Minty4Ever asked for an AU kiss and said she didn't really care how I did it. And after some brainstorming with marmotje, I came up with this.

Hope it meets expectations!

Alternate Universe Kiss

Tony couldn't usually be found at coffee shops, preferring his own brew at home to that of cafés. But he'd had no choice this time given that Dummy had smashed all of his coffee machines (and he had no idea how), and he needed his caffeine fix. So now he was sitting here, at a coffee shop, nursing what was probably the most disgusting cup of coffee he'd ever had, and it wasn't even ten.

It was probably a Monday.

Sighing, Tony checked his phone, saw it was indeed a Monday (of fucking course), and then pulled out his extremely portable laptop to do some work while he was sitting in this really small coffee shop.

He checked his email, ignored the small commotion from the group at the next table, and then pulled up some plans R&D had forwarded him. He then promptly resisted the urge to hit something because the plans were absolutely horrible and who had put these idiots in charge?

Oh right. Him.

Grumbling in disgust and wrinkling his nose as he took another small sip of his deplorable coffee, Tony began marking up the entire plan in red, making mental notes as to what should be improved and when this thing actually needed to go into production. Thankfully there was still another month to go…

"Natasha, no!" someone hissed loudly enough for Tony to hear. He glanced over to see a cute blond gesturing frantically at his beautiful red-haired friend, who looked incredibly bored while sipping on her really foamy drink.

Shaking his head in reprimand at himself, Tony refocused on his plans.

Several minutes later, he heard someone else say, "Come on, Steve, it'll be fun," in a tone that implied the speaker was grinning his ass off.

Curious, Tony flicked his eyes over, found the speaker to be a young dark-haired man with a metal arm who was indeed wearing the biggest grin Tony had ever seen that wasn't on Rhodey's face, and then looked down as his phone buzzed. Pepper had just informed him that a new order of coffee machines had been put in, but that they wouldn't be in until next week because she thought it was a good thing for him to get out of the workshop and actually breathe air.

Mouth twisting into a scowl, Tony stuffed his phone back into his pockets and returned to marking up the plans with a vengeance. Whoever had come up with this travesty was going to be relegated to janitorial duties.

"No, but he looks mad," someone whispered.

"He's cracked out the red pen, of course he's mad," someone else said dismissively.

"A dare's a dare, Steve," a sweet feminine voice said.

Even though he heard all that, Tony wasn't paying it any attention. He was simply browsing through it and discarding it as useless information even as he scrawled NO WHAT WERE YOU THINKING all over the bottom of the plans. Then, vindictively pleased, he saved his work and sent it off to R&D. He'd no doubt get a seething text or call from Pepper telling him off in ten minutes but he didn't care.

Snapping the lid of the laptop shut, Tony leaned back in his chair, disgusting coffee in hand.

"Excuse me," he heard someone say.

Glancing to the side, Tony found himself face to face with the cute and skinny blond he'd seen at the other table. He had a nervous but determined expression on his face.

Tony opened his mouth, about to say that he didn't do autographs, but then anything he could have said was promptly cut off as the blond planted one on him.

The coffee slipped through Tony's suddenly lax fingers, hitting the floor and splashing up against his pants and shoes.

The blond actually slipped him some tongue, fingers squeezing around his neck for a brief moment before he pulled back, blushing scarlet, and then whirled on his heel and grabbed hold of his friend with the metal arm and pulled him out of his chair.

With a loud metal clatter, the chair fell over, toppling both of them to the floor, where they remained sprawled for several breathless seconds, their other two friends shaking their heads in dismay. Their dark-skinned friend actually glanced over at Tony with a smirk before he instantly backpedaled at the look on Tony's face; he grabbed hold of the woman and skedaddled.

In another second, the metal-armed guy had also scrammed with a clear "Sorry, Steve!", leaving only the blond – now named Steve – behind to blink up owlishly at Tony.

For his part, Tony was doing his very best not to look like a complete dumbstruck fool. He could still taste the atrocious coffee Steve had been drinking; it was even worse than his own.

"I'm so sorry," Steve blurted out after another few seconds of staring. "It was a dare!"

Tony raised an eyebrow, wiping his thumb across his lips in consideration. Steve was kind of cute, and judging from the portfolio on the table he was an artist…

"Your kissing technique needs some work," Tony said finally, hiding a smirk at Steve's flabbergasted expression. "But I think that can be arranged if you'll come back with me for an interview."

"A kissing interview?" Steve asked faintly.

"For drawing," Tony said cheerfully, packing his laptop up and standing smoothly. He stepped up next to Steve, grinning down at him. "But kissing can be arranged."

Steve spluttered indignantly in response, but Tony was too busy grinning and ignoring the furiously buzzing phone in his pocket to mind. He had the feeling this was the start of a beautiful relationship.

Sam, Bucky, and Natasha remain in disbelief that Tony Stark actually hired Steve on as an artist. They remain even more in disbelief after Tony asks Steve on a date.