Bree was coming back from the grocery store when he was confronted not by a demon, but something much more powerful.
An angel, specifically Zachariah.
"You're the abomination. I don't see why that fool Castiel puts up with your existence," said the angel.
"And you're the biggest dick with wings since Lucifer fell. What's your point?" said Bree flatly. He could handle Zachariah, but he didn't want the stigma of killing an angel.
"My point you little shit is that we aren't tolerating your existence anymore," said Zachariah with a snarl.
Bree didn't hesitate, he vanished with the groceries before returning. He didn't want to kill this bastard, but it was time to play 'how many ways can I humiliate you before you get the point?'...it was Loki's favorite games.
With a single snap of his fingers, Zachariah was trapped in his illusion.
"Has anyone see Bree since he came back with the groceries?" asked Loki in concern.
"Not for hours, no," said Bobby.
Suddenly Bree returned in a somewhat odd mood.
"Hey dad, what's the most embarrassing thing an angel can deal with in front of others?"
"Why?" asked Gabriel, suspicious.
"I have Zachariah at my whim, and I'm putting him through a modified version of the mystery spot. Sam and Dean have already given me some ideas to use on the bastard."
They had been far too happy to help repay the arrogant angel for all the crap he put them through, Dean especially.
"How in the hell did you catch that arrogant prick?" said Gabriel.
"He found me and said he wasn't 'tolerating my existence anymore', so I thought a lesson was required. Why?"
"And how long ago was this?" asked Gabriel.
"About six and a half hours ago. The creep's currently stuck in a tentacle illusion," said Bree smugly.
"This I have to see!" cackled Gabriel.
"So you've managed to copy yourself, big deal," snarled Zachariah.
"Why would I bother to do that when I can just use a time turner?" asked Bree, cocking his head. Beside him was an amused Gabriel.
Zachariah snarled at them both, bound by chains that could keep an angel tied down. Around him was a circle made of holy oil and flames.
"Dad, I do believe he needs a demonstration," said Bree.
"Agreed...we can always wipe his mind later," said Gabriel.
Bree unveiled his wings, all four of them. Zachariah's anger tripled at the sight of them. Then he saw the ones on Gabriel's back...which were two more than Bree's. Confusion raged with self-righteous fury. Then recognition and shock.
"You? How can you tolerate that abomination's existence?" demanded Zachariah.
"Because he's my son dumbass. Bree here is the result of Dad's meddling."
"You lie!" said Zachariah.
Bree looked at this father.
"Do it," sighed Gabriel. Bree had modified a simple prayer after learning god wasn't in heaven anymore and hadn't been for centuries now. The prayer was one said in most churches, but it would be very effective at sending Zachariah back into Heaven without killing him...and keeping him up there until they let him come back.
Bree made the sign of the cross, which started the incantation. The chains fell off but the flames and circle remained.
"Our father who walks amongst us unknown to mortals..." started Bree and Zachariah's eyes widened comically in shock.
"On Earth as it is in Heaven...Amen. And in the name of the Holy Father, I banish you Zachariah to the furthest reaches of heaven, never again to walk this Earth until the End of Days or you have learned your lesson," intoned Bree. Zachariah's could feel the chain of his words slam onto him like bindings as he was thrown out of his vessel and back through the pearly gates.
Even if he found a new vessel, he would be unable to walk on the ground until he learned not to meddle in the affairs of mortals. No doubt Dean would be pleased to hear about this.
"Hold up, you can banish angels from their vessels and back into heaven?" said Dean.
Anna, Sam, Castiel and Bobby all listened with shock to how Zachariah had been dealt with. Anna and Castiel were especially surprised.
"Only with the permission of someone higher up on the food chain than the one you're banishing. In this case Gabriel who outranks everyone except the other Arch Angels," said Bree.
"Bree here outranks most angels, but in order to do a banishing to that arrogant prick he needed my authority and grace to back it up. And the best part is that none of the other angels will believe him when they find out why he can't come to Earth anymore!" said Gabriel smugly.
"Why not?" asked Sam.
"Because the odds of a cambion of Gabriel's bloodline are so unlikely that they'll assume Zachariah is lying when they ask who did it. The chances of running into Gabriel himself would only make the story even less reliable in the eyes of other angels," said Anna.
"Why is that?" asked Bobby. That had never really made sense to him.
"Angels generally don't have 'relations' with humans, let alone someone of Gabriel's rank. We kill cambions on sight, so why would we risk falling from grace to kill an angelic cambion that we helped sire?" said Castiel.
"Having a relationship isn't forbidden, just really frowned upon. Especially when a child is conceived through it. About the only time such a thing is allowed is if the two happened to be fate-bonded," said Gabriel.
"Fate-bonded?" said Bree.
"Means that they were literally tied at birth to be matched. It's how God managed to allow you to be born even though I ended up as James Potter...his body was fate-bonded to Lily Evans from birth. Though knowing dad he probably threw me in a still born..." said Gabriel.
"It's the reason why neither Anna or I were inclined to kill you on sight. You were the result of a fate-bond," said Castiel.
"Wait, does that mean Dean is fate-bonded to Cas?" asked Bree.
"What?!" shrieked Dean.
"What makes you assume that?" asked Sam shocked.
"Well Hell is huge! About the same size as Earth. Finding him would have taken months alone, yet Cas found him in what, fifteen minutes? And the way he was able to track him after he got out..." said Bree.
Gabriel snickered.
"There's a reason why the 'Destiel' pairing those nutty fan girls come up with have happened nearly half the times that the world was set back to square one," said Gabriel.
"Over half?" said Dean, his face white.
"And the Sabriel one?" snickered Bree. He didn't have any problems with his father and Sam together. Far from it to be honest.
"Well that was more or less the result of extreme boredom and curiosity," admitted Gabriel.
"I need a drink..." muttered Dean.
Gabriel laughed out loud at the look Dean shot Cas when he handed him a beer.
"Dammit... don't tell me you actually like that stupid pairing those insane people created!" said Dean.
Bobby snorted. From what he could tell the idjit was attracted to Cas, but was too afraid to actually admit that he was bi.
Bree leaned over to Bobby.
"Mind if we kidnap the idjit and lock him in a room with Cas for a week?"
"Do it...he could use some happiness in his life, and it ain't my business to ask what the idjit gets up to," said Bobby.
Some of the other hunters he was friends with happened to have that inclination and he had yet to turn down working with them because of it.
"Cheers!" said Bree.
"Bree what...?" said Dean as the cambion disappeared with both him and Cas.
"About damn time. Either they work this out or I'll prank him for a month," said Gabriel.
"Where did they go?" asked Sam in concern.
"Someplace Cas can't get them out of with enough food and other items to last them a few weeks," said Bree flatly.
Sam paled.
"You mean you locked them in a room together?"
"Dean is the only one reluctant. The two are fate-bonded and have been for a long time. The problem is that the idjit is too embarrassed to admit it," snorted Gabriel.
"Think of it this way Sammy... wouldn't it be better for Dean if he had someone to fall back on without having to worry about how they would react to what you two do for a living?" said Bree.
It had been hard enough to convince the hunters that Sam and Dean weren't the ones who caused the apocalypse. Even if people were to take the infamous Monkey Magic's word about angels being real, it had been hard to get them to believe that angels were to blame for the rise of Lucifer and not the Winchester brothers.
Bree was debating on what to use for today's blog, as he had covered quite a bit in his once-a-month broadcast to his fans. He had spent two sessions explaining angels and cambions and how he had partially ascended when he first came out of hell.
The hunters seemed to take that news with a grain of salt, but they were willing to believe him...either that or they assumed someone had taken over Harry's previous blog for him because he had been offed by something. It was more of the latter than he would like.
So he decided to go into detail about prophets...and to promote the Supernatural series because it had been written by one who didn't know until Dean and Sam showed up that the brothers were real...plus to mention how he had tricked them onto a stage full of fans for a laugh.
'I must be cursed to keep running into these people on grocery runs...' thought Bree as he came face-to-face with Lucifer himself.
"So...you're the cambion who banished that arrogant fool Zachariah to heaven," said Lucifer smugly, "I'm..."
"Not interested in anything you're selling, and I'm quite happy with my current religion," said Bree loudly. He enjoyed the look of fury on the former angel's face and the people around them gave them odd looks. Too bad he couldn't take a picture of Lucifer's face, since his hands were full with groceries at the moment.
"Look you little shit, I want that vial you have now, or I'm going to make you a stain on the sidewalk," snarled Lucifer.
"Sadly I don't have it on me. So sorry. And Death's stone is currently in the hands of Sammy, so you won't be getting that either!" said Bree far too cheerfully for someone facing the devil.
"Hand over the Winchester brat," snarled Lucifer.
"Sorry Lucy, can't do that. And you're never getting Jesse either. See I noticed that little contract his dad has, and well, he'll be dropped someplace far from his son hours before that thing is up. As far as I'm concerned, you nothing more than a nuisance to be dealt with. Ta!" said Bree as he vanished without a trace.
Lucifer's bad mood lasted for weeks after that little confrontation.
"Dad, why are all of your older brothers such assholes?" complained Bree.
"Who did you run into this time, Rafael?" asked Gabriel.
"Lucy. From now on you're getting the damn groceries," said Bree as Gabriel choked on his chocolate.
"How are you still alive?"
"Left the Grace Vial here and Sam has the stone for now. Dean and Cas are still in the room and I went halfway across the States to get our food. I have the worst luck when I go grocery shopping," said Bree.
Dean and Cas had another day before Bree let them out, and only god knew if they had acted on the bond or not.
Bree was currently crossing his fingers that they had. Dean could use someone in his life that wouldn't leave him so that he could transfer that over-dependance on Sam to someone who could handle it. Sam cared for his brother, but he couldn't handle the stress of keeping Dean from going off the deep end alone. Brotherly love couldn't handle that sort of strain, not without bad results...like what happened with Ruby and the demon-blood addiction.
"So what's the verdict on the room?" asked Bree.
"Well they quit trying to escape three days in, and they didn't think to check for lust potions in that turkey we left in the fridge..." said Gabriel smirking.
Those potions wouldn't last more than an hour if taken, but by that time their inhibitions would have been shot to hell anyway. And Dean had been a horny bugger to begin with.
"What's the verdict boys?" said Bree cheerfully as he opened the door. He ducked quickly as Dean shot him with his gun.
"Dammit Bree, I am going to kill you for that!"
"Why, is you ass sore from an angel riding it?" cackled Bree as he ran for it. Dean didn't say anything, but kept shooting at him with the only gun that hadn't been enchanted for unlimited ammo.
Castiel saw Gabriel and had a massive blush on his face. Gabriel didn't say a word, but he did hand his brother some clean clothes. They had been in there for a week, and while there was a shower in the room, there wasn't anything to wash clothes with.
Bree was about to dump water on Dean when his phone started playing the song he had assigned to Sam.
"GOT YOU!" shouted Dean, clocking Bree.
"OW!"
Dean stalked off irritably while Bree nursed the bruise and answered his phone.
"Hey Sammy... yeah Dean and Cas are out... Yes Dean shot at me for locking them in there..."
As he closed his phone, he was mildly surprised Dean didn't comment on his choice of ringtone for his brother.
Bree's ringtones for all the people he knows:
Sam- What I've Done, by Linkin Park
Gabriel/Loki- Superman, by Five for Fighting
Bobby- Gunpowder and Lead, by Miranda Lambert
Castiel- Calling All the Angels, by Train
Dean- Second Chance, by Shine Down
Anna- Secrets, by One Republic
Jo- So What, by Pink
Ellen- Whiskey Lullaby, by Brad Paisley
Sirius- Animal I Have Become, by Three Days Grace
Remus- Stray, the opening to Wolf's Rain
Fred and George- Dare to be Stupid, by Weird Al Yankovic