Disclaimer: I don't own Highschool DxD.

Struggling to Move Forward

"You do realize that we are here to work and not to play with you, don't you?" Was Saji's incredibly stupid remark.

"Are you Kaichou?" I asked indifferently as I made my move against Sona.

"No, what's that got to-"

"Then, shut up. The only one that can make me go away is Sona. And you don't see her doing that, do you?" I told him. He looked pretty pissed off. Sona was ignoring him as usual, so that didn't help either. She had given up 'educating' her Pawn some time ago. Apparently, he just wouldn't learn when it came to me. Both of us where baffled by the blonde Pawn's stubbornness. "I sometimes wonder why you were worth those four Pawns." I added absentmindedly.

"That's because of my Dragon-type Sacred Gear. Unlike someone else I have an actually worth gear, Absorption Line." He boasted and I looked at Sona. The President of the Student Council just sighed as I raised an eyebrow.

"You really are stupid." I said amused as I turned around. Everyone had turned to see and listen to the argument by now. Usually they found it amusing how the Pawn seemed to just hate me like I had killed his family or something, Yura's words not mine.

"And pray tell, why do you think that now?" He asked with his eyebrow twitching.

"You know we'll go to the Underworld soon, don't you?" I asked still with a smile on my face. He just nodded with an annoyed expression. "And you know that there will be Rating Games between young Devils, don't you?" He nodded again, still not getting it. "As in, Sona against Rias, for example." Another nod and I sighed. As amusing as it was to humiliate the guy, I pitied Sona at the same time. "As in, you just gave your opponent information about you." I said and his jaw fell.

"I think you broke him, Max-kun." Said Ruruko with her usual cheery voice. The guy had stood there frozen for a full minute. I just continued staring at him. That reaction was priceless.

While admiring my work of art named 'Broken Saji', I kept thinking. 'Dragon-type, that explains why I've been feeling a little too annoyed at the guy recently. Ascalon must be affecting me.' Which didn't make much sense to me. Issei had one of the ultimate Dragon-type Sacred Gears and I didn't hate him at all even after being chosen by Ascalon.

My theory was that I was just prone to be against Dragons and those with Dragon-type gears if they acted like the ones described by the Holy sword. 'Boasting their power, thinking themselves over everyone.' Ascalon wanted me to teach those their place. I wasn't against that all that much though. It was a pity that Sona wouldn't be happy if I tried to 'teach' Saji a thing or three.

"I would pity you, Sona." I commented turning around to see an annoyed Sitri girl glaring daggers at her Pawn. "But that information will be useful." She turned her glare at me. "Oh, sorry, should I have called you So-tan?" I asked amused. If glares could kill, I would have lost for at least three lives.

Sona just huffed and looked away before focusing again in the board as if the conversation between me and her Pawn hadn't happened at all.

"I seem to be doing better." I commented after she defeated me again, to no one's surprise. I had slowly but steadily started to last a bit longer though. At first, we would do ten or so matches during my visits. Lately we had reduced that number to between five and seven. Which wasn't much, but I still counted it as a personal victory.

"It does seem like it." She commented evenly and I shook my head. Her mask was as amusing as it was annoying.

"You could be happy and say it's good to actually have a challenge, you know?" I said rolling my eyes at her. "Unless you enjoy wiping the floor with me, which would explain a lot." I added raising an eyebrow, action that was mimicked by her.

"Can't it be both?" She said, her lips twitching trying to suppress a smirk. I just put my elbow on the desk and rested my head against my hand with an unamused expression. She finally smirked before adding. "It is good to have a challenge after so long. The last one to do so was Seekvaira." She commented.

"That name rings a bell somehow." I said furrowing my eyebrows.

"Seekvaira Agares, she will be on the Gathering." She explained and I nodded in understanding. The heiress of the Archduke. I hadn't gotten around remembering all their names, but I recognized some. Like Sairaorg Bael, the guy Azazel said could match Vali.

"I see. An old chess rival of yours?" I asked curious.

"You could say that." Replied Sona nodding and making her move.

"A pity I'm not better, I would like to play against her." I said moving a piece myself.

"You could, I'm sure that just as me she doesn't get to play often." She explained.

"I'll see about that. Rias said that there is going to be a dinner or something. So, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to that isn't in the peerage." I said and she raised an offended eyebrow. "I would go and talk to you Sona, but there's no need to publicly embarrass you." I said discreetly pointing at Saji behind me. After a second she gave me an appreciative nod.

[}-o-{]

"I know I wanted this to happen but…"

"I get what you mean." I told Kiryuu. "Just seeing them lose themselves in each other's eyes makes me want to smack Issei's head." We looked at each other and then at the couple again and shook our heads.

It had been two days since Issei had asked Asia on a date. It was happening that Saturday, just before we went to the Underworld, but that didn't stop either of them from being on cloud nine. Issei had a permanent grin in his face that had earned him the wrath of his perverted friends and Asia would randomly beam whenever something reminded her of Issei, which happened a lot more than it should.

"Now it's only a matter of time for you to end like that too." She commented.

"What do you mean?" I asked her confused. She turned to me with a disbelieving expression.

"You were always calling Issei an idiot. and you don't see it?" She asked and I just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Just think about how some girls interact with you." She said slowly as if she was talking with a little kid. "And tell me what you would think if it was someone that wasn't you. I know you aren't as stupid as Issei." She finished and turned again to the couple. I turned to the front too, putting my headphones on.

I thought about what she said.

Rias overall care about myself. She would also always listen to what I said and worry about my opinion more than those of others. She also seemed to want my attention and closeness more than the others. I was the only one that she insisted on being called just Rias instead of Buchou or Senpai. Not to mention that she was always annoyed when another girl payed special attention to me.

Which brings me to Akeno. She teased practically everyone when I first entered the group. Issei seemed to be a main target right next to me. I guessed Yuuto wasn't a target because he wasn't affected at all. But she had slowly left Issei alone too, either bored or something else. However, she continued teasing me. I first thought it was just because I didn't quite react but neither did Yuuto so… I didn't know. Didn't want to.

Then there was Koneko. The girl was as difficult to read as ever, always impassive, always with an even voice. But there were little details here and there. The fact that she always sat in the same couch as me, even though she seemed to hate sitting with anyone else. I had just thought that she was more comfortable with a silent one, just like her. But I had slowly opened to them and she continued there. She would also only show emotions around me. Like embarrassment when she didn't know how to swim, or worry when I had panicked in the karaoke, even happiness when I started buying her snacks and sweets, from the list she had given me.

There was even Sona, she would always brighten up when I went for a game and chat. It was visible, at least for me, even through her serious expression that she always wore. I didn't quite believe that no one wanted to play chess with her. Maybe she liked our talks? Maybe she was like Rias and didn't want to be seen as just the sister of Leviathan and heiress of House Sitri? I simply didn't know her reasons. Didn't want to.

All those thoughts roamed my head from that point on. It wasn't like I didn't see it. But… what was I supposed to do? I couldn't shake the fear off my head. They could leave… they could disappear…

"Always be happy, Max. Just do whatever makes you happy and everything will be fine."

'This isn't that easy, dad. If I screw up…'

"Don't you think that's why you are alone?"

'I know… I know but…'

Who do I turn to? And what do I do?

I'm looking for answers, the lies and the truth

I thought I knew better, but I don't know shit

It's gotta be out there, something better than this

I'm caught in the middle of life

Somewhere in the middle of love

Nothing's gonna change till I break these chains

And I tear down the wall

[}-o-{]

"I don't understand what's going on, Luna." I was sitting alone in my apartment. Gasper, Yuuto and Issei had just left after one of our hang outs at my place to play and talk. I had a cup of tea in front of me and the tigress was just lying in the table.

Her reply was a stare.

"Ok, that was stupid to say." I chuckled bitterly.

She continued staring.

"I just don't know what to do." I admitted. "I'm scared."

The little byakko cub stood up and nuzzled me.

"Easy for you to say." I said without any heat on my voice. "You won't be the one that has to take responsibility if everything goes wrong."

She looked up at me again.

"I like the group, Luna." I told the tigress. "I really like it here. It feels almost as good as-" I choked, and I could already feel tears forming on the corners of my eyes. "My point is… this is the best I've been since then. The best I've been since I moved and I lost my friends the first time, to be honest." I admitted. Luna just kept staring at me, I knew she was listening attentively.

She tilted her head.

"I'm saying that it's a problem."

She tilted her head to the other side.

"Because I don't want to lose what I have. I don't want to risk it."

She stared.

"I'm happy right now. I want to stay like this."

She meowed.

"So what? You want me to risk everything to be a happier?" She meowed again. "That's too large a gamble, Luna. And I'm too much of a coward." I said self-deprecatingly.

She nibbled my hand that was cupping the tea.

"It's true though. I'm scared. Too scared. No amount of telling myself to keep trying or reminding myself my father's words will do it this time. This is… too large a step."

She whimpered.

"I know. I know better than anyone. But I'm fine like this. I'll be fine."

The tigress continued lamenting for me. I could only look at her with the cup of tea in my hands.

"I wish I could be brave." I muttered. My voice barely audible. "But I'm a coward. And I'll live with it."

I brought the cup to my mouth and finished the infusion hearing Luna's sorrow. I stood up as I finished the drink and left the dinning room walking slowly to my room.

For the first time since Luna came into my life I slept alone.

[}-o-{]

I opened my eyes. I was sitting on the dinning room. A different one though.

"Here, enjoy, Maxwell." Said my mother, leaving a cup of tea in front of me. I looked at it and smiled.

"Thanks, mum." I said happily bringing the drink to my lips.

"Your friends should be here soon." She commented with a smile that would put the sun to shame any day. It never failed to bring one to me too.

"I know, I can't wait." And as I said that we heard a knock at the door. I grinned. "I'll go."

"Someone's excited." I heard behind me.

"You bet!" I shouted back as I opened the door.

There they stood. Rias, Akeno, Koneko, Gasper, Yuuto, Issei and Asia. Luna was in front of them all and instantly walked up to me rubbing her head on my legs.

"Welcome, guys! Come in!" I said practically pushing them inside and bouncing on my feet. They all had amused expressions on their faces. "Go to the sitting room, you know where it is." I told them. "I'll go get some drinks."

And like that I walked back to the dinning room which was on the way to the kitchen. I stopped just before setting foot on it. Everything looked darker. Strange. The windows where open and it was sunny outside. I shrugged.

"Mum, can you help me get some…" I stopped speaking as I came into the kitchen. It was empty. I tilted my head. "Mum?" I called. Looking around I saw something on the mirror. As I got near, I saw that there was my mother. Staring at my back. I turned around but there was nothing. "What the-" I froze as I turned back to the mirror.

My mother was closer to me. Still staring at the back of my head. She looked pale. Her hair was darker, it looked like it was dirty. Her eyes… Her eyes looked dull, lighter, almost completely white. The iris and pupil were barely there. I felt a lump on my throat. I turned around again but there was nobody there.

"Guys!" I called out while running to the sitting room. "Can one of you come with me for a…" I blanched. Everyone was standing. Looking at me from different directions. Paler, darker hair, dull eyes. My hands started shaking. I took a step back. "Guys?" I forced through my mouth nervously. Nobody moved, nobody gave a sign that they noticed.

I turned around. I had to get away.

I couldn't.

My mother was there.

If looking at her eyes through the mirror was frightening, then looking at them right in front of me was downright terrifying. I just stared at her for who knows how long. I felt my limbs growing colder, numbness crawling up my legs and arms, spreading through my body.

"They'll leave." My mother said. Except that wasn't her voice. I tried to move around her. But my father stood right beside her, looking much the same as her, as everyone. The rest of my family was blocking my way out.

"They'll leave." Said the voice again. And now I noticed. It was all of them. All were saying the same thing.

"We are all here." I said weakly.

"They'll leave." They repeated. "We'll leave." They corrected. And one by one they turned into a black mist. I tried to go to the door, to run away. But I couldn't feel my feet anymore, everything felt cold. I couldn't breathe.

The mist surrounded me. It kept spinning like a storm around me. Until everything was black. I didn't know if the mist had stopped moving or there was just so much mist and darkness, I didn't notice it was moving. I didn't even know if I was standing anymore. I couldn't feel my body.

I wanted to move.

I wanted to scream.

But I couldn't feel anything. At one point I started questioning if I was there at all. There was darkness and coldness. Nothing else.

Darkness and coldness.

"And you will be alone."

[}-o-{]

I sat up on my bed, sweat covered my body as if someone had thrown a bucket of water at me. My breathing was rough and forced, I could feel my throat practically closing.

I brought my knees to my chest and started rocking my body back and forth. 'It was a dream, a nightmare, nothing else.' I told myself. My limbs felt cold and numb. I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to prove to myself that I could move, that I could feel. I forced my breathing to be deep, I wanted to feel it.

I looked around and dread filled my body.

"LUNA!" I shouted standing up from my bed. And running out. The tigress appeared from a door and I ran at her, bringing her little body to a hug that would have killed anything short of the byakko she was. She squirmed and meowed in protest, but I didn't care, it was better that way. I needed to feel her. I needed to hear her.

"Don't leave me." I begged her and she stopped moving. After a second she started licking my chin. "Don't leave me." I repeated several times as she continued nuzzling and licking and rubbing me. I just kept hugging her like the lifeline she had become for me. "Don't leave." I sobbed.

I sat there, basking in the white tigress presence and crying my eyes out until the sun came out. I didn't know when I had woken up, so I didn't know how I was there. My hands still trembled and my breath as still unsteady. I stood up and got myself a cup of tea. Luna never stopped rubbing herself against my legs. I put on my headphones as I started with the drink.

Crawl out of the hole you're in

Who you are is not who you've been

Now's the time to sink or swim

Will you fight the tide or get lost within?

And I know you're feeling low

Feel like you've lost control

But the darkness that you know

It's not your home and you're not alone

"You will not leave me, will you?" I asked guiding my eyes, red from all the crying, to the little cub. She was lying on the table once more.

She nuzzled against my hand.

And all you've wanted was just so much more

This world has taken a hold

Don't let 'em get your soul

The silence

You feel it cold as a winter storm

This world has taken a hold

Don't let 'em get your soul

"Always be happy, Max. Just do whatever makes you happy and everything will be fine."

'I want to try. I'm tired of feeling alone. Will I be left alone… if I don't try? If I don't climb?'

The thought terrified me. I didn't want to move. I was alright where I was. But maybe they would leave, if I didn't. It was scary.

Iron bars are hell to break

Tell me now, do you know what's at stake?

Your whole life in a blank stare haze

You walk around like the end of days

And I know you're feeling low

Feel like you've lost control

But the darkness that you know

It's not your home and you're not alone

I had found a home, I thought as my gaze roamed around the apartment. It wasn't my home. My home had nothing to do with this place. My home was in a room inside an old school building. A room full of magic circles that looked like a sacrificial place for a cult. But it was my home.

I wasn't alone. The faces of everyone flashed in my mind. Their dead selves from my dream flashing alongside their normal ones. They wouldn't leave. I knew them. Luna confirmed it.

My gaze turned to the white tigress. She wouldn't leave. That dream was a lie. She would be there.

Luna would be there. Everyone would be there. Everywhere and always.

I'm callin' out to you

Can you hear me?

They can't break you down

Let you hit the ground

I promise you it won't be long

You're feeling overwhelmed here

Drowned by the pain and the fear

The sun will come with the dawn

'Keep trying. Keep climbing.' I thought to myself as the tiniest smile appeared in my face. I felt Luna patting my hand and when I turned to her, she licked it. 'I'm not alone.'

[}-o-{]

I entered the room, and everyone instantly stopped what they were doing. It was one of the only days that I had arrived later than everyone else.

"Good morning, everyone." I said.

"Good morning, young man." Azazel was the only one to greet me. He looked around confused.

"You can call me Max, just like everyone else." I said, my voice even and cold. "I guess I got used to it."

"Of course." The Governor said looking around still trying to get why everyone seemed so affected.

"You don't know it." I started and he turned to me. "I'm more broken than you think I am." He looked at me with something between curiosity, pity and concern. I wasn't sure which was worse. "When I joined, I wanted to kill myself." I told him simply. His eyes widened slightly. "I'm guessing they get flashbacks of that when I look like this." I signaled to myself. He nodded in understanding.

"Max, is every-"

"Yes, there's no need to call Sona this time." I interrupted Rias. She looked unsure. Luna rubbed herself on my leg. I walked up to the crimson-haired girl's desk and sat in front of her. "Could you find me a place to live?" I asked looking down.

"I thought you had an apartment." She said confused.

"I-" My voice cracked. "I don't want to stay there. My aunt gave that place to me out of pity and sense of responsibility. I don't want to stay there. There are all my memories of the darkness and coldness that followed my family's death." I explained. "All my memories of wanting to die. I want to leave all that behind." I hadn't lifted my eyes from the ground at all during the speech. "I need to start over. You can take all the money I earn from my contracts. I can work more. I will work myself to the ground if I must. But I have to get away from there."

Silence filled the room. I tried to keep my mind from wondering and focused on Luna that was walking around and rubbing on my legs. Every now and then she would stop and stare at me with those sky-blue eyes. I could feel them warming my heart each time.

"Of course." Rias replied simply. I looked up and locked eyes with her.

"Thank you." I think I was able to pass the message that I really meant it. Her eyes seemed to tear up a little. "Rias." I continued. "I will never be able to repay you what you've done for me since you made me your Knight. But I sure as hell will try." I stood and turned to everyone else. "Same for everyone else."

"Max." Issei said instantly, he gave me a smile and a thumbs up. "We are even." And I saw his eyes glace towards Asia. I nodded with a small smile.

"Same here." Yuuto said with his usual polite smile. He got the same answer from me.

"Does that mean I can ask for another love song~." Akeno teased. I locked eyes with her, my expression hadn't changed.

"Whatever you want." She froze. Her teasing smile vanished, replaced by a serious expression.

"Be there." She whispered from besides Rias's desk so only I heard her. I send another nod at her.

"I'll go talk with Gasper before school starts." And with that I left.

"Always be happy, Max. Just do whatever makes you happy and everything will be fine."

'Keep trying.'

"Don't you think that's why you are alone?"

'Keep climbing.'

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How's it going?

If you are interested in the songs, they're Tear Down the Wall by Art of Dying and Lost Within by Fivefold.

Well, those of you who follow The Mind Dweller already know, but I'll be away for a month or so. I'll try to find a way to publish but I don't make any promises. What probably will happen is that I'll write in the meantime, so I'll be able to publish a lot when I come back. Or that should be the case. Considering that I slowed the pace a lot recently and that I will be busy over there I can't promise anything in that front either.

With that out of the way, these chapters, the ones filled with emotional stuff, are a struggle in and of themselves. I always get worried that I'm going too far or that I don't go far enough. I even wonder if what I write makes any sense.

Question: I have gotten reviews from both fronts for this, so I was wondering: Am I writing too much emotional struggle or am I not writing enough or appropriately? I don't think answers will affect my writing too much but I'm curious.

As always, I hope you liked the chapter. Whatever your opinion of my work is, please feel free to leave it in a review.

See you.