Interlude:
The moon shines dimly on the sleepy streets of Konohagakure no Sato. Clouded sky, tired earth, still wind, and stagnant waters. Such was the night of the village hidden in the leaves. An existence sustained only by the eternal, unquenchable, Will of Fire.
Casually, with neither needless haste nor hesitation, a lone figure walks down the streets of Konoha. Ignoring the silent patrols of the shinobi on guard, and ignored in return, he makes his way to the flat, rectangular structure of the Konoha Hospital.
Completely relaxed, as if intimately familiar with this place of death and healing, the figure made his way through the halls and corridors. Taking a strange path, full of twists and turns, as might be expected from one of his character, he weaves way through the building. Crossing, and yet never intercepting the paths made by the caretakers, the figure steadily approaches his goal.
Room 208.
He was greeted by a flash of steel, a whisper of death, a touch of destruction, and, deadliest of them all, a faint fragrance of apples.
"Really now…" The man intoned as the four masked guardians collapsed around him, "I do believe I am being underestimated."
Deftly, though without any indication of urgency, the man bearing the headband of the musical note returned the unmoving bodies to their previous stations. With the air of a composer improvising a fugue of eight voices, he retrieves from his vest a brush, an inkwell, and four slips of paper. More valuable, by weight, than the purest gold, the four identical slips serve as canvas to only the most delicate sealing techniques.
…
His improvised masterpieces complete, the figure placed a seal on the mask of each of the comatose guards. "Hmm…" He began to no one in particular, not the ANBU he easily defeated, not the boy named Uchiha Sasuke lying on the lone bed in the room, "It is not my habit to make use of untested tools, but steel can be tempered, and the body trained. …Living Corpse Reincarnation."
…
"Now then…" The body that was Uchiha Sasuke began, "Let us see the full depths of this… Will of Fire."
The boy-who-is-not sealed away the body that once introduced itself as Yashagoro, before casually handing the scroll to one of the interns of the hospital. "I trust a week should be more than sufficient to track down my old colleague?" The boy asked the male wearing the symbol of the leaf.
"Of course," The bespectacled medic-nin replied, "Leave it to me, Lord Orochimaru."
"You'd best get to it then," The boy returned to his bed, "You have my full trust… Kabuto." With a casual wave, the leaf-nin departed.
After moving into the posture originally held by the boy during his entrance, Orochimaru snapped his fingers, igniting the paper strips, activating the seals and reducing the base to invisible ashes.
The four guarding the boy woke with a start, with no memory of what just transpired.
Dawn of the Third Day:
"Come on Hikari," Boss knocked on the door impatiently, "I want to make it to the hospital before they let Sasuke out, knowing him, we probably won't see each other again until we face off a month from now."
"Alright, alright," I held up my hands in resignation, "Though that reminds me, there's someone I want you to meet today, so let's go looking for him afterwards." I added as I paused the anime I was watching.
"Hmm, do I know him?" Boss asked as he locked the door after me.
I shrugged, "Maybe?"
"Can I buy a vowel?"
"Nope," I gave a negative shake of my head, "It's probably best that you meet him without any preconceptions."
He shrugged, "Alright, I guess."
"So where's Sasuke's room!?" Boss shouted as he walked up to the reception counter.
"Uchiha-sama is not being allowed visitors right now." Was the receptionist's professional reply.
"What the hell!?" Boss shouted, "I thought hospitals were supposed to make people better! And he was fine when I last saw him!"
"Quite down Naruto," Hatake's voice preceded him as he wandered out from one of the hallways, "You're in a hospital."
"Oh!" Boss turned his attention towards him, "Kakashi-sensei! Do you know what happened to Sasuke?"
"He's fine," Hatake waved boss off, "So don't you think you should be training? The tournament's only a month from now."
Boss shrugged, "And are you willing to teach me incredibly flashy and chakra consuming techniques? Because she's" Boss nodded towards me, "Got efficient and deadly covered already."
"Not that he's willing to use them," I interjected, "But he does know how to do what 'I' can do."
"Basics first Naruto," Hatake shook his head, "I'll admit you're probably far above average in terms of Ninjutsu, but your Taijutsu, weapons use, and Genjutsu abilities are all subpar." He nodded to himself before continuing, "So I called in a favor to have someone help you with exactly those basics."
"Indeed," A fourth voice joined the conversation, "As someone who's promoted to special-Jonin on the basis of my teaching abilities alone, I have full confidence in my teaching abilities." Ebisu concluded while pushing up his sunglasses.
"…"
"…"
"For the record," Boss turned towards the special-Jonin, "Are we just going to pretend that 'thing' where I handed you your ass never happened?"
"Yes." Ebisu and I answered simultaneously.
Taking notice of my for the first time, the special-Jonin took a surprised step backwards after noticing my appearance. "Not a word," I cut him off before he could begin speaking, "I'm… aware… of how you lost, and things will become decidedly… unpleasant… for you unless you forget about it."
Lacking interest in continuing the conversation, I left to take a short walk around hospital while boss and Ebisu hammered out a training schedule for the month. Hmm… it looks like the zinnias are especially beautiful this year.
…
"Then I'll see you next Tuesday at eight," Ebisu said as he waved boss goodbye, "Central Square, don't forget."
"Everything finished?" I asked boss after he waved the special-Jonin off, "Let's go get some breakfast."
"Uh, sure," Boss agreed before sighing, "Well that was a bust… Apparently there was something odd with the Cursed Seal, so they're going to keep Sasuke for another week of 'observation.'"
"Come on," I dragged boss with me by pulling on his hand, "I know a good place to get some roasted pastries." Strictly speaking, 'shaobing,' or '烧饼' isn't something that exists in the Japanese language, but this isn't 1984 and so lacking the words doesn't annihilate the thought. "The salted ones go great with soy milk." I gave him a carefree smile.
"So…" Boss began as he gulped down some more soy milk, "Why do you want me to meet this guy anyway? Who, might I remind you, you still refuse to describe for me."
"Well," I shrugged as I bit into the savory pastry, "If you're that curious, I'll indulge you a little." After casually dusting myself off, I stood up, pastry still in hand, and motioned for boss to follow me before walking in a direction of someone more than human.
"A hero who mastered toad magic, an apprentice long gone mad, and a princess of the slugs." I began after boss caught up with me, "Sounds like a pretty typical fairytale, doesn't it? The hero marries the princess, and together they defeat the snake magic crazed apprentice. And everyone lives happily ever after… Except for the villain, of course, but who cares about them?" I smiled, bittersweet.
"So… uh, which one of the three are we meeting?" Boss asked after taking a sip of soy milk from his Styrofoam cup.
"I'll give you a hint," I told him as we walked to a… bathhouse? "The story was called… 'The Tale of the Gallant Jiraiya.'" I deliberately made my voice carry as I said the last bit, prompting a certain white haired sage to turn his head from the fence to make a hushing gesture towards us.
"…This pervert is one of the 'Densetsu no Sannin?'" Boss asked as he pointed at him. Clearly having noticed the fact that he was peaking through a circular hole in the fence of the female side of the bathhouse.
"Keep it down, brats. How are you gonna repay me if I get caught?" The Sannin moved away from the fence before continuing, "But yes," He began after summoning a toad, "Undefeated in the East, feared in the West, victorious in the North, and famous in the South. I am indeed JIRAIYA, the toad sage of Mount Myoboku, the greatest of the Three Legendary Shinobi, the illustrious author of Icha Icha Series, and super pervert beyond compare. YOU STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF A MAN AMONG MEN!" He struck a pose after yelling loud enough for the entire village to hear, clearly having forgotten the fact that he didn't want to be caught.
"…And you wanted me to meet him why?" Boss asked while hiding his face with one of his hands.
"I, uh, didn't read his more perverted works," I replied, "Just the sealing stuff, since one of the Sannin put another seal on you, I figured another one could take it off."
"And why would I spend some of my valuable time for a snot nosed brat?" Jiraiya asked us, "Though I might reconsider if you'll agree to model for me." He gave me a lecherous grin.
"Because I do know a way to remove the seal, but unless you know of a baby Uzumaki lying around, and someone who knows the Shiki Fuujin," I grinned, "The side effect of releasing a pissed off Nine-Tailed Fox would be somewhat disastrous, don't you think?" I mean, he'd probably stop after burning half the village to the ground, since such a situation wouldn't contractually oblige him to raze the entire village. But most of the civilians and some of the weaker shinobi would probably die from just his killing intent.
"Don't even joke about that, girlie. Someone might get the idea to execute you for breaking the Third's Law," The Sannin replied, completely serious, "But I guess I'll take a look for you. Can't have an amateur messing with my dead student's masterpiece, now can I?" He turned towards boss.
"Take off that jacket and the T-shirt you wearing, and then channel some chakra, kid," Jiraiya ordered boss, "I'll see what I can do."
…
"Hmm… didn't know the old snake was working on more sealing research… After all this time too, though the modifications on seal have an obviously different signature," He scratched his face while musing, "Well, it looks like the third layer is designed to fall apart on its own once the Five Elements Seal is removed, so I'll go ahead and do that now." The Sannin prompted boss to raise his hands in the air before jabbing him in the stomach.)
Huh, I'm strangely tempted to make a Batman joke for some reason. Oh well, you alright in there? (…) I'll take that as a no… Can you tell me what the problem is? I can't fix it if I don't know what it is you know, except by accident. (Shouldn't you… dislike me?) …Is this about the thing at the boutique? I'll apologize for that, and I'll take back what I said. So, err, I'm sorry? (…That's not what I meant. But... Thank you.)
Hmm… I wonder if there's some kind of record for longest parenthetical statement.
"So does she usually collapse like this?" Was the first thing I heard after processing the rush of new memories. (Less than three days, so shouldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes.)
"Yes and no," I replied as I stood up, "Now, if there are no further concerns, I believe we have taken enough of your time." I nodded towards the Sannin and turned around to leave.
"Hang on kiddies," Jiraiya easily stepped in front of me and boss, "I did you two a favor, so don't you think you ought to do something for me in return?"
I narrowed my eyes, (not that he could he the one under the eye-patch, but whatever,) "I believe there's a term for what transpired earlier. Let me look it up," I summoned a dictionary and pretended to leaf through it, "Oh here it is, extortion. You caved, so we owe you a sum between positive and negative zero." Shinobi morals, got to love them. Boss frowned at this exchange, however, and motioned for me to stop.
"Well I guess I do owe you a favor for this," Boss nodded seriously, managing to hold the expression for almost fifteen seconds before grinning, "So would you like me to punch you in the gut now or later? That is how reciprocity works right?"
"Kids these days…" The Sannin muttered under his breath, "Nothing like that. you're in the final stage of the Chunin Exams, correct?" Boss nodded, "And fighting against the 'Last Uchiha?'" Another nod from boss, "Good. Look kid," He leaned down, as if divulging a state secret, "I've got good money riding on you, so why don't you let me train you for the month until the tournament?"
"Uh… sure." Boss answered, "It still sounds like you'd be doing me a favor though."
"Well, there's a condition, naturally," Jiraiya nodded seriously, "I'll need your girlfriend around for, ahem, research purposes."
… (…) And the pedophile count of the Three Legendary Shinobi is now two for three. (Given that you haven't met the third one yet… I wonder if this is karma for your character assassination thing two weeks ago?)
"Pardon?" Boss asked.
"It's nothing major," The second white haired pervert I've met elaborated, "My condition is for her to accompany you when we're training. That's it."
"Uh," Boss gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged and nodded in response, though not without gesturing towards the academy to remind him I'd be busy during the weekdays. "Sure. When're you going to be free? I'm already booked Tuesdays and Thursdays. And Hikari's going to be busy working at the academy."
"I'll come pick you up tomorrow then, since I need time to get some stuff ready." He said his bit before disappearing in a Shunshin. (Back to peeking at one of the bathhouses, if his chakra signature is any indication.) …Why would you think I needed to know that.
"Oh hey, peaches," Boss remarked as he bagged some nectarines that caught his interest, "Forgot they were in season right now."
"That's nice," I responded absently as I put a bag of carrots in the shopping cart, "I feel like curry today, is that fine?"
"Sure, let me buy the curry cubes though." Boss added with a grimace, "I have no idea how you manage to always pick the spiciest ones. There's something seriously wrong when the instant curry labeled mild that you picked up ends up spicier than the extra hot curries normal people make." Well, it's more because of the peppers I added afterwards, but he doesn't need to know that.
"Killjoy." I smirked. "Well… mild is also good once in a while."
Leaving boss to go get the curry cubes, I gathered up the rest of the ingredients for curry rice. (Aren't you going to pick up some apples?) For the curry? (Yes.) Why would I do that? The orange apples taste worse than the red apples, and that's just blasphemy. Orange has to be the best, it's the law. (Even though they taste alright regardless?) Of course they taste alright, they're orange. (…)
"What's with the giant stack of mixed congee?" I asked boss as he returned, I think the stack of cans is actually taller than he is, "Nothing against it, but why buy so much at once?"
"It's on sale," Boss explained as he dumped the cans, and the lone carton of curry cubes, into the shopping cart, "They last practically forever, so I figured we might as well buy enough to last until the next sale."
"Alright."
"Hey, hey," Kiba's voice sounded from my left, "Bit of an odd place for a date, don't cha' think?"
"Hey Akamaru, Kiba," I tossed the former a biscuit, "What makes you think this is a date?"
"No guy would spend time shopping without a good reason." Akamaru's human stated seriously, "Trust me, I'm only here because the other alternative was being worked raw by my ma an' sis."
"And buying food, something that most people need to, you know, live, doesn't count as a good reason?" Boss asked Kiba.
"If you were alone, maybe," Kiba shrugged, causing Akamaru to hang tightly on to his jacket so as not to fall down, "But you're with a girl, so I'm assuming it's a date until proven otherwise."
"There's something wrong with that statement," I remarked, "Though I can't quite put my finger on what."
"Eh," Kiba gave a nonchalant wave, "Not important anyway. Anyway, you're up against Sasuke, right? Give him a bloody nose for me." The Inuzuka made a face, "You have no idea how pervasive his fan-club is. Even some of the civilians are part of it!" He shook his head before continuing, "Truckloads of girls throwing themselves at his feet and he doesn't even give them the time of day..."
"I'll see what I can do," Boss grinned, "Good luck against Lee by the way. He kicked Sasuke's ass, so if you win against Lee, it would be like indirectly kicking Sasuke's butt."
"Mr. Prodigy actually lost a fight?" Kiba whistled, "When'd that happen?"
"Bushy Brows called him out right before we got to the room for the First Exam," Boss shrugged, "It was awesome. Apparently his teacher is a talking turtle."
"Seriously?"
"Oh, wait, no." Boss shook his head, "I think the turtle is one of his Jonin-sensei's summons. Lee's sensei is basically a grown-up version of him. It's kinda eerie actually."
"Huh… So got any tips for me? For the fight, you know." Kiba asked as he easily stepped out of the way of a passing shopper.
Boss shrugged, "The only thing I can tell you is that Lee's way fast, fast and strong. He's fast enough that even with Sasuke's Sharingan active he still couldn't keep up." Boss made a pained expression, "And I know he's strong because he almost broke my face when he kicked it. In retrospect, rushing at the Taijutsu expert like a moron wasn't such a good idea." (You can't see it, but I'm imagining myself doing a facepalm right now.) I decline to comment.
"…My fight's gonna suck, isn't it."
"I don't think so," Boss remarked, "Lee seemed like a pretty nice guy, he actually apologized after beating the crap out of me and Sasuke. So it's not like he's going to hurt you too badly."
"Please Naruto," Kiba smirked, and Akamaru barked, "When I said it's gonna suck, all I meant was that I'd have to try a little. A Taijutsu showdown is right up my alley. Although… are you gonna be free this month? I know you have your own training to do, but if you're free, wonna spar a couple a' times?"
Boss nodded, "Sure, you free the day after tomorrow?"
"That's fine, one o' clock at the old playground sound fine to you?" He asked as all three of us moved into a nearby aisle to avoid an Akimichi and his overstuffed shopping cart.
"Yeah."
"Wait," Boss perked up after watching a Thunder Mage annihilate a Fire Sage, "Since when does thunder beat fire?"
"Fire Emblem only has three types of Elemental Magic, so water and earth doesn't exist." I paused to eat another spoonful of curry, "So they probably just skipped the other two elements."
"But there's ground, like, everywhere!" Boss pointed vigorously, somehow managing to avoid spilling any of the curry onto the bed sheets, "And there's a lake right there. Some of the dragon-riders are even fighting over it!"
I shrugged, "They also use Ninjutsu by reading words off a book or something. It's an anime, it's not supposed to be realistic."
"Then why keep the other elements at all!? It would be less jarring if they just used made up elements to start with, so I wouldn't try to apply logic to it."
"We can always watch something else, you know," I frowned slightly before reaching for the remote.
"No, I mean, I still like it." Boss made a couple of wild gestures which I have no idea how to interpret, "It's one of my favorite animes, in fact. The elements thing isn't really that big a deal."
I shrugged before putting the remote back on the nightstand. "Alright then."