately felt guilty for bringing so many problems to her door. When I'd raced across town looking for Royce, my only thought had been defending my sister. It never occurred to me everyone I loved would suffer for my crime.
"Really? I didn't know," I said, my voice low in case she overheard.
"Yes, she even orders groceries online…most things we need, really. She pretty much only left the house for your visits."
"She never said anything. Has it been that bad?"
Rose nodded, her eyes watery as she focused on her half-empty plate.
"Awful. She tried to defend you in the store one day and someone spat in her face. I've had my car vandalized a couple of times and we received an anonymous letter threatening to burn the house down..."
I couldn't believe it. All those visits and she'd never said a thing. Probably didn't want to worry me when there was nothing I could do. What kind of lowlife scum threatens to burn a widow's house down because of something her son did?
"And Eddie, I'm not sure how to tell you but you need to know. Royce's family got wind of your release and word is one of them wants you dead if you show your face in town. That's why I had the bike fixed and I've saved up some money so you can get away and start a new life somewhere else…somewhere no one knows you."
Rose's face was etched with pain, her eyes pleading. My chest felt suddenly tight. How dare they threaten my family? Fucking cowards! It was one thing hating me, the perpetrator, but Mom and Rose were innocent.
My temper was rising and I felt like riding straight into town to shout the truth from the highest rooftop. Maybe then the tide would turn and people would see Royce for what he was...a rapist and a thug, not some helpless victim but I knew I couldn't. It would sound like I was trying to save my reputation by tarnishing his and besides, two wrongs don't make a right. I'd made my bed six years ago and now I had no choice but to lie in it.
"I'm not going anywhere, Rose."
Time inside had changed me…toughened me up. I was no longer worried about social conformity. The inside of a prison cell held no fear and I was confident I could handle myself. I really couldn't give a shit about whether I violated my parole for fighting, or not. At that moment, I hated Royce King and his family. They could threaten me all they liked. I was big enough and ugly enough to fight my own battles but threatening my family…that was way out of line.
"Please, I'm begging you. This is all my fault. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."
Rose was getting worked up, her eyes brimming with tears. I probably should have hugged her, wrapping my arms around her and whispering words of comfort while she cried it out, but I was too angry to move so I changed the subject to distract her.
"Does Mom really have no idea what happened?"
It was the unspoken question, the one subject we had agreed never to discuss, and Rose squirmed on her chair, clearly uncomfortable at being asked.
"Rose, answer me. Does Mom know the truth?" I commanded.
"She doesn't know, I swear. I've never told her, but..."
"But?"
Fuck, all those wasted years inside and someone else knew? Suddenly, there wasn't enough air in the room to fill up my lungs.
"Tanya knows," she finally admitted.
"Shit, Rose!" I cursed.
I couldn't believe it. Tanya fucking Denali knew. Of course she would. Rose was bound to have told her best friend.
"No, you don't understand. I never said anything outright but she came over when she heard the news about you beating up Royce. She remembered how he'd looked at me at that picnic and, when she saw the bruises, she asked me outright if he'd raped me. She guessed, Eddie!"
"Fuck! So, what? This is like some kind of exclusive club only I haven't been invited to any of the group meetings?"
I was being cruel, especially since Emmett knew, but that was different. He was miles away under lock and key and my bottled up rage was looking for any opportunity to explode.
"I've been to hell and back to keep your secret and someone else knew all along? Well, that's just peachy keen, Rose."
"I'm sorry," she wailed. "I would never have told anyone willingly. I was so stupid…so ashamed for falling for his bullshit. You wouldn't understand what it's like."
A flashback of being held down while Laurent slowly eased his zipper down deflated my anger. It was only by sheer luck I didn't know firsthand exactly how she felt.
Suddenly, everything was closing in on me and I couldn't be in the room anymore. Scraping my chair back roughly, I stalked through the house heading for the solace of my room.
"Edward!" Mom called out as I passed her door and I hesitated, unsure I could handle another heated confrontation. Fortunately, I didn't need to worry. She was showing all the classic signs of denial. Smiling proudly, she pointed to a stack of clothing on the edge of her bed. "I think these should fit you."
At the bottom of the pile was my father's brown, distressed leather jacket. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I gently pressed the back of my fingers against it. It was the one he wore whenever he rode the Harley. I was instantly transported back to riding behind Dad, my nose pressed against the warmth and fragrant softness of this very jacket as we raced along, the asphalt blurring beneath us. I remembered feeling like we were flying. That memory was so special it would forever be tied into my love of motorcycles.
"Thanks," I croaked before my throat closed up. She took one look at me and understood, stretching up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek before leaving me alone with my father's spirit.
I didn't return to my room right away. I needed to see her, to run my fingertips over her hard curves and hear her purr for me again.
Closing the garage door behind me, I flicked the light switch. The harsh fluorescents flickered before reaching full strength, illuminating the tarpaulin-covered shape that was my Harley.
My lips twitched as I slowly pulled back the cover to reveal her shiny contours. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. So sleek and sexy. I took my time circling her, appreciating the perfection that was mine to ride whenever I wanted.
"Okay, girl! You gonna show me some love?" I crooned, straddling her lean frame. Kick starting her was an art form taught me by my father and one I'd never forget. After priming the foot lever three times and adjusting the throttle for a final kick, she responded, grumbling to life. I twisted the hand grip and she roared, the deafening sound bouncing off the walls.
Whoever Rose had entrusted her to seemed to have done a good job but, with so much ill feeling against me, I wouldn't risk taking her out until I'd given her a thorough inspection myself.
Being close to her evoked so many deep-rooted emotions and, eventually, the familiar noise and vibration calmed me down.
Still sitting on the bike, the fingers of one hand buried in my hair, I made a decision.
I was going to see Tanya and put the fear of God into her.
Rose might trust her but I wasn't so understanding. I hadn't held my tongue and rotted in prison to protect my sister's reputation only for some blonde, attention-seeking bimbo to destroy everything. So, before I slunk off to bed, I made a call and agreed to meet her Thursday night in a local bar.
I wasn't stupid. This was risky. Tanya could prove to be a big pain in my ass and I was violating the terms of my parole by choosing that location but I needed to meet her somewhere public…somewhere neutral and, as I'd discovered during my time inside, I actually enjoyed taking risks.
A/N - PLEASE READ.
I have been trying something different with this story, the whole section of Eddie's time in prison has been a self contained fic within a much larger fic. That part has now concluded and we are about to move into the next stage and more familiar fic territory. This is the point where any readers under the age of 18 need to stop reading. I've truly loved having you along for the ride and I hope you've enjoyed my words, but I don't want to offend anyone, so with respect, I would like to say thank you for your support so far and wish you luck in finding something more suitable to read :)
Claire x