A/N: A warm welcome to zenstarrflower for their follow. As well, a big thank you to fantasy-elf and Arianna Le Fay for their reviews! My apologies for the delay in posting. Please enjoy reading.
Han sat on the edge of the Millenium Falcon, watching the Resistance members hustle around the flight deck. Occasionally they would glance at him and his ship, in awe of the ship and it's infamous owner. He ignored them, instead watching the pilots work on their ships. While they employed mechanics, most pilots learned the ins and outs of their own ship. Some became very attached to them. Han's hand patted the panel he sat on, knowing the feeling.
He watched Poe Dameron called out to a pilot next to him. They were working on their respective x-wings, both the T-70s series. Poe was fixing up his wiring while the other pilot was repainting his, adding a picture of a poorly drawn General Hux with a red x crossing over him near the nose of the ship. Poe noticed this and chuckled, gesturing at the picture.
Luke had never painted pictures on his x-wing, Han thought suddenly. But then again, he didn't use it much after the Galactic Empire fell. He was too busy.
He frowned, running his hand on the panel still, as he looked down at the hull of the Falcon. He hadn't drawn on his own ship either. It never really occurred to him to do so. Though, when he was small, Ben had finger painted the seats in the main area. Han had never figured out how he had gotten the paints inside without anyone noticing…
He cleared his throat and struggled to his feet, his leg aching with pain as he stood. He rubbed at it, wincing, before making his way off the ship. The railing he had crashed into had saved his life, piercing his leg as he crashed into it, and remained stuck as he gripped the metal with hands slick with blood and sweat. The metal was still stuck inside him, paining him to this day, burning him from the inside out. He refused to speak about it, simply letting the pain remind him everyday of his faults. It was his own penance in a way.
Sometimes he had dreams at night remembering that moment. The uncontrolled push, the fall, metal bending and snapping under him, and the agony that followed. He'd wake with sweat covering him, but he slept alone and there was no one to see the tears on his face when he awoke.
Alone. It was better that way.
"This place looks terrible. I don't understand why we still have Porgs nesting in here," he said sourly, walking into the main room. Chewbacca was seated at the chessboard, staring down at the pieces that were walking around. A small round Porg was standing on the seat at the other side of the board, straining to see the pieces.
Not completely alone though.
Chewbacca growled softly at him, but stayed focused on the game board. He didn't make any effort to move the pieces, only staring at the unfinished game before him.
Han shrugged. "I don't know why you're playing. That thing hasn't been touched in decades I'm sure. Besides you beat everyone you play against-" Chewie's eyes looked up at him. His blue eyes were sad as he contemplated Han before turning back to the board. He didn't speak further, staring at the animated figures.
Han felt his chest ache as he looked at the scene before him. That small Porg, trying to see what was happening on the game, could easily be Ben, trying to learn from Chewie how to play. The Wookiee had always let him win. Always.
Leia was contemplating the reports in front of her when there was a soft knock at the door to her chambers. She put her tablet away and greeted the knocker, inviting them in. Ashe pushed the door open, peering inside before stepping inside and shutting the door.
"It's just you and I," Leia sai, watching Ashe look around the room. "I thought that we should speak before you go on your first mission."
"My first mission?" Ashe asked, raising pale brows in question.
"Your first mission, as a Jedi," Leia clarified, inviting Ashe to sit. The woman settled in a chair on the other side of the desk. "Your station is new to you, and some of the responsibilities have not yet been clarified."
"I assumed my responsibilities would mostly consist of myself fighting our enemies," Ashe said lowly, sitting back in her chair.
"While true, you are now a symbol of the resistance," Leia said. "People will look to you for guidance and strength, simply because you have the Force. It has been that way for centuries, and in this time of war that is unlikely to change." Leia turned over the tablet in her hands, licking her suddenly dry lips. "Your observations were apt in our last meeting," she said finally, her hands tightening their grip on the tablet. "However, you must tread lightly. Those who may look on you fondly now can turn on you suddenly. Many do not understand the Force. Many more are simply frightened of it because of the atrocities that have been committed with it. Outbursts are not tolerated."
Ashe's brows snapped together at her words, and Leia watched her mouth tighten. She remained silent for a moment. "If I am so terrifying-" she began to say.
Leia held up a hand, stopping her. She had tolerated Ashe's sullenness for some time, giving her time to see her own potential, but the time for careful handling had to come to an end. This was war, and Ashe was now a player in it. She needed to know her place. "Understand what you can do," she said to her. "Not just with your abilities, but your presence. People will look to you and you will have to lead them."
"I… understand what you are saying, but I am not a leader," Ashe said, crossing her arms. Leia frowned at her, raising her brown brows. Ashe determinedly returned her gaze before looking away. "But I will try to do my best," she said finally.
"Good," Leia said briskly. "Now, your training will be on the field unfortunately. We do not have… a master for you to train under. You may join us in the mess hall for our meditation. It can help to clear the mind and fortify your mental defences." Despite preparing her words, she only stumbled once. Luke's turn on the Resistance was still raw, even a few weeks later.
Ashe's gaze snapped up to look at her and Leia met her gaze coolly. She had been informed that Ashe had been captured and, based on reports, the First Order used the Knights of Ren to forcibly tear information from the minds of their enemies, as well as their allies. She had a feeling that Ashe had already been subjected to that type of interrogation, especially considering her reaction now.
"Eventually you will learn many things about our efforts. We must take care that this information does not end up in the First Order's hands," Leia continued. "And this…" Leia opened a drawer in her desk, taking out Luke's lightsaber. She placed in on the desk, within easy reach of Ashe. "This now belongs to you. Take it and use it wisely."
Ashe stared down at the weapon with an intense focus. Leia watched her, waiting. Her hesitation troubled Leia, but the woman eventually reached out, her hand faintly trembling as she grasped the lightsaber.
"Welcome to the Resistance," Leia said, folding her hands together, hoping she would not regret this.
"When will you be back?" Finn leaned against the side of the x-wing, watching Poe make his final checks on the craft. BB-8 rolled around him, seemingly too busy to give him a friendly bump on the legs.
Poe shrugged, slamming a panel shut and twisting the locking mechanism to secure it. "Not sure. Depends on how long it takes the First Order to notice us making a ruckus," he said.
"As if anyone could ignore you," snorted Wexley, the pilot of the x-wing next to them. "Did Paige install the comm jammer on your rig yet?"
Finn watched Poe smiled and nod before patting a small flashing sensor on the nose of his ship. A small antenna was attached. "She installed it last night."
Wexley and Poe began to compare the technical specs of the various additions they wanted for their ships as Finn watched them. He had hoped he could talk to Poe alone, but it seemed he was too busy for idle conversation. BB-8 wasn't much better. Ashe was off in her own world, hardly responding when Finn spoke with her. Ever since she had decided to join the Resistance, Finn felt further from her than he ever had before. He felt alone.
"It's a shame you can't fly with us," Wexley said, nodding at Finn.
"I'm a nervous flyer," Finn said, grinning nervously.
"You're a good gunner though," Poe commented. "You should have requested to fly with the bombers as defense."
"Maybe," Finn responded, non-committedly. He didn't really like the idea of fighting again so soon, though he found himself itching for something, anything to do at times. "I think I'll hold down the fort here though."
Wexley shrugged, disinterested. Poe patted the x-wing and began to haul himself up the ladder as BB-8 was lifted into position. "Well, next time, right buddy?" he asked him. Finn nodded, a forced smile on his face. Poe appeared not to notice and gave him a thumbs up before pulling down the top of the x-wing. Finn began to make his way to the edge of the flight deck as the announcement for take off began to read.
Two squads of x-wings and a bomber were going to the sector of D'Qar where they'd cause enough havoc to draw the First Order's attention. Finn watched them take off and fly into the atmosphere before the next announcement began. He caught a glimpse of Ashe following a squad up the ramp of a ship before she disappeared inside and the ramp shut.
She was going off on a raiding mission, something he had gleaned from eavesdropping on his transporter squad's conversation. Ashe hadn't mentioned it him. They'd hardly spent any time together in the last week. Now she was leaving too.
Finn watched the ship take off and disappear into space, feeling very much alone.
Ashe sat on the edge of her seat, staring down at the blaster in her hand. The squad had left her to her own devices, having various duties on the ship that they needed to attend to. This left her alone with her thoughts. At the moment, she hated that. She hated being alone, isolated. It was her own damn fault, she thought bitterly. Perhaps if she had accepted what the others had been saying about her at first, she wouldn't have cut herself off from the Resistance and thus them from her.
She sighed and leaned back, holstering the blaster. It was not in her nature to have others dictate her actions. It had been, a while ago, when she still lived at him. She was obedient, though still headstrong, as he her mother once called her. Now though, in her years of wandering, she had isolated herself, building up walls and keeping others out. That was something she regretted as she looked over her actions from the last few years. It was arrogance, she had decided, born from feeling superior to those under the New Republic. She was from an Independent system, unbound from the stifling bureaucrats and their shenanigans.
However, now she had a chance to change, to go back to her roots. Helping because she wanted to, not because others were telling her to. Though, in this very instant, she was helping because she had been ordered to, but she had made the decision to help the Resistance so, in a way, it was still her own choice. It was a petulant thought but she accepted it.
Ashe stood and offered to move some equipment a recruit was struggling with. They accepted her help and stood back to allow her to cut in. She felt their eyes rest briefly on the weapon that swung from her hip - the lightsaber. She had strapped it to her belt, feeling the weapon hang heavily. So unused to having it on her person, she had almost forgotten it. She hadn't even ignited it since it had come into her possession again, feeling uncomfortable with it. She had mastered lifting small rocks, but it would take time to begin using the Force consciously as a weapon.
Hauling the boxes into the darkened storage room, Ashe found the sounds around her were quiet. Too quiet. The chatter of the crew had faded away to almost nothing and the sounds of the ship around her were faint. She could only hear herself.
And another.
The hairs on the back of her neck pricked and Ashe turned rapidly, dropping the box she held. At the thump of the box against the floor, the dark haired figure looked up and turned, his brows furrowing in surprise at the sight of her.
Ashe silently cursed the tricky Force abilities she seemed to be cursed with. It wasn't enough that she had to serve as some sort of figurehead for the Resistance, but now she had to deal with Kylo rooting around in her mind. That was simply the last thing she needed.
"You can see me, can't you? I can see you, but nothing else…" Kylo was speaking, apparently examining the situation in front of him. Ashe felt her face pull into a glare. "You can see me then."
"I think you should leave," she said sourly.
"Can I?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her. "I didn't do this and you're not strong enough to even attempt-"
"I'm not doing anything," she snapped in frustration. His cold, analytical gaze was irritating her. It was no different than the way she had been looked at on the Lah'mu base. Except Kylo didn't look at her with that flash of fear that seemed to accompany everyone.
"Though, if we're able to connect through such a far distance, assuming you are far away?" Kylo raised an eyebrow at her but she remained silent, not entirely sure where she was in the universe at the moment. "Then the Force is connecting us somehow, for some reason."
"We are not connected by the Force!"
He smirked faintly, looking amused by her outburst. This irritated her further and she chucked a small box that was nearby at him.
Ashe stared at him as he flinched as the box sailed towards and through him, landing with a clatter behind him. He looked up at, staring at her in shock and irritation at the audacity.
She pointed at him, "You're not here, and I don't talk to people who aren't here," she said. "I am not connected with you with any kind of bond, so don't even delude yourself into thinking that. Stay out of my head," she added before turning on her heel and leaving the storage room, leaving an annoyed looking Kylo Ren behind.
She was cursing herself. She should have blasted him, or even swung the lightsaber at him, she thought, suddenly recalling the weapon at her hip. "Is everything okay? I heard something fall," the recruit asked, peering around the crate they were holding in front of her.
"Something fell," Ashe said, hiding her irritation.
The recruit shrugged before gesturing to the door. "Do you mind…?"
"Oh." She hesitated before opening the storage door. Before she moved to let the recruit inside, she peered around the room. No sign of him. For now, she added bitterly.