To the Guest who left the lovely review, No i dont mean to kill you :P and i love you too! Seriously your review made me feel amazing, thank you so much for that 3

To the other Guest who thinks my story is edgy, sexy, and perfect. Thank you so much :*

You guys seriously have no idea how much of a confidence boost your lovely reviews can give a person seriously i love you all! I promise their relationship is going to kick off soon and its gonna get really smutty! I have so many ideas for that part already forming in my head, i cant wait to write them all ;)

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Chapter 21

EPOV

My mind was blank and there was nothing, absolutely nothing could take me away from the ecstasy i was feeling. I was kissing Paige McCullers. Paige McCullers, the girl i have been lusting after for all this time, since i met her, was kissing me back. Her lips were soft, and her hair, like silk. Her skin and fingertips leaving goosebumps across my skin in its wake. The warmth her body gave off heated me to the core. I wanted Paige in every way possible. Not just sexually, or kissing her, i wanted to be able to call her mine. I wanted to be able to go to the movies with her, hold her hand, go out to eat, take a long walk on a beach, all of those romantic things. I could picture Paige by my side in almost every scenario of my life from this point forward, and that scared me to no end. I pushed her further into the wall, eliciting a moan from her as our centers touched, and i fell back into the magical pull that this girl held over me. My eyes stayed closed and i brought my hands up to cup her face lovingly. My hands couldn't stay in one place for long, they roamed all over her body, wanting to feel her warmth, and memorize every curve of her body. I gripped onto her tighter, worried that this was a dream, and that wen i wake up that i would find that this wasn't real. That she didn't like me like how i liked her. She didn't know how much i had fallen for her in such a small amount of time. It wasn't just her that i fell for. It was how she acted, how she always put everyone else in front of her own needs. Even with her anxiety, she still manages to love over all her fears. She puts others before herself. No matter how scared, or how difficult the task, if someone she loves is being threatened, she will be there for them. And that is what i fell in love with. Her undying love for others. I fell in love with that side of her, the side that is timid, and shy, yet powerful and passionate. The part of her that is so normal and yet so original. The side of her that she doesn't show to others, unless she is comfortable with them. I fell for the girl that my best friend befriended. I fell for the girl that notices the little things that no one ever picks up on. How she memorizes all the important things. Like my favorite tea, certain parts in my schedule, how she noticed the thing about my smile. I had never even known that. The little things that this girl does, how can one not fall in love with her.

Her hands slide up my back and hold me closer, and then back down and come to rest on my hips. her thumbs drawing lazy circles on my sides, slowly bunching up my shirt until her thumbs came in contact with my skin. My breathing hitched and my skin set ablaze and bolts of electricity flew up my center with every circle she drew. I moaned into her and threw my arms around her neck trying to stabilize myself against her. My moan came out needy and desperate, but i couldn't help it. Every second more i spent kissing this girl made me grow weaker and weaker for her. I have never felt attraction like this before. I felt love and admiration for Alison, i felt lust and want for Maya. But with Paige, it was a new sensation completely. It was love and lust and compassion, and every positive feeling i can possibly think of all smashed into one giant emotion. I felt so many different emotions that not having my body pressed to her physically hurt me. Another desperate throaty moan escaped my lips as a tears leaked down my cheek. I brought my hands back up to her face and held her face in mine, slowing the kiss until they were long pecks on the lips, no tongue and all love. I poured everything i had into that one last kiss i left on her lips. more tears leaked slowly down my cheeks quietly. Her hands left my sides and came up to cup my cheeks, i kept my eyes closed and felt her thumbs brush the tears away gently. I didn't open them, even as she tilted my head up to hers.

"Look at me." She whispered. more tears leaked from my eyes and i shook my he'd gently side to side, tilting it back down. "Why not?" she asked, brushing more tears from my face.

"I don't want to wake up and have this be a dream." i answered honestly.

"its not a dream Emily." She tried reassuringly.

"How could it not be?" I asked. "You kissed me back." finally i opened my eyes, and hers were full of shock and surprise.

"How could i not kiss you back? You are everything that anyone could ever want. More than I could have ever hoped for." She said to me. I placed a hand over hers that was on my face and leaned into it. I didn't want to tell her how useless i felt. How i knew she deserved so much more than me, and how i wanted to give her so much more than i could. She wrapped herself around me and buried her face in my hair. We stayed like that for another long time. Neither of us showing any signs of wanting to let go. i pulled my hands in so that they were resting on her chest, and pushed back from her slightly, I looked up at her face and gazed in her eyes. I smiled at her, and she smiled back at me, no words were spoken and we stared at each other, nothing but hidden love filling our souls.

"Do you have to leave now?" i whispered, my voice cracked when i asked and i internally cursed myself for the weakness i showed. i looked back down, scared of her answer. I knew i couldn't keep her here forever, and that i had to let her go sometime. It wasn't even a forever, it was only for a day, then i could see her again, but the time forced apart scared me. She had no idea how much i just needed to be held. How much i needed HER to hold me. It was unexplainable, i couldn't tell you why i felt this undying need to be by this girls side. It was so foreign yet it felt so right.

"I think i can spare five more minutes." She whispered heartily. i could hear the smile in her voice and i in turn smiled at myself. I pushed myself into her once again, in a hug, with my face pressed to her chest and my arms trapped between us. In her arms, i felt safe. I felt loved. We stood there for another while, but eventually i pulled away again. I looked up at her and placed one last chastise kiss to her lips.

"Will i see you tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Run with me in the morning?" i smiled up at her, and nodded enthusiastically. She picked my hand up in hers and brought it to her lips, leaving a kiss to my knuckles. I blushed and giggled at her chivalrous action and she pulled mw in again. She pressed another warm kiss to my forehead before finally walking away. I watched her walk across the lawn, and out the front of Spencer's driveway, before turning down the the sidewalk until she was out of view. Finally after a few minutes of staring after her retreating figure did i turn and walk inside the barn. Everyone was sitting on the couch and Spencer turned when i opened the door.

"Em?" She addressed me, everyone stayed but the tv watching the movie, but Spencer came over to me and lead me to the kitchen area a little ways away. "Where's Paige?"

"She had to go help Toby." I said, recalling the words she said before she left.

"So then where did you go?"

"How long was I gone?"

"Like an hour. I was kind of getting worried…"

"An hour?! No thats impossible…" i thought long and hard about what happened. A half an hour sure i can believe that but a full hour?! I made out with Paige for a full hour and it only felt like minutes. I smiled despite myself, relishing in the memory. Even if it only happened a few moments ago, i couldn't get over it.

"Em?" Spencer asked quieter. i hummed in response, not trusting my voice to give away the happiness i was feeling and trying so desperately to hide. "Do you like Paige?" She asked. Her question through my slightly off guard, and i couldn't lie about it. Not that i've come this far, i wouldn't lie about it, but i wouldn't admit it either. If i say out loud that i like Paige, it might change things. I don't know how, but i wasn't about to risk it. "If you do… Em… I just…. well…" Spencer choked out.

"What is it Spence?" i asked sincerely. Spencer is never one to get choked up over words, or stumble on them for any reason ever.

"Its just… You know i love you right?" She asked, i nodded in response before she kept going. "And well… these past few months I've really become great friends with Paige, and i mean like really great friends… and well… i just.. i don't want to see either of you get hurt… over each other, because i don't know whose side i would take. I love you both, and i just… well please Emily, you're stronger than she is, please be careful with her. She's so fragile and its the little things that can get her to break." I took a hand and placed it over Spencer's to get her attention. She stopped her little rant and looked at me. I smiled adoringly at her, she always cared about everyone.

"Honestly Spence, I know. I really like Paige, I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"I know Emily, i just… i want to make sure. like absolutely one hundred percent sure that this isn't a rebound for you."

"Spencer!" I yelled. She feigned her hands in defeat.

"Im just saying!" In anger i ripped my jacket and shoulder bag from the chair they were sitting on, whipping around as the chair crashed to the floor with a loud bang and storming out of the barn. I heard Spencer and Hannah calling after me but i didn't stop walking. Since Toby was my ride yesterday to Spencer's house i didn't have an immediate way home and so i walked. I walked everywhere trying to get Spencer's stupid comment out of my head. I know she was only thinking for the best of Paige, but what about me? Spencer thinks I'm strong, but in reality, none of them can see how weak i've become. A few stray tears slipped from my eyes and i quickly wiped them away. I found my feet carrying my to the brew and i waled inside, ordering a quick cup of chair tea to help me relax. My phone hadn't stopped buzzing and at each glance Spencer's name popped up with a new notification. Most text messages and a few calls. I placed my phone on silent and slipped it back into my bag.

How could she think that i was just USING Paige for a rebound?! I actually like Paige… I mean… its been about a month since Maya had left. I cried about it, and now I'm over it. She was cheating on me… What else is there to cry about? But on the other hand Spencer is right… Paige deserves the absolute best. And i just don't know if I'm the one for her. She needs someone who is stable, who knows that they want. Someone who isn't me. Im too all over the place, i can't be still. My thoughts and moods are constantly changing and i can't control it. I shuddered from my thoughts. Tears threatened to leak again and i closed my eyes willing them to disappear.

"Emily?" A voice brought me from my thoughts. I looked up and saw Toby standing next to me. I looked up at him and he sat down next to me. "Everything okay?" I nodded. He held a hand out to me and i took it graciously. He grabbed my bag that was sitting next to me and i grabbed my tea. He led me towards the back of the brew where the stairs were and took me upstairs. The further we got up the steps, the more i heard music. At the top of the stairs, i stopped Toby and i listened.

"Well I was moving at the speed of sound. Head-spinning couldn't find my way around and. Didn't know that i was going down. Yeah, yeah. Where Ive been well its all a blur. What i was looking for I'm not sure. Too late and i didn't see it coming. Yeah, yeah. And then I crashed into you, And i went up in flames. Could've been the death of me, but then you breathed your breath in me. And I crashed into you, Like a runaway train. You will consume me, But i can't walk away. Somehow I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to know how it felt. Too strong I couldn't hold on. Yeah, yeah. And then I crashed into you, And i went up in flames. Could've been the death of me, but then you breathed your breath in me. And I crashed into you, Like a runaway train. You will consume me, But i can't walk away. From your face, your eyes, are burning mr. You saved me, you gave me just what i need. Oh, Just what I nee-eeed. And then I crashed into you, And i went up in flames. Could've been the death of me, but then you breathed your breath in me. And I crashed into you, Like a runaway train. You will consume me, But i can't walk away."

I was mesmerized by this glorious angelic voice. During the whole song Toby had pushed open his flat door and i peered inside to see Paige sitting on the couch, with her eyes closed and a guitar held lovingly in her hands. I watched in a trance, not saying anything and not letting go of Toby's arm. I listened to the words and found how they fit our situation perfectly. Well my situation. I literally crashed into her, i crashed into her life and she gave me everything with out question. I could feel a new set of tears trail down my cheeks and i broke out in smile. At the end of the song, Paige opened her eyes and i saw the initial shock that i was standing there. She placed her guitar down slowly and wiped her hands on her jeans before getting up slowly and walking towards us. She moved, staring at me as though i was part of a dream. She came over to me and brought a hand up, she didn't touch me, as though if she did i would blow away in the wind. I saw her gulp and i didnt dare to blink. I closed my eyes, not wanting to watch the decision she made. Whether she thought i was really there or not, or if she mustered the courage to touch me. Courage that i didn't have. I waited what felt like a life time, and when i opened my eyes again, she was gone. I looked around, searching for the timid brunette, but i only saw Toby sitting in the kitchen area, with my cup of tea and bag from downstairs. I began questioning if Paige was even here, or if i had imagined the wonderful song she had sang. I wouldn't put it past me that i had imagined everything. I slowly made my way to to the kitchen, contemplating if she had been here. She was here. Then why is she gone now? Where did she go? She said she had to help Toby, but Toby is here…. So was she never here to begin with? I sighed in frustration when i got to Toby. He looked up at me and when i sat down, he turned to face me.

"So… what was up with downstairs?" He asked. He completely ignored Paige, so now i was really beginning to think that i had imagined her here at all.

"Its nothing." I said, sighing. I had showed so much weakness already, that i don't know if i could handle more. By saying it out loud, just made all the hurt more real.

"Come on Em. Ive gotten to know you pretty well these past few months, and i can tell when something is wrong. Plus your eyes are a little puffy." He said. I looked away from him so he couldn't see my face, and i sighed.

"Its nothing, really."

"Then why won't you look at me?" i turned to look at him and he held my gaze with his soft one. "just tell me… Did Paige do something?" He asked.

"No. It was nothing Paige did. Paige is perfect. - was perfect, all night.. I mean.. She didn't do anything wrong she had nothing to do with why Im upset… well a little bit but nothing she did directly!" I rambled on after realizing what i had said. I sunk my face down into my hands in embarrassment as Toby chuckled.

"Its okay, i understand Ems. So what had you so upset?"

"Im pathetic," I said out of nowhere.

"What?"

"You heard me." I said in defeat. "Im weak and pathetic. Im always crying and I'm basically useless. I mean… i couldn't even hold a druggie for a girlfriend. She cheated on me for who knows how long. probably since we started dating. Im possessive and impossible to deal with. Im just… Im so … worthless." If there was one thing Toby was, it was easy to talk to. Just being around him made me comfortable enough to open up and spill my deepest secrets. I couldn't even do this with Spencer, Hannah, or Aria. And yet here is this boy that i seemingly just met, knowing almost every fear i hold deep in my heart.

"Emily…" He started, but i held up a hand to cut him off.

"Its true. Im so weak, and worthless. Paige deserves someone who can help her, not hurt her. I can't help her without hurting her. I'd just make everything worse, i mean. She's perfect. She is everything i could ever hope to be in one person. She deserves someone with equal amazingness if not more. I can't give her that,

"Emily, you are not worthless. And Paige isn't as perfect as you think she is. Everyone has their secrets, and believe me, Paige has hers. And i didn't know Maya, except for briefly, but she didnt cheat on you because you weren't good enough for her, thats impossible. Maya wasn't good enough for you. Look Emily, I love you like a sister. I would do anything for you. You are smart and amazing, and you care more for Paige than anyone I know. You can help her way more than Spencer and I can. Emily she needs you. You may not think so but she does. She really really does. I think you should talk to her about this."

"Spencer thinks I'm using her for a rebound."

"Are you?"

"NO! I actually like her! like really really like her! And i don't know why! Its just this undeniable, un ignorable attraction that i feel towards her and i can't make it go away no matter how hard i try. I want whats best for her, and I'm being selfish by wanting her for me. She doesn't deserve to have someone like me drag her down! She needs someone to bring her up!" I yelled.

"You are that person!" Toby yelled back. I slouched back down. Everyone thinks I'm this amazing person that is good for this girl. But no one is listening to me when i tell them i can't be that person. The sound of a slamming door caused me to look up and i saw a livid Paige standing in the living room yanking her jacket on.

"Paige?" I asked. I saw her hesitate for a second before turning around. Her demeanor changed as she turned around and her features and eyes became softer.

"Ill be right back." She said. She didn't wait for a response she just turned back around and i saw her shoulders set as she stalked with meaning towards the door.

"Paige, don't do anything your going to regret." Toby warned.

"Wouldn't dream of it." She said as the door slammed behind her and it echoed through the house.

The morning came around, and my alarm clock beeped, calling me from my sleep. Toby had driven me home after a while after Paige had failed to return, and Toby figured that she still wouldn't come back anytime soon. I slowly got up and dressed myself for the run Paige had promised me. Hopefully she hadn't forgotten, but i was afraid to text her, so i just got dressed. Right as i was leaving my phone buzzed from the place in my pocket and i pulled it out to open it.

You're late Fields. was all it said. I smiled to myself and put it back in my pocket before bolting out my door and running to the spot where we meet to run. I smiled when i saw her standing there so casually. Her hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail, and her running clothes clung to every centimeter of her skin, flushed to her body. I gulped when i saw her and shook my head of all the thoughts that flooded my brain. I smiled as i approached and she gave me her stereotypical lopsided smirk in greeting.

"You're late Em." She teased.

"Maybe you're just early. Awe is someone a little too eager to see me?" I teased. I had to tease her. Otherwise id feel the undying need to kiss her. She rolled her eyes at me and held her arms out telling me to lead the way. "Do you trust me?" I asked her, before starting the run. She looked a little puzzled at me before slowly nodding her head. I smiled and turned running towards my favorite running path. I turned street after street leading her out to the woods.

"Where are we going?" She asked after a few blocks.

"I thought you said you trusted me," I countered back. I smiled to myself and kept running. She didn't say anything after that and soon we came over to the entrance of the woods. I didn't slow down and just proceeded to run straight through and welcomed the fresh scent of leaves. I heard Paige gasp from behind me as we ran through the new scenery. We ran through the path, my feet taking me on the familiar route, making sure that Paige kept up and stayed behind me. After about an hour, we came to a place deep in the woods, and i slowed my pace. I heard Paige come up behind me and stared in awe. There was a small clearing that was shaded by leaves, but bright and sunny. There was a rock in the middle and i went over to it and sat down. pulling out a small water bottle that was strapped to my back and took a few gulps, before passing it to Paige. I watched her skin glisten in the sunlight, as her throat bobbed with each gulp she took, and as her chest rose and fell with every breath.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, handing the bottle back to me.

"Like what?"

"Like that." She said. "Like I'm some part of a dream"

"Because you are." I held a hand out to her and she came closer placing her hand in mine. i rubbed small circles on her hand and she kneeled down to my level.

"Im sorry i stormed out of Toby's apartment yesterday…. and that i hid in his room after you got there."

"Its okay. Why did you?"

"Hide or leave?"

"Both."

"I hid because i didn't know if you were really there, and i couldn't handle hallucinating that you were if it turns out you weren't. and i left because… i had something to take care of."

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Lie to me." i asked. Her eyes widened ever so slightly. "Surprised that you aren't the only super observant one?" when she didn't say anything i continued. "I know you lied about having to help Toby, that one was obvious. But i also notice that you never tell flat out lies. You tell partial truths which are just as bad in my mind."

"Im sorry,-"

"Don't say sorry, just tell me what you had to do… Im sorry, I'm just really curious." I covered, not wanting to pressure her.

"I… i yelled at Spencer."

"What?!" I asked in shock. "Why?" i asked softer after seeing the slight panic in her eyes. I gripped her hand a little tighter so she couldnt pull away.

"For making you cry. I just… i had to say something to her. I couldn't let that one slide."

"She was worrying about you. She didn't do anything wrong…-"

"I know, but still. She's your best friend, she should be able to pick up on these things."

"I have you to pick up on them." I whispered. i looked deep in her eyes and smiled at her reassuringly. "You're perfect Paige." she scoffed, "you are."

"Im not as perfect as you think."

"So long as i think you are, then you are."

"Only if you promise me one thing."

"What?"

"So long as you think I'm perfect, i get to think you are perfect as well."

"Paige-"

"No. I don't just think you are perfect, I know you are perfect. And i will spend as long as I live trying to prove that to you. no matter how long it takes." She whispered to me before leaning in for a slow and passionate kiss.