The second half of the Group session, thank you to everyone for your reviews on Chapter 20! Thanks to Flobouille93, ChrisColferLovesYouBack, Muchacha, punkster1204, JMarieAllenPoe, And Patricia Sage!
BUT a very special thank you to Flobouille93 for being a very big help to me during this chapter especially :)
Sorry once again for the wait, I hope you'll like this chapter and that will make up for it Review and tell me what you think!
Chapter 21: Fighting for the Cause
I slouched in my seat as I listened to Christy, a younger girl around the age of fourteen tell Delilah that she was drawing pictures of hamburger people last night. I looked at the clock on the wall. There was only fifteen minutes left of being in this mad house, I just had to survive it. Megan was sitting in her chair with her head back banging her head against the back of her chair. The other members ignored her but I couldn't help but watch the only other person in the room as annoyed as I am.
"Then I drew stick figures of people stabbing the hamburger people right in the buns!" Christy said and I looked at her with lowered eyebrows.
"Well, Christy that's probably just your subconscious' way of getting out your rage against food now that you can no longer physically do it." Delilah said in a soothing voice and Christy sighed.
"But that's just the thing. The stick figure that was me was fighting to save the hamburgers!" She said and Megan let out a laugh causing the entire group to look at her.
"Sorry," she said and Delilah turned her attention back to Christy.
"Is this the first time you've drawn these pictures?" Delilah asked and Christy nodded, her caramel colored curls bouncing as she did.
"Hmmm, well the fact that you are welcoming and accepting food in these pictures might represent your recovery fighting your illness!"
"But the hamburger people all end up dead? Does that mean I'm going to fail?"
"No not at all! Because it doesn't matter right now who won the hamburger people battle, the fact is that you're fighting! These drawings are a very big step in the road to your power over this your illness Christy!" Delilah said before clapping. "You're on your way dear!" she said as the group applauded with her.
"Yeah? Well I drew a picture of me barfing my guts out and I drew a heart on the side, what does that mean Delilah?" Megan said and Delilah paused her clapping.
"Oh Megan dear, you just need to open yourself towards receiving help. The only one who can..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I know all about your "if you can believe, you can achieve" nonsense!" Megan said with a wave of her hand.
"You know, Christy's progress has given me a fantastic idea!" Delilah said and I closed my eyes. Next thing you know we'll all be forced to draw pictures of hamburger people! "Journals!" Delilah said cheerfully and I opened my eyes to look at her. Megan rolled her eyes and let out a loud groan. "I just so happen to have a few blank composition notebooks." Delilah said as she walked over to her bag and pulled out a handful of notebooks. "My daughter needed new school supplies, but I'll just get her more later," she said before walking back to the circle and handing each one of us a notebook. "You're going to write in them every single day." She said as she finished handing them to the last few members of group. "I want you to write whenever you feel anxious, lonely, afraid, or overwhelmed! Write about your goals! What DO you hope to accomplish through recovery? Every week at group I'll give you one journal entry to make it easier for you. You can choose which day to write about this topic but it must be included in the week's entrees. You'll each share an entry at each group meeting. The entry you read is your choice but maybe it will make sharing time easier as well. Now you don't have to exactly write in these journals, you can draw pictures or write lyrics as well. But as long as there is a story on that page about what you are feeling. Does anyone have any questions?" She asked and I shook my head as I looked down at the blank pages of my notebook.
"What about those of us who have been banned from sharp objects, pencils and pens included." Megan asked with a cock of her head and a raised eyebrow. Delilah smiled and walked over to her bag again, she came back carrying a box of Crayola washable markers.
"My daughter needed markers for art class too," she said before pulling the black marker out of the box and passing it to Megan. "No sharp point on that," she said and Megan reluctantly took the marker. "Now then, onto your first journal assignment," she said to everyone and I looked up at her hoping it wasn't something incredibly personal. "Write one sentence each about five or ten good things in your life," she said and I blinked.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked and she smiled.
"It will help you focus on the good parts of your life instead of the bad parts that you've been focusing on for a while. Just give it a try," Delilah said and I sighed.
"Okay," I said and she smiled.
"While you guys think of what you want to write, why don't you mingle with the other members and try to help each other. Social time will be from now till the end of session which is in ten minutes." Delilah said and I nodded before looking down at my book. Ten good things in my life? I slowly lowered my pen to the paper and wrote a number one. What was the best thing in my life? I looked around the room until my attention was pulled to the small window on the door. My answer was standing right there gazing at me with wide hazel eyes. When he noticed me look at him he made a silly face causing me to laugh. He knew he wasn't supposed to be spying on Group but sometimes Blaine was like a puppy and he couldn't stand to be lonely for too long. The thought made me smile as on the first line I wrote: Blaine.
He was the love of my life, my conscious, my defender, my best friend. Why shouldn't he be number one on the list of good things in my life? I looked back up at the door and smiled at that curly haired man of mine. Suddenly he held up a piece of paper against the window. In permanent marker he had written:
Going to go out for a bit, be back by the time they bring you dinner -B. He moved the paper and gave me a thumbs up asking if I had read the paper. I nodded and gave him a discreet thumbs up too. He nodded and waved before he was gone away from the window. I sighed and looked down at my paper again. Number two...
"Pst!" I heard but ignored it. "Pst!" I heard again only this time louder. I looked up in the direction it was coming from and saw Megan looking at me. I pointed to myself in question and she rolled her eyes before nodding making me feel like an idiot for not knowing she meant me in the first place. I sighed and got up to walk over to the empty seat beside her.
"Cute display," she said pointing toward the door, I blushed, I should have figured someone had seen that.
"Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to disrupt your thoughts about what to write," I said and she blinked.
"You think I even give a care about this stupid assignment?" She demanded and I shook my head in fear. Megan was kind of intimidating when you were this close.
"No, uh, I just..." I mumbled and she looked down at her page.
"But if I was to do this stupid assignment..."she began then lowered her marker to the paper before pausing. I looked at her, her eyes were on the paper and her hand kept trying to write something before she hesitated and pulled it back slightly.
"Having trouble figuring out what to write too?" I asked and she looked at me before sighing.
"No I know what to write, the problem is they don't want to hear it," she said and I blinked.
"What do you mean?" I asked and she shook her head.
"I mean making myself sick when I know I've eaten too much and cutting myself when the pain is just too much to hold inside, were the best decisions I've ever made. But then my sister caught me and told my Dad and they threw me in here, to get help!" she said and I could hear the pain from her families betrayal in her voice. "They wouldn't listen, just like these quacks won't listen! I'm not sick, I don't need help, I need to be left alone!" she said and I nodded as I listened to her. "Ten good things in my life, what does she think that I'm all lollipops and rainbows inside?" she asked I let out a chuckle. "How am I supposed to think of ten good things in my life when I'm stuck in this prison? You know they want to put me in a mental home! This stupid hospital is just the holding cell!" she said and I shook my head.
"That's aweful, if you're not sick then they shouldn't treat you like an animal, and you definitely don't need a mental home!" I said and she looked up at me, her wide brown eyes were filled with hope.
"I knew you'd understand!" she said and I gave her a small smile. "After what you said about that boy Blaine, I knew you'd understand the difference between being sick and needing to do it!" she continued then looked back down at her paper. "Fuck it, they want me to be honest, I'll be honest!" she said as she wrote: "1. the feel of the blade slicing..." I watched the words appear from her marker one at a time. I was too busy reading that I didn't notice her look up at me.
"Have you ever cut before?" she asked and jumped at the sound of her voice before shaking my head.
"No, I'm only trying to lose weight to be perfect for Blaine, I don't need to cut," I said and she nodded. "When did you start?" I asked and she looked down at her paper.
"When I could no longer take the shit," she said and I just looked at her, not wanting to pry, but really wanted her to elaborate. She seemed to sense this because she went on. "I started when I was fifteen and my mom passed away," she admitted softly and I swallowed, knowing too well the sting of losing a mother. "We were close but it wasn't the depression that made the pain so unbearable that I..." she paused and looked down at her hands. I noticed they were trembling, something really bad must have happened.
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I said and she looked up at me.
"It's Group, we're supposed to share our stories aren't we," she asked and I nodded as I waited for her to continue. "A couple weeks after her death was when my Dad..." She paused and shook her head; I noticed tears in her eyes. "I started cutting and purging because I could and I like having at least that power over my body," she said as she gave me a long telling glance. I was speechless; no wonder she didn't want to share with the others, no wonder why she was so closed to other people. She has always been a prisoner, first to her father, now to the hospital, and then she was being shipped to an even bigger prison. She threw up because her weight was what she could have control of and those bandages on her wrists covered her pleads to be free of the fear and pain.
"I understand," I said and she looked into my eyes, obviously searching for something. When she found it she gave me a small smile.
"What was your name again?" she asked and I held out my hand.
"Kurt," I said as she took my hand, hers were cold.
"Megan," she said and I nodded. We both looked down at our papers then over at Delilah who was talking to Christy.
"I've got to get out of this nut house, before they can ship me off," she said quietly.
"Where will you go?" I asked and she looked out the window at the small pond behind the hospital. "Somewhere far away from Ohio," she looked back at me, "somewhere where he can't find me," she said and I nodded.
"I'm getting out to," I said and she blinked. "The longer I stay here, the closer Sebastian gets to Blaine, I can just feel it!" I said and her eyes took on a mischievous glimmer.
"So I'm fighting for freedom, and you're fighting for love, two very noble causes if you ask me," she said and I nodded. She looked over at Delilah once again and bit her lip before looking at me. "How about we sneak out together?" she asked and I looked up at her. "Two is better than one, and we don't belong here, we know what we want and if we just sit here and let ourselves get brainwashed like the other dopes in here, I'll be in a padded cell and you'll never get to stick it to that Sebastian and claim your man," she said with a mischievous glint in her eye. "You want in?" She asked as she lifted her pinky. I smiled and linked my pinky with hers.
"I'm in," I said and she nodded.
What do you guys think? Should they stay? Should they go? What will Blaine and Burt and everyone else do when they find out? I KNOW YOU WANT TO REVIEW!