Chapter 21

"I'll see you at home." Derek said opening Meredith's car door for her.

"I'll see you at home." Meredith repeated smiling softly at Derek.

Meredith drove down the road and turned into her street, closely followed by Derek. In her rear-view mirror she saw a break glimpse of Derek's car loosing control and sliding towards the sidewalk, screeching to a halt.

"Oh my god…" Meredith parked her car along the side of the road and ran over to Derek.

"Derek?" Meredith frantically opened his car door.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" Meredith asked tears prickling the back of her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I don't know what happened… It's pretty slippery I guess…"

Meredith whacked Derek's arm and glared at him angrily.

"Hey!" Derek protested, trying to shield himself from Meredith's violent hits.

"Don't. You. Dare. Do. That. Again." Meredith said in between hits

"You scared the crap out of me." Meredith said finally stopping the vicious attack.

"Geez Meredith, you killed my arm there." Derek said with a grin.

Meredith rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. Derek closed his eyes and smiled. Meredith was back. She grabbed his hand and held it to her heart. It was beating rapidly. He stepped out of the car and pulled Meredith close to him and kissed her forehead.

"Come on, we can walk home." Derek said signalling that his car had actually slide into a convenient parking space.

"Are you sure you are okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?" Meredith asked anxiously.

"I'm fine Mer but I think my arm is a little bruised…"

Meredith hit his arm playfully.

"Yeah you're lucky I didn't do more." Meredith said waving her finger at him warningly.

"I'm glad you're back Meredith." Derek said hugging Meredith closer.

"We have things to talk about still, but things are better… just don't leave…" Meredith rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere." Derek replied as they walked up to her front porch.

Derek stood outside as Meredith walked in, not knowing if he should come in or not.

"Hey, Mer… I'm going to head back to the trailer tonight…"

"No, Derek… stay, please… you can't drive on the icy roads…" Meredith held out her hand.

Derek smiled and kissed her hand gently before entering the house.

"Meredith, you're okay now?" George asked sitting on the stool eating a cupcake Izzie had made.

"I'm better… thanks George." she gave George a quick hug before heading up to her room to change, Derek close behind her.

Derek sat on Meredith's bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Are you okay Derek?" Meredith asked taking off her top

"Yeah I'm just tired…" Derek answered opening his eyes to see Meredith pacing around the room in her underwear, searching for her Dartmouth top.

"I'm quite tired too; I haven't had much sleep these few weeks… Why don't we just sleep?" Meredith walked over and sat on his lap while putting on her top.

"Mmm, sounds really good." Derek answered kissing her lightly.

Meredith rolled over to her side of the bed and snuggled in under the sheets. Not long after she felt a strong arm around her waist and she felt finally at home again.

Meredith turned around and hugged closer to his chest. She had almost forgotten his musky scent.

Meredith woke up in an empty bed; she padded her way to the bathroom where she heard the shower running.

"Derek? You're up early…What did you want for breakfast?" Meredith asked stifling a yawn.

"Mer, you're up" Derek answered poking his head around the shower door.

Meredith sat on the closed toilet and nodded her head.

"If you're still tired, you can go back to sleep you know."

"I'm okay; I can't get back to sleep now." Meredith replied with a small smile.

"Breakfast?" Meredith asked again

"No offence Mer, but your cooking sucks. Maybe I'll cook for you when I'm finished." Derek replied with a cheeky grin.

Meredith yawned again. "Fine, actually I'm going to get some more rest"

Derek stuck his head out of the shower again and smiled, water drops dripping on the ground.

Meredith gave Derek a lazy kiss and walked back to bed, collapsing on the bed and instantly falling asleep.

Derek walked out a few minutes later, hair still damp and towel wrapped around his waist. He watched Meredith sleep peacefully. He smiled and rummaged around quietly for his clothes.

"Derek…" Meredith mumbled

"Sorry Mer, didn't mean to wake you…"

"Come back to bed and hold me…" Meredith slurred, turning to face his side of the bed.

"Okay" Derek smiled. "Just for you" he whispered in her ear as he slipped under the covers.

Derek didn't really sleep holding Meredith. He lay there watching her and remembering how much he loved her, despite all her faults. It was her faults that made her so special. Meredith twitched in her sleep and mumbled something about being sorry. He knew it was about the babies. He felt a lot of pain when he found out about the first child, but couldn't blame anyone and the second child was absolutely no-one's fault. Derek crept out of bed and flipped open his cell phone.

"Richard. It's Derek. Can I get you to make an appointment to see Dr. Dustin at 2? Thanks. I will look after her. Bye"

"Derek…" Meredith groped around the empty side of the bed.

Derek walked back over to the bed and slid back under the sheets.

"Who was that?" Meredith said resting her head on his chest.

"Dr. Webber, we have an appointment at 2…" Derek said stroking her hair absentmindedly.

"Oh… Okay…" Meredith got out of bed and stretched, the sun warming her face.

She turned around and kissed Derek's forehead.

"I'm going to have a shower. Then we can have lunch…"

Meredith walked out the shower towel wrapped around her body. Derek was sitting up in bed, fiddling on his laptop.

"Hey you've finished" He said looking up at a nearly naked Meredith.

"Uhuh… I'm thinking let's go out for lunch…" Meredith said cocking her head to one side and hand resting on her hip.

"Sounds good. Anywhere particular?"

"Close to the hospital so we can make our appointment, but anywhere is good" Meredith smiled and went to find some clothes. It was like they were settling into a pattern again. It scared Meredith how easy it was just to get back into a normal routine, but at the same time it comforted her, to know that Derek was by her side. She felt Derek hug her back and his hands running down her arms up and down lightly.

She turned around and looked into his blue eyes and kissed him, as he deepened the kiss she pulled away.

"I'm sorry Derek, I'm just not ready yet…" Meredith said quickly busying herself trying to find clothes; fighting away the tears.

"Meredith…" Derek softly said

Meredith turned around and put on a brave face and weakly smiled.

"I'm fine. I'm really sorry Derek…"

"You can stop apologising. I love you and I understand." Derek gave her a reassuring smile and went to get ready himself.

Meredith placed her hand light on Derek's leg as they drove to a small café by the hospital.

Meredith stared outside the window of the café, daydreaming and poking her salad with her fork.

"You alright Meredith?" Derek asked

Meredith didn't hear him and continued to stare outside the window.

"Meredith…"

"Oh… sorry what?"

"Are you okay?" Derek asked

"Oh yeah I'm fine." Meredith replied looking at her salad which was looking a bit dead.

"Mer…" Derek questioned knowing for sure she wasn't just okay.

"I'm just a bit anxious about seeing Dr. Dustin…" Meredith said with a small smile. "I'm okay really…"

"Don't be nervous… I'll be with you." Derek placed his hand over hers and grinned.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Elizabeth Dustin. You must be Dr. Shepherd" She held her hand out to Derek and shook it. "And you must be Dr. Grey" She said doing the same to Meredith.

"I understand you wanted to talk to me... Maybe we should start from the beginning…" Dr. Dustin sat across on a chair across Derek and Meredith with a friendly smile. She waited patiently for one of them to speak.

"Yes. I don't know if you know what we have been through…?" Derek looked at Meredith to see if it was okay to proceed. Meredith nodded weakly.

"Well we started off as a one night stand. Then I found out she was an intern here. I kind of pestered her until she went out with me. We were a couple for a few months until… my wife… now ex-wife turned up… I caught her sleeping with my best friend and moved here. Things were rocky. I thought I owed my marriage another shot… I was wrong. I loved Meredith… so much… and…" Derek stopped out of breath and looking a bit frazzled.

"And then we got together. I got pregnant. I told Derek about the other child that I aborted because Derek and Addison were still together… and I lost my child a few weeks ago." Meredith finished trying not to cry.

"That must be hard on both of you. I understand you have been dealing with grief, both of you, but I sense there are some underlying problems as well." Dr. Dustin scribbled some notes on her paper. "Have you talked about what happened when Derek chose Addison?"

"Yes…" They both answered slightly unsure.

"To some extent... Derek knows how he made me feel. But what I haven't been able to say is…" Meredith sighed and closed her eyes.

"I haven't fully trusted Derek since then. I love him… but sometimes I'm scared he will leave again. And that our relationship has so many lies…"

Derek sat silently, having an out-of-body experience.

"Derek, do you have anything to say?" asked Dr. Dustin.

"I don't know what to say anymore. I have apologised profusely. I trust Meredith, but because she didn't tell me about our child…"

"Derek, I was looking at raising our child ALONE. You chose Addison…" Meredith said in an angry whisper.

"You had a right to tell me!" Derek retorted.

"You had a right to tell me you had a wife!"

"We were separated. I was going to tell you!" Derek raised his hands exasperatedly, as if calling on god for assistance.

"Okay, it seems like you both have trust issues. This big thing is. Do you want to make this work?" Dr. Dustin asked taking off her black rimmed glasses.

"Yes! I love Meredith" Derek answered looking shocked she would ask such a thing.

"Meredith?" Dr. Dustin looked at Meredith who had suddenly gone quiet.

"I don't know… this has opened up so many things… Is love enough?" Meredith whispered quietly.

A/N: I don't know what I'm really writing! Sorry, it's pretty crap and it seems like it's going around in circles... but I'm writing the next chapter and something is going to happen I hope... if I write it correctly...

Meredith and Derek- Thanks for the review. I really think Patrick Dempsey and Ellen Pompeo deserved to be nominated for an Emmy. Wasn't Patrick Dempsey nominated for a Golden Globe last year?

Heather0120- Thanks for the review! There was fluff at the start of this chapter, I'm sorry it's not very good!

natzbadfairy- They're ment to be together but there are so many obstacles in their relationship. Also I mean Derek can't be that a great guy, you know if he's trying to make his marriage work, why didn't he tell Meredith to start with? Why didn't he try right from the start? I don't know... Thanks for the review though!

luv24+Alias- Thanks thanks thanks :P

greysfanx3- Indeed they do! I think I've read every single MerDer fic on here! We need more... thanks for the review!

chaty1- Thanks for the review.I figured Izzie would do something like that because she went psycho at Meredith when she found out she was dating/ sleeping with Derek. Though Cristina would probably do something like that too... well maybe not, Cristina is more sarcastic, bitter...

kml57- Oooo vacation. Where are you from? Us Nzers would probably call it a holiday :) I'm going to Japan in 2 months! And HOPEFULLY... fingers crossed I get into geek camp... I know... geeky... it's a science and technology forum in a different city for 2 weeks... Where did you go for your vacation? Anyway... Thanks for the review!

AFan17- I'll try to write more fluff! I really like fluff, but I suppose it's true that we need drama to make it interesting... Thanks for the review!

Thanks for reading :)