Chapter Twenty-One
Steve, the only sober one left in the group, had to give the others credit. Especially Bruce. The scientist was sprinting through the hospital halls in a surprisingly coordinated manner while Tony, Clint, and Thor kept running into doors, stray gurneys, and unsuspecting nurses and doctors.
Less than twenty minutes ago, the boys had gotten a call from Pepper saying that Carter and Natasha had gone missing. About three minutes after that, they'd gotten a call from the hospital, saying that Carter had been stabbed and was currently being treated.
Bruce had freaked out (look at Steve, using his modern day lingo) when he'd heard that. Despite being pretty badly impaired (Tony's doing) he managed to get out of the strip club (a place that would forever make Steve shudder) in one piece, hail a cab, and give the driver the correct coordinates. While the others were too drunk to be impressed, Steve was actually very proud of his teammate. The fact that he had been shocked into being sober meant that there was still hope for people.
Steve leapt to the side to avoid a cart Thor had knocked over. "Sorry!" he shouted over his shoulder to the poor nurse who had to pick up the contents. Guilt flooded through him; he should really stop and try to help her pick up some of the contents.
Snap out of it, solider, he chided himself, quickening his pace to catch up with the others. One of your teammates is hurt - and that's your top priority.
Slowing to a stop, Steve frowned. He'd seen them round the corner, hadn't he? He glanced left and right, searching for any sign that a bunch of drunk and slightly desperate Avengers had come through here.
"Friend Rogers!" a deep voice boomed. Steve whirled around to see Thor gesturing to the door he was standing in. "She is in here. Hurry, we do not have much time to say our goodbyes."
Steve stopped, his insides going cold. "Wha - what?" Carter was dying? No, no this couldn't be happening. She's made it to the hospital; doctors today could fix anything, couldn't they?
"I'm not dying,Thor!" Carter shouted irritably from somewhere inside the room.
"Oh, thank God," the captain breathed. She was alive and feeling good enough to be angry with Thor for being stupid. That was a really good of the desperation replaced with relief, Steve walked through the door Thor was holding open for him.
Laying on the bed was Carter, glaring openly at Tony who was clutching Clint and sobbing.
"She's too young to go!" he cried. "Why? Whhhhhhy? She's too good, to good! Carter's the best friend I've ever had! You can't take her away from me!" Tony looked up and started shaking his fist at the ceiling. "You know what? You can't have her! I'm keeping her, do you hear me? Keeping her!"
Carter winced. "Bruce, please let go of my hands so I can face-palm."
The scientist, who was kneeling at her side, hand clutching hers, reluctantly nodded. As soon as she was free, Carter just shook her head and sunk into a sunk into a very sad face-palm. "Even though your drunk, I'm amazed by your stupidity."
"She's on her death bed, and she's insulting us," Clint muttered, swiping at tears that had formed in his eyes. "I want to remember her like this forever."
"Natasha, Steve, Logan," Carter pleaded. "You all seem sober. Could you please escort these three idiots out?"
Logan grinned and cracked his knuckles, eyeing Thor. "Gladly."
Just then, the doors burst open again. Lily, Jane, Pepper, and a frantic doctor rushed into the room, all of them speaking at once.
"Oh, my God are you OK?"
"You left! How could you just leave?"
"Please, ladies, we have a strict policy about the number of visito - "
"You hurt yourself! Oh, you idiot! I honestly can't take being your sister anymore! Every five minutes, I'm having a heart-attack!"
"To answer your questions." Carter readjusted herself in the bed, sitting up straight. "Yes, I'm fine. I left by way of the door, that's how. I really don't think they care about your policies. And I'm sorry to hear about your heart health, Lily."
Suddenly, Tony let out a wail and ran across the room, taking Pepper into a big bear-hug. "Oh, Pepper, she's dying! Oh, God, Pepper, don't ever leave me. I can't keep losing people like this!"
Poor Pepper squeaked and peered out around Tony's head. She looked helplessly at Steve. "I think he's squishing the baby."
Understanding the message, Steve crossed the room and plucked Tony from Pepper. Now, the captain had been expecting for Iron Man to fight back, so he was seriously surprised when Tony latched on to him and began crying into his shirt.
"How drunk are you guys?" Pepper asked incredulously, looking at a sobbing Tony, a trying-to-be-strong Clint, and a completely spaced out Thor with wide eyes.
"Probably very." Bruce groaned and rubbed his head. "My head is already starting to hurt."
"Get out!"
They all turned to face the doctor, who was shaking violently after his outburst. His face was bright red and contorted with anger. "Out! All of you! Ms. McIntyre, you are absolutely fine, all stitched up and healing. Please take your friends and vacate the premises. Immediately!"
After exchanging awkward glances, the Avengers and Co. headed out the door. Soon it was just Steve, an attached Tony, and Pepper left in the room with the upset doctor.
Pepper offered him an apologetic smile. "I'm very sorry about my husband's... outburst. He'll be sober in time for our sonogram tomorrow morning."
"You - you're the Starks?" His wide-eyes traveled from Pepper to Tony, and then back again. The poor man looked like he was about to have a heart-attack. "Are... are all of you going to be coming in tomorrow?"
"Oh, no! It'll just be Tony and I," Pepper laughed. Steve could tell by the way she was fidgeting that she was very uncomfortable with the situation, but was trying to make the most of it. "Just the two of us. Thank you, and see you in the morning."
The doctor nodded. "Yes. Goodbye, Mrs. Stark."
As Steve dragged Tony out of the room, he tried to smile at the doctor, but he was pretty sure that it came off as more of a grimace. "Nice meeting you, doctor."
The doctor grunted in response.
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
"I really wish you wouldn't wear your sunglasses in here," Pepper hissed.
After a delayed reaction, Tony turned to his wife, squinting in the light. Yeah, you knew things were rough when the light made your head hurt even with the sunglasses. Thor and Clint, the lucky bastards, seemed to have gotten off hangover free, but Tony and Bruce felt the pain.
At least Bruce gets to go be a hermit and hide that cave of a lab, Tony thought bitterly.
"Did you hear me, Tony?" Pepper looked really, really unhappy for some reason. "I wish you wouldn't wear those sunglasses."
"And I wish you wouldn't talk so loudly," he muttered, taking off the glasses anyways. If there was one thing he'd learned in the past month, it was this; when your pregnant wife asks you to do something, no matter how ridiculous the demand, you did it. End of discussion. Pepper wants a foot massage? Tony becomes a masseuse. Pepper wants homemade lasagna? Tony asks Loki (who is a surprisingly good chef) to make it, and then Tony passes it off as his own.
That was just how things worked in a relationship with a pregnant person. Pretty much like how compromises worked in a marriage. If one day, for whatever reason, Pepper wanted a puppy and Tony didn't want a puppy, they would compromise; they would get a puppy. But Tony would have get a say in what to name it. That was compromising.
Pepper breathed out a sigh of relief and sat back in the hospital bed. "Thank you."
"You know, you seem stressed," Tony noted, proud that he'd picked up on some of her emotions. "Why?"
"Tony," Pepper's voice trailed off, then she sighed again. "This is... this is really nerve-wracking. Maybe not for you, but for me. We're about to see our baby for the first time. About to hear it's little heartbeat, about to watch it move... It's just... I'm just feeling so many things right now. I created this life."
"I'm pretty sure I had something to do with it," the billionaire commented.
Pepper raised her arm to smack him, but before she could deliver the blow, the door opened and her arm dropped, making her seem a completely innocent wife, and not someone who was just about to commit domestic violence.
The doctor walked in, gave a completely uncalled far (at least, it was uncalled for in Tony's opinion; he couldn't remember ever having done anything to the guy) glare to Tony, and then walked over to Pepper. "How are you feeling today, Mrs. Stark? Manage catch some sleep after last night's wild events?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did, Dr. Burns." Pepper gave him a brilliant smile, a smile Tony loved. "Did you?"
The doctor shot Tony another hateful look. Jesus, he'd been in the room four, five seconds with Burns and already he'd been on the receiving end of two evil eyes. This guy and Fury should really get together and talk about how much they hate me for no real reason over brunch. "No."
Then, shaking his head, Burns looked back to Pepper. "Alright, Mrs. Stark. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to do an ultrasound, and put it up on screen for you and your husband to see. Now, would you and your husband like to know the gender of the baby?"
"Yes," Tony replied at the same time Pepper shook her head and said, "No, we want it to be a surprise."
Pepper and Tony exchanged looks. He wanted to know. He being left out of the loop; if some random doctor, who hated him, got to know what their baby was, then he got to know.
"Well, how about I right it down on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, and then you can decide later if you want to know, OK?"
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
"How was it, man?" Clint asked, clapping Tony on the shoulder. Maybe it was because he was still really hungover, but the archer's friend seemed... numb. Like he was doing stuff without really realizing what was happening.
Wide-eyed, Tony turned to stare at Clint. His brows contracted, and he cocked his head to the side. "It's really happening, Clint. I saw my kid today. I'm really gonna be a dad. I can't... I just can't wrap my head around it, you know? I can't imagine that I created something that amazing."
Well, to Clint that was just a bunch of sentimental mumbo-jumbo that meant absolutely nothing.
"Yeah, alright, cool. So, is it a boy? 'Cause Thor and I have have a bet going against Steve, Carter, and Bruce that's it's gonna be a boy."
"Here." Tony reached into his jacket and produced a bright yellow envelope. "Pepper and I aren't looking at it. The baby's gender is written in there."
"You haven't looked yet?" Clint asked, not believing what he was hearing. This was Tony Stark; the man always felt like he had to know everything.
Tony's shoulders slumped. "No," he said, all depressed. "I promised Pepper I wouldn't look."
"Well." Clint paused, then snatch the envelope from Tony's hands and grinned. "We didn't promise Pepper anything! Hey, guys! Come down here and get ready to pay up!"
Like he'd blown a dog whistle, the Avengers came bounding in from their various places; Steve from the gym, Carter and Thor from the TV room, and Bruce from his lab. Really, Clint had no idea how'd they managed to hear him.
"Oh, Jesus," Tony muttered, turning his back and covering his eyes. "I can't do this..."
Clint just smirked triumphantly at Tony, and then at the group of people surrounding him. As dramatically as he could, he slid his thumb underneath the seal.
"And the Oscar goes to..."
He pulled out the little sheet of paper that had been stuck inside the envelope.
None of them moved while they read what had been written.
Carter was the first to react, grinning evilly. "Boy," she shouted, turning to face Tony. The billionaire whirled around, eyes wide, chock on air. "This paper sure is a pretty color yellow," Carter finished, the grin growing wider. She turned back to the huddle when she was done.
Oh, Clint saw what she was doing. And by God, he was going to be a part of it.
"Guuuurrl," he said in his best ghetto chick voice. When Tony paled again, he add, "you must be so 'xcited 'bout that new Stark phone comin' out." To add to the act, he snapped his fingers in a 'z' formation before facing away from Tony again.
To everyone's surprise, it was Bruce who joined in next. "Twins... was the feel-good movie of 1988."
Of course, Thor went and killed it.
"Bisexual," the god chuckled, "is a fun word to say."
There was a pause before Bruce shook his head. "Thor, that word doesn't mean what you think it means."
"Of course it does! It means that you are both a man and a woman! My brother Loki can be bisexual!" He rolled his eyes at the scientist. "I believe I know exactly what I am talking about."
Bruce got this really pained look on his face (the look he got whenever he had to deal with really stupid people) and opened his mouth, but Tony cut him off with an anguished cry.
"God! I can't take it anymore! Give me that freaking piece of paper, Barton!" Tony lunged forward and tugged it out of Clint's hands, a completely deranged look on his face.
Tony brought the paper to his nose, eyes scanning it. Once. And again. And again and again, like he just couldn't make sense of that one word that the doctor written. Maybe Tony just couldn't make out that trade-mark bad handwriting all doctors had?
The little piece of paper fluttered to the floor, but Tony's hands remained frozen in place as if he was still holding it. "Oh my God." He looked up at them, eyes wide.
"I'm gonna have a little girl."