Chapter 21: Vulnerability

Rose's POV

The next thing I knew, Dimitri had been knocked off of Tasha and I was sitting on top of her, choking her.

"Roza, don't hurt her!" Dimitri sounded more concerned with Tasha's safety than my anger.

"What the hell were you doing?!" I demanded.

"Kissing." Dimitri answered simply.

"Well that's obvious, Comrade! Why? Why would you kiss her when you say you love me? And don't give me bullshit about her overpowering you, because you're tougher than that and I clearly saw you on top of her!" I growled.

"Because I wanted to." Dimitri stated.

That comment completely disarmed me. I released Tasha's neck from my chokehold and stared dumbfoundedly at Dimitri. "What? But... you love me."

"Love fades. Mine has." Dimitri said coldly.

His words were worse than a stake to the heart—and I can say I know that for a fact. In fact, his words were pretty much the worst heartbreak I'd ever felt. This was the kind of feeling I'd been able to avoid as a Strigoi. I wished I was one now.

I ran away before he could see the tears forming in my eyes. No one was supposed to see me cry. I ran into guest housing so fast that I think the manager thought I was running from an enemy. The only enemy I was running from was my emotions.

I slammed my door behind me and flopped on the bed. This was the bed Dimitri and I had slept on just the night before. All I could think about was Dimitri, which led back to his horrible words. Love fades. Mine has. Love fades. Mine has. Love fades. Mine has...

It repeated over and over in my mind like that song you wish you could get out of your head, but the tune was too catchy. I desperately sobbed into my pillow, focusing on each shallow breath instead of Dimitri's words.

"Rose?" Lissa's voice followed a knock at my door.

I just continued to sob in merciless agony. I heard my door open and Lissa's footsteps. Lissa sat on the bed behind me.

"Why are you crying?" She asked. "What's wrong?"

I didn't answer. It was too painful.

"Rose, tell me what's wrong. Let me help." Lissa insisted.

"You can't help! You've never experienced this before, you don't know what it's like!" I snapped.

"At least tell me what's wrong!" Lissa exclaimed.

"Dimitri and Tasha were kissing! Because he wanted to... he wanted to..." My voice broke and I heaved a sob.

"That doesn't make sense, Rose. Dimitri loves you." Lissa said.

"That's what I thought. But then he said love fades and that his had..." I put my face back in my pillow.

Lissa wrapped her arms around me and laid close to me. "I haven't been in this exact situation, but I have felt heartbreak before. The one thing I know I can do is not leave you alone."

And true to her word, she stayed with me the entire time. I even cried myself to sleep and woke up an hour later to find her still with me. She stroked my head the same way she had when I'd come back from being a Strigoi.

"Why now? Why not during the countless times she'd thrown herself at him at the Academy? Why not when I was willing to let him go?" I sniffled.

"Boys are stupid." Lissa said.

"What about Christian?" I asked.

"He's not a boy. He's a man." Lissa said.

I laughed. "You're right, he is."

"Rose? Lissa." Christian knocked.

"Can he come in?" Lissa asked.

I nodded my head.

"Come in, Christian." Lissa said.

Christian walked in and immediately frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Dimitri kissed Tasha. Because he wanted to." I said. "And I think it would've gone a lot further than that if I hadn't shown up. Hell, maybe it did end up going further after I left."

"I hate her." Christian said.

I sighed. "Christian-"

"No, it's not just you. I hate that she's making you miserable, but that's not the only problem. She didn't come to see me. She cane for Dimitri and didn't even think about if I was here. We haven't even spent Christmas or other holidays together other than at the lodge, not in a while. She came to the lodge for Dimitri, not me. She hasn't come to see me just to see me in over a year. She's all I've got left, and she ignores me for her personal interests." Christian sighed. "I hate her."

I got up and hugged Christian. "Don't hate her. She might be a bitch, but don't hate her. And just so you know, she's not all you have left. You have us too."

"Are you sure she's not hysterical? She just said she was one of the people I had left?" Christian asked Lissa teasingly.

"I'm serious, Christian. I actually liked you after I found out you weren't as creepy as you made yourself seem. I didn't think bad of you because of the Ozera name, I thought you were weird because you made yourself seem that way. Once I got to see the spark of niceness and normalcy, I knew you were good for Lissa. I like you, Sparky." I said.

"If it makes you feel better, I could set Dimitri on fire." Christian offered.

"Fighting fire with fire doesn't always help, Pyro." I sighed.

"Coming from the badass Strigoi hunter with a bad temper." Christian smirked.

"Look, I just want to be alone. Okay?" I requested.

"No, I have to make you feel better." Lissa hugged me.

"Unless you want to tell me—and Christian—about your past heartbreaks, you can't stay." I threatened playfully.

Lissa groaned. "Ugh, fine. But I expect to see you at dinner."

Dinner was a few hours away. I'd spent most of the day moping over Dimitri. I rolled my eyes, "Sure, Liss. I'll be there."

"I love you." Lissa gave me one last hug before leaving with Christian.

"Love you, too." I muttered.

I wasn't going to dinner. I was going to drink myself into unconsciousness. Adrian had jokingly sent me alcohol the night before, probably expecting I'd return it the same way I'd done with the perfume. I hadn't gotten around to it, and I wasn't going to now. I tried to down the entire bottle.

Lissa's POV

I'd been worried about Rose since I'd left her, and her not showing up for dinner didn't help.

"Liss, maybe we shouldn't have left her alone." Christian said.

"I'm sure she'll be here any minute." I lied to myself as much as Christian.

We were at dinner with all the friends we'd brought to Court. It was at the Ivashkov residence. Adrian was pretty depressed about Tatiana's murder, but he had Sydney to make him feel better.

"I wonder where Rose is?" Jill asked.

"Probably being distracted by Dimitri." Eddie joked.

"Yeah, you could say that." Christian muttered.

I elbowed him. "Shh."

I decided reaching into the bond to see where Rose was. Except... I couldn't connect to her. The bond was still there, but it was muted. That's how Rose said it feels when I'm sleeping or drunk. Oh, God.

"Christian, we should go get Rose." I stood up abruptly.

"That's what I was telling you!" Christian scoffed.

"Christian, we have to get Rose." I said through clenched teeth.

Christian didn't know exactly what I meant, but he understood the tone of my voice and got up to follow me. When I got to Rose's room, I winced. Her whole room looked like a crime scene. Everything was strewn everywhere and there was a broken bottle that had been thrown against the wall. Rose herself was nowhere in sight.

"Rose!" I exclaimed, frantically looking for her.

A small groan came in response from the bathroom. I rushed in to find Rose almost naked in the tub. And by almost, I mean that the only thing she wore was her bra and underwear. She was passed out cold.

"Oh, Rose..." I sat next to the tub.

She'd gotten herself drunk. And Rose wasn't violent when she was drunk, so the mess in her room was a pretty big sign that she was more upset than I'd expected. Poor Rose. Christian and I tried to lift her out of the tub, but her eyes fluttered open.

"Vasy!" Rose giggled.

"God, you really are drunk." I said.

"Huh?" Christian was confused.

"Vasy was the nickname she came up with before Lissa. Obviously, it didn't stick." I said.

"Christian!" Rose slurred. "I like you..."

"Yes Rose, we established that earlier today." I tried getting her up again.

"He's so nice. And adorable when he wants to be..." Rose mumbled.

"Wait, what?" I dropped her a couple of inches.

Rose sat herself up awkwardly and pulled Christian's face close to hers. She gave him a kiss, which I think shocked him more than me. "Shh, don't tell Lissa..."

I pulled Rose back. "If you weren't drunk and miserable, I'd kill you."

"Your Spirit darkness is slowly killing me anyway. Might as well speed up the process." Rose muttered.

"Rose, come on. Don't make yourself stupid just because Dimitri is." Christian recomposed himself.

"I don't want to think about Dimka. I just... want to... sleep." Rose fell against me.

Christian and I managed to lift her out of the tub and we wrapped her in a blanket. I wasn't about to leave her in her mess of a room, especially not alone, so we dragged her to my room. We bumped into Jill and Eddie.

"Guys, what's wrong with Rose?" Jill asked.

"She's exhausted. I'm taking her back to my room for the night." I said. "What are you two doing?"

Jill turned completely red and Eddie didn't look much better.

"I was just... taking Jill to her room. Being an escort." Eddie said.

"Jill's room is in the other direction. Your room is this way." I said.

"Um..." Jill tried thinking of an excuse.

"Rose already told me her theory that you two like each other. I personally don't mind, but taking Jill to your room seems a bit fast..." I said.

"That's not what we were doing!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Whatever. I have to get Rose back to my room." I said.

Eddie and Jill blushed and continued to his room. I didn't think they were going to sleep together—Eddie was better than that—but it still wasn't a good idea for them to be alone in a room all night. I had to focus on that later though. Rose was my priority at the moment.