Peter smiled so often and so sincerely in the next few hours that his cheeks began to ache. The group played boys against girls snooker (Marlene put up a good fight but was no match for James) and then KAOS (Killing As Organized Sport) with water pistols (which Peter won) before settling down to refuel, passing around junk food and butterbeers and drying off around the heater. James was standing on the threshold of the tent letting the warmth and the hum of voices and low music wash over him. Peter was laughing as Olivia tickled him; Mary was braiding Marlene's damp hair; Remus had just draped a blanket over a sleeping Sirius and sat down beside Lily who was playing cards with Dorcas. Exploding Snap was far from mentally tasking but Lily was losing terribly. She could not concentrate and it wasn't an isolated incident. All week Lily had found herself preoccupied by thoughts of teasing kisses and muscular arms and a body tensing against hers. No matter how often she told herself that the boy was bad news and that any relationship with him was bound to end in tears, the two of them seemed inexplicably drawn to one another.
Stepping out of the tent for a breath of fresh air, she stumbled across him, lying on his back, smoking a cigarette (which he flicked it into the lake at the sight of her). She shook her head and sat down beside him. He propped himself up on his elbows with a lopsided smile. "I might have won if it hadn't been for you," he remarked snidely. The final three KAOS players had been James, Lily and Peter. Lily had a proven track record of sneaking up on James. It was only when James had tried to kiss her that she had been taken out by Peter, crowning him the victor and leaving James lips puckered, soaked through and rejected.
"I've come to accept that you'll be the death of me," Lily replied and James's mouth pulled upwards into a cocky half smirk. Lily bit her lip, making a mental snapshot of that face. James's words got lost on the way off his tongue. The sun was setting over the lake, he was sitting alone with the girl who frequented his dreams, staring into her eyes, memorizing their colour and he couldn't string a sentence together, too distracted by thoughts of his parents. It was accepted that James had inherited his charm from his mother and his womanizing persona from his father. Yet whenever James had asked his father about love, he had explained that whilst other women may have been more beautiful, more passive, more responsive, perhaps even made him believe that he was happy-he had not known true peace until he had met James's mother, Beatrice. For years James had struggled to understand this and dated as many girls as he could but eventually he had tired of every single one. His heart had grown heavy and seeing them had become a chore. It wasn't because they were unattractive, intimidating, antagonistic or uninteresting. It was because only with Lily did James feel accepted and not only in love with her but who he was when he was with her. For all of his arrogance he had such a low opinion of himself that James knew that was what made her so special.
No moment spent with Lily felt wasted; even if they were washing each other in ill will or dancing around the prospect of a kiss, James felt transformed. He could have spent his entire life being rejected and still found something more to love about her. "Then...we'll have to go down together," James looked away at last, thinking that if his parents were anything to go by, the hearts of Potter men belonged to redheaded women. "Who could bear to live without you?"
"I can think of a few people," Lily said bowing her head and picking at the grass. James felt a bubble of rage expanding within him. He did not believe in blood status but his allowed him to live comfortably in the sun whilst Lily was constantly under threat. James understood that not every wizard had been raised to believe in equality and unison. However he had read enough books and seen his parents survive enough conflicts to know that true magic occurred when people from different backgrounds united against a common cause. He simply could not agree with anyone who could look at Lily and claim that she was in some way lacking or malformed. James reached for her hand and Lily frowned and shifted away, picking up his empty bottle. "Once a year, remember?" James nodded and leaned across her to take the bottle.
"But surely a game of 'spin the bottle' doesn't count? Surely that's fate?"
There was some resistance from Marlene and Remus to James's game but with hidden intentions to play matchmaker he talked them round. Birthday Boy privileges gave Peter the right to the opening spin, which resulted in him kissing Olivia, albeit with some rigging on James's behalf. Olivia's turn had her shyly pecking Mary on the cheek who then much to James's excitement planted a kiss on Marlene. Her wish to kiss Sirius was granted but it was seemingly much briefer and more public than she would have liked. Sirius's spin landed on Remus who had begun to shake his head profusely when James's mother, stepped through the tent flap. James grabbed the empty bottle at the centre of their circle and jumped to his feet, holding it behind his back and smiling serenely at his mother. "You're home early!"
"At ease honey. I'm not here to check up on you." The lights in the tent cut out suddenly to cursing and panic. Maru appeared holding aloft a large red cake adorned with fifteen gold candles. Peter turned on the spot, covering his face as his friends closed in jovially serenading him. "Make a wish, darling."
Peter blew out his candles and the lights reignited, illuminating his rosy cheeks and crinkled eyes. Maru cut and handed out slices of cake as Peter opened his gifts (endless Zonko's sweets; rare collectible comic books; a blue parka jacket; a belt embossed with his initials; Beatles posters and records and film and lenses for his camera). They danced to his new records as Beatrice took photographs. The slow song saw Remus awkwardly coerced into wrapping an arm around Dorcas and Lily rejecting James for Marlene. He asked for Mary's hand instead and Sirius pulled Beatrice onto her feet. "I'm not as young as I used to be," she said with a yawn.
"You'd never know it," Sirius replied, taking her hand and kissing it.
"My father will hear about this!" James shouted. His mother blushed and Mary giggled. As they danced, James tried to listen to Mary but his eyes wandered to Lily.
"Do you really love her?" Mary asked bluntly, following his gaze. James was caught off guard.
"Like you would a sandwich or a pet," he scoffed sarcastically, "If somebody mowed her down, I'd be sad but I'd get another one."
"Charming," Mary remarked with a perceptive glance which gave the impression that she saw straight through his macho bravado. They had dated briefly during third year. After two short weeks James had declared her immature and broken it off. Since then she had dated a few other boys and struggled to show them that she was more than just a shy girl to be taken advantage of. Perturbed by the intensity of her gaze, James spun Mary in a dramatic circle. He drew her in and dipped her with a smile as the song came to an end.
"Has anybody ever told you how beautiful your eyes are, Mary?" Mary laughed and jumped out of his embrace. He kissed her hand and she shook her head.
"You're funny."
James's mother thanked Sirius for the dance, advised them not to get into any trouble and bid them all goodnight before removing her shoes and walking barefoot back up to the house with Maru. The boys claimed the right compartment and the girls took the left, drawing the flaps and changing into the pyjamas. "James, I just want to-"James waved a hand at Peter.
"Peter, this is honestly no time to confess that you're having gay feelings," he insisted as he pulled on his navy bottoms. Peter cocked his head and rolled his eyes. "Your girlfriend is next door and I just do not swing that way. Even if I did, no offense, but Remus would definitely by more my type." James grabbed Remus by the shoulders and he held his shirt tightly to his scarred chest as Sirius muffled a laugh. "Look at him," James demanded, "He's so brooding and rugged-those eyes!" Remus blushed and struggled as Peter laughed. "Who can resist him?" Remus tried to look anywhere but at Sirius. "Not a certain Ravenclaw, huh?"
"Would you be quiet?" Remus snapped, pushing James down onto one of the camp beds.
"And Sirius, what about Marlene?" James asked and Sirius shook his head. "I am expecting long dedications in both of your wedding speeches." Remus eyed the zipped flap door of their tent compartment warily, worried that the girls might overhear.
"She is beautiful and down to earth," Sirius explained quietly, "But she's not my type...and we all know she's clearly in love with you." James threw his head back laughing.
"It's so clear I just keep walking into it head first!" he chuckled, "We're destined to make gorgeous, brunette, muscular babies who just fly straight out of the womb on brooms." Sirius sniggered and Peter threw a pillow at him to quiet his raucous laughter. Now in his pyjamas, Sirius sank onto the camp bed beside his best friend.
"I don't suppose you've cashed your yearly kiss early?" he asked and James stood up and paced dramatically, placing his hands on his hips.
"Do I strike you as a fool?" he asked and Remus snorted.
"On numerous occasions, daily," Sirius replied, as Remus sat down beside him.
"By the hour," Peter chipped in.
"Sometimes by the minute," Remus finished and James dropped his arms to his sides with a defeated sigh.
"I know how to budget okay?" he insisted. Remus, Sirius and Peter looked at one another and then around at the tent before bursting out laughing.
James unzipped their compartment and stepped out into the central area with a smile at the girls who were sitting together by the heater. Dorcas and Mary were wearing ankle length night gowns whilst Olivia was wearing a blue shirt with puff sleeves and shorts. Marlene was wearing baggy button up pyjamas like the boys but James saw only Lily in her short ruffled nightdress with socks pulled up over the knees. "Your mother's lovely," Dorcas gushed, breaking the awkward silence. James dragged his eyes from Lily, nodding smugly.
"Where did you think I got it from?"he asked, throwing his arms out and moving his eyebrows up and down in a way which made Olivia laugh.
"There are rumours that you stole it," Marlene drawled smartly to nods of agreement from Lily, "Or that there was a mix up and your parents picked up the wrong baby at the hospital!"
"Very droll!" James remarked, throwing a shoe across the tent at her. "It's too early to sleep. May I propose a game of 'hide and seek'?" Olivia clapped excitedly and Lily met eyes with Marlene, shaking her head, distinctly aware that it was no doubt another scheme to get her alone. James passed out the oil lamps, magical compasses and glow in the dark chalks.
"But who's going to be the seeker?" Mary enquired politely and all eyes jumped to James.
"Naturally it ought to be me," he declared, "But how about it Sirius?" Sirius gave a series of self-effacing nods.
"I must confess to being a champion at seeking hiders," Sirius said proudly, turning his back to them all and raising his arm to cover his eyes. "I'm giving you three minutes and then I'm coming to uncover you, one by one. Go!" The girls left the tent together giggling arm in arm. Peter was dragged outside by Olivia no doubt to kiss in private. Remus slid out of the tent alone and disappeared quietly into the darkness. James ducked into their compartment and reappeared with his Invisibility cloak, smirking cleverly at Sirius's turned back.
When he was sure the coast was clear Remus stepped back inside the tent. Sirius uncovered his eyes with a smile. "I'm not very good at this game," Remus mumbled coyly. Sirius wasted no time. He pushed him into the boy's compartment and zipped the flap shut. He had wanted to kiss him again since 'spin the bottle' and if there was anything Sirius lacked, it was restraint. He launched himself upon Remus, lowering his lips onto his delicate smiling ones. When Sirius had rushed into Remus's shower cubicle it had been like a scene stolen from one of his secret dreams and only Sirius's kisses had been grounded in reality. Remus had seen Sirius kiss before and he was never gentle. He was always sweeping girls off their feet with dramatic, rebellious, machismo which left them staggering and breathless but with him, Sirius's kiss was not self assured. It was slow, gentle and timid, like he was caressing something he knew he could not keep but that he desperately wanted to. He savoured every brush of skin and it was painfully endearing to Remus who harboured deep seated fears of being cast out like a faulty part.
Sirius's hands were much less timid, pulling at Remus's shirt, running through his hair and pushing him down onto the nearest campbed. Before he could think to protest his shirt was over his head and his scars were on show for the entire world to see. Sirius had seen them so often of course that he only stopped to pull off his own shirt. It was effortless but clumsy, all pale skin on freckled flesh, muffled laughter, hushed moans and lips kissed raw. When Sirius reached for the drawstring of Remus's pyjama bottoms, there was no hesitance; only a mutual trust. Remus's pulse raced and a smile tugging at Sirius's shining mouth. Their relationship had been four years in the fruition and whilst they had been great, formative years, Remus would not waste another on self-doubt. All doubt had cleared and, in that moment, his self-loathing had lifted. He was not a monster. He was cherished.
Sirius had always found joy in pleasuring others. He wanted Remus to be happy and endeavoured to make it his mission for as long as he was living. A month ago he would never have considered being with him in the stifling warmth of his best friend's tent but now it seemed the only way of being. Pressed against his thin body, rapidly beating heart, raised scar tissue and flexing sinew, the din of white noise within Sirius's head faded away. When Remus's breath hitched in his throat and escaped in a low whimper released from previously uncharted depths, Sirius bit his lip and laughed. "I've always enjoyed being the one to corrupt you." Remus sat up with a content smirk and flushed cheeks, leaning forward to plant a kiss. Large shadows raced past the outside of the tent and they drew apart. "Enough hiding for now. Time to go and seek."
Lily had run into the trees to hide the light of her oil lamp. She was walking the trail around the lake but she was sure she was being followed. Shadows moved in the trees encircling her, voices hissed and whispered and branches snapped as she stood frozen. "James?" she shouted into the darkness, marking another tree with her chalk, "This isn't funny, you little cheat!" There was a laugh but it was not James's. Then a voice close to her ear whispered a sinister, breathy 'hello' and a branch fell from above striking her shoulder. Lily bolted, dashing through the trees, only to trip over an exposed root. Her oil lamp crashed to the ground and in the darkness she slipped screaming down a muddy slope. She cursed and sat shaking her head in defeat, wishing that she had not removed her whistle to change. She had left it with her wand back at the tent and had no way of lighting her way through the darkness or alerting the others to her predicament. For close to an hour Lily called out into the darkness but no one appeared. As she was drifting off, James came sliding down the slope, lamp swinging at his side. "You absolute shit!"
"You're almost as dirty as that mouth of yours," he said, looking down at Lily's mud caked socks with a laugh.
"Shut up!" James carried an unwilling Lily across the cold, wet grass, setting her down at the mossy base of a gigantic tree. "Were you following me? I should have known this whole thing was a trick."
"Puerile, unadulterated fun was my only intention, I assure you," James explained as Lily wiped her hands down the front of her nightgown. James set down his oil lamp. It flickered and dimmed and then cut out. Lily let out a long scathing sigh. James reached for her in the darkness, running a hand over her hair. "It's okay. I'll protect you-"
"That's very reassuring," Lily sniped, "I've always wanted to be raped in the woods."
"Rape does imply a lack of consent though Red and you want all of this." Lily did not need to see James's face to know what expression he was pulling and even in the dark he knew she was rolling her eyes."Look we may as well wait and sleep it out until sunrise. Get under this cloak with me or you'll freeze to death."
"That actually sounds preferable to whatever you've got plan-"
"No funny business," he promised. "I'm a man of my word. I swear." There was no other option. Lily shuffled up beside him, drawing the corner of the cloak over her shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist and Lily smiled.
"You smug bastard," she whispered into the silence, "Buttering me up with a tour of your palatial estate, telling me that I'm always free to rent from your enormous library-"
"One kiss per book," James repeated matter of fact.
"Steep," Lily replied, "Hogwarts offers much better value."
"Cheapskate," James said, "Now let me warm you up-completely without motive. I swear."
"You swear a great deal Potter," Lily replied, leaning into his side.
"You always have to have the last word."
"Only...with you..." she yawned.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Good...night...James..."
"Wow," Marlene was the last to stroll back into the warmth of the tent to find the others tucked up in bed. In the boy's compartment Peter was snoring and Remus was lying beside him half hanging from the campbed. Mary was sleeping in the girls' whilst Dorcas was sitting with Sirius. They both looked up at her with tired smiles. "You could at least pretend to care that Lily's lost in the woods with a sexual deviant."
"The lady doth protest too much," Sirius remarked, jumping to his feet and rifling through his bag," You want his sexual deviance-"He pulled out his leather jacket and slipped it on over his black pyjamas.
"That's practically incest-"
"A game the whole family can play!" Sirius declared and Dorcas shook her head.
"On that disturbing note, I am going to bed," she informed them, "Thanks for the chat Sirius. Goodnight all." With a final smile at Marlene, Dorcas disappeared into the girl's compartment. After an awkward half hour conversation with Dorcas about Remus's 'feelings' for her, Sirius was no longer in the mood for conversation. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his inside pocket and strolled outside. Marlene remained, pacing and debating whether to follow. She shook her head, went into the girls' compartment and got into bed. She was only there a few minutes before she gathered the courage to tiptoe outside.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked and Sirius patted the patch of soft, dry earth beside him. "I always have a hard time falling asleep outside." He pulled out a gold flip lighter but struggled to light his cigarette; a sharp breeze extinguishing his flame with every attempt. He raked a hand through his hair, the unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. Marlene leaned in close, raising her hands and cupping them around the tip of his cigarette. His agitation lifted, brown eyes squinting in concentration. His cut brow and black eye had all but healed. The sliver of thin skin below his right eye was now a sour shade of yellow. His split lip was merely swollen. With the flame shielded from the wind his cigarette caught alight with ease. Full lips stretched out into a grateful smile and he winced, pressing a hand to his cheek. He had acquired a new bruise but like his hands Marlene had not felt it was appropriate to ask about it.
Sirius took a long drag of his cigarette, savouring it with eyes shut before blowing out a trail of smoke in one weary sigh. A comfortable silence encircled them. The surrounding trees rustled in the midnight breeze and Sirius stared into the distance, flexing his hands. He offered Marlene his cigarette. "Smoke?" Smoking was far from an exclusively muggle habit but magical tobacco lacked the damaging properties of its muggle counterpart. Neither of Marlene's parents or any of her friends smoked but she understood the reasons Sirius might. He was an enigma protected by pretence.
"Why not? We're all going to die eventually," she said with a nod. Sirius chuckled and nodded.
"Not if we make it into the history books," he explained, passing her the cigarette. Marlene stared sideways at him. He always seemed so solidly rooted in the present that she was intrigued by his idea of the future.
"And how do you plan to do that?" she enquired casually, returning the cigarette.
"Pure good looks and sex-appeal." Marlene hadn't really expected a serious answer. "No doubt some heart breaking and jail time on the side." Whilst attending to James during a nasty bout of food poisoning when he was 13, he had feverishly confessing that if he'd had a sister he'd have been disappointed if she was nothing like Marlene and that was as close as they had ever come to a heart to heart but they had known each other their entire lives. Sirius may have gone to the same school, been in the same house, inhabited the same common room and played with Marlene on the same quidditch team but he was infamously distant and guarded. Lily was the only girl who had dated him and gone on to remain firm friends. Ever since, the beginning of second year when Sirius had 'cheated' on Lily by kissing Marlene, she had longed to break down Sirius Black's barriers the way Lily had but her friend refused to share her skeleton key.
The cigarette exchanged hands again and Sirius's raised an eyebrow. "You're damn near glacial, Mckinnon. Take my jack-"
"I couldn't possibly," Marlene insisted, "You look far too good in it."
"I can't deny that," Sirius agreed, forming an 'o' with his mouth and blowing a series of smoke rings into the air, "Come here." Marlene shifted closer and Sirius wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Couldn't have you going sub-zero on me. Word would get around that I can't get a girl hot."
"There's far too much evidence to the contrary," Marlene pointed out, "Anyone in your sights for the new school year?" She passed back the cigarette and seemingly in an attempt to avoid the question, he took her hands in his, rubbing them warm. Marlene gripped his, turning them over to inspect his candy striped palms. He averted his gaze and she pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "You ought to stand up to him," she advised met her eyes, shaking his head.
"I'm not a coward," Sirius snapped, retracting his hands and shoving them deep into his pockets. Marlene wrapped her arms around her knees. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it again, sensing that she had already said too much. As a measure of good will, Sirius passed her the cigarette and wiped his face with his hands. "I know you mean well but...it's not about my happiness. You wouldn't understand-"
"What it's like to live a lie, wanting to hide from the world but to be accepted at the same time? Desperately waiting for your time to stand up for what you know is right?" Marlene finished, rambling out of frustration. Sirius stared, twisting his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.
"I guess there's a lot that we don't know about each other," he said, getting to his feet and dusting off his bottoms, "But it's better that way." Marlene's smile dimmed. "I'm not a good person-"
"So you like to pretend," she countered, "I saw the way you tried to shield Remus in Potions. Everyone knows what you and James did to Bertram but you're not like James. That's why you broke it off with Adriana and Amelia." Sirius looked down at her, frowning and twisting a lock of hair tight around his finger. "You're loyal like a dog. You don't like to be dishonest. That's not a crime-"
"You're a terrible judge of character," he said, holding out a hand to help her to her feet.
"If that were true I'd probably have more friends," she replied, leaving his healing hand outstretched and pushing herself to her feet. He pocketed the butt of his cigarette.
"Quality not quantity, Mckinnon," he instructed with a curt nod, "As far as they go, Mary, Cass and Lily make a pretty prime selection. You've got taste. I'll give you that. I can't say the same -"
"Remus and Peter make the cut and two out of three isn't bad," she whispered as they walked closer to the tent, "No one really asks to be friends with James. He just invites himself into your life."
"Providing endless hours of entertainment," Sirius remarked with a fond smile, "I don't know what I'd do if Lily ever agreed to go out with him. His endless pining is one of his defining characteristics."
"I hope they're together right now." They both looked off into the distance. "I keep telling her that it's all an act with James but I guess she needs to see it for herself..." Marlene mused quietly as they stepped back into the enveloping warmth of the tent. "Lily's so stubborn."
"We each have our flaws," Sirius replied, taking off his leather jacket. Marlene gripped his hanging fingers.
"The best of us just don't dwell on them," she whispered, "Goodnight Sirius."
"Who knew you were so wise, Marlene?" It was the first time in a long time that he had used her first name and it sounded like it lived in his mouth. "Sweet dreams."
At dawn, James was glad when he woke first. He had woken so often from dreams like this but today his heartfelt desires were a reality. Lily was lying in his lap, curled up in his arms, her red hair tucked behind her ears and pink lips dry and slightly parted. She stirred, pressing her cheek into his chest, green eyes fluttering at first and then snapping open when she realised where she was and who with. Yawning James pushed his glasses up his nose. Lily blinked at him in the morning light, wiping her eyes and straightening her long legs. As she opened her mouth to speak, nearby foliage rustled and Lily flinched, shifting backwards. A small doe broke through the trees, followed by a large stag with broad antlers. It had none of the doe's wary, skittish manner and walked before it defensively. Lily's grip on James's leg softened. Her whole weight remained pressed against him and he could feel her heart beating. James's breathing was shallow and stalled as he stared at the deer, acutely aware of Lily's hand on his thigh and her fragrant hair brushing his cheek. The deer nuzzled softly and then the stag led the doe deeper into the woods. It was a quiet, undisturbed moment which James vowed never to share. Lily turned towards him with an astonished smile which said she had never seen a real life deer before. There was a leaf in her hair and their faces were close enough for James to count freckles but it wasn't even August. James knew the chance of getting through the rest of the year without wanting to kiss her was slim. His smiling mouth hovered above hers. His lips pursed and she inched forwards, brushing his nose with hers. Goosebumps rose on her bare arms and James shivered. He picked the leaf from her hair and led her out of the forest.
A/N: So there you have it. (PrioritiesSorted- I hope you enjoyed the festivities.) Funnily enough I never used to ship Jily until I started writing this but they've grown on me. There's just too much opportunity for hilarity and adorable awkwardness. There'll be less to come in the next chapters as James reverts to being an arse. What about Sirius and Marlene? I know a lot of people ship Blackinnon but I'm unsure where to go with it? (ProudToBeABadger-thanks for the review) As for Peter I feel worse with every chapter. It'd be so much easier just to see him as an evil traitor but it always seemed unlikely to me that he did all he did just for power and popularity...What do you all think?