Chapter 21

Dear Journal,

I have a goal and, between you and me, it's a tough one. Erik and I have been together for a few months now… (Actually, I keep track. It's been three months and ten days.) But, anyway, my goal is this- to get him to show me his face.

I realize his face is a very personal part of him. I mean, we 'never' talk about it. Ever. I know what's under there must be bad. I love him, though. And he loves me. So isn't it only right that I should want to see the 'whole' him? I feel like it's time. But, I also feel like it shouldn't be spur of the moment. There should be a good amount of time leading up to me asking.

I know what I'll do. I will give him very subtle hints for a while. Then, I'm going to go for it.

I hope I don't ruin everything.

Christine closed her notebook and sighed. It was going to be a nerve-wracking week, most likely.

"I heard that sigh," Meg said, turning in her computer chair to face her roommate. "Was it a good sigh or a bad one?"

"I'm just thinking," Christine said, not really answering the question.

"Thinking about Erik?"

"How'd you know?" Christine turned towards her blonde friend. She always had been very intuitive.

"Lucky guess," Meg replied with a smirk. "It helps that I'm right there with you. I think about Chad constantly."

Looking down at the textbook on her desk that she had yet to open, Christine asked, "How do you get anything done?"

Meg laughed. "I don't."

"Apparently, neither do I." Christine wasn't laughing, though.

Meg wouldn't put up with that weary tone. "Ok, when do you see Erik again?" It was time to get proactive about this.

"Tomorrow night."

"Well, give yourself a goal and then reward yourself. Do some homework tonight so that you can be carefree when you see him tomorrow. I don't like to see you so down over not working. It makes me look bad."

Christine looked at her friend and perked up. It was a good idea. "You know, you're right. I don't like being miserable. Rewards work with me, too, so this is bound to be effective." Meg was always so easy-going about things.

Come to think of it, Christine was surprised at how well Meg was taking this mysterious boyfriend thing. When it came to Raoul, she was all about knowing everything. She had yet to meet Erik, though, and she was actually being really cool about it. She honestly didn't know a lot about Erik. She didn't know about his other identities, she didn't know where he chose to live, and she didn't know about his mask.

Though it would be nice to be able to talk to somebody about him, Erik wasn't really comfortable with it just yet. Christine hoped that wouldn't last forever.

"Get to work, then," Meg commanded teasingly.

Christine nodded and opened her Music History textbook to begin reading.

It was the next night, and Christine was very excited. She'd met her goal and it was time to reward herself.

"Hello, my dear," Erik greeted, wrapping his arms around her and placing a kiss on her forehead. They were at the park, which was their usual meeting place.

"Hi," she returned, feeling most content in his arms.

He kissed her again, this time on the lips. "How are you tonight?"

"I'm great now."

"As am I." They sat on their usual bench, and Christine scooted close to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Are you warm enough?"

"I'm fine," Christine said, although her teeth were chattering a little. It was a very chilly February night. She really hadn't dressed warm enough.

Erik frowned. "You're not. Here." He was about to take off his coat, but Christine stopped him.

Now was her chance. It was time to start the lead up to his mask removal. "Actually, could we go some place warmer?" Before he could answer, she continued, "I was thinking, could we go to the music building? Maybe I can see where you live."

He wasn't expecting that. Her wanting to see where he lived had never really crossed his mind before. Perhaps that was because the Ballad music building basement was nothing special. It wasn't warm or cozy like a dwelling should be. It was cold, dark, and uninviting, which didn't make Erik want to show the place off. "Shouldn't you be glad to get away from that building for a while?" He chuckled hoping she would forget about it.

It didn't work. "I'm curious to see where you live, though."

"It's not exactly fit for company…"

"It's ok if you're not the cleanest person in the world. It won't bother me." She hadn't really expected to hear that he was untidy, though. That characteristic didn't exactly suit his personality.

"It's not that. Let me assure you that I am a clean person. The music building basement isn't very welcoming, though." Erik knew she would feel one of two things if she were to see it. Disgust that she was in a relationship with someone who lived no better than a rat, or worry for his well being. He didn't want her to feel either.

Maybe she should let him in on what she was already aware of. "I know it's probably not the greatest place. I mean, the building itself is really old. Also, students aren't allowed down there, and I'm assuming there's a reason for that."

"I only reside in a small part of the basement," he added with a nod. Perhaps she was seeing reason.

"But Erik, it would be so cool to see a restricted area of the building I practically live in."

It sounded like she was really curious. Erik couldn't blame her. He supposed the thought of seeing such a place would be intriguing to most anyone. The look on her face caused him to sigh. He didn't want to disappoint her, but… "Christine, there's really no reason to look so interested. I realize you would like to see where I spend my nights, but I would rather not show you. I don't plan on living there forever, after all. Someday, I hope to live in a home with you." He smiled picturing it.

His unwillingness to show her was pretty hurtful. It's like he doesn't trust me… Yet, he is talking about us living together someday? It didn't make sense. "Don't you think you're going to have to open up to me a little more if we're going to live together someday?"

Erik blinked, his smile fading. "What do you mean?"

"We meet in a park at night," Christine pointed out bluntly. "I like meeting you here, please don't think I don't, but it would be nice if you could visit me in my dorm room sometimes, or if you could meet my friends, or my dad."

She wants normalcy, he realized with dread. She wishes for more than I can give. And, the reason I cannot grant her wishes is seen everyday… My mask. "I'm sorry you are unhappy." It was all he could think to say as his self-loathing deepened.

That wasn't it at all! "I'm not unhappy. I'm happier than I've ever been. I've loved the past three months. I love that you're my boyfriend. There's not a problem there. Only, I want to see all of you when I look into your eyes and tell you that I love you. I know you wear your mask for a reason, and I'm ready to know what that reason is."

First the music building basement, and now his face? Erik felt his whole body stiffen. Damn.. It has finally come to this. He waited for her to finish before calmly saying, "You're not ready, Christine. You could never be ready because you do not know what to prepare for." She opened her mouth, probably to contradict his words, but he couldn't let her. "You have probably tried time and time again to guess what is beneath my mask. And your guess would be a deformity, would it not?" She nodded hesitantly. "Well, my dear, you're wrong."

All was silent as he let that sink into her brain. Erik wanted her to really think about this. They were discussing the worst part of him, so she needed to be aware of just how bad it was.

"Beneath this mask is anger and pain. Horror. What you can't see is a part of me so ugly and terrifying that you would forever be haunted. Christine, it would likely make you run from me. I- I couldn't bear it." The thought of her leaving him now was panic-inducing. Could she accept his explanation? Would she leave it alone now?

"I don't want you to do something you're uncomfortable with, but I feel like our relationship would grow more if you could trust me."

"I do trust you. Please don't think that I do not. Trust has nothing to do with this. By doing this, I'm saving our relationship, Christine."

She didn't say anything. How do I make him understand?

Erik closed his eyes. He hated this. Why couldn't she be content. He was. Or, well, he was for the most part. It was only natural that he should dream of being able to have a normal relationship. But, it was out of the question. Now she wasn't speaking. He'd hurt her feelings, and that was unforgivable. "Do you hate me now?" he asked softly.

That was a ridiculous question. Does he really put that little faith in how much I love him? "No, of course not. I love you."

"But, you're disappointed?"

Well, yeah… "I'll be ok." I just wish I could get through to you.

Erik hated himself for causing her any sort of pain. He felt like crying and begging her forgiveness. What good would it do, though? He couldn't fix it, so they were stuck.

"Is it just because you think I'll leave you?" she asked. "I've already had the chance to leave you and I didn't take it. After you told me the truth about who you were, I could've left. Do you know why I didn't?"

He sighed remembering the day. "As I've told you before, I will never fully understand."

"It's because I love you so much. I'm able to look past the mistakes and see the real you." She whispered, "It doesn't always have to be an unhappy ending for you, Erik." They'd gotten to know each other over the past three months. Erik had told her many things about his unfortunate past, things she could hardly believe and that had given her several nightmares. She didn't want him to think this would be anything like his past had been.

Tears came to his eyes. "But Christine, it will be if you see. I'm positive it will be."

He needed to keep the past in the past. "I'm different, Erik. I won't hurt you."

"Of course you think that now, but you will leave me, Christine."

She felt like throwing her hands up in exasperation. "You don't know that, Erik. You only know how other people have reacted. They aren't me. How many people have actually seen your face?"

"Four. My mother, my father, and two strangers." He became angry just thinking about how all of them had reacted. "As you may recall from our recent conversations, none of them treated me well upon seeing."

That was putting it lightly. Christine vividly remembered Erik's horror stories of the agony those people had put him through. "I know what you had to endure was unspeakably awful…"

"But, the pain I endured then would be nothing compared to the pain that would come about if you were to see."

The last thing Christine wanted was to cause him pain. "So, it's really hopeless? I'll never get to see your face?"

"You're looking at my face right now," Erik said. He shrugged and looked down. "That's the best I can do."

She surveyed his sad expression. "If that's your face, can I do one thing?" Hesitantly, she continued, "Can I kiss it?"

He gasped, and again, tears came to his eyes. It was the most ludicrous question she could ask. "Y- you want to kiss my mask?"

Already, she could hear the answer of 'no' in his tone. "You said you trust me, Erik. I promise I won't remove it. Please trust me."

Erik didn't even know how to verbally respond. Never had anyone wanted to kiss the mask. It was unheard of. But, he had said he trusted her.

Her promise would have to be enough. He nodded stiffly.

Christine silently chose a spot on his mask before moving towards him. "I love you," she whispered. Then, she leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on the right side of his mask.

Erik's eyes closed. A soft sigh escaped him when he felt slight pressure against his face. Then, it was gone.

"There," Christine said after backing away.

"Y- you didn't remove it," Erik stuttered.

"You sound surprised."

"I am."

"Well, now you know you can trust me, right?"

He nodded while staring at her with wide eyes. "You are-.. such a good person."

Christine shook her head. "I'm no better than you, Erik."

He begged to differ. "I can't let you see my face."

"That doesn't make you a bad person."

He thought about that. "Maybe not… but it sends a bad message. It looks like I don't trust you. Your father wouldn't approve."

He was bringing her father into this? Really? He thought she was actually going to tell people? "This is just between us, Erik. You don't even really want others to see you with the mask. I'm not going to go advertise the fact that you can't let me see you without it."

Come to think of it, Christine's father most likely didn't know anything about him, so when talking about approval, that was probably what he didn't approve of. But, Erik had expressed his discomfort with others knowing about him. Christine had respected that.

She'd done so much for him… and the one thing she wanted him to do for her, he couldn't.

She would react like the others if she were to see my face… She would not be able to help it.

"What are you thinking about?" Christine asked.

She always sounded so sincere.. She really does care for me.. No one else had. His mother, his father, and the two others who'd seen his face cared nothing for him. This situation was different. Who's to say she would leave me? I only 'think' she would. Perhaps she wouldn't… She does love me, after all. I believe that because I trust her. Just to be sure, however, Erik softly asked, "Do you love me, Christine?"

"You know I do," she firmly replied.

He closed his eyes in thought. Then, after a few seconds, he opened them and said, "Well then, I am thinking that.. perhaps you are different and-.. I think I am ready to show you my face."

Christine could hardly believe it. "What changed your mind?"

"You. Just-.. everything about you."

Well, that was really sweet. She smiled. It was more of a grin, actually.

Erik wanted to remember that look on her face, especially if it was the last time he would ever see it. "I love you, Christine."

"I love you, too. Remember that."

"I will." He nodded with reluctant determination before moving one hand to the back of his head where the ties were and the other to hold his mask in place while he untied it. "Ok," he whispered, preparing both her and himself.

While watching the angelic girl in front of him, he untied the mask and slowly moved it away from his face.

Christine felt her smile fade away as the entirety of it came into view. Whoa… She was shocked, shocked that anything could look that bad. Light from a nearby light pole seemed to shine upon it perfectly making it fully visible. It was horrible, with torn flesh and sunken eyes and barely a nose at all. She suppressed a few gasps as she took it all in.

Just as suddenly as the mask was removed, it was put back on again.

Christine sat motionless.

Erik studied her vacant expression. She looked like a still doll. He sighed and turned away from such a sight. Her appearance said it all. "You are repulsed."

She blinked, returning to reality. And with that sense of reality also came a sense of realization. I'm not repulsed. "Why'd you put it back on so quickly?"

Still turned away, he frowned. "For one, we are in a public place, which I somehow briefly forgot. For another, you are disgusted. And why wouldn't you be? I am disgusting." Erik tried not to choke while he said it.

"Now you're just putting words in my mouth," she joked. He looked at her again, and she smiled comfortably.

"How can you be smiling right now?" Erik was shocked.

"Why shouldn't I be? You showed me your face, which is what I wanted. And I hope my reaction is what you wanted." There was silence, in which Erik just stared at her. "I didn't run, did I? And I don't plan on leaving you, Erik. Ever."

Tears sprang to his eyes. After a moment of letting the words sink in, he asked, "Really? Y- you are serious?"

She nodded. "You have nothing to worry about. It doesn't bother me. You're still you, and that's all that matters." He looked taken aback. "No one's ever told you that before," she realized. Christine wished so badly that he'd received the same kind of love that she had throughout her life. He deserved to know how special he was.

"Maybe it happened for a reason," she began again, softly. "Their cruelty, I mean. It makes me want to try that much harder to show you just how wonderful you are and how much you mean to me. And that makes our relationship that much stronger, right?"

Erik was still looking at her in disbelief. After everything, she considered him to be 'wonderful'. She always put so much into their relationship, too. "I'm unworthy," he couldn't help but say. "You are an angel, and I don't deserve you."

"I don't want to hear you say that again, Erik. You deserve me, you've got me, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok," he responded in a sort of daze.

"Ok," Christine echoed firmly. Then, she leaned over and kissed him soundly on the lips.

It was a slow process, but eventually Erik opened up more. Christine was able to see where he lived, and he also agreed to meet her father, which was quite a nerve-wracking experience. The way Erik looked was one reason for the nerves, but it was also because of the fact that he was one day planning to marry the man's daughter.

Everything went well, though. Gary, who was feeling much better about life after suffering from depression, seemed to think Erik was very worthy of his daughter. In fact, he was overjoyed about the fact that they seemed to be so in love.

And Christine could not have been happier. She felt life was perfect.

Her happiness made Erik happy, just as his happiness delighted her. Together, they were quite the pair.

The End

Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this story!

Please review :)

-Lauren