Five stitches seal the crease,
From the fit fueled by your aching,
You're so temperamental darling,
With your little disease, oh how sweet.
-The Honorary Title
I wake up with Carmine's hand on my stomach as he snored and I immediately leave. The hangover's a fucking bitch and all I really wanted to do was stay in Blaine's guest room with Carmine but I felt the urge to go home.
So I do.
When I arrive, I realize that there is an ignored stack of envelopes resting on the table.
Despite my bleary and somewhat groggy state, I recognize them immediately. Letters the universities Sebastian and I had applied to. He had applied lesser on Ivy League schools and more on foreign ones, from what I can tell. I didn't care. I was mad at him at that moment. I hope the fucker didn't get in anywhere. Maybe he'll gain forty pounds, develop acne and a beer belly in the future. Hah.
I snatch my three letters (the rest were still to follow), Yale, Princeton and Harvard. I really wanted to get into Yale and even though all I really wanted to do was sleep, I open the Yale envelope first.
In. The same went for Princeton and Harvard, too.
"Fuck yes." I smile jubilantly. My hangover seems to have gone.
My feet carry me before my mind can think. It is like there is another person inside of me almost running across the hallway and up the stairs.
Then my hand takes over. I open the door.
Then my mouth assumes control of me. My brain seems to have left the building. All I can think of was the elation I felt at that point.
"Sebastian, I got into Yale!"
And then I stop talking. I stop moving. I just glance at the empty bed.
My mind grabs the reigns from my mouth, hand and feet roughly. I think my mind even bitchslaps the aforementioned body parts.
I turn around and head to my room, where I finally sleep in the comfortable familiarity of my own bed.
Sebastian doesn't return for four days.
---
They all compliment me on my bronzed tan (courtesy of the beaches in Madrid) as I talk and chuckle amongst my friends. Has it really been so long since Annette and the bet? Finals were coming up in a few months but I remain undaunted by the pressures of schoolwork and my extracurricular involvements, not to mention the events I had yet to plan.
I fell back into the routine of my life back in New York easily, getting adored and envied and wanted by these people, these sheep that hung on to my every word. On my way to class, I catch a glimpse of Adrian coming up to me. I only smile. I had missed the bastard and the companionship he gave. No strings attached, no conflicting emotions like it had been with Conner and no confusion like it is now with Sebastian.
"Hey," He grins charmingly, feeling flirtatious as always."Hey back." I murmur, "Miss me?"
"Did I ever." He replies enthusiastically, obviously motivated by my lack of resistance.
He asks me out again and I wondered if he had grown tired of Amber. I really did not care, Adrian Vanderbilt III was someone I should be dating. Right name, right look, and right everything. We make plans for tomorrow and he walks me to my next class, pausing to kiss me before he leaves.
My airhead friends all swoon and sigh with envy. I notice Amber is looking a little nauseous. Later on I hear that he has dumped her. I can only laugh at these trivialities now. Serves the bitch right.
I look at where Sebastian should be seated but I find his place empty. He'd missed school for the past four days and I wondered where he was. Has he gone back to his room? Has he gotten the envelopes? Has he been accepted to the university he wanted to go to? Where did he want to go? I did not know. Somehow I feel bad that I didn't know that about him.
---
I head to the courtyard to wait for Adrian (he insisted on taking me home because he had 'missed me so much') only to see a familiar Jaguar pull up the curb. It is clear from the envelopes he held that he had gone back to the townhouse.
"Just in time." He smiles at me but I only glance at him. His smile shrinks and then it seems like he only remembers now that he had been a total prick to me the last time we saw each other.
"Sis…" He begins, sighing.
Sis? Really? What the fuck?
I back away.
"Adrian's taking me home."
"Kathryn, please… You caught me at a bad time then."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why were you in a bad mood all of a sudden?"
"I was just tired."
"Where were you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Who the fuck is Selena? Is she the girl in the photograph? Is she the girl whose cherry you fucking popped when you were twelve? Is she the same Selena you babbled on about while you were high and talking on the phone with me?"
He remains quiet.
"You've been going through my things? You nosy bitch, you had no right to do that."
"I found it by accident!" I yell so loudly a few people stop and glance at us.
He shakes his head, "It's none of your business."
"Why won't you let me know?"
"You want to know why?" He growls, throwing his envelopes back into the car.
"Yes!"
"Because you're a manipulative bitch who will use anything to get ahead and win."
I feel hurt at his tone and it is clear through the slight softening of his gaze that he feels sorry for saying what he did.
Then it was gone. Like all the other million and a half times it had happened.
"I'll see you at home." He adds curtly, leaving me there.
---
Drip. Drip. Drip.
I turn the handles installed against the wall of my bathtub with my foot, causing the steady dripping of the water to stop completely. I lean against the edge of the tub, the back of my neck cradled against a folded soft white towel.
I close my eyes and try to drift off when I hear a knock on my door.
"Kate? Can I please come in?"
Hot Sebastian. Cold Sebastian. Like the fucking water. Sometimes I wish I could turn him off completely too.
I don't reply.
On. Off. Drip. Drip.
"I'm coming in, okay?"
I remain silent. It was impossible to stop him when he wanted to come into my room, or in this case, my bathroom. The least I could do is pretend to be deaf, mute, and oblivious for a while.
He fumbles with the door, knowing that the lock was easily undone (I had yet to have it fixed). When he enters the bathroom, he comes upon me lying prostate and calm in my own small sea of bubbles and warm water. The mist rises up from the surface and I bask in the steam. It turned my slightly tanned body into a rosy color.
He sits cross-legged in front of me and I ignore him, playing with the water taps absentmindedly.
"I got into Yale." He remarks, trying to smile.
I don't even look at him. His smile fades.
"But I also got into Princeton, and I think that's where I really want to go. I'm still waiting to hear from other schools though… There are some really great ones in Europe. My dad wanted me to go to Yale but I think I like Princeton better. Who'd have thought I'd get in, right? I mean, after that incident with the school nurse I thought I'd be blacklisted for sure."
Drip. Drip.
"What about you? You got into Yale too, right? Of course that's where you're going… You're right for that school, you know. You'd fit in well."
Drip.
His hand reaches out to touch my face and I remain still. His thumb strokes my cheek gently.
"I am so sorry I yelled at you." He says softly, "I really am."
Drip.
Drip.
"Please say something."
Say something? He's lucky I didn't hit him with something.
Drip.
He withdraws his hand, wiping it with the nearby towel.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Sebastian leans in and tries to kiss me.
I turn my head away and stare at him. "You've changed."
"So have you."
"No, I haven't."
"Yes, you have. Ever since Conner."
"Ever since Annette." I counter.
"Fucking people." He replies. "I hate them for doing this."
I had to smile a bit at that.
He sees the faintest trace of that and jumps at the chance.
"Would you mind terribly," He smiles at me, looking so handsome now that he has apologized and is repentant of what he had done. "If I joined you in bath?"
I pretend to ponder the thought, "Well, are you going to spend the night here this time?"
"In the house?" He asks, stripping quickly. My stepbrother has the kind of figure I had always wanted in a man. Muscular and sinewy, the kind that was perfect to touch and press against. Conner had been slightly more muscular than him, his body harder and seemingly tougher. I liked the different kind of delicacy Sebastian's body possessed. Strong and gentle. He steps in and hisses at the heat. I only laugh and move to the side, making space for him.
"No. In my room."
I feel his hands on my waist and I allow myself to be pulled. I lean against his chest, my back to him. Our arms touch and intertwine. Was I weak for succumbing at that moment? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that it's tiring to fight with him all the time.
"Kathryn," His voice sounds low and husky in my ear. "Would you like me to spend the night in your room?"
"Would you?"
"Of course I would."
He starts kissing my neck and I don't move at all. I allow myself to be touched, somewhere in the sea of warm water and steam that held our bodies, I imagined I was off the coast of Madrid, drifting, with only Sebastian to keep me afloat.
"Just say stop it gets too much." He whispers and his voice only lulls me into a deeper form of relaxation. "Don't run away like you did the last time. I'm not forcing you into anything."
"Kay." I reply. I turn around and our eyes meet. I touch his plump mouth, watching in fascination as it parts at the touch of my fingers.
"Okay." He agrees, kissing it.
Eventually, we don't talk at all.
---
It was 3:02 in the morning when I awakened.
I am drowsy and tired, yet safely ensconced in Sebastian's arms as he slept on his side facing me, his hand on top of my stomach while the other one rested limply between us.
I try moving his fingers but he stirs and his dry, soft mouth plants a kiss on my back.
"Stay." He says, his voice raspy.
I smile and pretend to drift off into sleep, pressing myself closer to him while he resumes his slumber.
The sliver of light from the hallway passing through the crack under my door catches my attention. All the lights were turned off before we retired for the night.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
There is a faint sound of knuckles against Sebastian's door, but I can't understand who would do such a thing. Normally the servants never disturbed us.
"Sebastian, please open the door."
A voice. Female. Soft spoken, yet deep in tone.
I glance at him and wonder if he had given the doorman permission to let some crazy girlfriend/conquest of his come and go into the house as she pleased, only I knew that it wasn't the case.
The knocks become quicker and more persistent.
"I need you right now."
I nudge him, trying to wake him up but he only groans and turns to the other side.
"Sebastian, one of your wackjob debutantes has gotten inside the house."
He doesn't reply.
"Sebastian!" I hiss again, but still there's no response.
I stand up unsteadily and place a call to security downstairs. My hands are growing cold. I stand near my door and look at the floor, watching in fascination as the shadow that was intruding upon our privacy continued to pace.
In a matter of minutes I hear footsteps that can only come from the burly guard whose name I forgot.
"Ms.?" I hear him ask pleasantly, albeit a bit guarded. "Mr. Valmont isn't here for the night, may I know who you are?"
"My name," said the voice slowly, and despite the eerie circumstances I find that I do not fear her. "is Selena. Sebastian's expecting me."
That name again. I pull on my bathrobe and open the door; my curiosity was far greater than my regard for my safety.
There she was. The gorgeous enigma. She surprisingly isn't that tall, although she passes me by a few inches. Her face is small and delicately structured, with a cleft chin and thin lips. Her hair was the same as it was in the photograph and her eyes were deeper than mine, deeper set, deeper green, deeper everything… Like she had more secrets than I did.
"Hello." She addresses me politely and I can almost forgive her for scaring the fuck out of me because there is something about her. Something melancholic and sad, I feel as though if the thing they call beautiful tragedy became a person, it would be her. "I'm terribly sorry for the intrusion but I was looking for Sebastian."
I regain my haughty composure easily.
"Forgive me for snapping at you and while my friends would attest that I'm a normally pleasant hostess, I think I have the right to ask you what the fuck you think you're doing at 3 in the morning, coming into this house?"
"I needed to see him." She replies quietly, "He said I could go here whenever I want to."
"Well, this is not entirely his fucking house." I glare at her, frustrated at how she seemed to be unruffled by my catty attitude. "Unless it's escaped your observation, I live here too."
I felt a warm pair of arms circle my waist, "Kathryn, can we just go back to bed?" Sebastian whispers from behind the door, his forearms are the only ones visible from the outside. I wanted to hide him from her and be selfish, he is mine.
Fuck off princess.
Selena approaches me and she glances at Sebastian's arms before a fond smile appears on her face. How the fuck can she recognize him by his arms??
"I need him for a while, Kathryn. Please let me borrow him."
"Kathryn? What's going on?"
His voice, thick with sleep and utterly oblivious.
"He's not here. This is my boyfriend Adrian." I lie, staring at her straight on.
"Yes, he is."
She takes his hand and squeezes it.
"Seb." She murmurs in her sad voice. "Can you come with me right now?"
I feel him suddenly awaken, like her voice was enough to bring him back. Were my shoving, pushing, and prodding insufficient to wake him?
He lets go of me quickly and steps into view, wearing his boxers.
"What's wrong?" He asks, pulling her into a hug. "Are you alright?"
"Sebastian," I begin as placidly as I could, ignoring the shocked expression of the guard when he realizes Sebastian was sleeping in my room. "who the fuck is she?"
He's stroking her hair, and whispering something in her ear. I wanted to hit him.
"Sebastian?" I did not take lightly to being ignored. "If you don't acknowledge me within the next five seconds I'm going to kill you."
Finally, he does look at me. They both do, and they are so divine and perfect the way Conner and Alana were that it angers me.
"It's a secret." He tells me.
"Yes." She echoes, holding him against her. "It's a secret."
Fuck.
I sit up straight and gasp.
It's morning now.
Sebastian is gone. I look over to his side of the bed and it is empty, daylight streams through the windows and I look around.
"Sebastian? Sebastian!"
He appears from the bathroom, looking freshly showered.
"A bit too early to be clingy, sis."
"I just… I… It was so real." I add the last bit without intending to and this catches his interest.
"What was so real?" He takes a seat beside me and touches my shoulder in concern. "You mean last night? Yeah, it did happen."
It what!
"It did?"
He looks at me oddly before smiling, "Yes. We did fuck. I think we're also sort of dating, but that wasn't clarified."
"I mean… 3 AM…"
"3 AM? We slept through the night, what are you talking about?" His eyebrows scrunch up, "Are you okay? Have you taken anything?"
"No." I reply coldly. "I had a dream."
"Aw… That's so cute. You're scared about a dream you had?"
"Fuck you."
I stand up and stomp to the bathroom, brushing my teeth with vigor. I stare at the mirror and wonder if I'm losing my mind over someone who may or may not even be as significant as I imagined.
I spit at the sink angrily, rinsing my mouth before practically throwing my toothbrush down.
"Kathryn, tell me what the fuck is going on."
"Don't you dare belittle me!" I yell at him, "I am not one of your stupid girlfriends, the ones you can easily annoy and fuck with!"
He looks taken aback at my outburst and he grabs my shoulders, as though literally shaking me might help.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Let me go!"
He shakes me harder this time, "Kathryn, please tell me what's wrong."
"Is it so bad that I looked for you? Huh? Is it? Does it have to mean anything, Valmont? Do you have to get on my case all the fucking time?"
"What?" He replies, utterly perplexed. "No, I was just… No… It doesn't have to mean anything okay? I'm sorry I didn't realize… It's fine, you don't have to tell me about your dream, Kathryn. Just… Just stop freaking out, okay? Just stop… Come here, I was right here all along. Just stop ranting…"
He's rubbing my back soothingly and I don't take being coddled like a child too well because I wrench away from him and turn on the showers.
"Hey…" He starts kissing my neck, "I've been here, okay? Don't be mad."
I let him suffer for a few more seconds before I hesitantly pull his arm, "Join me?"
Finally, he smiles. "Of course."
…Even though he's already taken a bath. Even though I just went off on him at ten in the fucking morning on a Saturday for no apparent reason other than a dream I refused to tell him about. Even though in another time, he would have called me a neurotic bitch and slammed the door as he left.
I was right. He had changed. He was also right in saying that it was the same for me.
I hold his face in my hands, watching as the water cascaded down his cheeks like tears. I remember thinking that whenever he brought a dark haired conquest that had my general attributes home, she is just a poor imitation of me.
But Selena… It led me to think. Was she an imitation of me or was I of her?
As he begins touching me, I resolve not to let it get to my head. I will not let it bother me.
But then again, maybe it's already too late.
Hello! I got pretty great feedback on my original story and I have another one up for review so I'm pretty psyched because of the first thing I said and pretty anxious on the second thing I mentioned. It's really different because they tend to chew me to bits so I'm always a nervous wreck when I post something to be read. It's okay. I learn a lot. Anyway, I just went here and caught up on my KS. Then I realized I really did miss it, so here it is. I'm not going to be able to work on this as quickly as I did before, but I'll try to update once in a while. Hurrah! Hahaha. :)
Hope y'all enjoyed this installment. Am I not sneaky for putting Selena and making you guys think it was real?
Oh, and be sure to check out my The Dead of Night by oneamsoundstage. It's pretty good. ;-D