Lin sat straight up in bed, suddenly wide awake and unsure why. She glanced around the room. Everything was silent. Everything was still.
Everything was still.
Her blood ran cold. Her entire body began to tremble. The movement jolted Tenzin awake.
"What is it?" he asked groggily. He instinctively placed a hand on her stomach. "It's too early for the baby—"
Lin's shock melted away, and a mournful wail tore from her throat. It struck Tenzin to the core. She didn't have to say a word. That unearthly sound confirmed his worst fear. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her and took her into his lap. His tears rained down on her hair as hers wet his chest. They wept together in silence. Nothing they could say would do justice to their grief.
Eventually, the tears ran out. Lin turned her head from Tenzin's embrace. Both stared at the wall without knowing for certain that the other hadn't fallen asleep. While their bodies were numb, their minds raced.
Even with all the worry and care in the first trimester, Lin had never really thought the baby would die. Her stubbornness kept her believing that everything would be fine with her child. Now that it had happened, she was completely unprepared. But was there a way to be ready for something like this? No. It was a blow with enough strength to break anything.
She wondered what she had done to deserve it much as she had wondered so many years before. Did the Spirits think her unfit to be a mother? Was she being punished? Before, thinking of the answers to such questions made her angry. But now, her organ of emotion was filled to the brim with despair and had no room for wrath.
Tenzin couldn't push the image he'd created of his child from his mind. He pictured her at each stage of her life. As an infant, as a toddler, playing, learning to airbend, attending school, getting into mischief, receiving her tattoos, bringing home boys, and on and on. He couldn't see her with any face except Lin's. Though, his daughter's face would be softer, more prone to smiling. But…he'd never know what she really looked like. His mental creation was the only form of his daughter that would ever exist.
Spirits. He never wanted to move from where he was then. There was no point.
Near dawn, Lin spoke. Her voice was hoarse and hardly above a whisper. "What do we do?"
Tenzin pulled her tighter against him. It seemed an hour passed before he replied in despair. "Nothing. We do nothing."
And they did nothing.
Pema knocked on the door to Lin's apartment, but there was no answer. She let herself in. The apartment was dark, being on the west side of the building and having all the drapes drawn. She poked her head into the kitchen. Everything looked undisturbed. "Lin?" she called, slowly making her way to the bedroom.
When she reached the door, she knocked and called out again. "Lin, are you here?" She tried to open the door, but it was locked. That had never happened before. With still no response from Lin, Pema began to panic. She jiggled the door handle and called Lin's name again. Then she stopped to listen with her ear to the door.
"I'm here." Lin's voice was unlike Pema had ever heard before. It wasn't just sad, it was heartbroken. Could steel break?
"Thank the Spirits! Can…Can I come in?"
There was no reply.
"Lin?" Pema repeated.
She heard the lock click, and the handle turned without her touch. But the door didn't open completely. There was only a crack.
Apprehension filled Pema. She stood awhile with her hand on the door put not pushing it. Part of her mind screamed Lin was in trouble and needed her help. The rest of her was terrified of what she'd find.
She saw Tenzin first as she eased open the door. He sat on the side of the bed, staring at the floor. She saw his hand barely touching Lin's. Lin was leaning back against the headboard with one hand mindlessly stroking her belly. Neither looked at Pema. Lin's normally vibrant eyes looked gray and utterly lifeless.
Pema brought a hand to her mouth. Tears pooled in her eyes before her mind really registered what the scene meant. She couldn't take it. She pulled the door closed and rushed to the kitchen to phone Katara. Once Katara was on her way, she sank into the couch and cried.
Katara barely noted Pema sitting in the living room. All her attention was focused on reaching her son and Lin. When she swept the door open, neither reacted. They were statues except for the slow trailing of Lin's hand. Only when Katara placed both hands on Lin's stomach did the woman make a sound.
The whimper prompted Tenzin to turn his gaze back to Lin and clasp her hand as his mother examined her.
"I'm so sorry," Katara said once she was certain of the baby's death.
Lin's shoulders shook, and Tenzin was quick to steady them. "Why?" she asked, tears falling down her face.
"It's almost impossible to know. Sometimes it just…happens," Katara explained quietly. She had to look away for a moment when Lin choked on a sob.
"What happens now?" Tenzin asked. His question was for his mother, but his eyes were focused on the top of Lin's head. He pressed his lips to her hair.
"I…I can induce labor now…or the body will…will do it naturally in a couple weeks."
Lin looked to Tenzin. He was as lost as she was. "I can't… I mean… I don't know. I need my mother."
Toph's was silent grief. Her face was wet, but she didn't say a word. She held Lin tight to her bosom and rubbed her daughter's back as she cried. Katara managed to tear Tenzin away to give them privacy.
When mother and daughter finally spoke to each other, the conversation was punctuated with sniffles and sobs.
"I don't want to let her go," Lin wept. "But I also can't…can't…"
"I think it's best you finish it. All at once. You'll be torn apart if you don't," Toph advised.
"But she's mine."
"She is, love, she is. But it won't make it better to keep her. It's not the same."
"I can't feel her anymore," Lin whispered. "If only… Just one more heartbeat."
"Let her go, Lin. You need to."
Toph was right.
"Katara!" Lin called shakily. Her voice refused to rise above a normal speaking level.
Katara was followed anxiously by Tenzin. "It won't be pleasant, Lin. Induced labor…"
Lin bit her lip. "Doesn't matter. I've made my decision."
"There is no good way for this to happen," Toph added.
The baby was a boy.
For the longest time, Lin held him in her arms, closed her eyes and imagined what her life could have been. While she held the baby, Tenzin held her. She kissed the baby's delicate forehead and wept.
Katara wasn't able to take the infant away until Lin fell asleep.
Lin dreamt.
At first, all was darkness. The only light was far in the distance, but it was moving closer. Soon, Lin recognized Aang in the soft cloud of light. It wasn't until he knelt next to her that she realized she was sprawled on the ground.
"Lin," he said gently. When he touched her arm, she was filled with unexpected warmth. "I know you're hurt."
An understatement. All of Lin ached. Her body, her mind and her soul. But she didn't have the energy to form any words.
"I'm not allowing you to give up though. I'll help you. Your son will help you too."
Lin finally found her voice. "What do you mean?"
"His spirit will give you strength." Aang waved his hand and another man appeared. It was a young man, tall but built sturdier than Aang or Tenzin. He had dark, dark hair and light blue eyes and a face that was familiar but just different enough to be new.
Lin reached out to him, and he also knelt beside her to grab her hand.
"Mother."
Lin opened her eyes. She was still cradled in Tenzin's arms. Katara was laying the baby in a sort of basket.
"His name is Fen."
A/N: Sorry guys. Don't voodoo me too hard. If you didn't already know, this story will have an alternate ending that does not include this chapter and beyond, so don't cry too hard. Though, I wonder how many people will actually cry at this. I can't tell if I just write with no emotion or whether I'm just too removed from this story to be brought to tears.
Also, Fen. Feng is a Chinese name that means Wind. But I don't like Feng, so I shortened it. Turns out Fen is a name too, and it's a girl's name. That doesn't matter. Mako is also a girl's name, but you know... Whatever.
Finally, this chapter is obscenely short. I had to force myself to add more to it. The first draft was just "Happening, happening, happening." (Note the groups of staccato sentences.) Eh. But I hope it's fine now. Ish.